Lions and Tigers and Bears (22 page)

“No, and unless you did, it’s not going to happen. I’m
not
taking the chance of getting you pregnant,” he replied in a no-nonsense tone of voice.

Lindy felt an immediate pinch of hurt in her midsection. She lifted herself away from him and began rummaging for her clothes.

“Lindy,” Rafe began softly and sat up. “You’re jumping to conclusions again. It’s nothing personal. There are things about me you don’t know…things I can’t explain. But the last thing I intend to do is take the chance of fathering children. With anyone.”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me, Rafe, we barely know each other,” she replied, slipping her t-shirt on. “Getting pregnant is certainly something I’m not looking for at this point in my life. But I have to say that I rather resent the implication that you think I’d be irresponsible enough to have unprotected sex with you or anyone. I don’t make a habit of trying to entrap men by getting pregnant. Let’s just forget it, okay? How do we go about getting a bath around here? Will the bears mind if we wash in the river?”

Lindy slid into her shorts, grabbed up her sleeping bag and left without waiting for an answer. She could feel Rafe’s silent regard as she slipped out of the tent and she just had to get away. Despite his assurances that his words weren’t directed specifically at her, she still couldn’t help but feel as though she’d been rejected. She was angry, not only at him but at herself as well.

Rapidly cycling thoughts chased themselves through her head.
This is stupid
.
We were only having fun, right?
Why did he have to mention children…and why doesn’t he want any?
Does it matter? Is it any of my business? It’s not like there’s anything between us but maybe a growing friendship and some physical attraction.

She rubbed her stomach, trying to loosen the knots that formed with that last thought. Nothing between them?
Why was that thought so disconcerting
?
she wondered as she returned to her tent and dropped the sleeping bag inside. She grabbed a towel, soap and clean undies out of her backpack, picked up her clothes and slipped her feet into her shoes, then she left the tent and headed toward the river. She’d decided that at that moment she’d rather face ten bears than Rafe, especially when his scent still clung to her skin and the memory of his touch was so fresh.

Chapter Four

The next few days moved slowly by and there was no repeat of the intimacy they’d shared that first morning. Rafe and Lindy were polite to each other, cooperatively working together to fix meals and keep the campsite in good order. They spent long hours quietly observing the bears at the river and Lindy felt most relaxed at those times, especially when Rafe pulled his drawing pad out and sketched the bears.

It amazed her how the drawings seemed to magically form under his hand. The sure, precise strokes of his pencil against the paper produced some of the most beautiful images she’d ever seen. The only trouble was that watching him work, his long, dexterous fingers lightly gripping the pencil, set her imagination on fire. She kept remembering what it felt like to have those fingers so intimately deep within her body, and it made her ache with need.

One afternoon, after a particularly restless evening spent fighting her imagination and the images of that first morning together, Lindy fell asleep in the grass, lulled by the quiet and the warm sunshine. She was unaware of the picture she presented while curled up with her cheek resting on the back of one hand, or that, struck by the sweet innocence of her expression, Rafe felt compelled to draw her.

When she woke, the sketch was completed and tucked away and Rafe was, she noticed, using the camera to photograph a lone coyote that had come to the river to drink and scavenge.

By the time a week had passed, Lindy was ready to scream with frustration. Not only couldn’t she deny the physical yearning she felt for Rafe, but she was finally willing to admit that it was much more than that. Those feeling that had begun to form when he’d first let her see the vulnerable man inside were growing.

She found herself watching him when he wasn’t looking, yearning for him to say something or look at her in a way that might convey that he was feeling something too. But he never did. Rafe seemed to have stepped into the role of polite coworker, offering nothing of a personal nature.

What she didn’t know was that Rafe was on the verge of an explosion. His gut churned with the need to not only touch her and hold her again, but to tell her all the things he was holding inside, all the things that made his life the personal hell it had become. His soul longed for the solace he instinctively felt she could offer, but he was afraid to take the chance. Afraid to see the fear and loathing that might be her reaction to what he so wanted to confess.

How could anyone possibly believe or understand what and who he really was? The idea of it was so farfetched that sometimes he himself was struck by the sheer impossibility of it.

Another day passed in frustrating silence for both of them and after sharing the evening meal, they retired to their separate tents for the night. Lindy lay wide-awake, too worked up to sleep, when a chorus of howls began in the distance. She froze and listened for a moment, then heard a stirring from the tent next to hers.

Quickly rising, she looked out her tent flap to see that Rafe, too, had been disturbed by the sound. “Is that coyotes?” she asked softly.

“Wolves,” he answered. “But don’t worry, they shy away from contact with humans. Go to sleep.”

Lindy, hurt by his curt dismissal, nodded and ducked back into her tent. She lay back down, a cloud of misery settling over her. Something had to change, she decided. She missed the friendship that had been growing between them and if nothing else, she wanted that back. She lay thinking of ways she might accomplish that goal and yawned, realizing that she felt better now that she’d resolved to try to set things right between them.

Snuggling into her sleeping bag, she was just drifting off when she heard the zipper of Rafe’s tent in the silence. She reasoned that he was probably just going to use the “facilities”, but something about it bothered her and she rolled over and opened her own tent flap just the slightest bit.

Looking out, she spotted Rafe. Fully dressed, he was leaving the campsite and heading out along the line of trees that bordered the meadow. Puzzled, curious and a bit alarmed at the fact that he was leaving her alone, Lindy feverishly donned her jeans and hiking boots and crawling out of her tent, headed in the direction he’d disappeared.

Fortunately there was plenty of moonlight, and reaching the tree line, she saw him in the not-
too
-far distance. Walking as quickly and as silently as possible, she followed. Rafe had a good head start on her and she was soon breathing hard, trying to catch up with him, but eventually she closed the distance and slowed, not wanting to alert him to the fact that she was following him.

He continued on for nearly half an hour until they came to a hill that was covered with some trees and dense brush. Rafe disappeared into the tangle and Lindy closed the distance, afraid she would lose him. The moonlight revealed a lightly worn path and she carefully picked her way through, avoiding the thorny underbrush.

Up ahead she could see the path widen as it trailed out of the woods and she frowned, very much afraid that she’d lost him. Hurrying to the edge of the wood, intent on her search for Rafe, she failed to notice the bundle that lay in her path and tripped, falling to the ground with an
oomph
as the breath was knocked out of her.

Rolling over, she sat up and reached for the bundle that had trapped her unwary feet. As her fingers came in contact with it, she recognized it as fabric. She lifted a piece up and in the faint light she was able to discern that it was a shirt. Bringing it close, she could smell the distinctive scent on it… It was Rafe’s shirt.

“What the hell?” she whispered.

Why had Rafe shed his clothes
? she wondered. Lindy stood and walked toward the edge of the woods, searching for any sign of him. Reaching the outer perimeter, the hill began its downward slope, one that ended in an open valley. Lindy peeked from behind the outermost tree and stared wide-eyed at what was before her.

One lone bear was surrounded by a pack of seven wolves and they seemed to be playing tag. A wolf would rush in and nip at the bear, which would swing around and give chase. The wolves would scatter and romp around, tongues lolling from what looked like grinning faces, as their pack mate was chased, until the next one would take its place and goad the bear into changing targets.

This went on for some few minutes until the largest of the wolves must have gotten in a particularly painful nip that pulled a muted roar from the bear. He abruptly sat down on the injured part. Holding her breath, Lindy expected the bear to become enraged and retaliate, but instead it sat quietly for a moment as the wolf pack gathered around.

The whole group formed a frozen tableau until an odd sort of heat shimmer began to engulf each of the animals gathered. Lindy frowned at the odd blurring that surrounded the group, blinking her eyes in an effort to clear her vision. She could swear there was some kind of movement taking place, but she couldn’t make out exactly what was happening until the air cleared and where there once was a bear and seven wolves, now there was Rafe and seven other men, all completely naked.

A wave of dizzy disbelief swept over her and her hands gripped the tree she leaned against to keep from falling. How could she possibly be seeing what she was seeing? And yet there they were, eight undeniably naked, and from what she could see, gorgeous men. Her heart pounded as her head tried to make sense of what seemed totally impossible. She jumped as Rafe’s voice carried to her.

“Cade, you bastard, I’m going to have a bruise on my ass!”

The big man who’d once been the largest of the gray wolves grinned and laughed. “Aw, poor baby, you want me to kiss your boo-boo?”

“Fuck you! Are you sure you’re a wolf and not a hyena?”

Laughter rang out from the gathered men.

“Ooh, the bear gets in a low blow. You’re gettin’ soft, Rafe,” Cade said, and offered Rafe a hand, pulling him to his feet.

The men moved closer together, and Lindy strained to make out their muted conversation. “So how goes the patrolling?” Rafe asked.

“It’s quiet tonight, we haven’t found any poachers trying to sneak in. I think they’re getting a bit more cautious after those last two were picked up so quickly by park security.”

“Thanks to you and the rest of the pack. I know I’ve said this before, but I’m grateful you decided to settle in this area. You’ve really made a difference here.”

“We’re glad to help,” Cade replied. “It benefits us, too, you know. It’s nice to have a place where we can indulge our inner animal without worrying about getting our tails shot off.”

Rafe grinned and laughed. “I can see where that would be important.”

At that moment another wolf came running up to the group and again, with growing wonder, Lindy witnessed a wolf turning into a man. She desperately tried to hear what was being said, but the men had moved further away and lowered their voices. She could see the new arrival speaking to Rafe and Cade then he shifted and returned the way he’d come in.

Cade watched his pack mate leave then turned to Rafe. “So is she yours? Eric says she carries your scent.”

“No, she’s not,” Rafe denied flatly.

“Well, in that case—” Cade said seriously, “—since she’s seen us, we’d better get rid of her.” He signaled two of his men and watched as pure protective rage exploded in Rafe’s glowing eyes.

Growling in a low-pitched, menacing voice that would make a lesser man lose the contents of his bladder, Rafe rumbled, “Don’t you touch her.”

Cade waved his men off. “Why are you denying your mate, Rafe?”

Breathing hard, Rafe forced himself to regain calm. “She’s not mine. You know why.”

“You deny her because you still won’t accept who you are.”

“How can I accept this? How can anyone accept this half-life, this curse?”

“This
gift
,” Cade corrected.

“Gift?” Rafe raged. “To be an animal? To know there’s a beast inside that makes you different from every other man, a beast that keeps you separate and alone?”

“You are alone by choice, my friend,” Cade told him sternly. “All of us here have wives and lovers. My own wife is fully human and she accepts me, all of me, even that part of me that is wolf. You just don’t get it, do you? Inside every human is a part that is innately animal.
We
are the lucky ones. Our animal has a form, a shape we control. We can let it run and play and
be
. The animal in ordinary humans is trapped and must be denied, for it has
no
physical manifestation and, if released, becomes only a force of destruction.

“Rafe, you’re torturing yourself for no reason. This is who you are.
Embrace it
. That woman on the hill, she must mean something to you for you to let her see this part of yourself. You want her acceptance. I have a feeling you are someone special to her as well. Give her a chance to know the real you. You’re a good man, if she has any sense she’ll see that… And if not, we can still get rid of her.”

Rafe shook his head, a wry smile playing on his lips. “You’re a pain in the ass, you know that, don’t you?”

“Remember that when you’re sitting on your bruise. Take care of yourself, Rafe, and your lady.”

Cade signaled his men, together they shifted and were once again a pack of wolves who gathered around their leader and, as one, ran from the valley. Rafe watched them go, Cade’s words echoing in his head. Trepidation sat like a lead weight in his stomach as he turned to climb the hill.

He found Lindy waiting for him at the top, one look at her expression and he felt a block of lead settle in his stomach. With a resigned sigh, he gathered his clothes and began sorting them out. “So now you know,” he ventured.

“So now I know? Is that all you’ve got to say? Rafe! I saw you as a bear. You can
turn into a
bear
! Why? How do you do it? And who were those other guys? Are they werewolves? Does that make you a werebear?”

Rafe frowned at the excitement in her voice. This wasn’t the reaction and the rejection he’d expected and he felt a rising irritation inside. “It’s a
curse
I inherited from my mother,” he pronounced succinctly.

“You call that a curse? Wow, I wish
I
could do that. That’s some curse,” Lindy enthused. “So tell me about it. How did this happen?”

Rafe kept silent as he pulled on his jeans than sat in the grass to put on his socks and boots. He stood and bent to tie his boot laces, then straightened and slid into his shirt, walking away as he buttoned it, with Lindy hot on his heels.

“Are you going to tell me, or is it some kind of secret?”

Annoyed by her enthusiasm, he grumped, “A little patience, please,” and was gratified by her compliant silence. “All I know is what I gleaned from my mother’s journal. She hinted at things when I was younger, and I remember her telling me things that now make sense, but she never got the chance to tell me everything.”

“Because of what happened to her?”

“Yes. How do you know about that?”

“Nancy told me.”

“Should I be flattered that the two of you were discussing me?”

Lindy grimaced at his sarcastic tone. “She was only trying to help me understand why you were such a bastard. Now shut up and tell me more about your gift.”

“Curse,” he corrected. “So I’m a bastard?”