Lingus (6 page)

I rolled my eyes and smiled at him. "I've got it, your head is as big as your ego, and your cap is hiding your Jack in the Box sized noggin."

He sighed and looked from side to side again. "I do not," he said with an annoyed and exasperated tone, but the crooked smile on his face said otherwise. Long fingers went up to trace the seam of his cap before he yanked it off his head, his grass colored eyes looking right at me.

The oddest mixture of auburn and gold colored his hair. Tristan ran a hand through his sweaty strandsou807r, the ends went everywhere automatically like he'd been zapped by an electrical current. Of course, he couldn't have normal colored hair like every other human being on planet Earth.

"My hair's really..." he started to say quietly, his voice laced with nervousness.

"Cool," I added with a laugh. I couldn't remember the last time I used the word
cool
.

"I was going to say recognizable, but I like cool more."

His eyebrows were almost the same color as his hair, I noticed, which just made him cuter. "So you're trying to be anonymous then?"

"Exactly."

"Pussy," came out of my mouth before my brain even registered the word. My verbal filter had officially left the building once again.

Tristan started laughing, and then right in the middle of it, snorted like a pig. I was sure my eyes went wide at the sound that came out of such a seemingly perfect being, so human and unexpected. I started laughing like an idiot and then snorted too, like a full-blown hog for freaking sake. We both laughed so hard at each other for our mirrored noises, that he snorted again, this time louder and I fucking followed as well.

Porn con had officially become a farm.

I'd always kind of hated the fact that I snorted when I laughed. When I was little, kids would call me Miss Piggy for it and even though I liked her because she was kind of a bitch, it still hurt. My mom used to hold me in her lap when I'd come home from school and whisper, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Even as an adult, Dr. Seuss always seemed to connect with me on a level that no one else ever could. It took me a long time to fully understand what she meant by the words but by the time I finally got it, it was so deeply ingrained in my being I could never forget. So yeah, I hated that I snorted like a pig but oh well. It could have been worse— I could be one of those people who farted when they laughed really hard.

Not that it had ever happened to me, you know, but I'd heard of it.

Tristan's perfect face was thrown back, his hands covered the upper part of his face while he laughed so hard his chest heaved, and he might have possibly been crying. My stomach started hurting from laughing, and my cheeks kind of ached, but I still giggled like a fool.

Then, Tristan snorted one more time, and I was dying.

To die laughing would have been the best way to go. I hurt in a wonderful way and I couldn't breathe either, but I couldn't have cared less. There were people at the tables surrounding us, staring like the men who stared at the anal queen earlier. The last thing I wanted to do was bring attention to myself, but I was doing the opposite by laughing my ass off with my new friend. I buried my face into my arms to control the nonstop laughs that erupted out of me like a geyser.

"Holy shit," he started huffing moments later, eyes glazed over with the tip of his nose tinged pink. Tristan was out of breath, and he mirrored me by holding his stomach. "I don't think I've ever laughed that hard."

"You save those snorts for special occasions, or what?" I asked, trying to conceal the grin that covered the lower half of my face but another laugh escaped anyway.

Tristan pinched his nose, his chest shaking again with the effort to control his laughs. "Please," he begged. "Please don't ever tell anyone I snort."

I raised a wary eyebrow at him because I hadn't gotten rid of the giggles completely. "Why does it matter? I snort too, and yeah, it's pretty embarrassing but..." I just shrugged to end my sentence.

His bright green eyes searched my face while the corners of his mouth turned up. Whatever he found he must have liked because his pearly whites came out as he leaned forward in his chair. "I'm not a cute girl, I can't pull off a snort like you can. I look like an idiot when I do it."

It didn't escape me that he called me cute and of course, my face got warm all of a sudden at his compliment. It wasn't like I thought I was unattractive, but it somehow meant more coming from his mouth. He didn't look like an idiot at all, like he claimed, but I was definitely not going to disagree with him. Luckily, part of my brain still functioned because I made an effort not to graze my eyes over his torso, up over his sharp jawline and face. I nodded at him instead. "Yeah, you're right. You do look like an idiot when you snort."

"Well, shit," he laughed for what seemed like the hundredth time.

I suddenly felt a little bad because that was mean of me to say, even if I was joking. I barely knew the guy but then again, he'd been merciless with his teasing of me, so fuck it. Regardless, I still felt just a little bad because I didn't like to insult people I didn't know well. Once we were on even ground it was a different story. "I'm kidding," I mumbled out sheepishly.

Tristan was really quiet while he got himself put back together, tugging the hood up and over his faded green cap. He still had a silly smile on his face as he leaned back against the chair. "What are you doing the rest of the time you're here?"

"Nikki, my friend you met earlier, drove, so I have to wait for her to get tired until we can go." Suddenly, I remembered the fact that I'd been planning on going to Andrew Wood's booth. I looked at my watch to see that the signing would start in thirty minutes. "Actually, I just remembered that I'm going to Andrew Wood's booth," I said, raising my eyebrows at him. "That's the only thing I wanted to do today."

Tristan's brown eyebrows went up, questioningly. "Andrew Wood?" he practically spit out.

"Yeah. Why? What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing," he said, but frowned. "Andrew Wood? Why?"

My eyes widened in an effort to say,
hello
. "Because he's my favorite porn star of all time. He's like... in the porn hall of fame."

"He's... old."

I'd never guffawed in my life, but I was pretty sure I guffawed then, and said the first thing that went into my head. "Wine gets better with age, so do some men. Specifically him."

Tristan rolled those bright green eyes, but smirked. "I just don't get it. Why is he your favorite?"

I realized then that I was talking about my favorite porn star to someone I barely knew and that was pretty weird. However, logic evaded me and my mind settled onto the fact that Tristan looked disapproving at my choice. "You want me to tell you why he's my favorite?"

"Yeah."

I sighed and didn't even need to think about the reasons why I favored Andrew Wood porn. "Okay, well, have you seen his movies?"

Tristan just shrugged, giving a half-assed nod. Mr. Wood was a legend in the porn industry. He'd been around for nearly two decades, and was still considered to be one of the most sought after porn stars in the business. In his early forties, I thought he looked to be in better shape than pretty much any other man. With dark hair, piercing blue eyes, and an olive complexion, the man was a fucking looker. Nikki and I had joked around for years about agreeing to do porn if we could do it with him. I had compiled a list one drunken night of the things I'd do to him if I had the chance. Weird? Maybe.

"He's just so... passionate in his movies," I emphasized the word by widening my eyes. "He likes what he's doing, obviously, but he's not like these studs nowadays who just want to fuck a girl like they're a machine or something. You know? He's not a bam, bam, bam, sort of guy. He puts a little something into it, I think it's hot, " I finished. How in the world I managed to say that without giggling, I don't know. Who the hell talks about porn with a stranger? I guess I did.

He gave me a really funny look that I couldn't even begin to decipher. "He's old."

"You're going to be old someday too, Magellan." I responded with a wink.

He just huffed, crossing those arms that I was pretty positive were packing some serious muscle, over his chest. "I got awhile." He looked up at the ceiling and sighed, whispering, "Andrew Wood."

"Oh, whatever, Mr. I'm-Hiding-Under-My-Cap-and-Hoodie-Because-I'm-A-Pussy-and-Don't-Want-Anyone-To-See-Me."

"I don't!" he answered with a big smile on his face. I swear he smiled so much it was impossible not to smile back at him. I think he could have told me that I looked like Gollum in
Lord
of
the
Rings
and I'd still smile back at him.

"Pussy," I called out one more time and laughed.

Tristan shook his head as he pushed back from his chair, gathering up all of our trash. "C'mon, little gold digger, I'll walk you to grandpa's booth. It's on my way."

"I barely know you, yet, somehow I already know you're full of shit," I said while getting out of my chair, waiting for him to come back around after throwing away our mess.

"Oh, Kat," He sighed, shaking his head again.

He looked down while we started walking, carefully sidestepping a lot of people who were still looking at us curiously, remembering our earlier snorts and laughter. I couldn't help but take inventory on the fact that he was so good looking it was unreal, and his personality was just... I didn't know how to describe it. Knowing that he was walking me over to the booth and that it might be the last time I saw him, made my chest clench up a bit. It was probably because he was unbelievably hot that I craved his attention like a teenage girl with uncontrollable hormones. So I asked myself, what I should do?

Nicole's face flickered in my head and I knew what I needed to do. Grow a damn backbone with the stranger.

"You okay?" Tristan asked me, like he could sense I was deep in thought.

"Yeah," I answered back. "I was just thinking about what you asked earlier." I wanted to vomit but that would be terrible. Beyond terrible. "I think Andrew Wood has a perfect dick."

The noise that came out of his throat, not his mouth, sounded like a backed up dishwasher.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times. Those pretty pink lips moved silently up and down for no apparent reason. The movement of his mouth made it seem like he was having a silent conversation with me. He looked flustered as he glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, making another funny noise deep in his throat.

"Well, um..." he said with a gravelly voice, looking down at the concrete floor beneath us. The sound of robots chiming from his pocket broke the awkward silence we were in as Tristan fished into the front of his jeans for his cell. "I'm sorry, I need to take this. Hold on a second, okay?" he asked, already pressing what I could assume was the answer button. In less than a second, he slipped the phone into the space between his ear and the cotton of his hoodie.

We walked slowly through the crowd while he talked quietly into the phone. The only thing I heard him say was "Five minutes... yes... I understand..." Tristan's eyes stayed glued to the floor as he made his way through the throngs of people.

I eased my step to follow his trail because his much larger frame moved through the crowd easier than my average-sized one. He was so tall that the top of my head only grazed his broad shoulder. He turned around to make sure I was still following him, even though he was on the phone.

Having memorized the map of where Andrew Wood's signing booth would be, I knew we were really close, and I spotted a small line just a few feet ahead. A giddy feeling spread through my body all of a sudden, knowing I was just minutes away from meeting the man who had kept me company for so many nights via the internet.

We were right in front of the booth at the same time that Tristan ended his call with a long, drawn out sigh. The line was already about ten people deep, facing a large poster of a girl with a Texas-sized amount of jizz spread all over her face. "ANDREW WOOD" was printed across the bottom of the poster in huge, block font.

Like the perv I was, my eyes stayed glued to the pearl necklace made of bodily fluids spotting the girl.

I eased my way into the short line while my new acquaintance pocketed his phone and cast a wary glance at the line of females ahead of me. He ducked his head a little more before facing me again.

Tristan gave me a soft smile. "I'm sorry about that. Someone is waiting for me. I need to get going."

I wanted to ask him why he'd been so vague every time I had seen him, but that would have been kind of weird. We barely knew each other, so I just nodded and forced a smile. "Okay."

My auburn-haired companion shoved his hands deep into the front pockets of his low-slung jeans, and I caught sight of the sliver of creamy skin where his hoodie failed to meet denim. "I'm," he whispered, as he took a step closer to me when the woman in front of me turned to give us a curious look. "I'm glad that I found you digging in your butt."

"Oh God, I was only picking my undies out," I murmured, trying to keep my voice low enough that the nosey woman didn't hear us.