Linda Castle (18 page)

Never in his wildest dreams would he have thought Linese would touch him so. His heart fluttered with delight, but he was still too stupefied to move.

Linese’s hand shifted again. Lower, slower. Each heartbeat was pleasurable torture while she relentlessly moved toward the hard, pulsing core of his manhood.

Then she reached out and grasped the most rigid part of him with firm determination. It was an action that shocked and titillated him to the very marrow of his bones. His heart lodged in his throat like a stone.

“I am only human, Linese,” he growled. “Do you know what you are doing to me?” The question ripped from him in an anguished rush. Before she could reply, he turned over and pinned her beneath his aroused body in one deft move.

“Show me, Chase.” Her voice was deep and sensual and sent a frisson of chills over his burning flesh. “Show me what I am doing to you.”

Moonlight fell across her face in a silver shaft from an open window. The redolent smell of honeysuckle and loamy earth mingled on a warm breeze and heightened his pleasure in some undefinable primal fashion. She was more beautiful than he could have imagined. Her lips were slightly parted in a sensuous smile.

Chase buried his face in her hair and inhaled the fresh clean smell of her, while he showered kisses over her forehead, eyes, cheeks and down her throat. It didn’t seem he would ever get enough of Linese. He realized what he yearned for most in all the world was to love this woman fully.

She shifted positions and he settled himself between her thighs. It jolted him to realize how well they fit together, how he knew he belonged with her. She gyrated her hips against him slowly.

He shuddered with pleasure and surprise. “Lord Almighty, Linese, where did you learn such a thing?”

Linese slid her hand between their bodies and stroked the velvet length of him. She felt powerful, in control. She was still inhibited, but she kept telling herself it was right—they were married, they belonged together.

Butterflies filled her belly each time Chase’s body responded exactly as Melissa predicted he would. She moved her hand over his hip and felt the raised network of scars on his skin. For a moment he did stiffen beneath her curious touch, but she rubbed and caressed and his muscles began to relax.

It was quite a revelation to Linese, to find out she had such domination over this man who had always seemed so impervious, so unreachable.

She found his mouth and touched her tongue to his lips. He jerked at first, unaccustomed to her boldness, but soon he opened his lips and speared her with his own. Linese felt the very essence of her being cleaved to Chase.

“I missed you,” she murmured. “I missed you so much.”

Chase shivered inwardly. He knew he should say the same thing, but he could not continue the hypocrisy of his silent lie. She nuzzled his throat and moaned softly in contentment.

He could no longer check the molten lust surging through his body, not when Linese and his heart beckoned him to go on. But, if he was going to do this thing—and by all that was holy, he was going to make love to her tonight—then he
had
to be honest with Linese.

“Linese, I must tell you. Something happened while I was gone….”

She opened her eyes. In the muted light from the summer moon, he could see her watching him, searching his face, seeking his soul. It sent an arrow of emotion tearing through his heart.

“Later, Chase, no matter what it is, it can keep.” She ground her pelvis against him again.

He loved her.

He didn’t
remember
loving her—but he
did
love her. The person he was at this moment in time, the aroused man who arched his body above hers and held her close in this bed, loved her. He adored her with every particle of his blighted soul and he feared losing her.

“Tell me tomorrow,” she said with a throaty sigh. “For tonight, let’s forget about the war. Let’s forget about the time we’ve lost. Tomorrow will be soon enough to face the harsh world again.”

Linese reached up and twined her fingers in the hair at his temples. She tugged him toward her. A hot core of need flowered inside her. She leaned into Chase’s wide chest more with each passionate caress.

This was what she had wanted since Chase stepped off the train. She had waited two years to feel his arms around her—two years to know the completeness of giving herself to her husband without the hurried embarrassment she felt of their first time. Melissa had given her a measure of understanding she had lacked before. Now, because of what she had learned, she knew she would enjoy Chase in a physical way that had been a sweet mystery on their wedding night.

“Now, Chase. Make love to me now,” she pleaded.

Chase tried to make his thoughts coherent. He tried to ignore her request and tell her the truth, but the need to tell her right now was weaker than his passion and desire to love her. He finally gave up the effort to resist her and kissed her with wild abandon. Chase closed his eyes and allowed his hands and his mouth to worship this extraordinary woman without restraint.

Linese felt Chase’s fervor intensify. It was like a dam breaking, spilling life-giving liquid over a barren landscape. She felt him change within her arms as a chameleon changes its color. He was no longer holding back. There wasn’t anything kept in reserve, as she had so often felt
when she was with him. For this night, for this magical moment, he was hers completely.

Her husband was an expert lover. He touched her gently in secret hot places. Nerve endings in her body thrummed with feelings she had never known existed. His eager mouth nibbled and suckled her ears, her throat, her nipples.

He was not like this before he went to war.
A voice inside her head declared. Not only was she a changed woman, Chase was different in some mystical, profound manner. He was utterly devoted to her pleasure, her gratification. It was as if he were a different man.

The difference went beyond the awkwardness between them on their wedding night, but she could not define it. That night had been more an embarrassing exercise for the newlyweds than an occasion of shared pleasure. This coupling promised to be heaven on earth, the fulfillment of all her dreams and two years’ worth of longing.

To her surprise, a soft mewling sound escaped her lips. Without conscious thought, she arched against his chin when he grazed lightly over her belly. It occurred to her that, somewhere along this extraordinary journey, she had surpassed what Melissa had told her and her body had taken over with a secret knowledge of its own.

“Don’t stop,” she whispered in a breathy voice.

A husky moan of exultation accompanied Chase’s exploration of her silken skin. She twined her fingers in his hair and pulled him near again. She wrapped her legs around Chase’s waist and encouraged him to mount her.

“Now, Chase, now…” she moaned.

“Linese, I want you so badly it hurts,” he whispered at the moment he filled her body.

Her heart soared. She had regained what the war had taken from her—and more. Chase was back where he belonged. Happiness blanketed her heart.

Chase caressed the soft weight of Linese’s breasts and he heard her gasp. He fought to master his physical need, intending to hold back until Linese was satisfied. That was
what he longed for—to see her shatter in ecstasy beneath him. He shifted positions slightly, willed himself to hold back his own pleasure, and trailed kisses down her chin and breasts while he rocked his pelvis against her. A slick sheen of sweat covered both their bodies and heightened his pleasure. Chase kissed, fondled and basked in the wonder of his newfound intimacy.

It was all a wonderful experience of discovery. Each new touch brought astonishing results. Each new treasure was also a reassuring whisper that told Chase he was finally free of the past.

Chase had never known such bliss existed in this earthly world. It was like finding a part of himself that had been lost, a part of himself he never wanted to relinquish.

Linese dug her fingernails into his shoulders and her body went stiff with her cascading release. For a blink of an eye, he saw them in his memory. He and Linese, locked together awkwardly, in their first attempt at love. He recalled their wedding, or at least a tiny fragment of their wedding night. His mind shouted happily at the recaptured memory while it blended and merged with his present physical rapture. He thrust harder—once, twice, three times and felt her name on his lips like wine.

Linese was lost in her own realm of pleasure, already satisfied once but enjoying the feeling of having Chase hard inside her. She felt all the muscles in his back flex and expand beneath her palms while she held him, an anchor that she clung to while her mind and body floated somewhere above her.

“I love you, Linese,” he said with a harsh moan.

She had truly overcome all the obstacles between them. Her husband was in her arms, he voiced his love for her. No specter of doubt could ever come between them again, not now. Not when he had finally said the words that she had longed to hear, not when they had picked up the pieces of their lives. Nothing could take her happiness away now that she finally won his devotion.

“O
h, my darling Linese.” Chase balanced on one forearm while he tenderly stroked the sweat-dampened hair around her face. “You are everything a man could ever wish for.” He kissed her deeply. “There is something I wanted to tell you before this happened.”

The foreboding in his gray eyes surprised her. How could Chase look so troubled when they had just shared such magic?

“Chase?”

He gently placed his fingertips over her lips. “Shh.” He leaned down and kissed her eyes, her nose, her forehead. “Linese, you must listen to me now. It’s important.”

“All right.”

“When I was gone, during the last battle I was in, something terrible happened to me.”

She moved aside the dark lock of hair grazing the top of his thick brows. “I know—your aide wrote about your hip. The scar doesn’t bother me, Chase. I felt it—”

He shook his head and his habitual frown appeared. “No, I’m not talking about the damage to my hip. Something else, something I never told the surgeons or anyone.”

A trail of gooseflesh began to work its way up Linese’s arms. Her breath caught in her throat. Fear that Chase had been more severely wounded than she knew wrapped around her heart. Terror that she might yet lose him gripped her.

“What happened to you?”

“When I woke up in the field hospital, at first I was heavily dosed with morphine.” He looked deep into her eyes. “When I was able to realize what was going on, volunteers were reading your letters to me.”

She smiled, remembering how many hours she spent pouring her love and longing into those letters.

“The problem was—” He looked at her more intently and the deep brackets around the corners of his mouth hardened. “The problem was I couldn’t
remember
anything about what you mentioned in your letters.”

“I don’t understand.”

Chase stroked her face. He gently moved a strand of her hair away from her temple and kissed where it had been. Love shone in his eyes, lingered in his touch, yet he was troubled.

“My memory was gone, Linese.” His voice was a harsh whisper. “I couldn’t remember going off to war or marrying you. I couldn’t remember anything—anything at all.”

She swallowed hard and blinked. The room had begun to shrink around them. There was no air in her lungs. It was difficult to breathe, difficult to absorb what he was saying.

“When did it return?” she finally asked.

He grimaced as if in physical pain and gave her a sad smile. “It hasn’t really. I still have no solid memory about my life before I woke up in that hospital. The day I stepped off the train in Mainfield and Kerney pinned that ribbon on my chest, my life began anew. That day was the first time I ever remembered seeing you.”

She felt the warm emotions of victory fade away while cold doubt and fear replaced them. A thousand tiny incidents and moments that had made her wonder about Chase’s behavior now fell into place like a child’s puzzle. Linese didn’t want to believe it, but she knew it was true.

He was different. He was not the man she married. Now she knew why. He was a better man, a more loving man, because he was a different person.

“You didn’t remember me?” Her voice was a pained whisper.

“I’m slowly getting better. Small fragments of memory have recently returned.” He smiled hopefully. “The memory of the first time I saw you came back to me just the other day. Linese, I have to know.” His gaze was riveted on her face. “Does knowing this change the way you feel about me?”

Conflict rose up inside her like sharp shards of broken glass. His tender dove gray eyes rent her heart in two. He was not the man she married, but he was certainly the man she adored. If his memory were to return completely, would he be the same? Or would the recollections of his old self take away the perfect husband God have given her?

“I love you, Chase. Since you have been home, I have fallen more in love with you every day,” she whispered truthfully.

“I was afraid knowing would change the way you felt about me.” He placed his palms on either side of her face and kissed her. “I was afraid I might lose you. Now there is no cloud, no threat hanging over us. We can rebuild our lives. Each day I remember a little more. I believe it will all come back eventually.”

A cold chill made her shiver beneath his loving gaze. She didn’t want Chase to remember any more of the past. She didn’t want him to remember the man he used to be, because she wanted him to remain the man he was now.

The fact sank into Linese like sharp claws. She tried to tamp down the cruel fear and the smoldering anger that came without warning while Chase lovingly turned her over and spooned their bodies together. He nuzzled her ear and sighed contentedly. She felt a hot lump grow in her throat.

She had finally achieved her goal, had finally regained her husband’s bed and heard him declare his love, and she felt as if her world had just collapsed around her feet in a pile of rubble.

* * *

Linese lay awake, curled in Chase’s arm, until the rosy glow of May’s early dawn crept through the open bedroom window. All night she had hated herself for making comparisons between his past behavior and the man he was now, but she had done it anyway.

Where the old Chase was reckless and daring, his personality was now tempered by patience and warmth.

The old Chase lived by a rigid code of rules that centered around his grandfather’s madness, his need to prove himself, and the popular belief that women were only an extension of their husbands. The man who stepped off that train was not afraid to do what was right without regard to how others would react, and he was secure enough to allow her to have independent thoughts.

If he only knew. If only she could tell him that she secretly prayed he would never remember anything more.

He stirred restlessly beside her. He looped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to the heat of his chest. Warm kisses were trailed down the back of her neck and she felt the subtle change when he moved from sleep to wakefulness.

“’Morning, sunshine,” he whispered in her ear.

“’Morning.”

“You smell like honey and clover on a summer’s day.” His breathy compliment sent a frisson of chills down her neck. When he cupped her breast in his big hand, she nearly moaned with pleasure and need. He made her quake inside and brought an abundance of emotion ripping from within her.

“Would you think I was a beast if I wanted to love you again?” his husky voice implored from behind.

“No, Chase. I want you to love me as many times as you get the notion to.” She turned over and into his strong arms. Linese slipped her arms around his neck and heard a clock ticking inside her head. She didn’t know how long a time she would be allowed to spend with him—the Chase he was
now—but she wanted to capture and hold every possible moment she could. Knowing it could all end without warning swept away her anger and any hesitation that might have remained.

And she wanted to have a baby conceived with the tender, gentle man who now held and loved her, even if he ultimately vanished like a puff of smoke and remained only in her memories.