Lilly's Wedding Quilt (35 page)
Suppose I failed her? Suppose I let her get hurt? When she started to crawl and bumped her head or walked and skinned her knee, I was riddled with guilt. I should have watched more closely, not let her have gone so far away from me.
And then … somehow, she was grown up, and Hiram was gone. I was still too young to deal with everything. And then my baby married—became a wife, will surely someday become a mother, and still, I am unsure of how to help her. What to do for her—to keep her safe. Should I tell her the truth—that marriage is sometimes filled with expectations that are never met, that the heart gets bruised but must go on? Should I tell her of the moments of joy, the intense pleasure of holding the hand of the one you love and wishing that time would stand still? What about the differences that arise—the petty arguments and fault finding that you wish would all be gone, never having been said. What about when your heart’s love takes ill and shrinks to some shadow of the person you knew. How do I tell her all of this and so much more? I love her … my Lilly. I told Hiram we must name her that, for I could think of no other flower so beautiful, and so delicate. She’s grown to match her name. But she is her own woman too. A special,
wunderbaar
woman. And for that, I am not too young to acknowledge and to be thankful to
Derr Herr
.
Lilly looked up with tears in her eyes.
“Ach, Mamm
.” She slipped from her chair to kneel at her mother’s feet, laying her head in the warm lap and feeling the comfort of gentle hands brushing at the hair against the nape of her neck. “I never knew”—she sobbed—“that you thought all that.”
“I should have told you,” her mother whispered. “But I can tell you now. And I can tell you that I know you’ve been struggling here and there with Jacob. I’ve prayed for you. I’ll keep on praying. You will have a
gut
marriage, a
gut
life. And I … I love you so much.”
“Oh, I love you too,
Mamm
.” Lilly clung to her mother and felt a peace that touched the deepest shadows in her soul. She felt whole and renewed and ready to face life as Jacob’s wife.
A sudden knock on the back kitchen door made her look up, startled, and she rose. She gave her mother a quick hug and quickly wiped away her tears. Then she went to open the door, wondering who might be calling so near to suppertime.
It was Alice, looking at her with suppressed excitement on her merry face. “Lilly, I have an idea. You have to come with me into Lockport right now.”
L
illy’s mother waved them off without question, with a promise to get Jacob his supper and the instruction to have a
gut
time.
Lilly stared at her friend as Alice urged the Planks’ horse to pick up speed. “All right. What’s this about?”
Alice glanced at her with an excited smile. “Okay, you know how you’ve been saying that Jacob has become distant and everything?”
“Jah
.”
“Well, I’ve got a plan to get him
undistant
.”
“I don’t think that’s a real word.”
Alice laughed. “You do not like surprises and you’re not going to like my plan. But we’re going to do it.”
“What is it?” Lilly asked with both apprehension and interest, thinking of the birthday kissing gift they’d come up with together.
“We’re going to Emily’s Mystery.”
“What?”
“Emily’s Mystery. It’s this store in Lockport that sells—”
“I know what it is.” Lilly laughed, shocked. “But what could I possibly do there?”
“Buy something to entice your husband. It’s my treat, by the way. Think of it as an extra wedding present.”
“Alice Plank! You have got to be
narrish
. What would Jacob say if he knew?”
“Nothing.” Alice smiled smugly. “He won’t say anything, but he might do something.”
Lilly studied her friend and shook her head. “You just want to see what it’s like in there, don’t you?”
Alice slapped the reins and shrugged. “Maybe. What’s wrong with that?”
O
nce Lilly got over the electric feeling that she was going to be struck by lightning the moment she crossed the store’s threshold, she found herself in awe of the beauty of the undergarments and lingerie on display.
Lace and pastel trims were not what Amish women in their community usually wore—although, Lilly had to wonder, with a suppressed giggle, how was one to know that as a rule for certain anyway? She glanced at Alice, who boldly studied the mannequins with interest.
“I think I could sew some of these,” her friend mused aloud, and Lilly wanted to shush her as the saleswoman came toward them.
“Ladies, good afternoon. Looking for something special?”
Lilly studied the woman covertly, admiring the carefree swing of her hair, but could find no words to offer in response. Alice, however, seemed to have no such problem.
“Yes. She’s newly married and needs something to … make her husband happy.”
Lilly wanted to crawl under one of the silk-covered tables.
“Hmmm … okay. I have to tell you that I’m surprised at the number of Amish who have come in here to shop lately,” the salesgirl said as she studied Lilly, her head tilted to one side.
“Really?” Alice asked with interest.
“Mmmm-hmmm. Even a guy was in here not too long ago—with his mom or something.” The woman smiled at the remembrance. “He was hot too, for an Amish man—tall, dark hair …”
Lilly and Alice exchanged glances and the woman went on. “So, what did you have in mind?”
Lilly shrugged lamely. “I … uh …”
“Is he a leg man?”
“A leg man?”
“Yeah. A man who especially likes women’s legs. I’ve got some silk stockings in pale pink with the cutest little rosettes at the top. But I don’t suppose you’ve got any heels to wear with them.” She frowned down at Lilly’s old-fashioned, sensible shoes.
“She needs a gown, maybe,” Alice said, reaching to finger a blue lace confection with a plunging neckline and a satin waist tie.
The woman waved a dismissive hand. “She’d be lost in all that lace. I think something more simple with elegant lines.”
Lilly almost choked on a laugh as she thought about her current nightgowns; the word
elegant
had absolutely no remote relation.
Serviceable
maybe.
“What about this?” The woman drew a simple white gown from a rack, but it was clearly cut to fall at thigh length with a tempting hem of rich embroidery around its base.
“What do you wear over it?” Lilly asked, rather in desperation at the thought of appearing before Jacob in such a garment. It would be like wearing nothing.
“Over it?” The saleswoman frowned, confused.
“She’ll take it,” Alice said decisively with a clap of her hands.
“I will not!” Lilly hissed, but the woman was already walking back to the counter with the wispy garment in tow. “Alice, I can’t possibly wear that.”
“Shhh … listen, do you want Jacob to be
undistant
? Well, this will do the trick; I guarantee it.”
“How would you know?”
“Intuition.” Alice smiled and winked.
Lilly frowned darkly. “He may well tell the bishop and think I’ve lost my mind.”
“Somehow, I don’t think so.”
Somehow Lilly didn’t think so either—not the man who’d revealed how he’d practiced kissing with such a blatant display. No, he’d probably be far from distant. She shivered in faint delight at the thought.
Alice was at the counter, paying the outrageous price for the gown, while Lilly watched in fascination as the woman wrapped it in pastel tissue paper and lifted an “Emily’s Mystery” box from a shelf.
“Uh—” Lilly’s voice made her pause. “You’ve wrapped it beautifully, but could you please put it in a—”
“A more Amish-appropriate wrapping? No problem.” The woman smiled and slipped a simple brown bag from beneath the counter and gently tucked the wrapped item inside.
Alice passed the bag to Lilly, who took it with a murmured thanks.
“All right, ladies. Come again. Anytime. I’m beginning to think I should run an Amish discount now and then.” She gave them a sunny smile and Lilly could not contain her mirth when Alice made a gay rejoinder.
“
Jah
, that would be a
gut
idea!”
J
acob entered his home as late as he dared without missing supper entirely. He’d been trying to hold off the last few days and treat his wife like the lady she was to him. He’d had no business making sensual and personal revelations to her innocent mind and kissing her senseless in the middle of the outdoors. She probably thought he was just interested in a hurried marriage consummation when he’d promised her a long courtship. It didn’t matter what he desired or how irresistible he found his wife; he was determined to be a man of his word, no matter what torment it cost him.
So when he came into the kitchen to be greeted by his mother-in-law alone, he was both surprised and disappointed.
“To town? With Alice? At supper time?” His brow wrinkled in puzzlement.
“
Jah
, but a woman needs her time to do spontaneous things, Jacob. And she did want to make sure that you would eat.”
He sat down to supper, not really sure what he ate. It was completely unlike Lilly to be impulsive—unless she was harboring a horse thief, or throwing away her reputation on someone like him. He frowned at the thought and concentrated on making pleasantries with his mother-in-law, trying not to notice the deepening dark outside. He was more than glad when Lilly burst breathless into the kitchen and rose to greet her.
“I’m sorry I’m late, Jacob.”
Her beautiful face was flushed and her blue eyes sparkled with some suppressed excitement.
“That’s all right. I was just worried a bit. That’s all.”
She brushed past him with a pat on his arm and a paper bag in her hand. “Nothing to worry about. Alice just wanted to give me uh … a late wedding present.”
And with that he had to be content, he thought, as she put her parcel away and returned to calmly begin grading the papers waiting for her at the end of the table. He wondered what the present could be but couldn’t think of a way to ask without appearing too interested in her doings. He had to remind himself that he was courting her, winning her, wooing her. So, half an hour later, he gave her a very chaste kiss on the brow and went to toss in frustration on the bedroom floor.
I
n the ensuing weeks, Lilly sought in vain for the courage and opportunity to try out the special gown, but nothing seemed to present itself. At first she tried it on, taking it off—immediately—her cheeks flushed, her heart pounding, and her entire self embarrassed. Once she rehearsed keeping it on and reminding herself that it was not vain to be beautiful to her husband, she was able to picture herself stepping out in front of him, wearing this airy gown.
Yet, even after a handful of more horse-riding lessons, where she thought she was progressing very well, he’d merely pat her back and give an encouraging word of praise. He simply continued to behave as if they were in a stage of early courting. Still, Lilly reminded herself with the stirring remembrance of his kisses on the trail, it was courting. And that had to lead to something else sometime.
O
ne evening in March, the small family was seated around the light of a kerosene lamp, talking pleasantly of the day’s work while Lilly graded papers.
Jacob was pleased to see his mother-in-law looking so well and he’d come to enjoy her tart humor. But now she sighed with a dreamy look on her face.
“What,
Mamm
?” he asked with interest.
“
Ach
, nothing …”
“What is it?” Lilly looked up.
“I just had the thought that I wish I’d been well enough to host a wedding quilting for you, that’s all.”
Lilly smiled and rose to hug her mother. “I have you back,
Mamm
. A wedding quilting doesn’t matter.” But she spoke with such an unconscious wistfulness that it echoed in Jacob’s heart.
A
ll right, that’s it!” Seth tossed a bridle at him, and Jacob caught it with ease.