Like One of the Family (5 page)

After I couldn't stand it any more, I went in and took the platter off the table and gave 'em both a look that would have frizzled a egg…. Well, you might have heard a pin drop and then they started talkin' about something else.

When the guest leaves, I go in the living room and says, “Mrs. C …, I want to have a talk with you.”

“By all means,” she says.

I drew up a chair and read her thusly: “Mrs. C …, you are a pretty nice person to work for, but I wish you would please stop talkin' about me like I was a
cocker spaniel
or a
poll parrot
or a
kitten
. … Now you just sit there and hear me out.

“In the first place, you do not
love
me; you may be fond of me, but that is all…. In the second place, I am
not
just like one of the family at all! The family eats in the dining room and I eat in the kitchen. Your mama borrows your lace tablecloth for her company and your son entertains his friends in your parlor, your daughter takes her afternoon nap on the living room couch and the puppy sleeps on your satin spread … and whenever your husband gets tired of something you are talkin' about he says, ‘Oh, for Pete's sake, forget it…' So you can see I am not
just
like one of the family.

“Now for another thing, I do not
just
adore your little Carol. I think she is a likable child, but she is also fresh and sassy. I know you call it ‘uninhibited' and that is the way you want your child to be, but
luckily
my mother taught me some inhibitions or else I would smack little Carol once in a while when she's talkin' to you like you're a dog, but as it is I just laugh it off the way you do because she is
your
child and I am
not
like one of the family.

“Now when you say, ‘We don't know
what
we'd do without her' this is a polite lie … because I know that if I dropped dead or had a stroke, you would get somebody to replace me.

“You think it is a compliment when you say, ‘We don't think of her as a servant….' but after I have worked myself into a sweat cleaning the bathroom and the kitchen … making the beds … cooking the lunch … washing the dishes and ironing Carol's pinafores … I do not feel like no weekend house guest. I feel like a servant, and in the face of that I have been meaning to ask you for a slight raise which will make me feel much better toward everyone here and make me know my work is appreciated.

“Now I hope you will stop talkin' about me in my presence and that we will get along like a good employer and employee should.”

Marge! She was almost speechless but she
apologized
and said she'd talk to her husband about the raise…. I knew things were progressing because this evening Carol came in the kitchen and she did not say, “I want some bread and jam!” but she did say,
“Please
, Mildred, will you fix me a slice of bread and jam.”

I'm going upstairs, Marge. Just look … you done messed up that buttonhole!

M
ARGE
, I
LOVE CHILDREN
, they're wonderful and I find their company real excitin'. You know how they are always askin' a million and one questions which on first thought can sometimes seem silly but if you look into them questions a little while they make real sense.

Where I worked today, there was a little boy about five years old and he was such a bright-eyed inquirin' little fellow that it was a pure joy to be around him and it was all I could do to keep doin' my work and not stop and play with him all afternoon.

One time he asked his mother a question when she was listenin' to the radio music. “Mama,” he says, “where did music come from?” And she answered him in a kinda off-hand way. “Oh, men invented different kinds of musical instruments and kept improvin' them until we got pianos and harps and all kinds of horns and drums.” He shook his head and said, “I don't mean that, I mean where did the music come from
before
it came out of horns and pianos.”

She looked at him kind of dumb-struck and then said, “I guess it came out of men's hearts and minds because it was somethin' they were thinkin'.” Well, Frankie looked at her a minute and then shook his head again. “I mean, where did it come from before it was in men's hearts and minds?”

Marge, he really had her then because she just shrugged her shoulders and said, “Frankie, you can ask the craziest questions!” But he wasn't studyin' about lettin' her off so easy. “Mama, I want to know!” Well, she laughed a little then and said, “Ask Mildred!” And so he did.

Now, you know, Marge, I don't believe in lettin' the little ones down and whether I know somethin' or not I will always try to give them at least my own thoughts on the matter so I explained to him: “Frankie, I don't rightly know that I can give you the last-word facts about it, but I can tell you what I think if you'd like to hear that.” He sat down on the hassock-cushion and his big eyes was all eager. “Yes,” he says, “tell me that.”

“Well,” I says, “there has always been music as long as there has been a world, been out there floatin' around long before it went into man's heart and mind, no two ways about it. At first man was so busy tryin' to learn how to build a fire and find food to eat that he didn't have time to
hear
the music, but it was there just the same.”

Marge, have you ever noticed how little children can hang on each and every word you say just like the greatest thing they've ever heard? Well, that's how Frankie was lookin' at me. I always pause a bit in the story in order to make it more excitin' and make them help me along with it. “Where was it?” he asked, “where was it when they didn't know about it?”

“Well,” I says, “it was all around them and it just kept on goin' about its music-business until they began to notice it. One night after supper, man and his wife and child were sittin' in front of the fire feelin' nice and comfortable when they noticed a sound. They listened a bit and then they heard it again!”

“What was it!” Frankie hollered. “It was the fire cracklin' and poppin',” I said, “and after they listened a while they heard somethin' way up over their heads goin'
boom-boom-boomity-boom!
And what do you think it was?”

Marge, what do you think he said it was? “A bomb!” “No,” says I, “it was thunder and after a while the lightnin' went clackity-clack! And then the rain began to fall …
plup, plup, plup
and when it hit man's fire, the hot wood made a sound like
cu-zizzzzz
before it went out and sometimes musicians make that sound on the brass cymbals when they hit them together real fast.”

I had me a real audience by this time because Frankie's mother turned down the radio so's she could listen, too.

“Since there was no television in those days, man and his family had a lot of fun listenin' to the different sounds they would hear like the
buzzin'
of bees, the wind in the trees, the cry of animals in the night goin'
ah-wooooooo, ah-wooooooo
. In the daytime they heard the waves slappin' up against the beach and sayin'
cu-swush, cu-swush
, and they heard the birds
trillin'
in the trees and they also found that when they listened to the little babies they'd hear musical, gurglin' sounds like
ah-ga-gerrr-taaaaah.”

“That's what baby sister says,” shouted Frankie. “Yes,” I said, “and one day when man was hittin' one stone against the other, it pleased him to hear the rocks makin' a ringin noise like
tooooonnnnng
. And
music
began to enter the heart of man. He listened to everything, and he found that there was music all around him. It was in his own breathin' which was all timed out nice and even; it was in his heart-beat which went
ku-dum, ku-dum
all the time; it came out of the animals' hoofs as they ran, across the stones
tic-toc, tic-toc, tic-toc;
it was in the brook-water, goin'
curga-la-la, rerrrr-curga-la-la;
it was everywhere; It was in man's throat.”

Frankie let out a nice high note, and I said, “That's right, just like that! One day man stood down in a valley and hollered up to the tops of the mountain,
la-la-deeeeee!
and the sound came rocketin' back,
laaaa-laaaa-deeeeeeee!
and man was so happy he began to
sing!”

Frankie then gave us a line or two of “Yankee Doodle.” “But,” I said, “man got weary of waitin' around for the sounds to happen because he wanted to hear them whenever he felt like it, and he also wanted to hear them in a different order. Sometimes it got on his nerves to hear the raindrops first and then the birds and then something else 'cause he had a notion that if he could arrange them in a different order, they would sound better, so he went to work to make all those sounds himself. At first he whistled them out, but he couldn't get close enough to the real sounds so he began to hit sticks against one another and blow through animal horns and hit metal pieces together and things like that. And before you knew it he had some musical instruments to play on.”

“Hot dog!” Frankie says, “like drums and things!” I waited until the little fellow was all charged up with curiosity again and then I went on, “But it just so happened that every man couldn't play the music although they all liked to hear it, so some played for others and they practiced together and got to be
bands
. Some of the band people played some real pretty things but other bands couldn't because the man that made up the pretty piece couldn't come and see them to tell them how to play it. So man racked his brain until he found a way to put dots down on paper so that other bands could look at it and know how the pieces should be played. My goodness, but they had a good time then and kept real busy writin' down pieces and sendin' them back and forth to each other and playin' some of everything there was to play, because as you know, these bands were all over the world and naturally they was playin' all kinds of different ways!”

“How could they read it if everybody spoke different?” asked Frankie. “Well,” I says, “they did somethin' with music that they never did with no other language, they made only one set of writin' so that every blessed musician can understand the other if he takes a little time to do it.”

“Well,” says Frankie, “now we only hear music when the band plays it.” “No, no,” I says, “it's still everywhere, and if you will listen close you can hear it right in this room.” We got real quiet, and after a bit he says, “I hear the radiator goin'
ta-sisssss
, and I hear the clock goin'
pip-pip-pip-pip.”
“That's right,” I says, “and now if you will place both of your hands tight over your ears and lift 'em up and put 'em back real fast, you will hear the music of life real clear.”

He did as I told him and then his face lit up real bright. “I hear it, I hear it!” “Of course you do,” I said, “and whenever you hear the music band you must learn to listen real close and that way you will find out what's
in
the music and sometimes it won't be birds or thunder or water, but it might be just a feelin' you had about somethin' once, maybe a scary feelin' or a happy feelin'. Listen long and careful and you'll be sure to hear it.”

Well, that child was so delighted and pleased, “Tell me another story about somethin'!” he says, and his mother adds, “Yes, do tell us another story.”

Of course, I did, Marge, 'cause not only was I enjoyin' myself but it was a good way to get out of an afternoon's ironin'.

H
EY
M
ARGE
, come on in and live a while. The coffee pot is perkin' and I have the world's best sweet-potato pie coolin' in the window…. Well, how was your trip last weekend? … That's nice, I wish I could say that I had a good time too…. Yes, the company came…. Girl, you should have been here! … You know I invited Susie and her husband and a few other people? … Sure, they all showed up and some more in the bargain. Susie brought a couple along that was visitin' with her because she thought I'd just
love
to meet them.

… You know me, the first mistake I made was to light up like a Christmas tree and say, “Make yourself at home!” Me and my big mouth! Those friends that she thought I'd love to meet proceeded to do just that! You should have seen those two!

They hadn't been here ten minutes before they let loose with a string of
off-color
jokes. We listened in a strained sort of polite way, and I forced out a couple of weak ha-ha's, but I can tell you that the goin' was rough…. I did that. Yes, I kept changin' the subject or tryin' to change it…. No mam, they did not take the hint, and I was so mad you could have boiled a pot of water on my head…. Yes, the subject finally got changed but only when it suited them to do so, and in a way I kinda wished they'd stuck to the jokes. Next thing on the program they started talkin' about people…. Of course, everybody talks about people sometime, but I mean they got to rippin' people's personal business apart and diggin' out all manner of ugly gossip and scandal and such. They were experts on everybody's private affairs and from the drift of the conversation I could tell that few people met with their approval. Just as I thought I couldn't take any more of it we started in on the refreshments…. No, dear, food did not stop their mouths. Them free-loaders sat there eatin' my frankfurters and potato salad and in between bites they informed us about the wonderful
lobster
supper they'd had at
this
doctor's home and the
turkey
and
ham
feast they'd had at
that
doctor's home, and how good a hostess
this
woman was, and what a beautiful home
that
woman had…. If I'm lyin' I'm flyin'! … All the while they were talkin' they kept eyein' my drapes and coffee table and everything, and somehow or another the room seemed sort of shabby all of a sudden. I mean I'd never noticed that the drapes were kinda flimsy and faded, the lampshade is a little bent on one side, my big ashtray has a nick in it … you know, things like that. After they finished off two or three helpings of my salad and franks, they wiped their hands on my crummy paper napkins and started to talk about people havin' things…. You heard me! … Seems like everyone they know has a fine car, buy their clothes at the most expensive shops, know all of the most important people, have the best jobs in the world, have traveled, got this, got that, got the other…. And got dog! I was tired of the whole thing, especially since by this time I felt like some old raggedy crumb with no claim to nothin' no how! … Yes, I had drinks but it seems that all they drank was scotch and milk. Anyway I admired the way they forced down all of what I did have and then sent me scurryin' to bring back some more of that potato salad…. I was real relieved when we finally got to the goodby time. When I took them to the door they asked me to visit their home out in Long Island and stood there for fifteen more minutes describin' the bar in their playroom and how they knew I'd just
love
it! … After everyone had cleared out I felt like I'd just escaped from jail.