Like One of the Family (10 page)

… Sure, I'd be good at it! And I bet they pay people a nice tidy sum for writin' those things!

G
OOD MORNING
M
ARGE
. … I come to borrow a cup of sugar and a half stick 'a butter until tomorrow…. I got a recipe for a “no-egg” cake…. Ain't that somethin'? What will they think of next? My cousin Ellie give me the recipe for it, I told her if she come across a recipe for some “no-meat” meat balls to be sure and give me that … now that's somethin' I could really use.

Oh no, Marge, Ellie ain't workin' now, She can't work with that son of hers. Bobby ain't but 12 but already he's broke one rib and a arm and his forehead is always lumped up…. Yeah, her husband is doin' a little better on the job … got a little raise … so she quit her place … Bobby was climbin' up lamp posts and fallin' off of back alley fences. Child, when she heard 'bout him playin' leap frog on the roof ledge she whipped him and then figured she'd best stay home and watch him before he ruined himself altogether.

The woman she worked for wasn't bad as folks go so Ellie decided to give her two weeks notice. Well, honey, I can't tell it like Ellie can … you oughta hear her! Well anyway she told this lady 'bout Bobby and explained how she had to leave and … bless Bess! the woman fell out…. You heard me, she fell out! That's just what I said! There she was cryin' and moanin' and just a-carryin' on…. Now Ellie was speechless 'cause she had no idea the woman was that crazy 'bout her…. When the woman gets her breath back she starts groanin': “Oh Ellie we were so fond of you and I never thought you'd leave us…. Oh I never thought you'd leave us.”

“Never?” Ellie asked her. “Really
never
?” and that woman was dead serious.

“Ellie,” she says, “I thought of us as just one big family…. What's wrong? Why do you want to leave?”

Well, Ellie gets her a glass of water and some smellin' salts and sat down and explained all over again … slowly. She tells her 'bout Bobby and 'bout her husband real clear. When she was through the woman asked her, “What have we done to you? Has anyone hurt your feelings? Aren't you happy?”

Well the upshot of it was that there was no way that Ellie could explain anything so's she'd understand it 'cause the way Ellie told it to
me
, this woman had read “Gone with the Wind” four times and … and … well, it's just given her ideas … that's all…. Look out Marge! The coffee is boilin' over…. Girl, stop actin' the fool now!

M
ARGE
,
I CAN SEE
why you say you don't like this butcher shop on the corner even if they do have the best quality of meat…. I know you have had words with the man that owns the place, but I guess I will really avoid goin' in there after today! … Sure, he is sickenin'! … I don't pay him too much mind although I have had to jack him up about callin' me “girlie” and “honeychile,” but every once in a while I will find myself wantin' a nice piece of steak and will go in there 'cause it is the closest shop to my house.

When I went in there tonight, he tries to pick a conversation with me by sayin', “There's some
fine
colored people around here, and I can say this: I'd rather know a Negro any day than to know a Jew.” All the time he's talkin' he's also grinnin' at me like a chessy-cat! I suppose he thought he was payin' me a compliment!

So, I says, “You mean that if you had to keep some unpleasant company, you would rather it would be mine.” He says, “Oh, no, I mean that colored people are better to deal with than Jews. A Jew will always try to take advantage of you and a Jew will …”

I cut him off then. “I'm not interested,” I says, “because folks that talk about Jews that way will be very quick to call me ‘nigger'!” “Oh, no,” he says, “I'd never say anything like that!”

Now, Marge, all this time he is busy cuttin' my round steak and gettin' ready to grind it in the machine. I answered him real snappy, “You're a liar and the truth ain't in you! I have heard you say ‘spick' after some Spanish person left the store. I also heard you say ‘wop' one day, and I know that if you like nasty words like that you just couldn't resist sayin' ‘nigger'.”

Well, he looks kind of flustered-like and says, “I'm sorry, sister, all I meant was that I like you people.” “I know what you meant,” I says, “and I don't wanna hear no talk out of you 'bout how you think I'm better than some folks who you consider to be nothin' 'cause if the truth is to be known, I can't imagine
anybody
bein' interested in makin'
your
acquaintance!” The next thing I did was shake my finger at him and read him some more, “You oughta be tickled pink that anybody buys your old, crummy dogmeat!”

… Now, Marge, I know the meat is good, but I just called it “dogmeat” in order to be mean! “Furthermore,” I says, “I'm not gonna buy that round steak, and I'm gonna tell all the people I see not to come in here and buy anything you got. I'll bet if everyone was to stay away from this place for a while you'd be tickled to death whenever you finally did get a customer, any customer!”

I'm tellin' you, those kinda people make me sick! … Sure, I remember the time that woman told you about Puerto Ricans. Ain't that some nerve! She's gonna ask
you
what you think of so many of 'em movin' in her neighborhood! I'm glad you told her that you was plannin' on movin' over there
yourself
. I guess that held her for a while! Folks who rent apartments got a real crust to come talkin' about
their
neighborhood!

Marge, if there is one thing I can't stand it's gettin' one of them back-handed compliments! I remember a man tellin' me once that he liked me 'cause I was “different.” I said, “Different from what?” Then he went into a big old wringin' and twistin' 'bout how some colored people was terrible, but I was very nice. I told him, “You can get off of that 'cause I'm just exactly like most of the colored people I know!”

… You are so right! I know a lot of folks swallow that old line when it gets thrown at them! … Don't I see 'em grinnin' and smilin' with that thank-you-so-much look on their faces! But if the fools only knew that as soon as they turned their back another name was pinned on them they'd grin out of the other side of their mouth. No,
nobody
is gonna get in my good graces by tellin' me that some other folk is so distasteful to them that I look nice by comparison! We gotta straighten these name-callers out!

G
IRL, WHAT HAPPENS
to people in a bargain basement when a sale is goin' on? … It was all I could do to get to the counters or a dress rack! … Yes, indeed, Crumbley's had one bang-up sale today. It was so jam-crowded and tempers was so short that I decided I'd better get out of there before I got in a fist fight!

Eddie is plannin' on takin' me to Marybelle's club dance, so I thought I'd better get me a new frock to match the occasion. It is so
rare
that he will actually pick up and go to a dance, or rather, I should say that it's so rare that he will be here in town when one is goin' on. I figured that by the time he sees me in a new dress, he will figure that the dance was a worthwhile idea.

I saw this gorgeous, green evenin' gown hangin' there on the rack, and I managed to get to it. Soon as I had it in my hand, another woman reached out for it, and said, “I want that dress!” So I says, “That makes
two
of us!” Oh, she was some nasty! “I was here
first
!” she says, and I went on to agree with her, “Yes, you were honey, by the looks of you, I'd say that you were here about twenty years before I was!” Oh, my, but that made her hot! She stood there sputterin' and stammerin' and blushed all red in the face. All of a sudden

I had a funny feelin' that made me know I shouldn't of said that, and I put the dress back on the rack and went away.

I saw some hats on a counter just as I was leavin' the store, so I pushed my way over and picked up a nice little blue felt. A girl that was standin' over on the opposite side said, “Miss, may I have that hat, please, I was tryin' to reach it!” “No!” I says, “you may not. Don't you see me standin' here, holdin' it in my hand!” So her little girlfriend who was with her pipes up, “Oh, snatch it from her!” … Oh, I was ready for her, “Let all snatchers come on up here to me one at a time, and I'll take care of 'em! First come, first served!” I hollered. Then the number one little girl says to her friend, “Ignore her, she must be at least
thirty-five
. When you're that
old
, you get
desperate.”

No, Marge, I didn't buy a thing. The whole time I was ridin' along on the bus I got to thinkin' 'bout how people can ride women 'bout their age. Soon as I got in a fuss about that dress, I had to tell the woman about her age and soon's those young girls started arguin' with me, they jumped me 'bout
my
age! Why are we so quick to abuse folks about how old they are and talk about years like it's criminal to get older?

I also got to thinkin' 'bout all those sayin's about age like “old as the hills,” “a old has-been,” “old and doddery,” “been here since the flood!” Why I have even heard folk make nasty cracks when they are askin' about a old person. They will say, “Oh, is he
still
here?” Why, Marge, why are we so mean to people and get so aggravated about 'em gettin' older? Where did we learn such meanness? Where did we get the idea of insultin' folks by pointin' out their age? That's the silliest thing you ever heard of!

Well, there I was ridin' along and thinkin' my thoughts when a elderly man came and sat down by me…. No, he didn't say anything, he just went to readin' his newspaper and after a while he got off at his stop. He left the paper on the seat by me and I picked it up. It was turned to the “help wanted” section and after readin' it a while, I could see why the poor fellow had left it on the seat!

Most of those ads wanted people between the age of eighteen and thirty-five. Now most folks in their forties can get away with puttin' their age back to the thirties, but if you're fifty or more, shame on you! Why is that?

Well, I guess the boss figures that most people have been wore out by the time they are forty, wore out with eatin' the wrong kind of food, walkin' up too many flights of stairs, skimpin' and skrimpin' pennies, and in other words just plain harassed to death!

… Of course, other folks besides bosses act real mean about age, too. I don't know why 'cause everybody keeps gettin' older from the time they are born 'til the day they die. It seems that we think youth is some special accomplishment brought about by the individual himself!

… That's right! On the other hand, we make fun of folks who go to a lot of time and trouble tryin' to stay young lookin'! All you have to do is read these want-ads and you'll see that them folks that are tryin' to stay young have got more on their minds than pure
vanity!

I'm tellin' you! People advancin' in age had better stick together if they want to eat and pay rent, and when I say
people advancin'
, that means everybody, young, old or in-between.

Them years go a lot faster than we might think and the best way for a young man to prepare for his old age is to see that older folks get a square deal before the years creep up on him and catch him in the same spot. If he does that, he will have nothin' to worry about and also will not have to work free for his children in exchange for room and board. How 'bout that?

W
ELL
M
ARGE
, you haven't heard anything! You should hear the woman I work for … she's really something. Calls herself “Mrs. James!” All the time she says “Mrs. James.”

The first day I was there she come into the kitchen and says, “Mildred, Mrs. James would like you to clean the pantry,” Well I looked 'round to see if she meant her mother-in-law or somebody and then she adds, “If anyone calls, Mrs. James is out shopping.” And with that she sashays out the door.

Now she keeps on talking that way all the time, the whole time I'm there. That woman wouldn't say “I” or “me” for nothing in the world. The way I look at it … I guess she thought it would be too personal.

Now Marge, you know I don't work Saturdays for nobody! Well sir! Last Friday she breezed in the kitchen and fussed around a little … movin' first the salt and then the pepper, I could feel something brewin' in the air. Next thing you know she speaks up. “Mildred,” she says, “Mrs. James will need you this Saturday.” I was polishin' silver at the time but I turned around and looked her dead in the eye and said, “Mildred does not work on Saturdays.”

Well, for the rest of the day things went along kind of quiet-like but just before time for me to go home she drifted by the linen closet to check the raffle on a guest towel and threw in her two cents more. “Mildred,” she says, “a depression might do this country some good, then some people might work eight days a week and be glad for the chance to do it.”

I didn't bat an eyelash, but about 15 minutes later when I was headin' for home, I stopped off at the living room and called to her, “That's very true, but on the other hand some folks might be doin' their own housework … don'tcha know.” With that and a cool “goodnight” I gently went out the front door….

Oh, but we get along fine now…. Just fine!

T
HAT'S A PRETTY SHAPE
of nail polish, Marge…. Oh, don't belittle your hands, child—I think they are lovely. Yes, I know you get tired of being a house servant…. Yes, you should have every right to be as much as you can be. But when you come to think of it, everyone who works is a servant. Why, we couldn't live without the hands and minds of millions of people.