Like a Lover (9 page)

A gentle
knock on the door pulled him back to reality. He looked at the time on his
phone and realised a couple of hours had passed.

“Come in,”
he called.

“Hi.” Dani
came into the room with two steaming mugs. “I was making coffee, so I brought
you some.”

“Oh,
thanks.” Josh took mug she held out to him. “You’re a star. I’m ready for a
caffeine boost.” Dani sat on his bed, and Josh turned his chair around to face
her. “How’s revision going?”

“Slowly,”
she said. “But I’m getting there.” There was silence for a moment, and then
Dani asked, “Are you okay, Josh?”

“Yeah.
Why?” The response was instinctive, if not entirely honest.

“Well. You
were supposed to only be meeting Rupert for lunch, but ended up staying out all
night. And then Jez told me you looked pissed off when you came back this
morning. So what’s up?” Her tone implied that she wasn’t going to let him fob
her off with a vague answer.

Josh put
his mug down and rubbed his face with his hands. “Ugh,” he said eloquently.
When he met Dani’s gaze again, she was looking at him expectantly.

“I don’t
know. I’m confused about this thing with Rupert. One minute he’s treating me
like a friend—more than a friend, even—and then the next minute
he’s giving me money to fuck him again. Yesterday was great. We had lunch and
hung out together all afternoon, but then he asked me to go home with him and
offered to pay me. Maybe I should have said no….”

“But you
didn’t?”

“I said
yes. He is a client, after all, so what else was I going to do? Plus I
wanted
to go home with him.” As soon as
he said the words, he knew he’d got to the crux of it. “I wanted to go home
with him, and I would have gone even if he hadn’t offered me money.” The lump
in his throat was back and his eyes stung. “Then we had an amazing night
together, I slept in his bed, woke up with him beside me… and then this morning
we had this epically awkward conversation about how much money he owed me. We
haggled over whether he should pay me for morning sex or not. Jesus Christ.
It’s so fucked up.”

“Oh, honey.
Get over here.” Dani put her coffee down and held out her arms.

The
sympathy on Dani’s face made the floodgates open. Hot, frustrated tears spilled
out of Josh’s eyes as he stumbled across the room and into her tight embrace.
She hugged him, stroking his hair and making soothing noises while he got
himself back under control enough to talk.

“It made me
feel like shit. I don’t want his money anymore.”

“But what
do you think he wants? It sounds as if he likes you too. None of your other
clients take you out for lunch or have you sleep in their beds all night.
You’ve been meeting him for drinks before every appointment. He’s been paying
you for more than just sex. He’s basically been paying you to be his boyfriend
for a while now.”

Josh pulled
back, sniffing and wiping his nose on his sleeve. “Do you reckon?”

He hadn’t
thought about it like that. He knew Rupert liked him, it was obvious. But he
still thought it was mostly about sex, maybe a little companionship too, but
that wasn’t unusual with clients. It didn’t mean Rupert wanted him as anything
other than an escort.

“It sounds
that way to me. But maybe he thinks he can only have you if he keeps paying.”

“But even
if he does like me, I can’t be his boyfriend.”

“Why not?”

“Why do you
think?” Josh snapped, frustrated. “What boyfriend is going to put up with my
job? I know Rupert doesn’t like it when I see other clients. It’s obvious. So
he’d never handle it if we were in a relationship. Plus how on earth could we
transition from him paying me for sex to actually being a couple? I don’t see
how it could ever work when we’ve started out like this. It’s a business
relationship, and it needs to stay that way.”

She
shrugged. “Seems like you’ve been doing a pretty good job of crossing that line
already. If you both want the same thing, then I’m sure you could make it work.
But not unless you’re honest with each other about what you really want.”

“What on
earth would I say to him? ‘Oh, hey. This is awkward, but I have feelings for
you, so how about you stop paying me for sex and we date instead?’ Yeah. I
don’t think so, Dani. I already feel stupid for falling for him. I can’t tell
him how I feel.”

“You
could,” she said. “You could just say the words and see what happens.”

Josh shook
his head. “No way.” He didn’t see how Rupert could ever be anything other than
a client, and he blamed himself for letting Rupert get too close.

“Well”—she
patted his leg—“you don’t have to rush into anything. You won’t be seeing
him again till next weekend, will you? So you’ve got some time to think about
it.”

“Yeah.”

Josh was
sure he wouldn’t think about much else all week.

CHAPTER NINE

Rupert
stripped the bed after Josh left. The sheets were messed up from the night
before, and it gave him something to do as he went over the awkward
conversation they’d had that morning.

Rupert was
confused by Josh’s reaction. Surely Josh had expected Rupert to pay him? They
weren’t dating, as much as Rupert wished they were. But this morning Josh had
looked as though he didn’t want Rupert’s money. He’d seemed… hurt, offended
almost. Rupert sighed as he shoved the sheets viciously into the washing
machine and slammed the door.

He’d never
meant things to get so complicated. Maybe he should be honest with Josh about
his feelings. But he’d asked Josh on a date before, and Josh had declined.
Rupert didn’t think the answer would be any different if he tried again. So he
had two choices: cut contact with Josh, or carry on paying him and take what he
could get.

He knew
which of those was the sensible option, but he also knew it wasn’t going to
happen. He couldn’t let Josh go.

He texted
Josh on Monday to wish him luck with his exam. He didn’t get a reply until the
afternoon, and when it came it was just one word:
Thanks
.

How did it go?

Not bad.

Rupert
didn’t know what to say after that, and he wasn’t getting a chatty vibe from
Josh, so he left it.

He didn’t
hear anything from Josh all week, but knew he was busy with revision. Rupert
waited till Friday afternoon to call, remembering Josh’s last exam was that
morning.

Josh picked
up after a few rings. “Hey, Rupert.”

Rupert
could hear lots of other voices in the background. “Hi.” He leaned back in his
seat and tried to suppress the goofy smile that stretched across his face,
simply from hearing Josh’s voice. “How were the exams this week?”

“I think
they went okay.” Raucous laughter burst out in the background. “Hang on, it’s
too noisy in here. I’m gonna move.”

Rupert
listened to the muffled sound of movement for a few moments, and then Josh was
back. “That’s better. I’m outside now. I was in the pub with people from my
course.”

“Are you
free later?” Rupert asked. “If you are, I’d like to see you.”

“Um… no.
Sorry.”

Josh didn’t
give an explanation. Rupert hoped it was because he was going to stay out with
his friends, but he knew Josh usually saw clients on a Friday.

“How about
tomorrow, then?”

There was a
short pause. “Do you mean for an appointment?” Josh’s voice was cautious.

“Um.”
Rupert felt put on the spot, and wondered what the right answer was. “Well…
yeah.”

It was
silent on the other end of the phone for long enough that Rupert thought he’d
been cut off. But then Josh finally spoke.

“No. Sorry…
I don’t think I’m free. I think I booked someone else in.”

If Rupert
had been in any doubt that he was way too involved, the hot rush of jealousy
that flooded through him would have clued him in.

“Oh, right.
No worries.” He got the words out through gritted teeth.

“I have an
assignment to finish before the end of term, so I’m pretty busy next week, but
I might be able to see you at the weekend. I’ll let you know.”

“Okay,
thanks.”

“I’ve got
to go. Bye, Rupert.”

“Bye.”

The line
went dead.

Rupert
managed to stop himself from calling Josh again. The weekend crawled by, and
the next week didn’t go any faster. He found himself wondering how Josh had
done in his exams, and hoped his hard work had paid off.

When he
hadn’t heard from Josh by Friday, Rupert was starting to go a little crazy. It
had been almost two weeks since he’d seen Josh, and he was shocked by how much
he missed him.

He finally
cracked and texted Josh in the morning. Just asking,
Can I see you tonight?
But Josh still hadn’t replied by lunchtime,
and Rupert started to think Josh was avoiding him.

“Surely you
should be looking happier at the prospect of some time off?” Georgina asked.
They’d met for lunch in the cafe at the Student Union and were now drinking
coffee and sharing a huge piece of chocolate cake.

Rupert had
a couple of weeks of holiday coming up, but he hadn’t made any plans and wasn’t
particularly excited about it.

“I don’t
have any plans, though, so I’ll just be kicking around at home with nothing to
do.” Rupert put his fork down. He wasn’t hungry. He’d only agreed to share the
cake with Georgina because it was so obvious she wanted it, but wouldn’t have
ordered it unless he’d agreed.

“Yeah,
yeah. Such a hard life, all that free time.” She grinned before popping in
another mouthful and chewing with gusto.

Rupert let
his gaze drift over her shoulder, and he stiffened when he caught sight of a
guy in the queue for coffee. The slim build and dark hair were familiar, and
there was something about his posture too… but it wasn’t the first time he’d
caught sight of someone around the university who looked a little like Josh. He
tried to focus on what Georgina was saying to him, but then the man in the
queue turned, and Rupert caught sight of his profile.

It was
definitely, unmistakably Josh.

“Rupert!”
Georgina’s voice made Rupert jump and blush.

“Sorry, I
was distracted.” He couldn’t stop his gaze from flicking back to Josh again.

“I
noticed.” She glanced over her shoulder just as Josh caught sight of Rupert and
gave an awkward wave and a small smile that made Rupert’s stomach flip with
hope.

“Ohhh,” she
said knowingly, drawing out the word. “Josh, I presume?”

Rupert
nodded, turning back to Georgina, who was looking at him with the expression of
a cat focusing its attention on some small, unsuspecting rodent.

“He’s cute.
You’re still seeing him, then?”

“Sort of.”

“What does
that mean?”

Rupert
squirmed, not liking the turn this conversation was taking. “I don’t know. It’s
just casual.” He glanced over at Josh again, who was paying for his coffee.

After
taking his change and the cup, Josh had to pass right by their table. He kept
his head down, avoiding Rupert’s gaze, and for a moment Rupert thought he was
going to walk right past without acknowledging him again. But as Josh got
closer, he looked up.

“Hi,” he
said, but made as if to carry on past without stopping.

“Hi, how
are you?” Rupert asked quickly. “Do you want to join us if you’ve got a
minute?” He gestured to a free chair at their table.

“Um… yeah,
okay. Thanks.” Josh pulled out the chair and sat.

“This is
Georgina. Georgina, this is Josh.”

“Nice to
meet you, Josh.” She offered her hand with a grin and Josh took it to shake.
“Rupert’s told me about you.”

Josh
glanced sidelong at Rupert, and Rupert’s cheeks heated. “Good things, I hope?”

“He didn’t
go into details,” Georgina replied.

“So, did you
get your results yet?” Rupert asked. He wanted to get the subject away from
their relationship—such as it was—as soon as possible.

“Yeah.”
Josh smiled widely for the first time. “I got them this morning. I got a
first.”

“That’s
fantastic. Well done.” Rupert wanted to reach out and take his hand, or pull
him into a hug. But with Georgina there, he was self-conscious.

Georgina
echoed Rupert’s congratulations, then started quizzing Josh about his course.
Josh answered her questions, and Rupert listened, watching Josh’s hands as he
curled them around his cup and the curve of his lips as he smiled at something
Georgina said.

After a few
minutes, Georgina made a show of looking at the time on her phone and excusing
herself. “I’m so sorry, but I have to dash. I have a meeting starting in five
minutes. But it was really nice to meet you, Josh.”

Rupert
tried not to show his disbelief. She hadn’t mentioned any meeting to him when
they’d agreed to have lunch together, and normally she’d have stayed and
chatted for longer. He stood to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“See you
soon, Rupert,” she said. “Hope to meet you again, Josh. Bye.”

And then
she was gone, leaving them alone together.

Rupert
picked up his cup and then realised it was empty. When he raised his eyes to
Josh, Josh was picking at a scratch on the table with his fingernail.

“That’s
great news about your exams,” Rupert finally said.

Josh looked
up and grinned. “Yeah. I’m dead chuffed.”

“You
deserve it. You work bloody hard. Well…. It sounds as if you do.”

Josh dipped
his finger into the foam on his coffee and transferred some to his mouth. He
licked his finger clean, and Rupert watched, distracted by Josh’s lips and
tongue. When Josh raised his eyes and caught Rupert watching him, Rupert
flushed and looked away quickly, picking up a napkin and wiping at a drop of
coffee on the table for something to do.

“Um… did
you get my text earlier?” Rupert asked, hating how needy he sounded, but
persevering anyway. “I was wondering if you were free tonight?”

“Oh, sorry.
No. The sound on my phone was off for a meeting with my tutor, and I forgot to
turn it back on.”

“So, are
you? Free, I mean?”

Josh
hesitated and Rupert’s heart beat fast, he realised he’d clenched his fist
tight around the napkin while he waited for Josh’s reply.

“Yes,” Josh
said eventually. “I can see you tonight.”

Rupert
relaxed a little, but he was still wary. Josh’s expression was closed and
didn’t give much away. Rupert knew he’d messed up the other weekend at his flat
and something had changed, but he wasn’t sure how to fix it—or whether it
was possible.

“Do you
want to come to mine again?” he asked.

“No. I’ll
book a room.” Josh’s tone was firm. He met Rupert’s gaze, and there was… not
coldness, exactly, but a distance that Rupert hated. “I think that’s best.”

Rupert
swallowed against a swell of disappointment. “Okay.” Seeing Josh in a hotel
room was better than not seeing him at all. But he’d rather have Josh in his
bed. “Is eight o’clock okay? Can you meet for a drink first?”

“Not
tonight, sorry. I’ll meet you at the hotel. Do you want one hour, or more?”

Rupert’s
heart deflated. It was obvious Josh was trying to get things back to a more
businesslike footing between them. He could tell when he was being given the
brush-off. “One’s fine,” he muttered and then stood, needing some space. “Okay,
I’d better get back to work. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye,” Josh
said.

“Bye.”
Rupert walked away without looking back.

Later in
the afternoon, Georgina called while Rupert was finishing up some paperwork in his
poky cubicle that served as an office. He didn’t pick up the first time because
he wasn’t in the mood to chat. But when his phone rang again immediately and he
saw it was her again, he gave in and answered it.

“Hi,” he
said flatly. “What’s up?”

“You sound
cheerful. I thought you’d be happier after seeing Josh. He’s adorable by the
way; I can see why you like him. How did it go?”

“Fine.” He
had no wish to discuss Josh with her. “Anyway, sorry, Georgina, but I can’t
talk for long now. Did you want something?”

“Yes. I’m
really sorry to do this at such short notice, but I’m afraid I can’t make the
wedding next weekend, after all. Something’s come up.”

“What
exactly?” Rupert asked, immediately suspicious.

“It’s a
conference in Germany. One of my senior colleagues was supposed to be going,
but she’s broken her leg and they’ve asked me to go in her place.”

Rupert
sighed. “Okay. I suppose it can’t be helped.”

“But you
should ask Josh. I bet he’d love to go with you, and it would be a good
opportunity to spend more time with him. Two nights away in a hotel, a whole
day in between, travelling together—”

“Georgina.
This had better be a real conference.”

“Of course
it’s real. Don’t be ridiculous. Anyway, I’ve got to go. Sorry again to leave
you in the lurch. Have a good weekend, and I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay.
Bye.”

“Bye.” Her
voice was suspiciously breezy, and then the line went dead.

Rupert put
his phone aside and rested his chin on his hand as he stared out of his office
window and weighed up his options. He could tell his mother he’d be coming
alone and put up with her grumbling about messing up the numbers at the last
minute. No doubt there would be some complicated table plan that hinged on
having exactly the expected number of people. Or…