Lightning Rods (26 page)

“Sure,” said Walter.

“But if you think about it, that was really just part of a larger issue, which was that people were being governed by laws which were none of their making. The fact of the matter is, Walter, that the overwhelming majority of laws in this country were made before you and I were even born, by people who couldn’t
represent
us because we didn’t exist. Now I don’t know if you know this, but Thomas Jefferson said each generation should make its own laws and not be bound by the laws of its parents.”

“I didn’t know Jefferson said that,” said Walter.

“Many people don’t,” said Joe. Joe had learned the fact in eleventh grade, in his American history class, at a time when the class was still called Americanism versus Communism, and he had never forgotten it. “And as a matter of fact,” Joe went on, “we can actually
see
why that should be so. If your parents were anything like mine they were probably quite conservative on sexual matters. What Jefferson saw was that you have to make your laws fit where you’re at now.”

“Well, that’s very interesting,” said Walter, “but—”

“Also, the South had every right to secede,” said Joe, drawn on by process of association to the other thing he remembered from eleventh grade. “If you think about it, they had just as much right to break away as the colonies did to break away from England in the first place. The only actual difference was that they were on the same continent. Well, you’re not going to tell me we should write to the Queen of England and apologize and explain that it was all an unfortunate misunderstanding. You’re not going to
tell
me it’s all right for
Hawaii
to secede because it’s off in the Pacific. Nossir. Which isn’t to say that slavery is not a terrible wrong. I’m not saying for one second that Lincoln was not a great man, I’m just saying sometimes we have to keep our heads and not get carried away by the Gettysburg Address.”

“Well, I see what you’re saying,” said Walter. “And I have to say I never thought of it that way before. But for all practical purposes the law is the law.”

“I accept that,” said Joe. “I’m just pointing out that when Thomas Jefferson takes a different view, we have to ask whether we haven’t gotten side-tracked somewhere along the line. Maybe we’ve thrown the baby out with the bathwater. Maybe we’ve failed to separate the wheat from the chaff.”

“Well, Joe,” said Walter. “You may be right, and you may not be right. That’s not for me to decide. I don’t make the laws; that’s not my job. It’s my job to enforce the law in its present state.”

“I appreciate that, Walter,” said Joe. “I know you’re just doing your job.”

“At the same time, it’s sometimes necessary, in the interests of national security, to take a larger view.”

As soon as Joe heard that he knew his
immediate
problems were over. He might end
up
in jail, but at least Walter wasn’t going to haul his ass off to jail in the near future.

“Stan,” he called over, “another coupla beers over here.”

The beers came, and Walter said, “But you’re right about one thing. Times
have
changed. That’s why I think this has such a big contribution to make to the nation as a whole.”

“In what way?” asked Joe.

“Well, for better or worse, the sexual drive of men in office is one of the biggest nightmares national security has to deal with. It opens the person in question to pressures you really don’t want a person in that position to be under. Blackmail. Coercion. Extortion. In the old days, when the press knew their place, it wasn’t so bad. JFK could do what he damn well wanted and the press would just look the other way. Today it’s a whole different ball game.”

“You can say that again,” said Joe.

“Now the way I see it,” said Walter, “is that by incorporating anonymity into your program you have actually stumbled on a feature that could make it very very helpful to men in authority. The whole worry about who someone has been involved with and what she might say would wither away. Because the thing is, the problem isn’t
somebody
knowing what the guy has been up to—in the interests of national security, the Bureau has got to be kept apprised at all times. The
problem
is there’s been no way to keep the
girl
from knowing.”

Walter gave a world-weary smile. “Now don’t get me wrong, Joe, but I think we can both agree that the product is not up there with Marilyn Monroe. But times, as I say, have changed. I think our leaders today recognize that they can’t expect the same liberties people in their position could avail themselves of twenty or thirty years ago. I think the advantages of the program will make it very very attractive. And if we can work together to put something in place that deals with this issue effectively, I can guarantee you we’ll find a way to get around the various statutes you are currently in violation of.”

The fact is that every FBI agent looks back wistfully to the rapport between J. Edgar Hoover and the Oval Office. Ideally, the FBI should maintain that record of achievement. In fact ideally the FBI would establish that level of rapport with the incumbents of every public office at the state as well as national level. And it would be even more ideal if the FBI could have that kind of rapport with everyone in the country.

Now as soon as Walter started investigating Lightning Rods it had occurred to him that that ideal was nowhere near as unattainable as it had seemed heretofore. If the FBI had input into an innovative employment agency of this nature it would be
bound
to raise its levels of rapport to heights hitherto undreamed of. And of course there were all kinds of ways the Bureau could help to broaden the client base in directions where rapport had top priority.

Joe hesitated. In a way he was being offered an easy way out. With the FBI on his side he could stop worrying about the law. Or rather, to be accurate, he could go
on
not worrying about the law, safe in the knowledge that the FBI had everything under control. And I don’t care
what
kind of hot shot you’ve got as a lawyer, no matter
what
you’re paying he’s never going to match that kind of guarantee.

On the other hand, he was used to running his own show. If he let the FBI in, they might well end up making a lot of demands that he would be in no position to refuse.
Already
Walter was talking offhandedly about doing away with something that was absolutely essential to the integrity of the firm: the anonymity that Joe had guaranteed both clients and staff. Now of course, it hadn’t been possible to get things up and running without explaining the nature of the service to potential users—but knowing who the service has been
offered
to and knowing who actually
uses
it are two very different things. The computer generated opportunities and made them available to participants, who could accept or decline as they saw fit. Neither Joe nor anyone else knew what participants chose to do—no one knew except the actual participant himself.

On the other hand again, how much choice did he actually have?

“Something you got a problem with?” said Walter. An FBI agent has to know when a show of force will be effective, and when to give someone a little space. If you’re trying to get someone to cooperate with the Bureau on a long-term basis, it’s usually better if they feel they’ve made the choice of their own free will.

“It’s just,” said Joe.

“Just what?” said Walter. “Remember, I’m here to help you. The Bureau thinks you’re doing some very important work, Joe. The thing is, though, that you’ve cut a lot of corners. A free society is only possible if everyone in it plays by the rules. People can’t be allowed to treat the law with contempt, Joe. That’s where the FBI comes in.”

“It’s just that anonymity really is essential to the product,” said Joe. “People who make use of the product are placing their trust in Lightning Rods. They’re relying on Lightning Rods to
protect
their anonymity. After all, if they wanted they could always get
satisfaction
elsewhere. Anonymity is our key selling point. If we take
away
that anonymity in my view we’d be cheating the client. And that’s not how I do business.”

“I’m glad you brought that up, Joe” said Walter. “It’s important to get these things out in the open. We can’t afford to have any misunderstandings if we’re going to be working together.”

Joe didn’t like the sound of this. He signaled to Stan for another couple of Buds.

“I’ll tell you how I see it, Joe,” said Walter. “I can see a place for anonymity in the private sector, unless, obviously, an individual in the private sector was giving cause for concern. In which case obviously we’d want to keep track of his movements. But in the public sector a different set of rules apply. The thing is, though, let’s not get obsessed with a single issue. Let me explain where I think you can make a real contribution, and see how it grabs you.”

“OK, shoot,” said Joe. He remembered suddenly that he was speaking to someone who carried firearms. “Let me rephrase that,” said Joe.

Walter laughed. “That’s all right, Joe. We’re trained to only resort to violence as a last resort. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. You’re in safe hands.”

Joe gave a half-hearted smile.

“Let me explain where I’m coming from,” said Walter. “The thing is, Joe, you don’t understand what it’s like for people in public office. I’m not just talking about the ones who make the headlines—the ones with strong sexual urges beyond their control. In some ways those are the least of our worries. The fact is, anyone in that kind of position is under constant pressure. They go into office thinking they’ll be in a position of power, and what they discover is that they’re constantly having to appease people. The ones we at the FBI
really
worry about are the ones who just repress it. You don’t know when, or how, they’re going to blow. Now as I see it, a service such as yours could provide a safety valve for people who could otherwise do a lot of damage—
without
making them vulnerable to unscrupulous people who would take advantage of their
need
for a safety valve.”

“I’m sure it would do all that and more,” said Joe. “My point was just that I’m not comfortable with introducing the element of surveillance—”

“What I’m saying,” said Walter, “is that in the circumstances of the public sector anonymity is not viable. Appropriate monitoring is indispensable. What I want you to ask yourself, though, is whether the greater good achieved, by making the service available to these vulnerable individuals, wouldn’t outweigh the sacrifice of this particular feature of the product.”

Joe sighed.

“I see what you’re saying, Walter,” he said. “But this really is a radical departure from the Lightning Rods philosophy as I understand it.”

“I understand that, Joe,” said Walter. “But the thing you have to remember is, as things stand, legally you could be closed down tomorrow. Maintaining the service in its present form is not really an option at this present time.”

Joe finished off his Bud and put down the can.

“The thing to remember,” said Walter, “is that the Bureau would identify suitable venues for installations. We would provide a range of locations that you, as a private businessman, would have difficulty accessing.”

A good FBI agent knows when his words have struck home. Walter could tell that the subject was beginning to lean in his direction.

“That’s why I’m saying, you should try to avoid getting obsessed with a single issue,” he said persuasively. “Essentially, we’re offering you the chance to stop worrying about the legalities and develop the product to its full potential.”

There comes a time when you have to recognize that you can’t always do things exactly according to plan. Like it or not, Joe was beginning to accept that this was one of those times. And compared with serving several concurrent life sentences the offer was not unattractive.

“This is a rare opportunity for you to serve your country and make a profit at the same time,” said Walter.

“You’re on,” said Joe. “And you know, Walter, it’s really not as bad as it looks.”

“Oh really?” said Walter. “How do you figure that?”

“Well, at least I’m not in violation of the Equal Employment Opportunities Act.”

DOING GOOD BY DOING GOOD

Joe was not entirely comfortable with allowing the FBI access to what had previously been strictly confidential information. For about a month, in fact, he found himself going home early and spending time on fantasies that a successful businessman usually doesn’t feel the need for. A successful businessman does not usually need to revisit
The Adventures of Superdick
, however much they may have thrilled him in seventh grade. He does not need to solace himself with a story about a sexually demented superhero, drugged by an evil genius, and the superhuman sexual powers of a 13-inch Kryptonite-powered dick. But for some reason none of the more sophisticated fantasies which Joe had developed over the years seemed to help.

After a while, however, Joe began to see that there had been more than a grain of truth in what Walter had said. He began to see that Lightning Rods and the FBI were able to achieve a synergy that produced results.