Life's A Cappella (12 page)

Nate looked at me questioningly, raising one eyebrow which would have amused me any other time since that was a talent I had always been jealous of.

“Just nervous,” I whispered back to him and he nodded.

Unlike the movies, the judge came in unannounced, smiling at us he asked us to sit back down even though none of us had stood when he entered the room. I laughed loudly, an obvious sign of just how nervous I was. He smiled at me amicably, which only intensified the knot in my stomach.

This man would ultimately decide which route my life would take. He could stand on his head, juggling bowling pins, and I’d still feel like vomiting.

He addressed the group I had come with who all acknowledged that I had met Shayna and gave their own opinions as to why I would be a good guardian for her. I sat quietly, listening to them, not really surprised by their words since I already knew they were on my side. But I was left without any defenses when Emily offered the judge two character reference letters from Sofia and Trent.

I physically had to restrain myself from jumping up and snatching those letters. I bit the inside of my check, trying to ground myself, but all I did was draw blood. I was at a courthouse, I reminded myself, meeting with the judge who would decide Shayna’s and my fate. I couldn’t allow my distress to change the future I had envisioned once I had met my little sister.

I carefully watched the judge’s face as he read the letters and knew Sofia and Trent had come through for me.
Trent
. I hadn’t heard from him in so long, I had almost convinced myself I had imagined our whole relationship and how great he was. Just the thought of him had me fighting back tears I didn’t realize I had.

After several minutes, the judge asked me to approach his bench, which I started to do with my knees practically knocking into each other. Disgusted with myself and the way I had been allowing my anxiety and “bullshit insecurities” (thanks Trent!) take control of my body, I forced my body upright and looked at the judge directly as I walked towards him. He may be able to decide Shayna’s and my fate together, but I’d be damned if I’d let anyone turn me into a quivering little girl afraid of her own shadow.

“Yes, sir?” I asked once I reached him.

“From my understanding, you would like to adopt your little sister?” he asked.

“Yes, sir,” I nodded.

“I’ve listened and read,” he said pointing towards the letters, “about your admirable qualities. Everyone here believes you’re capable of taking care of your sister. Do you?”

“Yes,” I repeated without taking my eyes off his.

“Why?”

“I know the kind of parent I don’t want to be,” I said with the hint of a smile as I repeated my best friend’s words. But now wasn’t the time for inside jokes. “I left Alabama without any money, but a goal to better myself. I paid my way through college and graduated with honors. I work full-time as a Nurse at a pediatrician’s office. I have a small apartment, but am saving for a bigger one so Shayna can have her own room. Shayna would never be hungry and I’d never leave her unattended.”

“And while you’re at work?” he asked and I looked at him dumbfounded because I hadn’t thought about that. Stupid. “Mrs. Sofia Cabrera said she would probably go to her ballet camp,” he offered.

“Yes. Of course,” I replied as if I had spoken to Sofia about this and silently thanked her.

“You’re twenty-two years old, correct, Ms. Lewis?” he asked and I nodded. “A young woman. Wouldn’t having a child disrupt your life?”

“Life is full of disruptions,” I responded sadly. “Some good and some bad. Shayna would be a good disruption.”

“What about your friends?” he asked, and I stared at him uncomprehendingly. “You and your friend had been drinking one night, which resulted in her death.”

“I…” I didn’t know what to say.

“As I’m sure you’re aware, Shayna has had a difficult life for a child so young. She cannot be placed in a home where you and your friends are drinking—”

“No!” I shouted, interrupting him. He looked at me with his eyebrows raised in mock alarm. So much for the relaxed judge who came out earlier making jokes. “I apologize for interrupting you, sir, but I don’t drink. I mean, not anymore. Like you said, I’m young. And even growing up the way I did, I drank. And I normally drank far more than I should have. Cam’s death is on me,” I told him as stoically as I could. Because it was. I explained what happened that day and how Camilla had helped me while I, in turn, had pushed her away. Which resulted in her death.

“Shayna won’t have the life I had. I won’t drink. Hell, I won’t take birth control if you don’t want me to,” I said desperately.

The ghost of a smile appeared on the judge’s face as he told me that such drastic measures wouldn’t be necessary.

“I know I’m young,” I told him emphatically. “But I’m also responsible and very determined. I can understand your misgivings about me. I wasn’t sure if I was right for Shayna or if I even wanted to do any of this. And I understand you wanting to protect her. Because that’s all I’ve wanted to do since I met her. I love her. It’s hard not to fall in love with her once you meet her.” I shrugged my shoulders, unsure if I was saying the right thing but speaking as openly as I knew how.

“Very hard,” he agreed with me. “You’ll hear back from Emily soon,” he told me, obviously dismissing me.

I thanked him and walked away disheveled and pessimistic.

“It’ll work out,” Nate tried to comfort me once we were in his car.

“I need disgustingly greasy food,” I told him, not believing him. Based on previous experience, I knew life had a way of not working out for me.

Nate took us to one of the greasiest, most delicious diners in all of Alabama. Just walking into the place brought back memories of my youth, reminding me it hadn’t been all bad. I once had friends who had made my life tolerable. We had spent many hours at this diner, tormenting the owner who occasionally rewarded our horrible manners with free food.

“Is Dan still here?” I asked with a big smile on my face.

Nate returned my smile and dragged me to the back where Dan was hidden away in his office. Dan looked up at us and shook his head.

“Can’t you see I’m busy, boy?” he demanded with a twinkle in his eye. And I was so happy to see Dan hadn’t changed a bit, I almost hugged him.

“Aw, Pop, I brought you a visitor,” Nate told him.

Pop? I looked at Nate confused.

“And a pretty one at that. I’ll give you that,” Dan replied.

I stared at Nate, willing him from my memory. Was Dan’s last name Miller? I wasn’t sure. But Nate wasn’t Dan’s son. Dan’s son’s name was Nathaniel. Nathaniel. Nate. Shit, I’m stupid, I thought.

“Remember me now, do ya?” Nate asked me.

Remember him? I had spent most of my childhood trying to forget him. Even as a kid, he was a self-righteous, obnoxious know-it-all. Who had threatened my mother with one of his dad’s kitchen knives when we were eleven years old and he had seen the bruises on my face and arms.

“You’ve changed,” I told him nonchalantly, although I could feel my heart struggling to beat out of my chest. Damn nerves.

“I’ve changed?” he laughed and I smiled at him. We had both changed.

“What are ya’ll goin’ on about?” Dan demanded. “Who’s this girl?”

“You’ve gone and broken my heart, Dan.” I shook my head at him sadly. “After I gave you my heart and made you my first boyfriend.”

“Shit, girl,” he smiled, fully acknowledging who I was. “I ain’t had a girl after me since Jordy up and lef’ us.”

I outwardly winced at the sound of my name but pushed it aside so I could give Dan a decent hug. I’d missed him. I hadn’t realized that I would, or even that I had.

“She calls herself Erin Lewis now,” Nate told him while pulling my hair the way he had done when we were younger. I reminded myself he was a cop now and stopped myself from punching him in the gut the way I had in the past.

“Well, Erin Lewis, you got any money to pay for your bacon double cheeseburger and fries?”

“Not a dime,” I joked.

“Then go set yourself at one of them tables and let our local law enforcement take the bill,” he suggested, and I happily complied.

“You’re such a shit,” I hissed at Nate, trying to hide my smile.

“So you’ve told me,” he replied, sitting down next to me, playing with my hair.

“Will you stop that?” I asked, only slightly annoyed.

“Yeah, yeah,” he joked, but suddenly sobered. “Ya know, I didn’t know about Shayna. Not till your momma passed. Once you left, I had no reason to go ‘round there,” he explained.

“It’s fine, Nate.” I shook my head at him.

“No, it ain’t,” he said seriously. “I shoulda taken her away from there sooner.”

“But you didn’t know,” I said gently.

“I should’ve.”

“I should’ve too,” I said quietly, realizing I meant it. I should have kept some sort of tabs on my mother so I could have saved Shayna earlier.

“You left,” he told me. It didn’t sound like an accusation though. More like he was excusing me for not having known.

I left, but the shit storms continued. A baby was born without anyone to protect her.

“She has us now,” I said as a way of easing both of our pain and guilt.

“She has you,” he corrected me, reminding me I would eventually go back to Miami.

I had my life in Miami that I couldn’t wait to go back to, or could I? So much had changed since Camilla had died.

“So no visits from her obnoxious Uncle Nate?”

“Obnoxious?” Nate retorted. “I’ve been very hospitable.”

“And polite,” I agreed. “Which is why I didn’t recognize you.”

“You’ve always been a mean girl,” he told me while balling up a napkin and tossing it in my face.

Had Nate and I been this friendly with each other when we were younger? I couldn’t remember. We hung out with the same crowd, but he had been more boisterous, while I had been quiet. He had teased me several times, but being the angry self-conscious type, I hadn’t seen it as friendly banter. No, I had been offended and punched him, hard. Until that day he had threatened my mother. I knew then that he was safe and had never punched him again. In fact, I had apologized for my aggression, which he had brushed off, telling me I hit like a girl anyway.

Yeah, I guessed, we had been friends. And now? We were friends now, right? Yeah, I concluded. This time, we were brought together by a special little girl who had stolen both of our hearts. And I knew it’d be hard for both of them when Shayna and I left. But I couldn’t stay in Alabama. There were too many unresolved memories. And Nate could visit, I hoped. Not just for their sake, but for mine too. In such a short time, I had come to trust him. Again.

After our food arrived, we ate in silence I only broke the silence to sing along to Alan Jackson’s Itty Bitty.

“Trent was wrong,” Nate told me as I stared at him in shock. “You still got some country in you.”

I sang the chorus louder, ignoring him and the idea that him and Trent spoke to each other or existed in the same realm as one another. Because after all, life is short, so we might as well enjoy it while we still could.

Chapter 22

Erin

A week after my court date, Shayna was allowed to stay the night with me in my hotel room. One night turned into two, and two had somehow turned into a month. While I had reassured my job I would return, my boss had been forced to find a temporary replacement. And Dan being Dan, had given me a few hours of work during the morning shift so I could have some sort of cash flow. It wasn’t much, but I made it work.

After a month and two weeks in Alabama, I finally had temporary custody of Shayna and could return to Miami. I’d have to return to Alabama to finalize the adoption, but the dread of my hometown no longer haunted me. With my mother in the ground, I felt safe. Content even.

Shayna and I had said our goodbye’s to Emily and Dan the previous night at the diner where Dan had prepared Shayna’s and my favorite: the world’s best bacon double cheeseburgers and fries. Nate had promised to take us to the airport so I knew it was him at the door when I heard knocking.

“You keep packing,” I told Shayna, who was stuffing her dolls in the princess suitcase Nate had bought her. “I’ll get the door.”

I let him in and quickly took away the box of doughnuts he had brought with him.

“How do you stay so skinny?” he asked.

“Good metabolism,” I told him between bites. “And I envision myself running every morning as I peel myself off the bed.”

“It’ll catch up to you,” he said far too happily. “Then you’ll have a gigantic butt,” he said, spreading his arms apart.

“Great! I’ll finally have curves,” I laughed.

“What’s that?” Shayna came out of the room we had been sharing carrying my pack of tampons.

I turned to Nate who was bent over laughing and felt myself turn red until I remembered the good looking man I had met at the airport no longer existed. He had been replaced by an old friend who had turned into family. So I thoroughly explained what the tampons were for and watched Nate squirm as I explained what happened to the female body once a month.

“Cool!” Shayna exclaimed and then skipped back to our room to continue packing.

“Great parenting skills,” he told me and I agreed.

So far, Shayna had been easy to take care of. I had worried the first week she stayed with me because I didn’t want to have to call Emily or Nate with questions. I wanted to do it on my own, without screwing up too badly.

But she had made the transition from my old life to my new one so easy, and I couldn’t bare the idea of going back to my old life. She was such a naturally happy girl and rarely complained that she actually made me happier just by being near her. I had been reading about how to best parent a four year old and found myself exceptionally lucky that she seemed to be skipping the fearsome four’s. She’d probably make up for it in her teens, I thought, and balked at the idea of her becoming a teenager. Statistically speaking, she’d wind up a smart ass that hated me regardless of any well intentioned efforts on my part.

Nate drove us to the airport quietly, allowing Shayna to keep up her nonstop chatter. I grinned at her and responded whenever she stopped for a quick breath of air. I couldn’t wait to be back in Miami where Sofia would be picking us up at the airport. I only hoped my car still worked so I could take Shayna to the beach.