Lifelong Affair (23 page)

She
shook her head. ' love it here. I— just think I should go.'

'Why?'
he demanded abruptly.

She avoided his
 
gaze.
 
'I
 
just—I
 
can't
         
'
 
she

moistened her lips. 'I don't think I can
         
'

'Make
love with me any more,' he finished grimly, throwing back the bedcovers to
begin pulling on his clothes. 'That's it, isn't it? When it comes down to cold
facts you don't want me near you, do you?'

Morgan
flinched at the contempt in his voice. 'Alex,

'Do
you?' he bit out between gritted teeth. She swallowed hard. 'No,' she admitted
miserably. Alex drew in a ragged breath, still for a moment, and then he was
dressing more speedily, his expression harsh as he pulled on his jacket.
'That's what I thought. I tried to tell myself you were different, and your
eagerness to make love these last months seemed to prove that,' his mouth
twisted. 'You just wanted your hold over me to be all the stronger, didn't
you?' he accused contemptuously. 'God, you're a better actress than I gave you
credit for—you acted the willing lover so well——'

'I
was
willing.'
She sat up, her expression pleading.

He
halted at the door. 'Was, in the past tense,' he dismissed angrily. 'Well, I'm
not as hooked as you thought I was, Morgan. I want you, yes, I could probably
even make love to you now if you asked me to, but / never ask you again. You'll
never make me plead and beg for your body.'

'Alex!'
she cried as he opened the door. 'Where are you going?'

'Out!
I can't bear to be near you, Morgan.' His mouth twisted. 'You're everything I
thought you weren't, every foul name a tease like you can be called. Well, I
watched a decent and proud man controlled and manipulated all his life by his
desire for one woman's body; I'm not about to fall into the same trap myself!'

"Alex.
..?'

Your
timing is all wrong, Morgan,' he told her vehemently. 'Another few months and
maybe, just maybe, I might have been so captivated by you that I fell into that
trap. But not yet.'

'Alex, don't leave like this!' She swung her
legs to the floor, intending to go to him. 'Let's talk. I'll explain
------------
'

'I'm
not interested in explanations,' he scorned. 'I don't need them now.'

'But
you can't go out!'

'Why
not? It's only eleven o'clock. And I know several women who would be glad to
give me a bed for the night. Pleasant dreams, Morgan,' he taunted before
leaving the room, the sound of his car leaving the house seconds later telling
her that he had indeed gone.

CHAPTER
TEN

Morgan
sat on the side of the bed for several stunned minutes,
just staring at the closed door. Alex had gone to another woman. And she had
forced him into it.

But
surely he wouldn't really go to another woman's bed? It would be a betrayal of
all they had shared. And hadn't she betrayed the marriage vows she had made to
him, the agreement she had made with him, by refusing to make love with him? If
he went to another woman tonight it would be her own fault.

She
kept thinking he would come home, that his anger would cool and he would come
back and they would talk. But the hours passed and there was no sign of him, no
powerful engine in the driveway to tell of his return, just an empty silence.
As empty as the rest of her life was going to be without him . ..

She
had been a fool, she knew that now; she had known it the moment Alex walked out
of the door. He hadn't had an affair with Olenna, he was too honourable a man
for that. He might have found Glcnna attractive, might even have wanted to make
love to
her
because of her similarity to her sister, but he would never have
made love to his brother's wife. Courtney was not his child.

She
groaned low in her throat, convinced now that she had misjudged Alex in the
worst way possible. She should have known this as soon as Janet Fairchild told
the lie, should have known her husband well enough to believe in him. And now
he had gone to another woman, convinced that she no longer wanted him, that her
enjoyment of their lovemaking had been a sham, a way of trapping him into some
sort of physical tic to her, the same tic his friend had known. He might not be
trapped, but she was, knew that she would never leave him, never.

He
hadn't returned by morning, and dressing Courtney in warm clothes she drove out
to see her mother-in-law. She could hardly telephone Rita and ask if Alex had
spent the night there! This way the visit would look like a casual one; she and
Courtney often went over to see Rita in the day now, declaring a truce for
Courtney's sake.

After
half an hour Rita hadn't so much as mentioned Alex, and her own casual mentions
of him received only a normal response. Alex hadn't spent the night here.

'Would
you mind taking care of Courtney for a while?' Morgan asked her mother-in-law.
'I have some shopping to do, and he's only just got over a fever.'

Rita
smiled. 'You know I'll love to have him. Leave him here any time you want to.'

Morgan
drove to Janet's house, her anger burning to a fury. She shouldn't have
listened to the other woman's spiteful words of accusation, but that didn't
excuse Janet's need to say them in the first place. She would put an end to
this vindictivencss once and for all.

Janet
seemed surprised to see her when she was shown into the lounge, putting her
magazine down to stand up slowly. 'Have you come to say goodbye?' she taunted.

'No,'
Morgan told her abruptly.

'No?'
She raised dark brows. 'Then you have less pride than I thought.'

'Less
sense, you mean,' Morgan retorted angrily, 'For even listening to you. I don't
know why you did it, what you hoped to achieve, but I've come here to call you
a liar—a vicious, vindictive liar!'

The
other woman looked unruffled. 'Is that what
Alex told you?' she drawled.

^l
Alex
hasn't told me anything,' she snapped, 'because I haven't bothered him with
this.'

'Then
maybe you should.'

'Why?
So that he can be disgusted I would even listen to such lies?' Morgan derided.

Janet flushed. 'If it's the truth
'

'You
know it isn't,' she shook her head. 'Alex is hard, cynical, but he's also
totally honest. He would never have touched Glenna.'

'No?'

'No!'
Morgan was breathing hard in her anger. 'I'll only say this once, Janet, and
you'd better listen. I don't ever want these filthy lies repeated to anyone
else, and if they are you'll regret it!'

'Are
you threatening me?' Janet scorned.

'You'd
better believe it! I just hope you haven't already ruined my marriage to Alex.'

'And
what are you threatening me with?' Janet derided.

 
believe your husband and children love
you very much,' Morgan said softly, seeing how the other woman blanched. 'Think
what it would do to them to know how bitter and twisted you are inside.'

'Get
out!' Janet hissed fiercely. 'Just get out!'

'I'm
going,' Morgan said calmly. 'But I hope you take note of this warning. I have
no idea why you feel the need to destroy other people's happiness, but
bitterness like yours should be controlled or it will take over your whole
life. Think about it, Janet, and treasure what you have—a husband and two
beautiful children.'

Janet
didn't answer her, but she knew by her pale face that her point had gone home.
She just hoped it worked! Rita's dislike had been just that, pure and simple,
but Janet's feelings of resentment went much further—destructively so;
she could even need professional help.

But settling the problem of Janet's lies hadn't helped her
find Alex, and the fact that he had been with another woman all night became a
stronger possibility by the minute.

She
stopped off at the shops and bought a few things for Courtney before going back
to her mother-in-law's, remembering that she was supposed to be shopping; she
doubted if either Janet or herself relished the idea of their conversation of
this morning becoming known to anyone but themselves.

Courtney
was asleep when she got back to Rita's, so she carried him straight out to the
car, anxious to get home in case there had been any word from Alex, making her
hasty excuses to her mother-in-law after thanking her for taking care of
Courtney.

There
hadn't been so much as a telephone call from Alex when she got back, and her
heart sank. Where
was
he!

She
carried out the normal routine of her day as if by instinct, taking care of
Courtney, instructing Mrs Whitney on the menus for the rest of the week,
subconsciously wondering if she would still be around to eat the food. After
last night she doubted it.

She
lay down herself while Courtney had his afternoon nap, and the next thing she
knew it was mid-afternoon—and she was no longer alone in the bedroom! She
had drawn the curtains before she went to sleep, but even in the gloom of the
room she could clearly see a figure in the bedroom chair. Alex!

She
struggled to sit up, suddenly wide awake. 'You came back,' she said huskily,
uncertainly.

He
moved slightly in the chair, his eyes gleaming in the darkness. 'Yes,' he
answered abruptly. 'It is my home, after all. Would you like me to ring Mrs
Whitney for some tea?'

Her
tongue was cleaved to the roof of her mouth, but she knew the dryness owed
nothing to thirst. She
could hardly believe Alex was here. And although he
still seemed distant, he no longer appeared to be angry. 'No, thank you,' she
refused gruffly. 'Alex, I think we should talk'

'I
quite agree. He stood up to switch on the bedside lamp, the room instantly
bathed in a golden glow. 'And I think it had better be now.'

If she had been tired from her sleepless night
Alex looked doubly so, with deep lines etched into his face, his mouth a
forbidding line. 'The baby
 
'

'Downstairs
with Mrs Whitney,' he dismissed abruptly, and sat beside her on the bed,
looking down at her with dark eyes. 'I'm so angry with you I should strangle
you!' he ground out.

Morgan swallowed hard. 'I know. And I'm sorry.
I have no excuse for the way I've been behaving. I
          

'No
excuse?' he repeated grimly.
'No excuse/'
he repeated fiercely.

'No,'
she shook her head, grasping his arms so that he shouldn't leave her, quivering
just from the feel of his warmth. ' can't explain why I've been acting the way
I have, I just—I want you to know I'm over it now, and—and if
you'll forgive me I would very much like to be your complete wife again.' She
looked at him anxiously, searching for some sign of softening towards her in
that hard face. There was none.

His
eyes were narrowed to icy slits. 'Why can't you explain? Don't you think I'm
owed an explanation?'

'God
yes,'
she groaned. 'But I can't give you one.'

'Why'not?'

'I
just can't!'

You
little fool!' He shook her, his eyes glittering dangerously. 'How can you still
protect her after the harm she tried to do to us?'

Morgan
stiffened, her eyes widening at the fierceness of his expression. 'Wh-What do
you mean?' she quivered, this time with uncertainty.

I
                       

He
sighed. 'Janet came to see me,' he told her flatly. 'She told me all that she'd
taunted you with— everything.' He stood up, moving away from her.

She
swung her legs to the floor and sat up to look at him anxiously. 'Janet came to
see you?' she repeated dazedly. 'How did she know where you were?' she frowned.