Lifelong Affair (21 page)

'It's
a lie!' Her eyes sparkled like emeralds. 'Alex would never do such a thing where
his own brother was involved!'

Janet's
mouth twisted contemptuously. 'Where sex is involved a man has no scruples, not
even Alex.'

Morgan
turned away. She would not believe this! Janet hated her for some reason,
wanted to hurt her. And yet Alex
was
the only one who had spoken kindly about
Glenna, the only one who had really seemed to like her,

'Think
about it, Morgan,' the other woman encouraged softly. 'Just think about it.'

She
didn't want to think at all, but she could do nothing else after Janet had
left. She knew it must be a lie, and yet the nagging doubt persisted. Alex
had
refused
to let Courtney leave England, and while his reason that Courtney shouldn't
become a tug-of-love child still seemed a valid enough one for them to marry,
the fact that Courtney was his son was an even stronger one.

And
the thought of him imagining she was Glenna when they made love made her feel
sick! They rarely talked when they made love, just enjoyed each other's bodies,
and she suspected even that now. Maybe if they spoke he would realise she
wasn't Glenna and not want her any more. Oh, it was all so insane, and yet
it
could be the truthl

They
had agreed on total honesty in their marriage, and so far Morgan had given Alex
that, but
this
—this she couldn't talk to him about. Because she feared the
answer! It would destroy her and the marriage to know she was merely a
substitute for her sister.

She was lying on the bed white-faced and dry-eyed when
Alex came into the bedroom an hour later, and she looked up at him with
searching eyes as he sat down beside her on the bed. She had come to love this
man so much during the three months of their marriage, couldn't imagine a life
without him, he had become so much a part of her in that short time. And yet he
still gave away none of his own feelings, not even at their most intimate
moments, and those inner feelings were what she needed at this moment to tell
her that she was Morgan, his wife, and not a substitute for Glenna, his lover.

'They've
all gone,' he told her softly, smoothing back her hair. 'Docs your head hurt?'
he frowned.

'Head
hurt?' Amazingly she could still talk, and quite normally too! She had felt
sure she would never be able to talk to
him
normally again.

His
mouth quirked. 'You're lying here in the dark.'

'Oh.'
She hadn't even realised it was dark!

'Everyone
left early because of the snow.' He leant over and switched on the dimmed
bedside lamp. 'It's coming down quite heavily now. And, of course, the party
fell quite flat without its beautiful hostess.'

She
turned her head away. 'I'm sorry.'

'Hey,
I'm only teasing,' he said, gently turning her face towards him. 'Although
everyone was concerned,' he frowned once again. 'Including me.'

'I—It's
just a sick headache. The excitement of Christmas and now the christening, I
expect.'

His
brows drew together. 'Is that all it is? Janet hasn't been putting her little
daggers in again, has she?'

'Janet?'
Her voice was lightly brittle.

'You
suddenly stopped feeling well when she was talking to you,' Alex drawled.

'Sick
headaches are like that,' she told him. 'They come on suddenly.'

'Hm,'
he didn't sound convinced. T>o you feel well enough to see your parents?
They're worried about you.'

'Er—I'd
rather not. I'd like to take a nap. Could you explain to them?' She looked at
him appealingly, knowing she couldn't face anyone right now.

 
'Of course,' he comforted. 'Shall I
bring Courtney in to say goodnight to you?'

'I have to put him to bed
          
'

'I'm
sure your mother and I can manage for one night,' he said dryly. 'I realise
it's over the month's trial, and that you've been doing very well with him, but
are you sure it isn't caring for Courtney that's caused this headache? You've
been up in the night to him several times lately.

Before
this talk with Janet Morgan would have been warmed by his concern for her, now
she wasn't so sure it wasn't just for his son's welfare, that he wanted the
very best for him. She was allowing Janet's unbelievable statement to cloud her
behaviour in spite of herself, and she was unable to stop her next snapped
comment. 'Other mothers do it. I'm not made of porcelain, Alex!' Her mouth was
tight.

He
looked surprised by her outburst; her temperament had been far from
argumentative since they had been married. 'I know that, darling,' he said
slowly. 'I just didn't want you to wear yourself out with him, make yourself
ill.'

T
have a headache, Alex,' she told him impatiently. 'I'm not exactly ill!'

'All
right, Morgan.' His tone was gentle, his hand even more so as he touched her
cheek. 'I'll bring Courtney in to see you and then you can get some sleep.'

But
she couldn't sleep at all. Thoughts kept crowding her mind, images of herself
and Alex as they made love, the terrible agony of wondering if it wasn't her he
saw at all but Glenna.

Somehow
the idea that Alex was the man involved made her doubt her sister's ability to
have an affair less. Alex was so attractive, devastatingly so, and when he made
love he cared nothing for his own pleasure until he was sure she had reached
the peak of her own fulfilment. He was a completely unselfish lover, and to a
woman in an unhappy marriage that could be a strong temptation.

She
refused any dinner, taking a shower and getting into bed, desperately trying to
get to sleep before Alex came to bed too. She wasn't sure she could bear his
hands on her tonight, the joy she had felt this afternoon at the thought of
making love with him had completely gone now.

She
was still awake as he came quietly into their bedroom after taking his shower,
and she heard him moving softly about the room preparing for bed. She was
dreading the moment he got into bed beside her, and felt herself stiffen as his
thigh brushed against the back of hers as he slid in next to her.

'Morgan?'
He touched her shoulder lightly.

She
closed her eyes at the sensation of longing that washed over her at the feel of
his hand on her flesh, sensing his puzzlement as he realised a silky nightgown
covered her body; she hadn't hidden her nakedness from him since their wedding
night.

'Morgan?'
His voice sharpened as he rolled her over to face him. 'Arc you cold, darling?'
he asked softly as he looked into her opened eyes.

Cold?
She was/rosen, her emotions numb! 'A little,' she said huskily.

He
pulled her into his arms, her face against his chest as his lips moved across
her shoulder. 'Let me warm you,' he murmured throatily.

'Not tonight, Alex,' she pushed against him,
her
eyes dark with pain as he kx>ked down at her. 'I still
have a headache, and I—I
           
'

'It's
all right, Morgan,' he soothed teasingly. 'I'm not going to hold one headache
against you, not after three months. I'll just hold you tonight, hmm?'

She
couldn't even bear that! 'I'm feeling hot now, Alex,' she said evasively. 'I
think I'll just lie over my

side
of the bed. Maybe I'm coming down with another cold.'

'Maybe.'
He released her slowly, reluctantly. 'Are you sure you aren't upset about
something?'

'Of
course not,' she answered sharply. 'I can't be in the mood for sex every night,
Alex!'

'No,'
he bit out, lying on his back, his head turned towards her. 'I think we're
getting to the truth of it now, aren't we, Morgan? I accept that perhaps you
aren't feeling well, but that's never stopped us in the past. Tonight you won't
even let me hold you, and now you say it's because you aren't in the mood.
Which is it, Morgan, feeling ill, or not in the mood?' he derided harshly.

Her
mouth set angrily. 'Not in the mood!'

'That's
what I thought,' he snapped, turning his back on her. 'Goodnight!'

She
hadn't wanted to argue with him, and she lay miserably on her side of the bed,
knowing by the even tenor of his breathing that Alex had soon fallen asleep.
She couldn't stand to be apart from him any more, she needed his warmth, and
she edged over the bed until she was curved into the back of him, her arm about
his waist as her head rested on his back. She gave a deep sigh of pleasure and
curled more comfortably against him, asleep within seconds.

She
was alone when she woke up, despite the earliness of the hour, dressing quickly
before going into Courtney's room next door to take him down for his morning
feed. The nursery was empty.

Courtney
was in the breakfast-room with Alex, neither of her parents being awake yet. A
blush stole into her cheeks as she looked at her husband; she was wary of his
mood this morning.

He looked back at her with cool grey eyes, finishing his
coffee before standing up. 'How are you feeling this morning?" he asked
distantly.

'Better,
thank you.' Her own manner was as cool.

He
nodded. 'Courtney has been fed. You were sleeping so deeply when he woke I
didn't like to disturb you.'

'Thank
you,' she said once again, picking up the baby. 'I'll give
him
his bath
now.

'Have
some breakfast first,' he instructed.

Her
mouth tightened at his autocratic attitude. 'I don't want any,' she told him
curtly.

'You
had no dinner last night either.' He looked at her sternly. 'We wouldn't want
you to be really ill, now would we?' he added tauntingly.

Her
flush was one of anger this time. She couldn't believe that the closeness she
and Alex had built up over three months of marriage could be destroyed by just
one small argument because she didn't want to make love. Was that all their
marriage consisted of, physical gratification?

'I
said I'm not hungry,' she bit out tautly. 'Excuse me,' and she swept out of the
room.

'Morgan!'
Alex's voice stopped her part way up the stairs.

She
turned slowly. 'Yes?

'Take
it easy today, hmm?' His tone was gentle, a question in his puzzled eyes.

Her
anger faded as quickly as it had risen; she was filled with confusion now,
loving this man in spite of what Janet had told her. 'I—Yes.' She made
her way quickly to the nursery, refusing to think, intending to keep herself
occupied so that she didn't have the time to brood.

If her parents wondered at her burst of energy they didn't
say anything. The three of them were enjoying this last day of their vacation.
Her parents were taking the midday flight back to California the next day. It
was going to be difficult to part from her parents after their three-week
 
stay, and she knew they
 
weren't looking forward to parting from
their new grandson; both of them were falling under Courtney's undoubted charm.

'Morgan
and I will probably bring him over during the summer,' Alex told them that
evening once Courtney had been put to bed, and the love and heartache in their
faces at parting from him was enough to move even the hardest heart.

Nevertheless,
Morgan was surprised by this information; Alex hadn't mentioned it to her
before.

'A
surprise for you,' he told her indulgently at her raised eyebrows. 'I thought
we could get away for a month in July.

His
mood had been pleasant since his arrival home from the office just after six.
He had come into their bedroom where she was changing for dinner, kissing her
warmly on the mouth, the argument last night and the coldness of this morning
forgotten as he kissed her with complete thoroughness.

'Do we have time
' he broke off as Courtney let out a loud wail from next
door. 'We don't have rime,' he grimaced. 'I think our son wants you.'

She
had left him then to go to Courtney, glad that she didn't have to pointedly
evade going to bed with him; she knew she couldn't have let him make love to
her. Not thinking today might have put off the pain, but it hadn't changed the
fact that having Alex make love to her and imagine she was Glenna made her want
to run away and hide. In a way she had done exactly that, spending the time
until dinner in the nursery, only coming down when the others had come in to
say goodnight to the baby, her parents' presence meaning she didn't have to be
alone with Alex. Now he had dropped this bombshell.

'That
would be lovely.' She gave him a strained smile.

'I thought so,' he nodded, watching her closely. 'As long
as Sharon and Court think they can stand to have the three of us around for all
that timer he teased her parents.

He
and her parents, much to her surprise, had become firm friends during this
visit, and her father's reply was predictable.

'Stay
two months if you want, son,' he said warmly. 'Sharon and I would be glad to
have you.'