Lies (Phoenix Undercover #1) (12 page)

Chapter 27

Josh

“He’s gone,” Trevor announced.

“What?” I said as I leaned forward, placing my elbows on the table in front of me.

“Off the grid. One minute we had him, and the next he’s gone. We found the transmitter we had on Leo’s car lying in the parking lot of the warehouse. It would appear our pal figured out you three aren’t what you seem.”

Everything changed after my night with Audrey. For the next five days, Leo seemed tense, and I could always sense him watching me. Last Thursday, we woke up to the sound of trucks and Leo’s men loading the last shipment into them. They didn’t take all the merchandise, but they took a lot of it. Nicolay had played it off as if they had a big buyer, but I knew something was up. I returned back to the office on Friday afternoon, and for three days we sat back and watched the tracking devices monitoring Leo and his men. I hadn’t gone straight to Gabby during that time because I wasn’t sure what seeing her would do to me. I had a hard enough time looking at myself.

And I was right. It was days after the events that unfolded between Audrey and me before I got up the nerve to visit Gabby. It took everything I had in me not to confess the entire situation the moment she looked up at me. She was heartbroken over her fallout with Audrey, and I did my best to comfort her. When she leaned in and kissed me, I could tell she wanted more, but I buried my face in her neck and held her firmly instead. When she whispered she loved me, I pretended to be asleep already. If I responded, I would not have been able to hide the heartbreak in my voice. She would have sensed something was really wrong, and I couldn’t chance it.

I left before she woke the next morning, leaving a note on her nightstand about needing to check in at work. That was two days ago, and I had avoided her phone call and text messages ever since. I knew it was wrong, but my conscience was fucking with my mind.

“We have followed Nicolay, and he was last seen entering his apartment on the Upper East Side,” Frank said. “We’ve seen the same men come and go over the last few days, but Nic has remained put. He may be communicating with Leo, but they haven’t been seen together since they left the warehouse on Thursday.”

As the team sat around scanning over reports and watching surveillance videos, the only thing I could see was Audrey kneeling before me. Every fucking time I closed my eyes, the image of her taking me into her mouth haunted me. Bile rose in my throat as I thought about what she must be going through mentally after what Leo forced her to do, and I couldn’t stop wondering just how in the hell she got wrapped up in his world. And I couldn’t stop worrying about what all this would do to Gabby, what it would do to us.

Soon, we all left the conference room and went back to our offices. We would reconvene this afternoon to come up with a way to locate Leo. Yes, our covers were blown, but the last thing Leo would do would be to run back to Roman when he’d fucked up so badly. We may not know much about Roman, but we do know he doesn’t give second chances. No, Leo would hide out, and it was up to us to find him.

There was a knock on the door, and I looked up as it inched open to reveal Audrey. “Hey,” she said with a forced smile as I stared at her in shock. “Do you mind if I come in?”

Momentarily speechless, all I offered was a gentle nod as I motioned to the chair opposite mine.

When she stepped inside, I couldn’t help scanning over her. She was wearing jeans and a fitted shirt, much different than the clothing I’d last seen her in. Her hair was much lighter than Gabby’s, and she was taller and thinner. But Gabby had the curves I love on a woman and enjoyed feeling beneath my palms.

“I need to explain,” she whispered as she took a seat. I nodded. “It’s not what you think.”

“So you weren’t Leo’s whore that he forced to suck my dick in the middle of a crowd of people.” She winced, and I immediately felt horrible for saying that. “Sorry.”

“I was undercover,” she said, and I felt like I’d been slapped.

“An undercover architect. Didn’t realize that was a real thing.” Did she actually think I was dumb enough to buy this shit?”

“I’m not an architect. That’s just what I tell my family. I’m DEA.”

I shook away the fog that was now clouding my vision. What the fuck?

“I know, huge difference from being an architect. But you know how hard it is to separate the job and real life. I thought it was easier they not know. For their safety. Yes, I have an apartment in Boston, but I also have a flat in New York.” She shrugged. “Boston is where I meet my family when they decide to visit. But New York is where I’ve been living for over five months. I’ve been inside Leo’s world almost daily.”

I rubbed at my face roughly and let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. “This is all so fucked up. You know that, right?”

She nodded.

“Tell me how the hell I’m supposed to look Gabby in the eyes after what happened between us?” I asked as pain shot through my stomach. “I’ve seen her once in the five days I’ve been back, and I had to pretend to be asleep just to keep from telling her. If she attempted to touch me, I found a way to avoid it.”

“I know.” When I looked up, I saw pain in her eyes. The same haunted look she’d had that night. “I’m terrified to face her too. She loves you, and knowing we can’t erase what happened breaks my heart. Please know I never would have done it willingly.” Her eyes were full of tears, and she looked down at her hands. “I just wanted you to know the true reason why I was there. But I’m out now.”

“What?”

She looked up at me. “They pulled me out. After that night, things got a little crazy.”

“How crazy?” I asked, fearing I already knew the answer.

“Leo showed up at his place, where he insisted I stay. He got really aggressive, and my team decided it was better this way. They started to really fear he would one day take things too far.” Anger boiled within me as she took a deep breath. I had yet another reason to want to kill the monster known as Leo.

“I would have returned much sooner, but I had to take some time to calm down. I didn’t want to scare my family by coming back when my head wasn’t in the right place. Now they just hate me instead. I put them through some shit.” Another tear fell from her eye, and I wanted to comfort her but remained seated. “My father thinks I’m crazy. My mother won’t look at me. And Gabby…she let me have it. I’ve tried calling her, but she won’t answer. The only one that does talk to me is Brook, and that’s only so she can continue to lecture me on how selfish I acted.”

“They’ll forgive you,” I assured her.

“Yeah, maybe.” Her lower lip quivered, and once again I was reminded of that night at the warehouse. “But the question is, will I ever be able to forgive myself?”

We both had that fear, but an even bigger fear was that Gabby would never forgive us.

***

I had avoided her for days. I knew it was wrong, but facing her would be even harder.

When she called for the fourth time in less than two hours, I decided this had to stop. If I wanted us to work, I had to face her. I had to let go of the guilt and I had to do it now. I took in a deep breath and picked up the phone.

“Hey, beautiful.” A silence on the other end of the line sent a bolt of panic through me. “Are you there?”

“Yeah,” she whispered. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Why are you avoiding me?”

I was taken aback by her question. “Baby, I’m not. I’m working. I told you at times it would be hard to be in contact.”

Her laugh was a disgusted, sarcastic imitation of laughter. “So now you’re lying too?”

“I’m not sure what you’re—”

“Do you remember when you told me you didn’t sit at the office and just refuse to call me? That when you were working, you were undercover and the chance for contact was limited?”

“Yeah.”

“Then explain to me why for the last week, you’ve been at your office every day and at your apartment every night, yet when I call or text, you choose not to respond?”

How the hell had she known? “I just—”

“I can’t do this anymore,” she whispered in defeat.

“Please, just listen.” My chest ached as I stood up and began pacing my office. “Our cover was blown. We’ve been working overtime trying to figure shit out. Our target is missing, and I’ve just been so consumed with this case that I can’t fucking breathe.” I was grasping at straws, but I didn’t know how to tell her the truth. I was still trying to wrap my head around the last couple weeks myself.

“That doesn’t mean you couldn’t respond or at least take five minutes to call me.” Pain laced her voice. “I’m so tired of fighting for your attention. Do you know that since I met you, I have become this needy excuse of myself? I’m self-conscious and sad. I feel like what I have to offer isn’t enough to keep you.”

My heart ached at the knowledge of what I had done to her, at knowing how this was breaking her slowly.

“I don’t like who I am now. It’s not me. I can’t compete with your world. I don’t want to anymore. I’m sorry, Josh. This isn’t how I wanted to talk about this. Over the phone feels wrong, but since you’ve given me no other option, it had to be this way.” She was crying now, and it fucking killed me.

“Gabby, I can’t lose you,” I confessed as I braced myself against the wall, hanging my head in defeat.

“Did we really ever truly have each other, Josh?” She took in a shuddering breath. “Because it honestly feels like there was always something keeping us apart. And now I just feel like we’re even further apart than we’ve ever been.”

Silence set in. I knew there was truth to her words, and I couldn’t offer anything reassuring. I felt like the ground was being torn from beneath me and I was in freefall.

“I do love you. I know I always will. But I just can’t do this anymore. Maybe someday we can try this again when you’re in a different place, but it’s just too much now. Please stay safe. I couldn’t take it if something happened to you.”

My heart shattered as she ended the call.

Chapter 28

Gabriella

“You doing okay?” Brook asked as she entered the kitchen and sat down at the bar across from me.

I had been trying to look over a contract that had been presented on one of my property listings, but focusing was pretty close to impossible right now. I continued to question my decision to end things with Josh. Yes, everything I told him was completely true, including the part where I said I loved him and always would.

That was the problem. Loving him was making it so hard to let go of him. I craved his touch so intensely that I knew nothing would ever be able to appease the need. Nothing except the one person I was telling myself I had to let go of.

“Gabs?” Brook asked.

“I’m fine,” I insisted.

“You do know that you don’t have to lie to me?”

I just wasn’t up for her prodding. I stood from my stool, grabbed my coffee cup from the counter, and walked to the sink, where I dumped out the cold coffee and rinsed the mug. Without meeting Brook’s gaze, I began to gather my contract and other papers. I had a million things waiting for my attention at work, and I couldn’t allow this to distract me.

“I have to get going,” I said. I looked up and forced a smile, hoping she bought the act. She nodded, giving me back a smile I was sure was a mirror image of my own. We were both playing it safe.

After leaving the apartment and taking the elevator that felt as if it stopped on every floor on the way down, I finally made it to the parking deck. As I threw my things in the backseat, my phone chirped, reminding me I was running late. Hoping my clients weren’t already waiting at my office, I grabbed it to send Valerie, my assistant, a quick response.

As I slid my finger over the screen, I realized the text was not from the office, but from Josh. As I read it, I choked up and braced myself against the side of the car.

Josh: I love you, and I’m not letting you go.

I crawled inside my car and closed the door, then rested my forehead against the steering wheel. I knew just how easy it would be to call him and pick things up right where we left off. But I also knew it wouldn’t be good enough. I wanted more, and that was just not possible with Josh. So I took the cowardly way out and chose to ignore the text instead.

***

My day was pointless. After three hours with the same couple and multiple showings, they decided to stay in their current apartment. I wanted to thank them for wasting my time but smiled sweetly and told them it was okay instead.

It really wasn’t okay.

I was dragging, and I knew it was because I hadn’t been sleeping well. When I was supposed to be relaxing and getting ready to sleep, my mind would always find its way to Josh.

I walked along St. Mark’s Place toward the café on the corner, remembering Josh’s story of how he got hooked up with the crazy brunette I’d seen him with on the night we met. And his exhausted expression as he described that night in detail. The poor guy had no idea what Greyson had gotten him into.

I passed a couple holding hands, and my heart ached again as I saw the loving look the guy gave his girlfriend. I knew I was torturing myself, but I had to admit Josh and I had some pretty fine times mixed in with all the drama. When we were able to be together without something interrupting us, I couldn’t have wished for more. But the distance I felt every time we were apart, not being able to know where he was or if he was safe, was just too hard. And toward the end it seemed as if he was purposely avoiding me. He was in town and could have seen me at any point, yet he chose to let me believe he was out of reach, trapped in that dark world he said was hard to break free from.

I paused as I rounded the corner and allowed an old man to walk around me before I stepped up to the door of the café. A caramel latte sounded like the perfect sweet to end my shitty day. As I pulled the handle, I looked to my left and froze. I even shook my head, thinking I had to be imagining things. But it didn’t change the scene before me. Audrey was sitting snuggled into the side of my ex, who had his arm around her shoulders.

I didn’t want to see it, yet I couldn’t look away. My heart raced and my stomach lurched. I covered my mouth, stifling a gasp.

Up until then, I thought nothing could be worse than what I was seeing, but I soon realized I was wrong. Watching the man I love kiss my sister’s forehead, then rest his chin on the top of her head was like a sucker punch to my already-aching stomach.

I slowly backed away from the door as the sobs took over.