Lies (Phoenix Undercover #1) (10 page)

Chapter 23

Josh

I gathered Gabby in my arms and held her close. The sadness in her eyes fucking broke me, because I was putting it there. We had been together less than five months, and during half that time I’d had to leave her without warning and with no idea of when I would return.

Leaving her was getting harder and harder to do. But the worst part was trying to convince her I would return safely. Damn, if I had things my way, I would walk away from this case and spend every moment with her in my arms. But I was in too deep to do that.

“Will you come home with me?” I asked, then held my breath as I prepared for the rejection.

“Yes,” she whispered, and relief rushed through me. “I think we need some time alone to talk to each other.”

“I think so too,” I replied before kissing her forehead once more.

I stood at the bar as Gabby told her sisters she was leaving. Brook shot me a death glare, and I couldn’t allow myself to feel irritated. I completely deserved it. As I waited, I sent Trevor a text, thanking him. He was at the club and called to tell me Gabby was “having one hell of a good time.” He recognized her from the day she visited me in the office. When I found out where she was, I was pissed off, and that’s what led us to where we were now.

I owed him my gratitude.

I looked up from my phone to see Gabby approaching, and her beauty literally made my chest ache. My heart pounded, and for a moment I felt a little light-headed. I had fallen so fucking hard, and it was time she knew the truth about how deep my feeling were for her. I knew letting her go was the right thing to do. None of this was fair to her. The back-and-forth, the up-and-down; hell, I was driving myself crazy with all of it too.

But I just wasn’t strong enough to walk away from her.

***

I kept Gabby tucked securely at my side while I unlocked the door to my apartment. I guided her inside and stepped in behind her to flip the lock with my free hand. She walked toward the couch and sat timidly on the left end. Another shot of anger hit when I realized I was the one that made her feel so vulnerable. She was not this meek person; she was strong and confident, the kind of woman that took no shit, yet I was breaking her.

I walked around the end of the couch and knelt before her, taking her hands in mine. Swallowing past the large lump in my throat, I looked into her eyes, and that ache in my chest went just a little deeper. Gabby’s eyes were glossy, and she looked so tired.

“If I was a better man, I would let you go,” I said, and her lower lip trembled. “But I’m not strong enough.” I slid in closer, needing the comfort of her warmth.

She parted her legs and cradled my body between them. Our eyes remained locked, and a burning feeling slowly crept up my throat. “Because I’m in love with you.” My voice cracked with emotion, and the tears she had been fighting back began to fall, streaming quickly down her cheeks.

“I can’t tell you everything, because it’s just better that way. But I will tell you I’m not sitting in the office every day for hours and hours instead of calling you. The case we’re working on—” I toyed with her hand. “—it requires me to be someone I’m not.”

She looked back at me with confusion in her eyes. “What do you mean?”

“Undercover, babe,” I replied. “I have to live in a world of darkness and pretend to be one of the bad guys so we can catch the real bad guys who are destroying the lives of others. It’s all I can tell you, and that’s actually more than you should know.”

“So I assume this operation is pretty dangerous?” I nodded, and the look of worry grew in her eyes. “But—”

“There are no buts, baby. It’s my job.”

She pressed her lips together to keep from saying more.

“I’m not alone, and it’ll be okay. I just needed you to know I’m not staying away from you by choice. The only communication I have when I’m in the field is with the bureau. Any outside communication is a risk we can’t take.”

“That’s scary,” she whispered.

“I’m sorry you’ve been hurt in all this, but if I had known you six months ago, everything would’ve been different. I told you before, you’ve changed everything. There is nothing in this world I want more than you,” I confessed, and she leaned forward, placing her lips against mine.

“I’ve fallen pretty hard for you too,” she whispered, and all the anxiety that had built up inside me slowly released. Knowing she returned my love meant everything. We would make it through this. I would make sure of that.

“Promise me we’ll get through this?”

She nodded, and I stood up, holding out my hand. I helped her up from the couch and pulled her body against mine. “Let’s go take a shower.”

***

“He’s resurfaced, Josh.”

I sat on the edge of my bed, pinching the bridge of my nose so hard it was slightly painful. “Greyson and Mike are already there,” Frank explained.

I looked over my shoulder at Gabby’s sleeping form highlighted by the light from the bathroom. The sheet had fallen low enough I could see the swell of her breast peeking out from the top.

The thought of leaving her again was crippling. We’d had an incredible week together with no interruptions or bullshit job issues. Each day we’d done something different, from our walks in Central Park, to our nightly café runs for her favorite latte. My favorite nights were those we would spend on her balcony, snuggled beneath a blanket in the cool night air. Yes, those nightly snuggles would always lead to us panting with need and sated from our lovemaking, but it was the moments prior to that I loved the most, the moments when we would laugh and act completely silly because we were just so comfortable with each other. We talked about the future, and hearing Gabby describe her dreams in such detail and with such animation was captivating.

I hated that our calm had been interrupted again.

“You know what this means, son,” Frank said.

“Just give me tonight, Frank.” I sounded like I was begging, and if I was being truthful, that was exactly what I was doing. “Just a few more hours. I just need this time with her.”

“I told you it would be hard, Josh.”

“Damn it, Frank, I know, but if someone told you that you had to let go of Marie, could you do it? Would you walk away if I told you to?” I already knew the answer, but I had a point to prove.

“No,” he replied.

“I won’t, either. I’ve never met anyone like her,” I confessed. “And she loves me. After all this shit, she still loves me.”

“I’ll need you there no later than seven. We’ll get word to the guys to come up with a good reason to explain your absence. If Leo moves, you need to be prepared to move too. No questions, Josh. If I call you and tell you to move, you don’t hesitate.”

Relieved that he gave in, I would have agreed to anything. “My phone’s on.”

A click on the other line indicated he had ended the call.

“Is everything okay?” Gabby whispered.

I placed my phone on the nightstand before turning around and crawling to her side. The coolness of the satin felt good against my skin as I slid over the sheets. She rolled onto her back as I crawled over her and settled between her parted thighs. Supporting the weight of my body with my elbows, I traced her jaw with my thumb. She stared up at me with a sadness she was trying to hide, her gaze roaming over my face curiously.

“You have to leave again, don’t you?” she asked, and her question brought back that familiar ache in my chest.

“I have until six,” I told her, and she nodded. Her face showed little emotion, and I found it alarming. This time I would be completely honest with her. “I don’t know how long I’ll be out of reach. I’m not sure when you’ll see me, but just know I’m thinking of you. I’m always thinking of you.”

“I understand,” Gabby said. She took in a deep breath and smiled up at me. “So we have a few hours, right?”

“Yeah,” I replied.

The strong woman I had grown to adore bit down on her lower lip as she hooked her legs around my hips. This position only made it even harder to concentrate.

“I don’t want to spend those hours sleeping,” she said with a smirk. “I don’t know about you, but I can think of things I would enjoy a whole lot more.”

“Me too.” I pushed my hips forward, grinding my growing erection against her. The slickness of her arousal already made it possible for me to slide inside.

Her eyes fluttered as I pulled back and began rocking just enough to penetrate her. “Give me something to hold on to until I get to feel you again,” she whimpered.

With those words, I slid inside her fully and gave her just what she asked for.

Chapter 24

Gabriella

It was a little easier to accept Josh being away for days now. That didn’t make missing him easier, but at least I knew he wasn’t staying away because he didn’t care.

Brook didn’t understand, though. She just told me he was playing me and I needed to cut ties and walk away with my heart still intact. But it was already too late for that. He held my heart, and I in turn held his. And until this case he was currently working on was completed, our lives would remain rocky. I just vowed to treasure the time we did have together and to find things to fill the void when he was away.

With that in mind, tonight I was going to my parents’ house for dinner. I knew I would have to dodge their questions about Josh, but they would just have to understand that his job was part of who he was. And it was part of the person I fell in love with. I knew he was an FBI agent when I accepted that first date. That title alone should tell any sane person his job was important and demanding. It was something I would learn to live with, and my family would have to understand that too.

When I arrived, I was surprised to see Audrey’s car in the driveway. I had thought she would have gone back to Boston by now. I parked next to it, hurried to the front door, and pushed it open after knocking once. Immediately, I came face-to-face with my father, and his worried expression startled me. My father was not a worrier.

“Dad?”

He looked over my shoulder, and I followed his gaze. When I turned back at him, he sighed in exasperation. “Sorry, honey, I thought you were your sister.”

“Audrey?” I asked.

“Yeah.” He ushered me inside. “She left yesterday morning before the sun was even up. Your mother said she left in a cab, and we haven’t seen her since. I just don’t understand why she wouldn’t have driven her car wherever she was going.”

“Um, have you tried calling her?”

“Probably half a dozen times, but she doesn’t answer.” As we rounded the corner of the hallway into the kitchen, I found my mother nervously pacing while holding the phone to her ear. When her eyes met mine, my stomach knotted.

“Dad?” I whispered hoarsely. “Should we call the police?” I thought of Josh, yet I knew he couldn’t help. I had no way to reach him.

“Your mom’s talking to the security guard at her building in Boston.” He shrugged. “It was worth a shot. We thought maybe he could somehow give us a different way to contact her.”

“Thank you, we appreciate your time.” We both looked at my mother as she ended the call, and my heart raced when tears began to roll down her face.

“What is going on, Mom?” I took her hand in mine. “What did he say?”

She took in a deep breath and looked up at my father. “The doorman hasn’t seen Audrey in over two months. She has only been home for a few days here and there before that. He said some man delivered a check that paid for her rent for the next six months, but he hasn’t seen her.”

My heart raced as I looked back and forth between my parents. The idea of my sister being in danger or being hurt terrified me.

***

Another two days had passed without a word from Audrey. I couldn’t eat; I couldn’t sleep. I think both Brook and myself had shed enough tears for a lifetime. We were haunted by terrible thoughts of what could have happened to our sister. I had called Margo and told her I needed some time off, and she of course told me to take all the time I needed. As we waited, time seemed to pass in slow motion. Our movements and even our conversations felt forced.

The police had questioned us all and assured us they would do everything they could to locate my sister, but nothing would reassure us until we saw her or she called to let us know she was okay.

“Maybe she just needed a break,” Brook whispered in the darkness. Her voice shook with emotion. “I mean, you saw her that night. It was like she was someone else. Audrey has always been so put together. Never letting anyone know when things bothered here. Maybe it just got to be too much and she took a trip.”

My throat burned as I fought back my tears. I knew Brook was just trying to be hopeful, but I also knew this possibility was unlikely. Audrey would have said good-bye to my parents and driven back to Boston. She would not have scared the shit out of us by leaving her car here and taking off before sunrise without a word.

“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” I whispered back.

I felt Brook’s hand cover mine on the mattress beneath us, and we entwined our fingers, pulling the strength from one another we both knew we needed.