Liberty or Death (19 page)

We were getting closer. I thought she might eventually answer my question, but I was out of time to listen. Impatiently, I said, "You're not making sense. He's afraid to come back here because of the flashbacks?"

She went on without looking at me. I wasn't sure she was answering my question. She seemed to be in a place of her own. Remembering again. "A while back. Something terrible happened. Jed doesn't know... doesn't think... that he was there... but he isn't sure. He's afraid about that. He's afraid of what he'll remember if he thinks about that." She slapped her palms down on the tabletop, as if to signal that the conversation was over.

But it wasn't over. It was only beginning. "What kind of terrible thing?"

She wouldn't meet my eyes. I ran the conversation though my mind to see if there was something I'd missed. "Does this have something to do with his wife?"

"Paulette," she said. "Never did anything but harm to everyone around her. Still..."

"What about Paulette? Are you saying she didn't leave? That something happened to her?"

The pale blue eyes locked onto my face anxiously. "Paulette's gone. Jed's in jail. And we've just got to sit tight and see things through. Hadn't you better be getting back to work?"

It was as clear as mud, but I was out of time. "You're right. I'd better be getting back to the restaurant," I said. "Thanks for the sandwiches." I was exploding with frustration. I wanted to pick the woman up and shake her until she told me all she knew. But she was old and frail. She had a child to care for. And a core of Yankee stubbornness like her son's that would prevent her from saying any more. She'd said enough already.

Her listlessness had returned and she shuffled to the door as though it was an awful effort.

"I can let myself out," I said.

She shook her head. "I'm not so worn out I can't do the right thing and see my guest to the door. Had a nice nap this morning, while you and the boy were out."

It seemed to me that she needed about a month of nice naps but I just thanked her again and left, wondering, on my short drive back to the restaurant, whether she'd answered any of my questions.

I only thought about quitting a thousand times during dinner, mostly when people grabbed my arm or waved their arms in the air like they were greeting long-lost friends or yelled, "Miss, Miss, Miss" like this was a ball game and I was the batter for the visiting team. My sister Carrie worked as a waitress, her last summer, and it was the thing she'd complained about most. People seemed to think that their need to have their desires met instantly superseded any requirement of manners or consideration for the needs of others. I'd lived with Andre Lemieux for the past two years, and with David before that. I knew how irrational hungry men could get. That didn't make me any more patient with a whole damned room full of them. I wasn't being sexist. It seemed like the place was full of men who, in lieu of going out and snaring a wild animal to feed their families, were determined to snare a waitress instead. If I hadn't had to stay in this trap, I would have chewed off my foot and crawled away.

At long last, the tide of hungry mouths seemed to be on the ebb, with more flowing out the door than were flowing in. Clyde went out on the back porch for a smoke. The other boy, whose name I still hadn't learned, began to make some headway with the dishes. Theresa poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table. Only Kalyn and I were still on our feet and, despite her good disposition, she didn't look any happier than I was. I was making coffee and thinking about some dinner for myself when the kitchen door swung open and a man I didn't know came into the room.

I didn't need to know who he was to know what he was. He had a grimy remember waco T-shirt. One of them. He ran his eyes over all of us and beckoned toward me. "Come on outside a minute, honey," he said. "Man needs to talk with you."

In your dreams, buddy,
I thought. I put my hands on my hips and eyeballed him right back, a bit testy after being ordered around all evening. "Excuse me?" I said. "I'm working right now. And I don't know you from Adam."

"Who I am don't matter," he said. "The Reverend Hannon sent me. Wants you to come over to the church. He's got some questions he wants to ask you."

I wasn't about to step outside with him and let him march me off to a meeting with Hannon. Minister or not, he was a bad guy. That whole church was a hotbed of bad guys. I checked my watch and shook my head. "I'm not finished working. Can you tell him that, please, and ask if he can come back later?"

"Reverend Hannon doesn't like women who don't know their place. He says come, you come." The man reached out and grabbed my arm. A no-no in my book, even if I wasn't wearing my no grabbing T-shirt.

"My place is here until dinner is over." I jerked my arm away and stared down at him, wondering what I was going to do if he insisted. Dora the waitress, after all, was something of a timid soul. Unhappy about being manhandled, but would she resist like this?

I didn't have to wait to find out. Theresa shoved her chair back with a clatter and crossed the room to join us. "Kendall Barker, what in tarnation do you think you're trying to do? I've got a business to run here. You can't come in here and haul my waitress away in the middle of dinner. I've got people out there in the other room waiting for their food. And this poor girl's been working so hard she hasn't even had time for her own dinner yet. You start pickin' on her and she'll quit on me. And then where will I be, with help almost impossible to get? Can you tell me that?"

He looked down at his shoes and then back up, defiantly. "Gotta take her, Theresa. The Reverend says..."

Theresa jerked her chin toward the dining room. "Better check on the other room."

I didn't hesitate. I picked up the coffeepot and disappeared through the door. When I came back with a couple new orders, my would-be abductor was gone and Clyde was back at the stove. Theresa gave me a curious look. "Kendall says you took Lyle Harding down to the jail today to visit his father?"

I shrugged. "Yeah."

"Well..." She seemed to be searching for something to say. "Well, that was nice of you. How'd it go?" I could sense everyone else in the kitchen was listening.

I said what Jed Harding had asked me to say. "Jed Harding's doing fine and they had a very nice visit." They went on staring, but I had no idea what they were waiting for. "Clyde, are there any trout left?" He nodded. "Would you fix me one? I'm starving."

"He talk to you?" Theresa asked.

I shook my head. "I don't know him like the rest of you do," I said, "but he didn't strike me as much of a talker. I dropped the boy off and went and ran some errands. When I came back, it was time to leave. He said 'thank you,' but that's about all. I've had longer conversations with people at toll booths. But he really loves that boy."

Theresa nodded vigorously. "Too much, if you ask me. Spoils him with all that attention. Still... boy hasn't got much..." She looked around the room for confirmation. "...With his mother running off like that and his daddy being sick so much. Well. You've got some orders up, Dora." She went back and sat down. It seemed to me that she was relieved but I didn't know why. I grabbed the plates Clyde had fixed and carried them into the dining room.

When I came back, my trout was waiting on the table. I grabbed some silverware and sat down. "Theresa," I asked, "who was that man who wanted to take me away?"

"Kendall Barker? He works over at the Texaco station. He's cousin to Danny Parker, the kid got shot by that state cop."

"I meant, why is he after me? It seems like every time I turn around, someone is trying to grab me. I go swimming and someone grabs me and tries to drown me. Two nights ago I couldn't sleep. Ended up at the church and I thought they were going to tear me apart. The only time I've been more scared was when my husband dragged me into his truck and held a gun to my head. I don't understand it. It's like there's something going on around here that everyone understands but me."

"You're too damned curious, that's all. Folks around here mostly keep to themselves. Gotta keep your head down, girl. You just do your job and mind your own business and everything will be fine," Theresa said, "and stop tryin' to do for people you don't even know. They were doing fine long before you came along." Like I was seven years old, she was my mom, and I'd been pestering her. Or like I was seven and I'd shown a precocious interest in sex that had to be squelched.

"But that's what I've been doing..."

She sighed and picked up the coffeepot. "If that's keeping to yourself, girl, I'd hate to see you curious. Now eat your dinner before it gets cold. And I hate to do this to you, but can you work all three meals tomorrow?"

I sighed for my poor feet and nodded. "Long as I can get a couple-hour break in the afternoon." My, I was getting tough, wasn't I? It was better to work anyway. When I wasn't working, all I did was brood and worry. At least aching feet kept my mind off other things. Pain concentrates the mind nicely.

"Shouldn't be a problem," she said. "I'm hoping by tomorrow, I can get that schedule put together, and then things will begin to make some sense. For all of us. Believe me, it isn't usually like this. Cathy's more regular and Kalyn's not running off to the doctor all the time. I don't like this confusion any more than you do. How's the trout?"

"Good."

"Have some pie. You don't eat enough to keep body and soul together." This admonition delivered, she bustled away.

Seemed like I ate enough for my body, as much as I had an appetite for. I laid my head down on my arm and closed my eyes, wondering how pie was going to heal my soul. "You done?" Clyde asked. "You didn't eat much. Theresa's right."

"Sorry, Clyde. It's not your cooking. I never can eat when I'm tired. I wish they'd all go home." I wanted to go upstairs, lie down, and consider the events of the day. Like a hungry peasant, I needed to glean through my experiences, looking for some morsels I could use. It was hard to sit back and watch, to play Dora, to keep my eyes on the ground and my ears open, when I wanted to rush out the door, stand in the middle of the street and scream Andre's name until he answered. I felt like a string that was wound too tight.

"Me, too. You want some pie? I saved you a piece of blueberry."

"How did you know?"

"I notice things. You want ice cream with that?"

"You work too hard already. You don't have to wait on me."

"Something about you..." He shrugged. "...Makes me want to."

Don't come to like me, Clyde,
I thought
. I'm just a great big fake. Here to pick your brains, steal your secrets. Here for one thing only. Here to rescue Andre, no matter what. No matter who gets hurt.
People around here didn't give a damn about me and I didn't give a damn about them. Except, of course, that I kept getting sidetracked. Like with Lyle.

"Here are those burgers," he said. "Want me to deliver 'em?"

"You do enough," I said. "I'll do it. Just don't let anyone touch my pie." I loaded them onto a tray and went to make a delivery. The dining room was finally quiet. Only a few couples at tables talking in low voices over coffee and dessert. I delivered the burgers to two guys who looked like truck drivers. Asked if they wanted anything else, knowing they'd order pie, and wasn't disappointed. I was learning my job. Give me another week and there would be no more surprises.

Back in the kitchen, Kalyn was hanging up her apron. "I'm out of here," she said. Through the screen door, I could hear the impatient revving of a motorcycle engine. She gestured toward the back door and motioned for me to follow. Outside, she stuck a folded piece of paper into my hand. "My number," she said, "in case you need me later. About Kendall Barker and them... they're just a bunch of stupid bullies, except Hannon. He's evil. Keep your head down, act as simple and humble as you can, and they probably won't hurt you much."

My arms folded around my body, involuntary and protective. "I don't even know what I did."

"You went to see Jed Harding," she said. "I wish you'd asked me..." Down below, her boyfriend revved the engine and I wanted to rush down, jump on, and ride off into the night, away from this crazy place.

"But why is that bad?"

"Believe me, the less you know, the better. Look..." She hesitated, and the solemn tone hung eerily in the following silence. "There's not much I can do to help you. I'm not that brave... but I don't agree with what they're doing here. You should be okay..." She sounded dubious. "But if you need me, you've got my number."

"Looks like you'll have a cool ride home," I said, raising my voice to normal.

"You bet. Except for the bugs in my teeth, it's a great way to travel." She gave my arm a comforting squeeze. "See you in the morning." She slung her bag over her shoulder and clattered down the steps. I watched her go, wanting to holler "Don't go." Wanting to run after her. When the bike had disappeared into the shadows, I turned and went inside.

I totaled the check for the truckers, fixed them oversized pieces of pie, and delivered it all to their table. Then I finished my own pie, hung up my apron, and headed for the stairs.

I never made it. The screen door clattered open, and there was Kendall Barker, standing in the doorway like the Grim Reaper, come to take me away. "Hey!" he barked. "Where do you think you're going?"

"To the bathroom."

"Well, hurry it up," he ordered. "The man's waiting."

Hurry it up? Every time I turned around, someone was yelling at me. I was like a bottle of Coke being rolled down a cactus-covered slope. Shaken up until I felt like I was going to explode, abraded by every encounter. Instead of climbing the stairs, I shut myself in the little pink bathroom and wondered if I could crawl out the window and escape. There was only one problem. The room didn't have a window.

But poor, timid, innocent Dora didn't have anything to hide, except herself. I thought of throwing myself on Clyde's mercy and asking him to help me. But I didn't want to drag him into this. And I didn't want him appointing himself my protector. Getting too close to anyone threatened my mobility and my independence, getting too close to me might do the same to them. I had a serious case of bad karma.