Let Slip The Princesses of War (2 page)

It was well past dark when we finally pulled up at the palace.  The gate guards passed us through with a wave.  It was also past the dinner hour.  I’d really been looking forward to dinner at the palace.  Real food, cooked by real chefs.  Well, maybe there would be something left for us.

The guards at the palace doors stopped Ben when he tried to follow us in, and he slunk off with a disappointed whimper.

Two guards led us to Ms. White’s office.  We both knew the way, but, well, protocol. 

Neither Ms. White nor Shay were in the office when we arrived, but there was a woman sitting in one of the chairs with her feet up on a second chair and a big hat, with a big feather, covering her face, she might have been asleep except she was idly cleaning her long perfectly polished nails with a large knife.  She was also wearing a full ball gown.  The gown was brilliant white but an iridescent play of colors passed over the gown anytime she moved.  I hadn’t owned a piece of white clothing in years.  I walked over to her and kicked her feet off the chair.  Her glass boots rang on the floor like distant bells.  She pushed the hat back on her head with the knife.

“Cinder-fucking- rella.” I drawled.

“Ra-fucking-punzel.” She replied.

She spat a gob of something greenish and unhealthy looking on the floor.  Before the sound of the splat had died, a mouse ran out from inside her gown, dressed in a little maid’s uniform, with a mop and bucket, quickly cleaned it up, polished the little area of the floor to a high shine and disappeared back into the gown.  Cinderella got to her feet and gave me a big hug.  Then, seeing Sweet Pea she hugged her too, swinging Pea around and making her clearly uncomfortable. 

She give Pea a big kiss right on the mouth.  “How’re you both doing, your highnesses?”

We had barely gotten into our bull session when the office door opened and in walked Shay pushing a cart loaded with food, followed by our glorious leader, Ms. Snow White herself.

“So wonderful to see you all!” Ms. White practically squealed.  She went around the room, air hugging and air kissing everybody.  “We thought you might be hungry after your long trips.” She indicated the cart of food.  “Help yourselves!  Try the vegetarian spinach lasagna.  It’s fabulous!!”

She snatched glasses off the cart and filled them with a sparkling wine and began to pass them out.  Sweet Pea waved her off and lifted her whiskey to show that she’d come prepared. 

When everybody had a glass of wine (or bottle of whiskey) and a plate of food, Ms. White seated herself behind her desk.  “Ok everybody!” she sang.  “Let’s get started!”

We all took our seats, arrayed in front of the desk, except Shay who took up a position behind Ms. White’s left shoulder. 

“Thank you all so much for coming!  I’m sure you’re all tired and want to get some rest, so let’s get right to business.” Suddenly her face was serious.  “I won’t waste your time going over old history that we all know.  Few people know better how deadly a threat Queen Mallory and her Malevolent are.   We have all lost kingdoms, husbands, friends and even children.”

She looked at me. They all did. 

I was a rock. 

I had been all cried out for years.  Just the mention of my dead children wasn’t going to shake me now.  I never forgot them.  Not even for a second.  Nothing Ms. White could say was going to make me feel any worse. 

“My own kingdom, is the last to stand against her.  And we only manage it because all of you have come to fight at my side. But, perhaps you don’t know exactly how poorly the war is going.  We’re losing territory and patrols at a frightening pace.  Mallory seems to know exactly where we’re at our weakest and when to strike.  If we continue as we are it’s just a matter of time before we are completely defeated.” 

She paused to let the situation sink in.  “Our only hope is to take the battle to her.  To strike back.  To take back what we have lost and push her into the sea.  Until now that’s just been a dream.

“We’ve recently obtained, at great expense in both blood and treasure, intelligence about the location of a secret weapon that can help us turn the tide of this war.”

She smiled sweetly at us, that dazzling smile that makes you feel like you’re the only thing she sees, the only thing she wants to see.  “The mission to acquire this weapon is both difficult and dangerous and nobody in our Company of accomplished warriors is better suited than you three.”

She paused again and leaned forward over her desk. “If you agree to undertake this mission and you succeed, we can all of us begin to dream different dreams.  We can satisfy our longing for revenge, we can reclaim the lost kingdoms, we can start to rebuild.  We can’t get back what we’ve lost, but we can hope for a future again.

“I ask you to volunteer because you three are our best chance and we need your full commitment.”

Cinderella stood up, her gown rustling and drew her sword and placed it on the desk.  “My sword and my life are already yours.  I’m sworn to the Company. You can make it an order, or ask for volunteers, it doesn’t make any difference to me.  If there’s a chance to hurt Mallory, I’m in.”

Pea stood up too, she put her bottle on the desk alongside Cinderella’s sword, then thought better of it, took it back, took a swig, then put a gun on the desk.  “Revenge.” She said nodding her head in agreement with herself, as proud of herself as if she had made a fancy speech like Cinderella. 

I stood up too, I put my whip on the desk.  A small shudder of anxiety passed through me.  I don’t like to be separated from my whip.  “Revenge.” I agreed.

Ms. White beamed with satisfaction.  “Shay?”

We all retrieved our weapons and Shay rolled out a large map on the desk and we all leaned in.  “Like all good quests,” Shay began, “This one has some sub-quests.  The three of you won’t be able to acquire the weapon on your own.  The first thing you’ll have to do is pick up some help.” Shay indicated a spot on the map, deep inside Malevolent territory.  “There is a prison tower here.”

I felt suddenly nauseous.  Shay looked at me and nodded.  “Yes.  Your old tower.  Even more secure now that you and your magic hair aren’t there.  The first addition to your team is a prisoner in the tower.”

Shay hesitated and looked at Ms. White, who nodded for her to continue. “You all know her.  Beauty.”

Of course we did all know her.  Beauty, no longer asleep, had been the best fighter in the Company. Bar none.  Sword, gun, knife, even, I’m ashamed to say, with a whip.  Nobody was better.  But, Beauty was, well … difficult.  Vain (what the fuck were her parents thinking?  Who names their kid Beauty? Although Belle, is a real sweetheart, and apparently her name means beauty too, so who knows), arrogant, not much for orders (taking them, she was fine with giving them).  Beauty always chafed under Ms. White’s command.  Beauty thought she should be running the show.  And she wasn’t alone.  A lot of people thought Ms. White was too cautious, using the Company to protect her own kingdom but not doing much about fighting Mallory or getting back lost territory.  I won’t say I didn’t see the attraction of Beauty as a leader. 

A couple of years back, Beauty was taken by a Malevolent squad while investigating a report of a sleeping spell in a border town.  Her whole team returned and said they had been under a spell and when they had awoken Beauty was gone without a trace. A lot of people thought there was something suspicious about her capture.  Of course, Beauty was the perfect choice to investigate a sleeping spell (although, apparently it wasn’t a sleeping spell after all).  A lot of people thought it all seemed too perfect, thought it might have been a setup. I won’t say I didn’t see the logic of the theory. 

Ms. White stood up.  “Let me be frank with you.  As you all know, there was some tension between Beauty and me.  What you might not know, is that we had a big argument just before she left on her last mission.  Some things were said that, perhaps, were best left unsaid.

“To make a long story short, it’s possible that once you free Beauty, she may be… reluctant to join your quest.” She handed me a sealed envelope made of elegant paper.  “If she is, please give her that.  I hope it will convince her to assist you.  It’s unlikely that your mission can succeed without her aid.  You will need to pass a sleeping spell in order to obtain the weapon.”

And of course, Beauty was one of only two people in the world who were immune to sleeping spells.  Ms. White was the other.  Apparently, sleeping spells are like some kind of disease.  Once you have it, if it doesn’t kill you, you can’t get it again. 

I put the envelope into an inside pocket of my coat. 

Ms. White sat back down and Shay continued.  “Beauty will be the 4
th
member of your team, but you will need one more.  I can’t tell you anything about the 5
th
member, because one of the protections on the prison is that nobody who knows the identity of the prisoner can release him.”

Him?  The whole room heard it.  There was a him?  There had been no hims in years.  Oh, peasants hims, sure.  But hero hims? Prince hims? Nope.  Not since Mallory tricked all the princes and heroes in all the kingdoms into meeting in a single location and killed them all.  We, all us queens and princesses, all told them it was a bad idea, but you know how princes are.  I mean, I loved my husband, the King, but he was kind of a dumb, ‘er – pull sword, kill dragon’ kind of guy.  Sweet sure, but well, they’re all dead.  So that should tell you all you need to know.  

Well no one knew what to say.  There was so much tension and confusion in the room.  

Shay finally continued.  “We can’t tell you more, so best to just put it out of your minds.  The prisoner is being held in Beauty’s old palace.  The sleeping spell has been recast and strengthened, the wall of thorns regrown.  Nobody but Beauty will be able to enter without falling under the spell’s power.  Once inside she’ll have to awaken the prisoner, or take him if she can’t awaken him.”

We all nodded.  Traditionally – the sleeping spell requires the kiss of a prince to break the spell.  We were fresh out of princes.  And the subject, untraditionally, was a him! 

Cinderella broke the silence.  “And if we can’t awaken HIM?  Are we just supposed to drag a sleeping prince with us all over Malevolent territory?  Seems like a good way to get us all killed!”

Ms. White answered, “If you can’t awaken him, do your best to return him here.  There’s no point continuing your quest, you won’t find the weapon without his help.  Bring him back here and we’ll try to wake him.  But, if bringing him back proves too dangerous, leave him.”

I was getting kind of tired of all this mystery talk.  Can’t tell you the identity of the prince, secret weapon.  WTF Snow?

“I’m getting kind of tired of all this mystery talk!” I broke in. “Can you, at least, tell us the ‘identity’ of the secret weapon?  I’d feel a lot better tramping all over enemy territory rescuing random people if I knew what the hell we were after!”

Ms. White nodded.  “Fair enough.  The Magic Mirror.”

That shook us again.  We all knew about the Magic Mirror.  It had played a big part in Snow White’s story and it was a powerful tool.  The Magic Mirror could be used to spy on just about anybody and it wasn’t just a dumb tool.  The Slave of the Mirror could make correct judgments.  If you asked it who is the Fairest Of Them All, it would search the world and compare everybody and find the actual, objective, Fairest.  Which meant, of course, that you could also ask it strategic questions like, where is the weakest point to attack?  If Mallory had the mirror, that would explain how she knew when and where to attack us.

“But the Magic Mirror was destroyed!” I pointed out.

“Yesh!  Destroyed!” joined Sweet Pea.

Ms. White continued.  “Our intelligence indicates that Mallory has recreated it.  When my own sweet Prince defeated Mallory and smashed the Mirror,” a single tear shone in her eye, “he scattered the shards into the sea so that no one could ever recreate it.  But, you know princes.”

We nodded.  We DID know princes.

“He underestimated her patience and resources.”

This was the problem with princes.  Any problem that required too much forethought was outside their wheelhouse. 

“Mallory has gathered the shards and recast the mirror.  And she’s bound the slave anew.  But the weapon that she wields so effectively against us can be turned against her.  If we can obtain the Mirror, we can find her weakness.  Mallory has always been overconfident.  In reforging the Mirror she has finally given us the opening we need!”

“Show” slurred Pea.  “Lesh may shee” (ok.  I’ll translate).  “So, let me see if I’ve got this straight.  We’re going to enter enemy territory, free two heavily guarded prisoners, find the Magic Mirror, (which is probably the most well-guarded item Mallory possesses), steal the Mirror and return here with the Mirror and the two prisoners?  Is that right?”

“Yes.” Replied Shay.  “That’s basically the plan.”

“Can’t be done.” Said Pea shaking her head and taking a drink.  Then she stood up, checked her guns and said, “When do we leave?”

I stood and steadied Pea as she started to topple.

“You leave first thing in the morning.” Answered Shay.

“Excellent!” Said Ms. White.  “I’m really hopeful for the first time in years.  Thank you all!”