Learning To Love (The Griffin Brothers Book 4) (6 page)

Olivia came to my game,
told me she wanted me to know she supports me, and then I let her
walk away. Yeah, I’m an idiot. And an asshole because I let her
think I was going home with that chick. I didn’t—I extricated
myself from her as soon as Olivia left. I wanted to hurt her, though,
and I succeeded. Now, I need to make it right.

I drove around for a
bit, trying to get her out of my head. She looked so sad, and knowing
I did that to her is killing me. I know what I need to do, but I’m
still hesitating. I’ve never gone to a girl for anything. Even sex.
They come to me. Yet here I am, planning on going to a girl who I
know I won’t have sex with tonight. This won’t end well for
either of us. I’m not a relationship type of guy, and she’s not a
casual sex type of girl. Yet here I am in the parking lot of her
apartment trying to man up enough to walk to her front door.

I get out and head to
the stairs, right behind a pizza delivery guy. As we get closer, I
realize it’s Olivia’s door he’s going to. “Hey man, are you
delivering pizza to number 3810?”

“Umm, yeah.”

“I’m heading there,
too. I’ll give you $20 plus the cost of the pizza to let me take
it.”

“I don’t know.”

“C’mon. What am I
gonna do, eat the pizza myself? I just want to surprise Olivia. You
have her name on the pizza, right?”

He looks down. “Yeah.
I guess it’s okay.”

I hand him the money,
and he hands me the pizza. I carry it over to the door and knock. It
takes a minute but Olivia finally opens the door, and I want to die
right then and there. She’s in a baggy pink sweater and jeans,
looking beautiful as always, but it’s obvious she’s been crying.

“Sorry, I had to grab
my mo—Luke?”

“Damn. I’m so
sorry.”

She lifts her chin and
tries to look nonchalant. “For what? Oh you mean my crying? I was
just watching a sad movie.” We both can hear that no TV is on, and
I can’t let this go.

“I wanted to hurt
you, because you hurt me yesterday. I shouldn’t have made you think
I was going to take that chick home, though.”

“Weren’t you?
Before you saw me, you were flirting with her. You even blew her a
kiss after your goaland asked her to wait for you.”

“No. Yes. Maybe?
Hell, I don’t know.” I run my free hand through my hair and try
to figure out how to tell her what I’m thinking without looking
like an idiot.

“You don’t know?”

“I didn’t want to
go home with her or anyone else. But I thought if I did, maybe I
could forget you and the kiss from last night. So, yes, I was going
to take her home.”

“Then why are you
here?”

“You came to my
game.”

“Yeah, so?”

“So…can I come in?
I don’t really want to have this conversation in the hall.”

She looks conflicted,
then nods and steps out of the doorway. I walk in and put the pizza
on her coffee table before sitting down on her couch. She looks
around like she’s not sure what to do, and then joins me, but sits
as far away as possible. Neither one of talks for a minute. I’m
just watching her looking down at her hands. I want to reach out and
pull her into my arms, but I know we need to talk first, so I go
ahead and tell her what I need to.

“I like you a lot. So
much it scares me.”

She looks up at me. “I
like you a lot, too. It’s terrifying.”

“What are you afraid
of?”

“You want me to go
first?” I shrug, and she sighs. “Fine, I’ll go first as long as
you promise to be honest and tell me what you’re scared of, too.”

I’m the one sighing
now. “I promise.”

It takes her a little
longer, and then she starts to speak. “We both know I’m not your
type.”

“Honey, I don’t
have a type. I love
all
women, and I’ve been with all sizes, colors, religions. You name it
and I’ve probably been with her.”

“Why do you do that,
Luke?”

“Do what?”

“Trivialize your
sexual encounters. Didn’t you care about any of the girls you’ve
been with?”

“They were trivial.
It’s been just sex for me for a long time. I’ve been trying to be
with less women for a while now, though. I realize it’s not the
best course of action, and no matter how many times I tell them it
doesn’t mean anything to me, some just don’t get it. I never set
out to hurt anyone, so I’ve been trying to tone things down a
little.”

“You said ‘for a
long time’.”

“Yeah, I did.”

“Who hurt you, Luke?”

Damn, she’s smart. I
should’ve known she’d pick up on what I wasn’t saying, along
with what I was. I don’t want to lie to her, though. I try not to
break promises once I make them. So, I tell her something that I’ve
never told anyone else, even my brothers. “Freshman year of high
school I was dating this totally hot cheerleader. She’d pursued me,
and I thought I was the luckiest guy ever. We were dating for a few
months and were at the Homecoming Dance when I overheard her talking
to her friends outside.” I pause because it’s hard to say this
the words.

“You don’t have to
tell me, Luke.” I hadn’t noticed Olivia move closer to me, but
now her hand is on top of mine.

“I-I’ve just never
told anyone before. I know it was years ago, but it still hurts a
little.” I look up at her and finish my story. “She was telling
her friends how she thought she’d scored by getting a Griffin
brother, but I was a waste of some good genes. She said it was
embarrassing that I hadn’t played in the Homecoming Game, and that
I couldn’t help her with her Science homework, so obviously I
didn’t get the smart genes. Then she said she was going to go after
Owen because he was the fun one, and he’d been flirting with her.”

“Oh my God. Luke, I’m
so sorry.”

“I should’ve been
used to it. I’d been hearing from teachers and other people all my
life that I wasn’t like my brothers. I knew I couldn’t measure up
to them, but I thought that girl really liked me. When Owen started
dating her, I decided I should stop trying to be in a relationship
with someone and just have fun. So, that’s what I did.”

“Wait. Owen dated her
after the two of you broke up?”

“Yeah. Like I said,
she was hot.”

“I’m going to punch
him next time I see him.”

“You don’t have to
do that. It was a long time ago. He probably doesn’t even remember
it.”

“That doesn’t make
it any less important. It hurt you, and now you don’t want a
relationship with anyone because of it.”

“Well, see, that’s
the thing, Ollie. I think I
do
want a relationship. Or at least I want to try to have one. With
you.”

Olivia

I’m rendered
speechless for a minute. Did Luke really just say that he wants a
relationship with me? He called me Ollie, so I think he did. He’s
looking nervous as I try to find the words I want to say. I have to
say something, so I go with my gut and am honest with him.

“I won’t sleep with
you, Luke. At least not right away.”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes. I’d like
that. But will that be enough for you?”

“It has been for the
last month.”

“What?”

“I haven’t been
with another girl since I started tutoring you. And like I said, I
wasn’t with many the last few months, either.”

“If we kiss and
you…umm…you like it, but I won’t go any further, won’t that
make you mad at me?”

“No, honey. I won’t
be mad. I know you’re not ready, and I respect that. I’ll just go
home and take care of myself like I’ve been doing.”

“Oh. Oh! You…do
you? I mean…me?” Oh God. I can’t even get my words out right.

Luke smiles at me,
though, and kisses my hand. “Yes. I think of you when I’m getting
myself off. I want you, Olivia. Don’t ever doubt that. I won’t
push you to do something you’re not ready for, but I
do
want you.”

I know I’m blushing
like crazy. I should say something. I want to tell him how happy that
makes me. But first, I need to finish telling him about
me
.
He was honest, and I need to be, too.

“My roommate said you
wouldn’t have been seen with me if you weren’t tutoring me.”

“You roommate was
wrong. And a bitch, apparently. You’re the only girl I’ve wanted
to be seen with since I was fourteen.”

“Wow. I’m, well,
I’m honored Luke. You’re an amazing guy.”

“I’m really not.”

“Yes you are. You’re
not allowed to put yourself down in front of me. You’ve helped me
so much, and I’ve seen you with the kids you teach. They love you
and so does that school. I also saw you today with your teammates.
You’re an awesome player, yet you didn’t hog the ball or draw
attention to your skills unless it was needed to win the game. You
try to help the environment. And you gave me the most epic kiss I’ve
ever had in my life. That all adds up to amazing, and I’m sure
there’s even more I’ll discover about you that will blow my
mind.”

“Thanks for saying
all of that and for seeing me. It means more to me than you’ll ever
know because no one really sees me. That kiss was fucking epic for
me, too, and I can’t wait to kiss you again.”

“Let me tell you my
story, first, and then we’ll see if you still feel like I’m worth
your time.”

“You won’t get rid
of me that easy. Go ahead and tell me what you need to.”

I really feel like he
won’t think bad of me or be scared off, and it makes me brave
enough to tell him. “You’ve met my parents, so you know how
strict they are.” He nods. “I always knew I had to be perfect.
Even when I was a little girl, I always kept my room clean and didn’t
make a mess because I wanted to please them.”

“They didn’t hurt
you, did they?”

“No. They would just
tell me how disappointed they were in me if I didn’t do things the
way they wanted me to. That meant no sleepovers, not much TV, and
definitely no boys. By the time I made it to high school, everyone
thought I was a freak, so it wasn’t an issue. I ate by myself and
just did my best to not be noticed.” The next part is the hardest,
and I pause for a minute to gather my thoughts.

“A beautiful girl
once told me I didn’t have to spill my secrets to her. I’m
telling her the same thing now.”

“You still told me,
and I want to tell you. I’m just trying to figure out how best to
explain it.”

“Come here.” He
opens his arms. I go to him and let him hold me while I talk.

“My dad has worked
for this doctor as an office manager for years. The doctor’s son
was a year ahead of me in high school. He never paid any attention to
me until I was a sophomore. We were at a party at their house and he
was waiting for me when I came out of the bathroom. He pushed me back
into the room and said I should show him my breasts. I told him no
and tried to get past him. He wasn’t going to let me go, but he
hadn’t locked the door and my mom came in. I saw the horror on her
face, and I was so relieved to see her. Until he left, and she told
me what a disgrace I was to the family. She said they raised me
better than to be having sex with a boy in a bathroom. I tried to
tell her what happened, but she didn’t believe me.”

“Are you fucking
kidding me?”

“I wish I was. After
that, my parents looked at me differently. Like I was bad, a slut. I
decided if that’s what they thought I was, that’s what I’d be.
I started hanging out with the troublemakers at school. Ditching
classes and partying. But I couldn’t really be bad. I never had
more than one drink, and I always made my curfew. And, well, you know
I never had sex. I did let boys kiss me, though, so I guess I was a
little slutty.” I try to pull away from him, but he holds me tight.

Luke kisses the top of
my head. “If you kissing some boys is slutty, then I don’t even
know what I am.”

“Stop it. I told you
no talking bad about yourself.” I smack him playfully on the arm
and he kisses me again, this time on the cheek. “Anyway, I realized
that wasn’t the real me, so I stopped hanging out with them, got my
grades back up, and started trying to be the perfect daughter again.”

“How’s that working
for you?”

“Not well. They keep
bringing up my past. I know it shouldn’t matter because I know the
truth, but it does. I want them to love me again, Luke. I
need
them to. I’m trying to do whatever they ask me to. Except for
moving home. Oh, and working for Candi. They’re really angry about
those two things.”

“How could they not
love you? They’re your parents. Even though they’re totally
disappointed in me, my parents love the hell out of me. I’ve never
doubted that.”

“Your parents are
great. Mine just aren’t. Right now, the best I’m doing is keeping
the heat off of Rose. She doesn’t need their crap, and if they
focus on me, they’ll leave her alone.”

“You do realize that
although they haven’t hit you or anything, they’ve mentally
abused you.”

“It’s not that bad,
Luke. I must be exaggerating. I’m fine. Really. Behaving the way
they want hasn’t cost me anything.” I know I’m being defensive,
and that he’s probably right, but I’m not ready to admit it yet.
Even to myself.

“I didn’t mean to
upset you. I just don’t like to see you hurting.”

“You didn’t. It’s
just a touchy subject, and I’m sorry I snapped at you. I feel the
same way about you hurting.”

“I’d hurt a little
less if I could kiss you.”

I reach up from where
I’m sprawled across him and run my finger over his bottom lip.
“Yeah?”

He catches my finger in
his mouth and bites down on it, not hard enough to really hurt. Then
he kisses it. “Mm-hmm.”

“Well, you just
kissed my finger. And you kissed my head and cheek earlier. Where
else do you want to kiss me?”