Learning to Heal (36 page)

After everyone’s seated she leads me to the dressing area where we start talking. I find out her name is Gail and her mother opened the shop years ago. She and her daughters run it now and from the looks of it, business is booming. After she asks me some very detailed questions regarding my colors, venue, and what I would like in my dress, I start the tedious task of trying on dress after dress after dress. After several hours of no luck, I start to feel defeated and a possible nervous breakdown coming on. Then Gail brings out one more. It’s a white princess style gown that’s sleeveless with a straight neckline. The bodice is embellished with jewels and the bottom is made of beautiful layered taffeta. It has a white sash that can be dyed to any color around the waist and creates a bow that falls along my left hipbone. After I’m zipped up and see myself in the mirror, Gail places a jeweled tiara on my head to add to the effect. And what do you know? I have my moment.

A few days later I’m back at home getting Fin ready for her checkup with her pediatrician while Mason is in class, and I hear a knock on the door. Picking her up off my bed, I walk to the front and look in the peephole. The person on the other side is a complete surprise to see after all these weeks of no word. I debate on even opening it, but I know Mason would want me to.

Chanda stands on the other side, but she doesn’t look the same as she did the last time she showed up. Instead of the busted lip and black eyes, she looks good, happy even. Her hair has grown out past her ears and she’s not running around half naked. She’s wearing some khaki capris and a plaid button down. “Hey, Jasmine. Sorry to bother you. Is Mason here?”

I still don’t like his name coming out of her mouth, but I know they used to be good friends. “No, he isn’t. He’s in class and won’t be back for a few hours.”

“Good. I really wanted to talk to you. Can I come in?”

Surprised and wary, I think about it. She seems harmless and actually nice, so why the hell not? “Sure. Come on in.” I lead her into the living area and place Fin in her pack ’n play that sits against the wall. “Mason and his mom have been worried sick about you. Where’d you disappear too anyway?” I sit across from her on the couch.

She smiles and shrugs. “Well, I needed to get away so I moved in with a friend. But that went to shit …” She stops and covers her mouth. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to cuss in front of the little one. What’s her name?”

“Finlee. And it’s fine. She doesn’t repeat words yet.”

“Oh, that’s a nice name. Different. Well, anyways, I ended up meeting someone. He helped me see that I’m more than the life I was living and could do better. I’m even enrolling into a GED program.”

“Wow, Chanda. That’s great. Mason and Brenda will be happy to hear that.” An awkward silence falls between us. We’ve never been friends, so I really don’t know what to say to the girl. Might as well get to why she’s here. “So what did you want to talk to me about?”

She nervously tucks her hair behind her ear. “Well, I wanted to apologize for being a major bitch to you in the past. It’s just Mason has always been my way out of this shitty life I have. I knew he’d do amazing things one day and would get out of the low class hole we grew up in. And I wanted out. And I thought he’d always be in love with me and take me with him. He was my future ... until I met this other guy of course.” She smiles but it seems forced. “So since I’m in a better place I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for loving Mason like he deserves and not using him like I was. Oh and congratulations on the upcoming wedding.”

The girl in front of me is saying the right words, but I can’t fight the feeling she doesn’t mean them, that they’re practiced. Maybe it’s because she has caused Mason and me so much drama throughout our relationship that I’m not ready to believe her. My phone ringing from down the hall and breaks through my musings.

“Shit! I’ll be right back.” Back in my room I spot it on my bed and see it’s Mason. “Hey you.”

“Hey, baby. How are my girls?” I’ll never get tired of his voice or the way it can change from sweet to feral in a second. Thoughts of last night surface, but I quickly shake it off.
Not the time for a replay.
I close my bedroom door so Chanda can’t hear our conversation. Apartment walls are thin. When I tell him of my visitor in the living room he sounds just as surprised that she’s here. He’s really stunned when I tell him about her apology for being a bitch to me and what she did. I don’t want to let her take up our whole conversation, so I change the subject to tonight’s plans with Jax and Tru. We try to get together a couple times a week and have game night or go to the movies if Brenda can watch Fin. After we hang up I head back in the living room.

I start down the hall and notice Chanda is no longer on the couch where I left her. “Sorry about that.” But only silence greets me and trepidation takes root. Spinning around frantically, I don’t see her anywhere in the living room or the kitchen area. “Chanda?” I call, but no one answers, not even Fin’s usual gurgling. Fear takes over my whole body and my stomach drops with each second that passes. Everything slows down and I can hear only my heart hammering in my head. Running as fast as possible to Fin, I notice she’s no longer there and my whole world collapses.

Sitting at my uncomfortable desk, I stare at my test, ready to finish and get home. This surprise quiz is the last thing I want to be doing. And it shows in my answers, or lack of. I’ve only written my name at the top of my paper. Man, oh man! Jazz in the shower last night is really what’s on my mind, not molecular levels of different species. Unfortunately I have another class after this one, so it will be a while before I can get a replay of her on her knees with water cascading down he blonde hair. Feeling the vibration of my phone, I jump and quickly silence it before the instructor hears. As soon as I do it starts up again.

“Mr. Reed, is there a problem?” The instructor is a short round man, who I think colors his greying beard with possible shoe polish. I swear every time he wipes his face some comes off, but he is smart when it comes to scientific shit.

Looking up from the papers in front of me, I watch as he holds out his hand. “Bring it here. You can get it back after the—”

The door slams open and Jax runs in wearing a fearful expression. “Mason. We need to go. Now.”

“Excuse me, sir. You can’t just barge into—”

“I can and I just did,” Jax yells so loud the class jumps.

My heart rate spikes and I yank my bag off the floor, not caring if shit falls out. “What’s wrong? Is it Jazz?”

He shakes his head. “It’s Fin. She’s been kidnapped.”

I hear everyone’s deep inhalation of breath just as mine escapes my lungs. Fear and anger war in my body while I pass him and run toward my truck. My mind is on Jazz and my little girl so I end up going the wrong way. “Mason. I’ll drive.” We run to his Jeep and I notice Tru’s in the back crying.

“What the hell happened?” My voice is low because of the burn clogging my throat, but I fight it. Tears will only blur my vision and cause me to seem weak. And I know Jazz needs me to be strong.

“Chanda came over and Jazz says when she walked back into the living room she was gone. So was Fin.” Jax speeds through traffic with his hazard lights on, but no speed is fast enough. It won’t change what happened or get Fin back any quicker.

After a second his words register in my head. “Chanda? What? Why would she take Fin?” That fucking bitch! How could someone take a child and not just a random person, but someone I’ve known for years? But the answer doesn’t change anything. All that matters is getting my daughter back. Then I’ll make that bitch pay.

Later that night we’re still no closer to finding answers or Fin. Police have been in and out all day asking questions, and the whole time I’ve had to watch Jazz relive every second Chanda was here and the second she knew Fin was gone. It has broken me and left me feeling powerless. I’ve tried to hold her several times, but she can’t be still. She’s restless and keeps looking at the clock. With every hour that passes the further Fin could be getting away from us and the chances of us finding her lessen. To think that just this morning I fed her while she played with my finger. I kissed her head of soft brown hair and told her I loved her. And now she’s gone.

After the police finally leave for the night silence engulfs the apartment. Everyone is here, including my mom and her parents. Drew is keeping the little kids at Jax’s apartment, and until we have more answers we won’t tell them what’s going on. Cory and Ryan showed up an hour or so ago and are sitting in the living room lost in their own thoughts with everyone else. It’s weird seeing everyone together and not laughing. But tonight there’s only grief, fear, and a shitload of anger.

“She’s probably hungry.” Jazz’s voice is a sad whisper. She stands looking out the window so I go to her, wanting to do something, anything for her. “She has no food. She doesn’t have any diapers or her favorite blanket. What if she’s cold? How will she get warm?”

My heart breaks a little more with each question that leaves her mouth. I wrap my arms around her waist and let her lean against me, wanting to absorb her grief. “Shhh, don’t do this to yourself, baby.”

She pulls away irritably and starts pacing the room while everyone watches in silence. “Why, Mason? Why shouldn’t I?” Her voice is loud, broken, and angered. “She’s my daughter and some bitch you brought into our lives took her. So why shouldn’t I be concerned for her? Chanda doesn’t know a thing about Fin. She’s just a selfish bitch who is money hungry and desperate. I have no idea what she’ll do to her? She could sell Fin on the black market just for her next fix for all I know. And I can’t stop her. I’m her mother and I should have protected her better.” She stops pacing and looks at me with so much turmoil written on her face that my soul hurts. Clara gets up and gently touches her shoulder, but she yanks it away. “Don’t. Don’t comfort me. I deserve what I’m feeling. I don’t deserve anyone’s sympathy or concern. Why should I get any when she’s probably scared and can’t tell anyone what she wants or needs?” She takes a shuddering breath but only crumbles more. “Because of me she’s gone. Because of me not trusting my gut she’s missing. And there’s not a fucking thing I can do about it.”