Learn to Fly (35 page)

“
Nathan,”
Lenny almost ran into her brother as he came in from the backyard.
“have you seen Luke?”

Nathan nodded over
his shoulder, “He's out back with Duke. They're having some
sort of heavy conversation.”

Lenny frowned.
What? She had just been back there and hadn't seen either one of
them. She grabbed her coat and hat and went back out into the cold.

***

The sound from the
party got louder and then quieted again as someone came outside from
the patio door. Soft footsteps on the granite came toward them and
Luke looked up to see Lenny approaching slowly. She had put on a dark
coat and a black stocking cap, making her blonde hair and creamy skin
stand out. She shoved her hands in her coat pockets and stood in
front of him.

“
I
think we need to talk.” Her eyes flicked over to Duke
momentarily and Luke had to wonder again at the extent of their
friendship. He knew what Duke had told him but how could he be sure
there wasn't more there?

“
I
think so, too.” Luke agreed. He definitely had some
questions.

“
Duke,
could you give us a minute?” Lenny asked.

Duke sighed as he
slowly stood up. He grumbled something unintelligible to himself.
He patted Luke on the shoulder. “Remember what I told you.”

Luke nodded but
didn’t reply.

Lenny sat down in
Duke’s vacated chair and frowned at his figure as he let
himself into the house. “What did Duke tell you?”

“
Guy
stuff,” Luke hedged. “What do you want to talk about?”

Lenny
closed her eyes like she was trying to get her thoughts in line
before she spoke. “I’m sorry about what...Erin said in
there. I had no idea…
any
of that was going to happen.”

“
Was
it true?” Luke kept his voice flat.

“
What
do you mean?” Lenny was playing too innocent, she was hiding
again.

“
Were
you and Shane more serious than you led me to believe?” Luke
asked evenly, not wanting it to come out like he was threatened.

“
I
don’t see how that matters,” she answered darkly.

Really?
“C’mon,
Lenny.” Luke’s eyes bored into hers. “Was he in
love with you?”

She swallowed
several times before answering, “I don‘t know. I mean,
how can you really know what someone else feels? He said he did but
that doesn‘t mean anything. But I…I didn’t love
him back. And I never told him I loved him.”

“
How
long were you guys together?” Luke was afraid of the answer but
he had to know. He had to know where that put them. If there even
was a
them
to be worried about.

“
A
little over two years-” Lenny broke off as Luke cursed under
his breath.

“
And
you broke up with him how long before you met me?” He knew he
sounded accusatory but he was too agitated to stop.

The corner of
Lenny's mouth twitched and she looked cornered, trapped. Luke hated
himself for making her feel that way. But she didn't run away,
instead, she set her jaw and spoke plainly. “I sent him a
text, telling him it wasn’t working. From the airport. Right
before I boarded the plane and met you.” Her voice was devoid
of emotion.

“
A
text? Lenny? A text? To a man who is love with you?” Luke was
losing it. Lenny's lack of emotion seemed to amplify his. He knew
he was overreacting, but his train of rational thought had derailed a
few minutes ago and he wasn't getting it back anytime soon.

“
I
don’t understand why this so upsetting for you.” Lenny
spoke coldly. “I’m not with him, I don’t have
feelings for him, why does this make you crazy?”

Luke
shot up from his chair and put both hands on top of his hair as he
stepped a few paces across the patio and stood with his back to
Lenny. She was the first girl that he had ever revealed so much of
himself to. The first one who looked at him and he really felt like
she saw
him
.
Not the public image of him, the one girls wanted to sleep with so
they could feel famous. But who he was at his center. At his most
real.

He took a couple of
breaths and then turned back to her, his heart racing with both hope
and fear. Mind numbing, logic splintering fear.

“
Because,
Lenny.”
Because
I'm in love with you and it's turning me into a freaking basket case.
He
took a step forward. “Because I’m crazy about you.
Because I love just being near you. Because I want to be with you all
the time. Because you mean so frickin' much to me. And, from what
everyone else has said, I can’t help but think that Shane felt
the same way and you…” He shook his head and raked his
hands through his hair in exasperation.

“
I
what?” Lenny narrowed her eyes at him.

Luke dropped his
hands against his thighs, “You...you don’t care. You
already said you didn’t have feelings for him. For two years.”
He sighed heavily. “Am I just supposed to wait around until
you finally figure out that you don’t have feelings for me
either? Will it just come in the form of a text?”

Lenny’s frown
was deep as she responded. “What we have is different than what
I had with Shane. You can’t compare the two.”

Luke sat down again
and grabbed her by her hands, looking her in the eye. “Then
tell me what we have. What is this?”

He stared into her
dark blue eyes, eyes that were the same color as the night sky. Eyes
that just a few weeks ago had looked at him in peace and adoration
but seemed deep and empty tonight.

The noise from the
party grew as the countdown began to midnight. Luke kept hold of her,
waiting for a response.

“
I
don’t know.” She said stiffly, giving him the exact
answer that he had been afraid of.

Luke held her hands
a moment longer and then slumped into his chair, defeated.

***

The revelers started
to go home after an hour or so and the house became quieter. The
caterers and DJ had cleaned up and cleared out. Lenny walked through
the dark, empty Lodge, picking up trash and leftover drinks. She blew
out the candles and turned lights off in vacant rooms.

After
she had told Luke she didn't know how to define their relationship,
he
had gotten up and gone for a walk. Lenny had stayed on the back
patio long enough for everyone to leave or go to bed so she wouldn’t
have to talk to anyone. She could barely feel her fingers and toes
when she had slid the back door open.

She stuffed the last
of the trash into the bag in her hand. This was not how she was
hoping tonight would have gone. She was glad the rest of her guests
had had a good time but things with her and Luke were…awkward
at best. He wanted some kind of absolution from her and she didn’t
know what to think, let alone what to feel. She knew she
had…affection for him. But there was no way that could
sustain a relationship. Especially when one of them was as busy and
famous as Luke.

She
took the full trash bag out to the garage and put it in the can,
pausing to look at the back wall.
She
sighed heavily as she slowly walked towards what had been her vehicle
to freedom since she was a child. She missed it. Desperately. Like
the way a person misses air from the bottom of a pool. She hadn't
felt free...in a long time.

She turned when
someone in the doorway cleared their throat. Duke stood watching her
in navy blue pajama pants and a long sleeve white tee shirt. She
thought he had gone to bed with everyone else.

“
Deep
thoughts?” He asked.

She half-smirked,
“Are there any other kinds?”

He stepped down into
the garage and stood next to Lenny with his hands in his pockets.

“
What
happened with you and Eddie Vedder?”

Lenny smiled at
Duke’s nickname for Luke. At least it was better than ‘Tool
Shed’ which is what he had called Shane the entire time they
were together.

“
Nothing.
We argued, sort of. I don't know.” Lenny said, regret touching
her voice.

“
Did
he tell you that Cody made a play for him?”

Lenny felt like
she'd gotten kicked in the gut. She wasn't surprised but to have it
confirmed made it harder to deny Cody's true nature. “No,”
her mouth was instantly dry. “He didn't mention it.”
And why should he?

“
That
didn't shock you.” It was a statement.

Lenny didn't reply,
she was running out of words to try and explain things away.

“
What
did you argue about then?” Duke pressed.

“
He
wants something I can't give him.” Lenny rolled her eyes at
the absurdity. Imagine, a man stressing over the girl not ready for
a commitment. “He wants to know how I
feel.
”
She scoffed, thinking Duke would laugh with her.

“
How
do you feel?” He asked her seriously, looking at the garage
floor.

“
I
don't know, Duke.” Lenny frowned at him. “Why do you
care?” Her stomach tightened as the mood in the room shifted
with her words.

“
C’mon,
Lenny. Don’t you think you’re kind of being a brat about
this?” Duke’s tone had an edge he had never directed at
Lenny and she was taken off guard.

“
What
do you mean?” She felt bitterness crawl into her mouth and she
grit her teeth together. Duke's sudden coldness was neither helpful
nor warranted.

“
I’m
not gonna lecture you or give a big speech. Just…” He
took a few seconds to collect his thoughts and when he started
speaking again she felt his agitation towards her in a way that she
never had before. He was disappointed in her. “Life is hard,
Lenny. And people tend to suck, I mean, no one’s perfect. We
need someone in our lives to help us through it. We make each other
better, stronger.”

“
Yeah,
but who's to say that I need Luke?” Lenny clipped, feeling
herself getting defensive.

Fed
up, Duke waved his hand at the back wall of snowboards and raised his
voice, “That’s your passion, right there, hanging on the
wall like a dead animal! You really just gonna walk away from your
first true love?” He turned and waved at the Lodge, “that
man in there, brought you back to life when the rest of us were
afraid you were beyond hope. And you don’t know how you
feel
?
The reasons you won’t get back on the board or admit your
feelings for Luke are the same. You’re afraid of losing the
control
.
You think you can’t get hurt if you can control it. Well, guess
what? Love isn’t like that. You’re either all in or
not.” He let out a disgusted breath and paced a short distance
across the garage floor.

Lenny’s face
was hot. She was angry. Duke didn't have the right to tell her her
reasons. They were hers and hers alone, she didn't owe him an
explanation. And she didn't owe Luke one either.

“
I
thought you said you weren’t going to lecture me,” she
bit out.

“
I
lied!” Duke snapped indignantly. “Your family and I have
been far too forgiving and coddling to you. You need to grow up one
of these days.”

“
This
coming from a guy who hates organized sports and lives
alone
in a house
I
paid for!” Lenny was taking it too far but she wanted to hurt
him the way he was hurting her.