Lauraine Snelling (24 page)

Gil followed, hands in his pockets, despair a two ton weight punishing his shoulders and smashing his heart. When he walked in the door, Maria glared at him from the arch into the great room.

“You and Ben both agreed I should tell him about his mother. I did, and now I have no idea what to do next.”

“Eddie’s in his room.”

“I figured as much.”

“You go talk to him?”

Gil shook his head. “You know Eddie; he has to think things through.”

“I know Eddie. He is a little boy with a broken heart, and he need his father.”

You know how to help him more than I do! He needs a mother’s love, and he won’t get it from Sandra
. “You’ve always been a mother to him.”

“I know, but now he need you.”

Gil shook his head. “We’ll talk later.” He made his way down the hall and tapped on Eddie’s closed door. No answer. “Eddie? I . . .”

“I don’t want to talk with you—ever!” Something slammed against the door.

Gil tried the doorknob. Locked. He’d been meaning to take the lock off the door, just in case something happened to Eddie and he needed to get to him. But he’d not done that either, just like he’d not told Eddie the truth before.

What else had he done or not done that was going to come back and bite him on the rear?

The next morning’s drive to school passed in absolute silence, but for the humming of the car.

“Have a good day, sport,” did nothing to cure the stranglehold of tension.

Eddie wheeled away without even a glance at his father. Gil stared after him. Now he knew what being invisible felt like—and he didn’t like it.

Back home he wandered over to the barn where Maggie was just dumping the last wheelbarrow of dirty straw and shavings.

“I’ll be ready as soon as I wash up.”

“Take your time.”

Maggie paused. Who was this man, and what happened to the real Gil Winters?
So, do I ignore this and go on about my business or . . . ?”
“Will you be home this morning? I’d like to leave Breaking Free out in the pasture.”

He responded with only a nod, staring—at what? She followed his gaze to see nothing but a blank barn wall.

“G-Gil, ah, is something wrong?” She still stumbled over his name.

The pain in his eyes caught her in the midsection with a one-two punch.

“Do you want to talk?”
What I really mean is do you need to talk
.

He stared at her, but she wasn’t sure he was even seeing her. His voice came hesitantly, stumbling over his sorrow. “What would you do if you broke your son’s heart?”

She thought of a flip answer but agony stopped it.
Ah, Charlie
. . . She fought off the panic that sought to strangle her and answered instead. “I-I guess I would want to help it heal.”

“How would you do that?”

Oh, Lord, give me wisdom
. “I-I can’t—I mean, I don’t know enough. In general I’d . . .”

“I finally told him his mother is alive and wants to see him.” The words came in a rush, like blood from a severed artery.

Maggie sank down on a bench. “You realized Eddie had created his own life story. . . .”

“And finally took a friend’s advice and cleared up the misconceptions.” Gil joined her on the bench and propped his head in his hands. “I thought keeping it simple would help. I cannot tell him that his mother couldn’t tolerate her infant son’s medical problems, that she resorted to drugs and alcohol, and finally one day left him in the hospital and split. Her next communication was a request for a divorce. I’ve not seen her since that final day in the judge’s chambers.” All this was spoken in a monotone that only emphasized his despair.

She glanced at him. The frozen look on his face matched his tone. An overwhelming urge to put her arms around him and hope he could cry on her shoulder forced Maggie to stuff her hands in her pockets. Oh, the secrets that slashed and burned when they finally erupted. “And now Eddie wants to see her?”

“How did you know?” He shook his head. “Why isn’t he so furious with her that he would swear to never hear her name? I would be.”

“But Eddie doesn’t know all the details.”

“No. So he thinks that I have kept her away. All because I told him she wants to see him and that I didn’t think it was in his best interests.” He tipped his head back and squeezed his eyes closed. “She could destroy my son.” The words fell separately, each clothed in anguish.

Sometimes silence is the best answer. Maggie had learned that early in her prison stay. She rested her elbows on her knees and locked her hands together, staring at her ragged thumbnails. The patience to wait she’d also learned.

“So, what do you think I should do?”

She could feel his gaze on the side of her face. “What are your options?” Don’t look at him. Another lesson. Talking was easier sometimes without eye contact.

“Set up a meeting with Sandra for him. Or ignore this all, let it go away.”

“You think it will?”

“He’ll give me the silent treatment for a time, but eventually he’ll start talking again. At least that’s the pattern.” She started to say something, but he held up his hand. “I know. What if this time he doesn’t follow the pattern?”

She nodded. “The thought had crossed my mind.”

“So, I force him to talk to me?” He shook his head. “That’ll just make things worse.” He scrubbed his fingers through his hair. “How do I set up safeguards if she does see him?”

“What are you afraid of?” She who lived with fear could smell it miles away.

“I’m not a—” He stopped midword. “I’m afraid she will come into his life, not be able to handle it, and take off again. Only this time he will know about it, and it will break his heart.”

“Eddie has a pretty sturdy heart. He would be wounded, but he would recover. Breaking Free will help him do that.”

Gil stopped pulling out his hair and turned to look at her. “You honestly believe that?”

“Yes. Yes, I do. Your son has inner strength far beyond his age.”
Lord, let me say the right words
. “And he has a deep faith that will help him get through. Look what it and you have done for him so far.”

“Maria is the one to be lauded for that. She has raised him while I traveled around, building a business to provide the income to make life comfortable for him.”

“To make up for the crummy hand life has dealt him?”

“You could put it that way. Maria insisted that I had to spend time with him now or there never would be time. A wise woman is our Maria.” He locked his hands together, his elbows resting on his knees. He blew out a sigh and then another, his shoulders dropping with the expelled air. “So, it looks to me like the question is—where and when do they meet? Which is safer, a restaurant or a park or here at home?”

“What about a supervised phone call first?” Where that idea came from was beyond her.

“What if he asks her questions she doesn’t want to answer?”

“Isn’t that her problem, not yours?”

Gil turned his head to stare at her. “How did you get so smart?”

“Seven plus years in the pen teaches you all kinds of things.”

He nodded, slowly as if her ideas were taking time to sink in. “I’ll take you over to Rescue Ranch now, if that is all right with you.”

“I’m good.”

“Yes, you are. I’ll be at the truck.”

Maggie watched him walk off. At least his shoulders had straightened. How could a mother do that to her child?
Who are you to talk
? That inner voice that caused her so much despair spoke louder.
You killed your son
.

TWENTY-FOUR

E
ddie, I’ve set up a time for you to talk with your mother.” Gil waited beside the lift for the wheelchair to reach the ground.

Eddie stared up at his father. “On the phone?”

“Yes, and I must tell you that I will be on the phone too.”
Please don’t fight me on this. I have to have protections in place somehow
.

“Does she want to talk with me?”

“Very much.” But has she really changed? That was the question that dogged him day and night. His son looked mighty somber. Maybe he’d been having second thoughts too. Knowing Eddie, he’d mulled over every syllable of their conversation. “Do you want to talk with her?”

Eddie nodded but without a lot of force. “I-I think so.”

Gil squatted down in front of the chair so he and Eddie were eye to eye. “You don’t have to, do you understand that?” At his son’s slight nod, Gil added. “I did this only because you seemed to want it so badly.”

“I-I know that.” Eddie had his elbows propped on the arms of his chair, rubbing his fingers together. When he looked up at his father, confusion darkened his eyes. “I’m sorry I was a brat.”

“Oh, Eddie.” Gil put his arms around his son and held him close. Eddie’s arms circled his father’s neck. “I really don’t like it when you do the silent treatment, but I sure understood why you were upset. Please forgive me for . . . for handling this so poorly.”
Lord, thank you for healing my mistakes
. “Eddie, I know I say this often, but please understand that I truly want to do what is best for you and me, our family.”

Eddie nodded and wiped his eyes on his father’s sweater-covered shoulder. “So, when do I talk with her?”

“I figured Saturday would be a good time.”

“But Maggie and I are giving Breaking Free a bath that day.”

“It’ll be in the evening.”

They turned as the front door opened and Bonnie charged down the ramp and up to the chair, woofing and yipping her delight, wriggling all over and making sure both her men got drooly greetings.

Gil stood and wiped his cheek with his handkerchief and then extended the cloth to Eddie who mopped up, giggling all the while.

“Let’s go ride, huh, Bonnie?” He headed for the ramp to the house, leaving Gil to reset the lift and close the van doors. And be grateful.

By the time Gil got to the barn, he was ready to rip into both Eddie and Maggie for not minding the rule. But he stopped when he heard Eddie mention a phone call. He paused in the doorway, not intentionally eavesdropping but hesitating to interrupt as his curiosity got the better of him.

“So I get to talk to her tomorrow night.” Eddie paused. “So what do you say to your mother when you are eleven years old and you don’t remember ever seeing her?”

Good question, son.
Gil rubbed the back of his neck. Did Eddie not trust him well enough to ask him that question?

“Good question.” She paused. “I don’t know Eddie, I mean . . .” Another pause stretched before she began again. “I guess if it were me, I-I’d make a list of the things I wanted to know. I always used to make a lot of lists.”

Was that pain he heard in her hesitating voice? When he gave himself a moment to think on what he knew of her past . . . how could she talk so gently with his persistent son?

“Way cool. I hope she doesn’t get all mushy.”

Gil nearly chuckled. He hoped so too, for Eddie’s sake. Maybe he should warn Sandra. He shook his head, no way. She asked for this, let her deal with her forthright son. He strolled up to them.

Maggie nodded a greeting and handed him a brush. “Here, you need to learn how to groom a horse too.”

Her business-like tone didn’t match the clouds in her eyes. He nodded. “Thanks, I guess.”

“For when you own one.” Eddie grinned at his father, lifting one eyebrow and wiggling it, a trick he’d practiced until he perfected it.

“Who said I was going to get another horse?” He watched how Eddie brushed the horse’s coat and did the same.

“Always go with the direction of the hair,” Eddie advised and then added, “Well, we could go riding together and if you didn’t want to ride all the time, Maggie could go with me.”

“Since when are you ready for trail riding?”

“I will be.”

When Gil glanced at her, Maggie looked the other way. He knew she was enjoying this conversation and yet—he realized something. Maggie never smiled. What would it take to make Maggie smile?

“Okay, so if we got another horse and you note, I said if. A big if.” Eddie kept brushing, so Gil continued, “What kind of horse should we possibly, maybe, perhaps, think about?”

“You could always get another Thoroughbred at Los Lomas.” Maggie dumped her brush in the bucket and motioned for her two helpers to do the same. “How about you learn to saddle a horse today too?”

“Everything in one day?”

Eddie hooted. Bonnie yipped, and he could swear Breaking Free was laughing too. But while Maggie’s eyes glinted, her mouth remained . . . what, frozen? Surely she had a sense of humor in there somewhere.

Step by step she showed him what to do then stood back and let him do it. Pad first, stirrups crossed over the seat, make sure the saddle is exactly in the right place, then buckle the girth and let the stirrups down.

“Good job.” Maggie looped the bridle over her arm and proceeded to do the same procedure. “Remember when you take the halter off to buckle it around his neck so he is never left unrestrained.”

He remembered the lesson from the other day regarding the proper method of tying and untying a horse.

With Breaking Free tacked up, they helped Eddie mount, and she had Gil lead the horse out of the barn and to the round pen where they repeated the lessons from the day before with both Gil and Maggie working as escorts. Keeping his full concentration on his son was not easy. Thoughts of Maggie kept slipping under his guard. At one point they stopped and he listened as she asked Eddie what other verbal commands she should be teaching Breaking Free. His son proved again how knowledgeable he had become, making Gil’s chest puff in pride.

“How about coming to the house for dinner?” he asked when they were putting Breaking Free out in the pasture.

“All right, thank you.”

“Good, maybe you can play Xbox with me.” Eddie slapped his hands on the chair arms.

“Xbox?”

“You’ll be sorry,” Gil murmured.

She glanced from father to son. “Is this some rite of passage or something?”

“You’ll see.”

Later after dinner, Eddie rolled into the kitchen where Maggie was helping Maria clean up the kitchen. “You ready for Xbox?”