Last Kiss in Tiananmen Square (20 page)

“I’m here to tell everyone that I want to start a hunger strike. Why am I doing this? It is because I want to see the true face of the government. We are fortunate enough to have parents who raised us to become college students. But it is time for us to stop eating. The government had again lied to us and ignored us. They even sent troops to the Tiananmen Square to scare us and beat us. We only wanted the government to talk with us and to say that we are not traitors. We, the children, are ready to die. We, the children, are ready to use our lives to pursue the truth. We, the children, are willing to sacrifice ourselves for our country’s future.”

Hundreds of pairs of eyes around her were looking forward as though they could see the stage. Baiyun could imagine Big Li’s swarthy face and his two thick-eye-browed eyes. Those two eyes were telling people: Believe me; I was truthful. Baiyun was ashamed of her own selfish thoughts. Big Li’s behavior after the start of the prodemocracy movement was totally a surprise. She was happy to see that a good and nerdy student like Big Li could become a courageous student leader. She was also surprised how much she had changed herself. Two weeks ago, she was still studying hard on TOEFL exam in the library.

Big Li’s words had truly convinced her why it was worthwhile to make such a sacrifice. They were asking the government for dialogue and recognition. Were these two things worth dying for? She didn’t think so. But Big Li’s speech made her realize that the hunger strike was about much more than those two demands. It was about seeing the government’s true face.

The meeting hall was in chaos. More and more students struggled forward to join the hunger striker team. As a member of the News Center, Baiyun decided to apply for the hunger strike reporter job, which was her favorite job. She was beginning to realize that she enjoyed witnessing and recording the important historical events.

When Baiyun was finally pushed out of the conference hall, she met Li Yan from the News Center. They both had to go back to the main campus walking their bicycles, since it was impossible to ride through the crowds. Li Yan agreed Baiyun should follow the hunger strikers to Tiananmen Square tomorrow.

Baiyun thought as she pushed her bicycle in the slow traffic. She noticed it looked quiet on the streets, only students with white headbands rushing around. She guessed that some parents either had already brought their sons or daughters home or had gone home themselves after fruitless effort of persuasion. She could see clusters of students and workers on street corners, looking more intense. As she was approaching the Triangle, she spotted someone familiar, a six-foot tall middle-aged man with a white bandage wrapped around his head and a pair of green sunglasses sitting on his nose bridge. He wore faded gray shirt and blue jeans. He was talking to a group of students.

“The movement has reached a crucial point. The government has refused to talk to the Beida Student Federation after they have asked them repeatedly. Now the Russian president Gorbachev is coming. We, the Beijing Worker’s Union will support the students and jointly stage a Hunger Strike in the Tiananmen Square to show the government that we are serious about our demands of Free Speech and Democracy in China. We want the government stop calling us instigators of illegal activities. We want the government to have dialogue with the students and broadcast it to the whole world.” He lost some weight and looked gaunt yet his voice was loud and full of confidence.

Baiyun was watching and utterly moved by this scene. How could she blame him for cheating her and his wife? Maybe he hadn’t had time to tell her yet. Maybe he was planning to but never had opportunities. A part of her was still very curious about this man who recently just wooed her young love without telling her that he was married. Was she supposed to be mad? She didn’t know what to think. Maybe this was an opportunity to clear it up. She waited for Dagong to finish and then squeezed to the front.

“Dagong.”

“Baiyun.” Surprised, Dagong quickly resumed his composure. “Nice to see you here. What a coincident!”

“What? You are here in the center of my college and think it is impossible to run into me?” Baiyun said and tried to tease him a little.

“You are right. I’m hoping to run into you even though the ‘Hunger Strike’ has bought me here. After we heard that the students are going to start a hunger strike, Beijing Worker’s Union has organized a support team. We will provide the moral and material support. It is nice to see you.”

“This is nice. I thought you were looking for me also.” Baiyun stared into his eyes behind the green sunglasses in order to get more clue of his intention but it was too hard. She decided to do the slow and verbal way.

“We can take a walk here around the campus. I’d like to show you around,” suggested Baiyun. She is quite good at dealing awkward situation like this after years of training at home, she was telling herself.

“Sure, I have some time. Do you want me to take you on my bicycle again? This time you can sit on the front handle bar and lean against my chest like a lover. The back seat is reserved for my wife and son,” said Dagong in a good humor.

“I can’t believe you still make me laugh at this moment. But I don’t feel like it. Let’s just walk,” said Baiyun. “Let’s walk toward the Nameless Lake.”

After Dagong parked his bicycle, they started walking. By 5:00pm, the sun had gradually disappeared behind the trees and buildings. The air turned a little cooler. But the amount of activities on campus had not decreased at all. It would go on until midnight. Nothing normal was happening on campus anymore. Everyone seemed to be enjoying the class boycott with no homework to worry about or tests to prepare for. It was no longer necessary to sit in the library all day long to grow calluses on their bottoms. This new student culture was like a dream coming true and they were enjoying it intensely while organizing their unprecedented prodemocracy movement. They spent their days meeting and talking with people, organizing meetings, having news conferences, writing posters and riding bicycles to Tiananmen Square.

Because of the traffic on the street, Baiyun decided to take Dagong through an old, almost abandoned residential area on campus. It was located near Baiyun’s dorm but across the street and was encircled by the old brick wall. The enormous encircled area mainly consisted of trees and stones. Occasionally a reddish colored brick house appeared. The clothes hanging on the rope under the front porch roof and bok choy and celeries lying against the wall had indicated the house was occupied. Baiyun and Dagong were walking on the dirt road over many layers of dry leaves. They were silent for a while. They both realized that this was an ideal place for lovers. Since this place officially was not a part of the present-day campus, very few students had ventured in this area. Baiyun was nervous. When she first ran into him today, she planned to slap him on the face and walked away. She couldn’t believe she not only took him for a walk but also lured him to this lover’s heaven.

For many years, she wished she could find a nice young man to rely on and to bear her heart to. Dagong almost became one and then the complication happened. He was married and she shouldn’t see him again ever. Yet he showed up again in her life and she took him back for reasons she couldn’t understand herself. She was confused and excited. She didn’t know which emotion was stronger. She was like a heroin in a prohibit love who was just about to plunge into the abyss and she hoped that she would come out alive. It is too late to back out and let’s see what happens, she told herself. She was naturally curious so this would be a chance to understand Dagong better.

Dagong, however, was more experienced. He wrapped his right arm around Baiyun’s shoulders and looked into her eyes. Their faces gradually moved toward each other and their eyes were full of love and anticipation. Just before their lips were about to touch, Baiyun suddenly turned her head away. In recent years, she had always imagined kissing a boy, and wondering how it would feel. “Would this be the same as I have imagined?” she asked herself.

“Are you afraid?” asked Dagong. Baiyun nodded silently, not really afraid, but mostly shy, and at the same time excited inside. “How about we find a place and sit down for a while?” Baiyun nodded again, both eager and somewhat afraid at the same time.

She could feel her heart beating like a drum. She could sense what was going to happen and felt fear but also curiosity. But how could she refuse him? How could she refuse to get closer to such a charming and attractive man? Oh, she almost forgot he was married. She had to ask him about that.

They sat on a bench under a tree.

“Woo, summer started early this year,” said Dagong. He unbuttoned his white polyester shirt and sat on the bench. “Even the stone bench is warm,” he added.

“I saw a pair of lovers just left. They didn’t realize they had left something here.” Baiyun sat next to Dagong. She wanted to ask him about his family but she decided to wait not wanting to disturb such a pleasant atmosphere.

Dagong chuckled. Even in the shade, Baiyun’s face was radiant. Her straight black hair was glowing under the sunlight that filtered through the trees. She put her hands on her bare legs stretched out from her shorts and said:

“I’m so excited! This democracy movement is fun.”

“You kids just want to have fun,” said Dagong teasingly.

“Stop lecturing me! I know your generation!”

“What do you know? Have you ever worked in the countryside?” questioned Dagong.

“Yes.”

“How long?”

“2 months.”

“Ok. That’s nothing. I am talking about 10 or 20 years. Have you ever worked on a hog farm?” Dagong raised his voice.

“No. So what?”

Dagong stood up to face her.

“So you don’t know what hardship is. Have you washed your body with icy water? Have you slept in a place where eggs cracked due to the cold?”

Wanting to argue on an equal level, Baiyun stood up to face him directly.

“No, no and no! But your generation is passive and letting others turn and twist your fate. You don’t have guts any more. You have lost all your edge through years of bad fortune.” Baiyun was so surprised by her assertiveness.

She stared at him. He gazed at her. Her face was pink down to her neck and his neck was red up to his ears.

“Hey, you kids are getting damn serious,” said Dagong, breaking the momentary silence.

Baiyun giggled and then said: “Don’t just laugh it off. Where is your answer?”

“Do you want a kiss?” Dagong looked at Baiyun with affection. Baiyun stood there quietly and dreamingly. She sensed people walking past them like a show.

“No answer. Does that mean Yes?” He put his arms on top of her shoulders. She moved forward. Their lips reached out for each other. Baiyun had hundreds of reasons not to kiss Dagong yet the only one reason she had to kiss him had made the decision. She loved him after all. The bandage on his head made her love him even more. He was a hero of the movement after all. Who wouldn’t want to kiss a hero? Whether he was married or not, she didn’t want to care now. She was indeed her mother’s daughter and her family gene was certainly at work.

“Hello. Baiyun, Baiyun!” A voice took them out of their fantasy.

Baiyun raised her head. Like a strange nightmare, her mother, Meiling appeared in front of them. Only it was real. She sat on the back seat of her boyfriend Lao Zheng’s motorcycle. They both wore leather jackets and blue jeans. There was a guitar on Meiling’s shoulder.

“Hi, mother.” Meeting Meiling so unexpectedly, and with Dagong after witnessing his family together with Meiling not long ago, Baiyun felt totally embarrassed and even guilty.

“I don’t mean to disturb,” Meiling winked at them, but mostly at Dagong, who was dead silent. Then she pulled Baiyun to the side and said, “You are seeing him again. I want you to explain to me. Why are you seeing a married man?”

“Mother,” this was the first time Baiyun got caught red-handed by her mother for doing something wrong. It was usually other way around. “I will talk to you later, Ok?” She stared at her mother innocently trying hard to get her approval.

“Baiyun is a big girl. She could take care of herself,” said Lao Zheng. Then he turned to Baiyun and gave her a sleazy smile, which didn’t make Baiyun feel like throwing up this time.

“Ok, maybe I will see you soon. Take care of yourself.” Meiling handed Baiyun a bag of food and a jacket.

“De, de…..” Meiling and her boyfriend disappeared in a cloud of smoke and noise.

“So now you’ve met my mother,” said Baiyun uneasily. “Sorry it had to be like this”

“No. I have met her a few times. Once in Xidan Market after we came out of the fancy restaurant there. The other time was after the police in Tiananmen Square had beaten me. She seems like quite an exciting person,” suppressing the urge to tell her that he thought Meiling looked familiar.

“Thank you.”

“I take it that man is not your father.”

“No. He is too young to be my father.”

“Where is your father?”

“He died a long time ago during the Cultural Revolution.” She lied.

“I see,” Dagong moved closer to Baiyun, “I guess your mother stole our kisses,” Dagong beamed at Baiyun.

Baiyun turned her head toward him and said, “That’s a good thing.” Baiyun teased.

“Why?” Dagong was surprised.