Lamp Black: Second Edition, Disaster, Preparedness, Survival, Awakening (The Gatekeeper Book 2) (22 page)

John wasn’t overly familiar with the feeling of shame, having been a proud and generally upright man, but his mind opened to shame in a way that he never before experienced. He began to see that he had held on to more shame than he realized. He saw his past behavior, of having ignored the emotional needs of others, and at times, embracing self-pity at the expense of others. He began to regret his past behaviors. Shame of weakness and inadequacy, of being hurt and retaliating, of striking back and hurting others, filled his soul.

John saw how shame cloaked him like a heavy blanket, that it restricted his ability to make good choices. Shame limited his agency. In fact, it choked it like a garden filled with weeds. The feeling of shame was so powerful that it actually weakened him, and prevented him from improving himself and others. Shame limited his choices and hindered his progress, and he was bound to it.

As he searched for a way to rid himself of his shame, John remembered the fire, how it cleansed him. With his hands on the gate, John mentally reached for the fire and let it wash over him. He began to see how the choices he made were his responsibility, and that he couldn’t blame anyone for who and what he was, or what he had done. The new awareness brought forward an understanding of freedom, to forgive himself and others, to rid himself of all his shame. John imagined the fire burning away a cloak of shame, and as the last bits of the cloak were burned away, he felt new hope. Finally, when the last bit of shame was consumed by the flames, and John felt light and free, free of shame, the seal of the gate released and John pushed it open.

He passed through the gate of shame, and after closing and sealing the gate firmly behind him, he continued up the gently ascending trail. He enjoyed the peace and serenity of the trail, how the walk allowed him to clear his mind and body. He also felt the effects of the gates, how passing through them seemed to purge him of his troubles. John
didn’t know how many gates remained, or what they would require of him, but he knew he needed to complete the journey.

A gentle breeze stirred against John’s face as he stepped into the next clearing. He saw, in the middle of the clearing, a whirlwind. A powerful vortex of air turned innocently before John. It danced over a stationary spot in the clearing, fixed in place as if entirely content with its location and purpose. Like the fire, John felt no threat for the vortex. Also like the fire, he felt drawn to it, so he approached it confidently. The vortex seemed to pick up speed as John neared. Invisible hands of air reached for him, and began to playfully tug at his hair and clothes. Nimble and carefree, the vortex beckoned John closer.

John stepped into the vortex and let the fast moving air wash over him. It tugged at his pants and tunic, and blew hair into his eyes. As he stepped into the middle of the vortex, all was calm and serene. Surrounded by the vertical tunnel of air, John extended his arms out to his sides and let his hands play against the wall of swirling air. He felt loved, happy, light and free, like the wind itself. An unmistakably soft and gentle caress of love filled his heart. But the great and terrible strength of the air was not lost on John. He knew the vortex could lift and hurl him away if it so desired. He felt the strength of the wind, that it couldn’t be denied. It was powerful and unstoppable.

From the center of the vortex, John saw the gate. He stepped out and confidently approached it. Momentarily curious about what he would be made to endure in order to pass through, he paused to examine it carefully. Finding no markings, or clues of any kind, John boldly placed his hands on the gate. He was immediately filled with grief. Sorrow and hopelessness filled his heart. He felt lost and forgotten, abandoned and alone. A sense of emptiness and hopelessness filled every memory of his life. The death of his dad, his childhood dog, and friends lost in combat. All those feelings began to work against John, to smother him with grief. He recalled the loneliness of deployments, of missing special occasions with his family, and lying injured on a hospital bed while his Soldiers continued to fight without him.
Grief, in all its power, flooded over John like a tsunami of regret and disappointment.

In the depths of absolute grief, but having learned how to respond to the overpowering feelings that assaulted him from the previous gates, John drew upon his memory of the vortex. How the fast moving air reminded him of love and power, that he felt happy and light. As he allowed the memory of the powerful and loving currents of air wash over him, John began to feel the bonds of grief loosen. The burden of grief was deep within John, but he allowed the vortex to fill him, and rid him of every ounce of his grief. As the burden lifted, John felt strong and free. As he let go of grief, he felt another floodgate, another unforeseen blockage, open within him.

The seal of the gate released and John pushed it open. He closed and sealed it behind him and stopped for a moment to enjoy the feeling of renewed energy that flowed through him. He resumed his walk up the trail and considered the changes going on within him. With every passing gate, something was happening to him. He didn’t fully understand it, but it was like the gates themselves were somehow connected to him. They were a part of him.

After a short distance, plant and animal life emerged along the trail. Grasses and beautiful wildflowers were home to countless colorful butterflies. The smell of the air had changed. It was more alive, like the springtime air after an early morning rain shower. When John rounded a bend in the trail, he entered a lush and expansive clearing.

He noticed the trail continued through the clearing as it passed through a field of tall grass with even more wildflowers and flowering bushes. A variety of trees and other plant life also grew in the clearing, filling the space with a vibrant abundance of life in all its forms and functions. Everything around him was happy and alive. John was filled with joy as he watched hummingbirds dip and land on bright, nectar bearing, flowers. A variety of colorful song birds swooped and dived through the air, darting between the three branches that hung above
the shaded path. Everything was exciting to watch, and it pleased John to be surrounded by such vibrant and exuberant life.

In the center of the clearing, away from all the other trees, stood a large and stately tree that was grand beyond all description. John knew it was the main tree, the center of the clearing. He approached it and studied its uniquely textured surface. Deep within the trunk glowed some kind of energy, the energy of life. It was the source of life for the grand tree, and for all life in the clearing.

John rested his hands against the tree and felt its energy. Happiness and serenity filled his heart as the tree’s energy flowed into him, through his hands and arms, and into his body. Filling him completely. Happiness and joy washed over him, lifting his heart and clearing his mind. It invigorated him beyond measure.

John saw the gate at the end of the clearing, and he was surprised to see that it looked different. It looked damaged, like it had been beaten upon with many heavy hammers. John approached it and placed his hands upon it. He immediately recoiled from the gate and took several steps back. The gate was angry. John readied himself and replaced his hands on the gate. The anger returned, but stronger and more focused than ever. Hatred and vengeance filled John’s mind and forced him to his knees. His hands became fists against the hard, unyielding surface of the gate, but he did not strike it. He did not beat his hands against the gate of anger, but it was pushing him. He did not want to succumb to the gate of anger, but it was winning.

John struggled to maintain even the slightest amount of rational and reasonable control over his mind, so dark were his thoughts of anger. Darkness filled his heart. He wanted to strike out, to hurt and destroy the gate, to hurt or destroy anything he could get his hands on. John wanted to hurt everyone who ever insulted or offended him. He wanted to crush those who laughed at and ridiculed him, who criticized and mocked him. He wanted to hurt, maim, and kill. Crush those who hurt him, hurt those he loved, and hurt all that was good.

As anger was about to consume John, just as he was about to surrender to it, he reached for and drew upon the feelings of joy and happiness he felt when he touched the tree of life. As he drew upon those feelings, he felt new life grow within him. On the field of destruction that represented his persistent anger, John saw new life begin to spring forth from the ground. Grass and wildflowers quickly grew, and trees and bushes took immediate shape. The more growth, the more joy and happiness he allowed to enter his heart, the easier it was to push the anger away. And the more he pushed, the more beautiful and abundant the life that grew within him. Finally, after a considerable struggle, John was able to rediscover the joy of life, and he was able to release all his anger. He was free of it.

With his anger released the gate also released, and John pushed it open. He saw the gate was unmarked, and realized that his renewal was equal to that of the gate. Without hesitation, John passed through the gate and sealed it firmly behind him. Though he never felt more alive, the gate of anger had tired him greatly. When John moved up the trail a short distance, where he could no longer see the gate, he lowered himself to the ground and sat to consider his progress. He marveled at how purposeful the gates were for him, how they seemed to be systematically clearing his body. John touched his chest, where the feeling of new energy flowed the strongest.

He wondered what it meant, and an image of a standing male figure filled his mind. Upon the figure were eight points of light in a line down the center of his body. Around each light, lines of energy moved through and around the body. The lowest point of light started near the tailbone, and the top ended at the crown of the figure’s head. John realized that each point of light must correspond to a gate, and that passing through the gates unlocked, or unblocked, the energy that flowed within him.

From the bottom up, the next point of light was at the bladder, which John knew aligned with water. Then the stomach, which was fire, the lungs, air, and the heart, life. John saw that he had three more
gates to complete, and that the points of light were at the figure’s throat, forehead, and crown. John unconsciously touched the three areas and tried to imagine what the elements and the gates would be. He didn’t think they’d be harder or easier, just different, and specific to the individual points of light.

John realized that by passing through the five gates he already cleared five points of light. Now that he was partially unblocked, he felt how his energy flowed freely from his heart, down to his tailbone, and that the true purpose of the gates was to unblock the flow of energy through his entire body. Excited to resume his journey, John stood and resumed his walk up the trail.

He felt a low, harmonic vibration before he even entered the clearing. It was soothing, yet powerful, and complete. Vibrating pulses washed over him, and filled him with feelings of harp-like melodies. When John entered the clearing, the vibration turned to sound that grew clearer and stronger with each step. The sound emanated from a tall crystal in the middle of the clearing, and the closer he got to it, the clearer and cleaner it felt. The music filled John with peaceful strength, and it flowed through him like so much healing music.

John ran his hands over the crystal’s smooth surface. He could almost see his reflection in its opaque, but highly polished surface. He rested his forehead against the crystal and let it sing to him, a personal song, one that only John could hear. It spoke to him in a language of harmony centered on truth and honesty. He opened his mind to it, let it match and move through him. It immediately opened his mind to a level of clarity and insight he never knew. The music also opened his mind to the purpose of the gate without even having to touch it. He turned to examine the gate, but he hesitated to pull away from the crystal, so great was its comfort. Yet he did pull away, for he was close. Close to finishing the trail, close to learning the truth, close to enlightenment. John wasn’t sure how the word enlightenment came up, but it was there, in the front of his mind.

He approached the gate, and without hesitation he put both hands out and leaned against it. As he suspected, it was the gate of lies. He opened his mind to the gate and immediately saw all the lies that he had either said or lived, and how they had hurt him, and those around him. John didn’t think lying was a problem for him, but he knew he wasn’t perfect, that he had hosted many lies. He saw how they confused the truth, and changed people’s directions and decisions. How they clouded his path, and the paths of others.

As John allowed the weight of his lies, the deception of them, and the damage of broken trust, to rest squarely on his shoulders, he wavered in disbelief. He realized that he had been lying to himself by believing that he was free of lies. The very nature of that lie was a loop of all lies, and it had hindered his access to truth. A lifetime of lies filled John’s mind, and he needed help to break its hold over him. He thought of the music, the sound of the crystal, and how it sang to him about truth and honesty. He let the sound fill him, and free him of lies and deception. It washed over and through him, and ultimately purified him. He gathered together all his lies, and he let them go.

He felt the gate release and he pushed it open. After closing the gate and walking up the trail, John noticed, for the first time, that he had gained a great height up the side of the mountain. From his vantage point, John saw the lake far below. It resembled a blue jewel on a bed of fine green silk. He marveled at how it gleamed and shimmered in the setting sun. The view from the trail was breathtaking, but his journey was not over. He turned his attention to the trail and resumed his climb.

Evening began to settle upon the trail, and John worried about his footing. But as he rounded a turn a glowing light began to illuminate the trail ahead of him. At first the light was faint, barely illuminating the steps ahead of him, but soon the radiance, brighter and warmer than the sun, completely filled the trail under him. Moments later, John stepped into the clearing. A pillar of light stood in the center, and
a beam of light rose up, from its top, high into the twilight sky, like a fine beacon.