Kraken (5 page)

He raised his head a fraction to catch his bearings. A long, solid wharf lay to the north, a small building on the end. Yachts and launches circled around it, briefly hovering, then pulling away, like oversize hummingbirds.

He sat up unsteadily, shifting himself onto the seat. He’d be damned if everyone would see him coming in to the wharf like that.

“Well done,” said Cyrus. “See, I knew you could do it.”

Will glared at him.

Cyrus pulled in to a concrete boat ramp about a hundred yards from the main jetty. Will jumped out as soon as the water looked knee deep. He couldn’t care less about his trousers, he just wanted out.

“Here,” said Cyrus, throwing him the painter. Instinct kicked in, and as if they’d rehearsed it a thousand times, Will caught the painter and ran it around a sapling growing next to the boat ramp, putting in a bowline to hold the dinghy fast, while Cyrus shipped the oars and grabbed the backpack from the bow. Cyrus hopped out, straight onto the concrete ramp, as the boat bobbed in the deeper water to the side.

Hands shaking, only partly with cold, Will headed off along the wide pine-needle covered path that led to the side of a large white wooden building, bare feet tender on the occasional stone. He didn’t wait to see if Cyrus was following.

The store was a strange mix of grocery store, cafe, and thrift shop. The long jetty finished right at the main entrance, and the incessant hammer of a compressor drifted down from the end of the wharf, where a battered metal sign from a petrol company stood watch over the small flock of boaties arriving and departing. The vault-like ceiling and wooden floorboards doubled noise back on itself. At the back two deep wooden counters guarded shelves of dry goods.

A tall shape blocked their way. “Hey,” said Parker.

“Fuck,” said Will.

“It’s good to see you,” said Parker. “I mean,
really
good. I actually come down to, ah, place flyers.” He waved a handful of paper vaguely in the direction of the counter.

The dark-haired woman poked her head around Parker’s side. “I did tell him not to do it. Because . . . “

“Because I might die from sheer embarrassment?” said Will, grabbing a flyer from Parker and staring at his own face on it. It was one of the photos from their last holiday together. He could see where Parker had cropped his own head out.

“What’s going on?” asked Cyrus.

Will flipped his hand back and forth between them. “Cyrus, Parker. Parker, Cyrus. I’d introduce the lady, but I have no idea of her name, despite the fact my boyfriend’s fucking her.”

“Your boyfriend?” Cyrus and Parker both spoke at the same time.

“It was a week, Parker,” Will hissed. “One fucking week. I thought you were . . . impetuous. Angry. Pissed off. Yes, I fucking thought you were still my boyfriend.”

“Gentlemen, please lower your voices.” The speaker was a much older man, with white hair and a deep mosaic of wrinkles across his face, and a black armband around his checked flannel shirt. Behind his thick glasses pale blue eyes assessed Will. “This is a family place.” He gestured to a flock of tiny kids buying bags of candy.

“So, Mr. Bennett, this is your absconded guest, hmmm? Not so lost after all, it seems.” He looked down at Will in a conspiratorial manner. “He rang last night, quite distraught. Was all for putting together a search party and setting out to scour the island for you.”

He chuckled to himself. “I told him, no need for that. It’s not that big an island. I knew you’d fall on your feet, all right. And look, so you did: breakfast with Mr. Keller. Isn’t that nice? I can see you need to get to know one another. You’ll soon be one big happy family.”

Cyrus’s lips were pressed together in a thin line.

The dark-haired woman stuck her hand out to Will. “Will, I’m Sina. I’m sorry about last night.”

Will stood looking at her until she lowered her hand.

“Fine.” She took a breath. “Let’s sit, all right? Will, we have to arrange to get your bag back to you, at least.”

For a minute Will considered abandoning his bag, walking out and just waiting at the end of the wharf for rescue. A ferry had to come sometime today, the store must get its deliveries somehow. They’d remember he’d bought a return ticket. It’s not like there were a lot of travelers. Fuck his wallet. Fuck his bag. Only the thought that his car keys were in his luggage held him back. Without them it would be a long wait indeed at car park for the auto club.

In his soppiest imaginings he’d pictured he and Parker going into the mainland for the day, picking up his car and stocking up on food at the tiny supermarket in Redport. He’d buy a breadmaker, make sourdough while Parker . . . did whatever you did to keep your cash inheritance growing while you played the days away with your long-term partner. Will laughed to himself. Making bread. What the hell did he expect? Reality was a studio apartment and Christmas spent alone, because Parker wasn’t out to his family. And Will didn’t have one. And occasionally they’d take a vacation together and sit on separate towels, nursing hangovers and resentment.

When Parker first mentioned an island Will had never heard of, he’d thought he was insane.

“Parker, this is a joke, right?”

“No, baby, I’m serious. Come on, you’ll love it.”

“I’m . . .” Will fought for words. “Love it? Parker, what the hell gives you the idea I’d love living on an island? With no coffee. Or roads. I hate the ocean.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. There’s coffee. And you like swimming.”

“Firstly, anything that has to come from a jar is
not
coffee. And secondly, I like swimming in
pools
, with chlorine, and lifeguards in very small trunks, the way the gods intended. I don’t do open water. And I can’t live without the internet.”

It was absurd. And it was absurd he had to explain to Parker
why
it was absurd. He couldn’t live on an island. What would he do for work, for starters? And yet he felt what Parker must – some distant tug, the unbearable lure of an
island
. And Parker had asked
him
, wanted
him
. A life together on an island had to mean something permanent, right? Will had started to ache, deep inside, for something he never knew he wanted.

“Will, this can be a new start for us. Come with me. Please?”

And when he’d told Parker ‘No,’ and Parker had gone anyway . . . Well, he was unprepared for his reaction. Everything was slightly askew, as if someone had moved the world around. That night the dream started again. Fuck. Three years of therapy and it was still lurking in the darkness. He hadn’t had it for years, after innumerable nights waking his mom up every night screaming. He’d be swimming, diving down to collect shells and chase crabs. The light rippled on the sand like a fractured dance, and the sea floor stretched out forever. And then a ribbon of seaweed wrapped around his leg, pulling him down, and the ocean darkened, and suddenly he knew,
he knew
, that there was something far worse, just out of his sight, but he was running out of air, the sensation like a vise around his chest. He wanted to look, he had to look, but he knew if he looked it would be the end. And Will woke up sobbing, panting, and his heart hurt.

And to have to sit down and discuss this in front of a stranger— no, wait,
two
strangers, seemed unbearable.

Cyrus seemed equally inclined to leave, taking Will’s upper arm in his hand with a too-strong grasp that made Will wince.

“Will, please?” said Sina.

Will turned to Cyrus and looked up into his green eyes, as if this man he had just met would not only tell him what to do, but would make all of this not matter any more. In Cyrus’s cool gaze Will suddenly realized his reaction to Parker was hot shame at being foolish, at being played, and not actually for the loss of the man. Which was good, because it seemed as if Parker had hedged his bets all along.

Sina found them a table and went to order. Will assumed Parker was buying, which seemed fair to him. They sat and looked at each other uncomfortably until Sina came back and sat between Parker and Cyrus.

“Will, I’m really sorry you’re upset. I thought I made it clear. Did you not understand? We broke up.”

“Well I
didn
’t
. Or at least, I didn’t say I didn’t want to still be with you, I just said I didn’t want to move to an island!”

“How would that have worked, exactly?” asked Sina.

“Shut up!” snapped Will. “I didn’t even know he liked girls until last night.”

“How long . . . how long have you two been seeing each other?” said Sina.

“A year,” said Will.

“Baby, look– “ said Parker.

Sina sat back in her chair, bringing her hand to her mouth and biting a hangnail. “I think we all need to be honest here. Will, I’m— well, I’m Parker’s girlfriend.”

“Baby, no, I don’t think we need to— “

“Shush. This will all be all right. But no more lies.” Sina faced Will again. “Parker and I have been in a relationship for almost two months. I’ve met his family as his girlfriend. When Parker’s parents died, I went to the funeral with him.”

“You fuck! You told me you didn’t want me to have to miss work!” He definitely felt a thin veneer of fury, but at heart Will knew only resignation. He always knew he was nothing special, and here it was, proof played out in an up-close-and-personal enactment of his every worst fear.

Sina continued relentlessly. “I encouraged him to take this house as his share of the inheritance. I thought it would be a great place to raise kids: an old-fashioned upbringing. Outdoors, in a close community. I had no idea he was seeing you.”

Will put his elbows on the table and rested his head in his heads, examining the slick, plastic-coated tablecloth. He felt plates and cups being placed on the table as their order arrived. He blinked his eyes quickly to get himself under control. He did
not
want to cry in front of Sina.

“Parker told me last night that he’s been seeing you for longer than me. That you believed you were exclusive. Now, I have to ask, but
have
you been exclusive? Because Parker and I aren’t using condoms.”

“I am not the person you should be asking that.”

“Agreed. And I’m sorry I have to ask at all. But I haven’t been sleeping with anyone other than Parker, and I’m clean. So far. But we both clearly can’t trust Parker’s word that he’s been exclusive to either one of us. So, there’s that.”

Will thunked his head down on the table. “We never had sex,” he mumbled.

Cyrus leaned down to him. “What did you say?”

Will sat up. “We never had sex, all right?” he snapped.

“Oh.” Sina prised the lid off her cup and toyed with it.

“You wouldn’t even let me hug you from behind!” said Parker. “Did you really think I’d be forever okay with mediocre blow jobs and mutual masturbation?”

“I got takeaway cups because I didn’t know how long we could act like grownups here,” said Sina. “And Parker, you are just proving my point. “

She stirred a sugar into her cup, then replaced the lid, taking a sip and grimacing. “Okay Parker, so why did you ask Will to move in with you here?”

“Because I didn’t think he’d come! And I didn’t mean to, all right? I meant to just break up with him. But he looked like he was expecting it, so I thought I’d let him do the breaking. I knew he’d never last outside the city. He whines when I make him go to the park, for fuck’s sake.”

Will grabbed his own coffee and took a sip. The taste of bitter ashes filled his mouth.

“He was always a hair’s breadth away from leaving me anyway. Will doesn’t keep anything around for long. If he buys a new shirt he throws one out. He only owns enough clothes to fit in one suitcase. I’ve known him three years and he still only has one pair of sheets. You can’t have an argument with him or he walks away. I learned that early on: if you disagree, Will would rather kick you to the curb than work on it.”

“So she was the insurance plan, right Parker? If I ‘kicked you to the curb’ you had her ready to fall back on.”

“Will, no.” Parker grabbed Sina’s hand. “Baby . . . I love you.” He turned to face Will. “Will, what are you even doing here? Why the weekend visit?”