Knotted Roots (26 page)

“Katy!
What’s she doing here?” he asked, jerking his thumb in my direction. 

“She’s
here with me. Deal with it Chase.” She stood up straighter, squaring off with
him.  “I thought you two should talk.”

He
gave a short laugh, but there was no joy in it.  “No thanks. I’ve got better
things to do tonight.” He turned to leave and my instincts kicked in.  I
reached out and grabbed his arm, but he jerked it away, glaring at me with hate
in his eyes.  “Don’t. Touch. Me.”

“Chase.
Please. I need to talk to you.” I would grovel if I had to.  I wasn’t leaving
without telling him what I felt, once and for all.  “I swear, just give me a
chance.  If you don’t like what I have to say, I’ll never bother you again.”

He
stared into my eyes, unblinking, for what felt like eternity.  He finally
released a sigh and his shoulders eased a little bit.  “You’ve got five
minutes.  Speak quickly.”

I
looked at Katy, who nodded, then walked towards the roaring fire.  I turned my
attention to Chase who was already walking away, towards the water.  I followed
him until we were less than a foot from the frothy water.  He bent over and
took off his shoes, his toes wiggling in the warm sand.  He sat down, and then
motioned for me to sit as well.  Once we were finally both sitting, I turned to
face him.

“First,
I’m sorry for running away.  I was scared.  You caught me off guard,” I said as
I clasped his hand in mine.  “That’s not a good excuse, I know, but I’m hoping
you understand why I was scared.  We’ve only known each other a few months and
yet you were already saying you love me.  That’s scary as shit.”

I
looked into his eyes, but the anger was still there.  I hadn’t expected him to
just forgive me, but I had hoped that some of his pain would have lessened with
my confession.  There was nothing left to do but keep going.

“It
took Katy tearing me a new one for me to realize that I have been so, so
stupid.  You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.” I shook my head,
clearing away the fog.  “I’m not the same person I was when I got here...and I
have you to thank for that.  You have taught me so much this summer.  I don’t
want to leave...but I don’t want to stay if you hate me.  I couldn’t handle
seeing you everywhere, knowing how you felt about me at one time...and how
stupid I was to let it go. 

“Please
give me one last chance.  I...I love you, Chase.  I love you more than I’ve
ever loved someone before.  You are my muse, my reason, my everything.  I
refuse to let my doubts and fears get in the way of what I want ever again.”  I
took a deep breath.  “This is me.  Asking for one more.  One more day, one more
week, whatever you will give me.  I want whatever you’re willing to give.”

He
didn’t speak; he simply stared at our hands.  His fingers didn’t rub against
mine as they normally did.  I held my breath, scared to take a breath for fear
he would vanish, taking my heart with him.  I had never spoken truer words in
my life.  I had laid my heart and soul at his feet with the possibility of him kicking
it back at me with a snarl. 

When
he raised his head our eyes met and I was shocked to see tears in his eyes.  I
felt tongue-tied by the emotions waged across his face.  I thought back to the
first time we met, when my brain short circuited in his presence.  He was no
longer the carefree boy I imagined him to be.  He was broken, just like me, but
together...together we were two halves of the same whole, made complete by the
other.

“Roxie...I
love you.  I think I always will.  But I don’t know,” he said with a quivering
voice.  “What if you run again? I don’t think my heart can take it again.”

“I
can’t promise I won’t try again.  It’s all I’ve ever known.  But I want to
try.  All I ask is that you give me the chance.” I was nearing my breaking
point.  If he didn’t give me this chance I would fall apart, right before his
eyes.  I needed this like I needed air.  I couldn’t breathe without him in my
life.

He
let go of my hand, the loss of the feel of his skin against mine felt like the
end of my life, but when his fingers found my chin, my hope was restored.  He
lifted my face so we were eye level with each other.  His fingers stroked my
chin, making their way to my lips.  He ran his fingers gently over my lips, his
rough skin felt heavenly against the soft skin of my mouth. 

A
sigh escaped my lips, the taste of his fingers lingering on my lips.  When he
pulled his fingers away I wanted to scream.  I wanted those fingers on my skin
at all times, the need gnawing at my heart.  He smiled the first genuine smile
of the night and my heart swelled with glee.  If I could bottle my version of
happy, it would be this moment. My heart was pounding with love, the excitement
coursing through my body.

“I
think I can handle that.” He smiled at me, his white teeth sparkling in the
dark.  “But I have one condition.  You can’t, under any
circumstances...stop...loving me.”

I
laughed out loud, my voice ringing in my ears as I clambered to my knees.  I
threw myself at him, slamming my body into his, knocking him to the ground.  We
were both laughing, our faces mere inches apart.  His hands encircled my waist,
pulling me flush with his body.  My chest was pressed against his and I could
feel the steady beat of his heart, in sync with my own. 

Our
eyes locked together, the electricity between us humming as I glanced at his
lips.  They were the most beautiful lips I had ever seen on any guy.  I had the
sudden urge to taste them again.  This time, I wouldn’t hesitate or run away. 
I closed the gap between us, pressing my lips against his.  He immediately
responded, opening his mouth as his tongue slipped out.  He licked at my lips
as I nipped at his bottom lip. 

A
groan escaped my lips as I moved on top of him.  I could feel his response to
me pressing persistently against me.  I was feeling the same need for him, my
body shaking with desire.  I kissed him again, pulling his breath from his body
into mine, joining our bodies together.  I rubbed against him, feeling him grow
even harder beneath me.  He groaned and shifted me up his body, taking the
pressure off of his groin.

“You’re
killing me Roxie,” he said as he ran his hands up and down my sides, his
fingers grazing the sides of my breasts.  “We have to stop.  I refuse to ‘make
you a woman’ out here on the beach.” He let out a shaky laugh, his breath
slowly evening out.

I
laughed at him and smiled down at him.  “You’re right.  Where’s your truck?”

He
laughed and kissed me again.  “I’m a simple kind of guy, with simple morals.  I
won’t be taking anything like that from ya until we’re married.”

I
wanted to run again, but I didn’t.  I knew what he was implying, but in that
moment I was okay with it.  He wasn’t proposing right then, but he was honest
about where he wanted this to go.  I could handle that.  Sure, it was still
scary, but I was ready.  No more running away.  No more letting fear rule my
life.

I
rolled off of him, and curling against him, and rested my head on his
shoulder.  We both stared up at the clear sky above us.  The stars were
plentiful, sparkling in the dark sky overhead.  The scene was something
straight out of one of those cheesy romance movies, but at that moment, I was
glad to be the reluctant heroine.  There was no knight in shining armor set on
rescuing me, but there was a country boy in faded denim who loved me. 

In
the grand scheme of things, that was enough.  I didn’t need him to save me from
anyone or anything except myself.  He managed to mold and shape me in ways no
one else had been able to.  He gave me a life I never knew I wanted, blinding
me with love.  Was I scared of telling my parents? Hell yes.  But I would do
it.  I wanted to shout my feelings from the rooftop of every building in Perry
Point.  I wanted the world to know that I had found what I’d been missing. 

I
had finally found what it truly meant to be home.

EPILOGUE

As I
sit here on my bed, my cap and gown hanging on the back of my door, I close my
eyes and take a deep breath.  It’s hard to believe that in less than two hours
I’ll be free of high school.  I’ll be taking another step into the real world,
leaving behind one more chapter of my life.  It’s hard to believe that this
moment is real.  It feels like I’ve been waiting forever to walk across that
stage.

Mom
and Dad are downstairs with Chase, all of them anxious to get to the school. 
Me? I’m not ready.  I look over at my side table and find Grandma’s smiling
face looking back at me.  I pick up the picture and run my finger over her
face.  Dressed in her red sweater with the horrible reindeer emblazoned on the
front, I remember picking on her that morning about how hideous it looked.

I
remembered her begging me to take a picture of her in it so I would never
forget how awful it looked.  Looking at the picture now, I couldn’t help but
smile.  It was our first Christmas together and she had wanted to make sure
that it was my best ever.  I would always remember how she had scrambled to
find the perfect present for me, spending hours online and in the mall, but
never finding what she called the
perfect
thing. 

She
had no idea that she had already given me the perfect gift.  That hot weekend
last summer, when my parents had visited, she had begged them to let me stay. 
They argued for hours, always coming up with another reason why I should leave
or stay.  Ultimately, Grandma won.  She pulled the trump card: cancer.  When my
parents finally relented I jumped for joy.  For once, they were putting my
needs and wants before their own.

We
talked about what would happen if Grandma passed away while I lived with her,
but I assured them that I could handle it.  I wasn’t delusional enough to think
that she would live forever.  I knew that there was a possibility that I would
have to watch her die, but I was prepared.  Or so I thought.

I
was one month away from graduation when her health took a turn for the worst. 
It started as a simple cold, but with her immune system already in the crapper,
she didn’t stand a chance.  She spent two weeks in the hospital and then
finally succumbed to the sickness.  Chase was there with me the whole time.  He
held me while I cried and calmed me when I raged about how unfair it all was.

I
had hoped that she would make it to see me walk the stage, but God had called
her home before we planned.  There was no way to plan something like death, but
she kept telling me that she’ll go when she’s good and ready.  Looks like she
was overruled in the end.  As I stared at her picture in my hands I let the
tears fall freely.  I wouldn’t hold them back today.  I knew she was watching
over me every day, holding me tightly to her chest.  She would never really
leave me.

I
heard the footsteps coming up the stairs as I sat the picture back on the
dresser.  With no knock at all, my mother entered my bedroom.  She was
impeccably dressed, as usual, in her Donna Karen suit and classic pumps.  Even
after 10 months of being officially divorced she was still holding herself
together.  She and Dad were civil with each other, arguing occasionally, but it
wasn’t as terrible as it used to be.

“We’re
ready when you are baby,” she said as she walked over to me.  She sat down and
pulled me to her side.  “You okay?”

I
nodded as I wiped the tears from my face.  “Yeah, I was just thinking about
Grandma.  Looking at her picture, ya know?”

“She
was so proud of you.  I’m so proud of you.  Even with Grandma...passing...you
held it together and made it here.” She squeezed me tighter.  “I know she
wanted to be here today.  It was all she ever talked about.  Every time she
called she would tell me how great you were doing in school.  Or how helpful
you were around here and the farm.  You were the light of her life.”

“Thanks
Mom.  I miss her. So much,” I said as the tears began to fall again. 

“I
know. I do too,” she whispered against my head.  We hugged and cried together,
something we hadn’t done since I was a little girl.  It felt so right to have
her there with me.  It had taken a while for her to get over her hurt feelings
when I decided to stay in South Carolina.  I couldn’t really blame her for
feeling that way, but our relationship had suffered because of it.

I
pulled away from her slowly, wiping my face.  I knew my makeup was a mess at
that point, but I didn’t care.  I had needed the release.  I missed Grandma so
much and most days I held in the tears, unwilling to let it drag me down. 
Today was the one day I would allow myself to truly mourn her.  No.  I wouldn’t
mourn her today.  I would celebrate all that she had given me.  She would have
wanted it that way.

As
we drove to the school, Mom and Dad up front, Chase and I in the backseat, my
eyes remained focused on our joined hands.  The differences between us used to
be daunting, our relationship doomed from the start.  We had overcome so much
that summer, both of us finding ourselves, and finding each other in the
process.  Were we perfect? Not by any means.  Were we happy? Absolutely. 

I
know people hate to hear that couples found true love and lived happily ever
after, so I won’t tell you that.  Sure, we love each other and we’re happy, but
we still have a lifetime left to screw it up.  I don’t want a fairy tale or
prince charming. I want my reality with Chase by my side.  I wanted my real
friends, Katy and Brian, by my side for the rest of my life.  They showed me
the true meaning of friendship.

So,
while I may have been born in New York, I finally found my true home.  Mom says
her roots are here, with me, and I have to agree.  Our roots may be knotted and
gnarled, but they belong to us alone.  We’re finally home where we belong.  And
that feels right.