Knight in Shining Suit (42 page)

“
I wanted to get my
answers…” I said. “I wanted to know what we are… what we could
be…”

“
You went out on a date,”
he said, a trace of annoyance still evident in his voice. “Are you
opening yourself up to a possibility of a relationship?”

I shrugged. “I don’t
know,” I whispered softly. “I guess I just wanted to prove to
myself that… I was single.”

“
You weren’t single,
Astrid!” he said agitatedly. I stared up at him. “For months, you
were in a relationship…
with
me!
” His voice and his words made my mind
go blank. “You were just too stubborn to admit it, Ash! And I put
up with it! I waited! Until you’d finally be ready to admit it to
yourself!”

I couldn’t believe what I
was hearing. It wasn’t all fake for Ryder! It was easy enough for
him to treat me like a princess, to answer to my whims… because for
him it was all real.

Then his expression
softened. “And I would never touch Alizia,” he said. “Because I
would never cheat on you, Ash.”

Tears rolled down my
cheeks. I was more confused now than a few moments ago. Now, more
than ever, I did not know what Ryder and I were anymore. There was
a thin line between pretending and reality.

“
Maybe it’s time we
finally settle the score. Here. Now,” he said sternly.

I stared up at him. He
stepped closer to me and stared at me deeply.

“
Are you ready to have a
relationship, Astrid?” he asked seriously.

I took a deep breath. I
nodded. Because, honestly, I thought I was.

“
Are you ready to be
with
me?”

He asked me the question I
wanted him to ask. I knew the answer to that question now more than
ever. In spite of all my fears, all my insecurities, all my
uncertainties, I knew what I wanted now. It may be a dream, but I
wanted it. And I knew in my heart, that I had to fight for it.
Because Ryder was
really
worth it!

But when I stared up at
him and saw the cold expression on his face, I couldn’t find my
voice.

“
Do you even
want
to be with me?” He
rephrased his question. But still I couldn’t answer.

Ryder narrowed his eyes.
He looked angry, frustrated, and broken all at the same time. He
shook his head in disbelief and then turned to walk away. I knew I
should say something, or this moment would pass and I would regret
it forever.

“
I want to be with you,” I
croaked. “Only… you,” I added quietly.

He turned back to me.
Somehow, something in his expression changed. The cold and angry
expression was fading from his face. He took a step towards me. He
looked at me deeply, reading every emotion in my teary
eyes.

I took a deep breath. “But
I’m scared, Ryder…”

He drew a deep sigh of
relief. “Oh, God, sweetheart…” he whispered and the next thing I
knew, I was enclosed in his warm embrace. The embrace I missed so
much. Tears kept rolling down my cheeks.

“
I’ve been burned and
deceived in the past. I was scared for that to happen again. I
prevented myself from falling in love with you. Because I knew we
didn’t exist in the same world. I didn’t want to lose you in my
life. And I didn’t want to get hurt anymore.”

“
Why would I hurt you? I,
more than anyone, know the hell you have been through,” he
said.

“
Why me, Ryder?” I
reminded him. “I have nothing to give you in return.”

“
I already have
everything,” he said. “You’re the only thing I want.”

“
I’m not glamorous, I’m
not rich, and I’m not fit for someone like Ryder Van Woodsen. I’m
not what your society or your family expects or wishes for
you.”

He laughed and hugged me
tighter. “On the contrary, you’re exactly what my family would wish
for me. I think you will dazzle my society without even trying. And
maybe you don’t know that Ryder Van Woodsen didn’t want a rich
wife. He just wanted a woman who would love him even if he was
poor.” Then he pulled away from me so he could look into my eyes.
“And that’s you, love.”

“
You may want me now,
Ryder. But for how long?” I asked.

He kissed my forehead.
“How about forever and after that?”

I looked up at him. “How
could you say that?”

He laughed and pulled me
to him again. “Let me tell you a story that will perhaps ease your
mind,” he said. “I told you before that someday I’d tell you why I
am doing you all those crazy favors… well, there’s something I
should have told you a long time ago.” He took a deep
breath.

“
When I was a teenager,
girls would come easily to me and Jake. We got chased, not because
of who we were, but because we lived in mansions with limos, shiny
cars, bottomless pockets. Plastic girls who wished to be a part of
the big pie. Jake’s been in love with Janis almost all of his life,
and we’ve known each other since we were kids. Janis was just as
rich as Jake so he’s assured that she wasn’t after his money. He
was lucky. In that aspect, I envied him. Ever since I was young, I
wasn’t into womanizing… I grew up thinking these girls only wanted
my money. I wanted to find one like Janis, who loved Jake for who
he really is. Not because he was an heir to a huge inheritance. And
in this day and age, it is difficult to find someone like that. Who
would like you for who you are inside?

“
One day, I walked into a
jewelry shop to buy my mother earrings. I accidentally bumped into
some clumsy girl. Her scent filled my senses and to my greatest
shock, she hugged me and cried in my arms, without even looking up
to see who I was. It was the first time in my life I felt needed.
Not for my money… but for the warmth, comfort, and protection I
could provide.

“
When I looked down at
her, I saw a beautiful, but torn and broken soul. When I walked
into that jewelry shop, I couldn’t get her out of mind. She got
under my skin the minute I saw her. I didn’t complete my purchase.
I ran out of the store to start looking for her. I went into my car
and rounded those streets for like an hour searching for where she
could have gone, afraid that I may never see her again.

“
And then one night, when
I was doing my rounds at Oil Rig, I saw her again, sitting alone in
the bar, trying hard not to look miserable. I knew I had to meet
her, but I wasn’t used to picking up girls, or trying to start a
conversation with one… so I took off my jacket, borrowed a cap from
one of my bartenders and went to the counter to take her
order.

“
When she told me her
story and told me she needed help, I just couldn’t resist. It was
the easiest way for me to see her again. At that point, it didn’t
matter what I was doing. All I knew was that I wanted to get to
know her better and I’d like to see her again, so I agreed to help
her. I saw her spirit and her will to survive through her pain and
humiliation, and I admired her even more. And for the first time in
my life, I felt like someone liked me for me… it didn’t matter if I
was poor. I felt lucky that night. For once, a woman enjoyed my
company without knowing who I really was.

“
The investment, I did it
partly because I saw the potential in it. Another part wanted me to
give her a fresh start. Because the sooner she gets over her past,
the faster I can start to pursue her. But sooner or later, she had
to find out who I really was. And she didn’t like me anymore…
didn’t like me as much as she liked the bartender she
met.

“
And somehow, no matter
what I did, the issue of my birthright got in the way. To make
things worse, I go crazier and crazier about her every day. Believe
me, I never hated being Ryder Van Woodsen in my entire life. But I
did. Because I wanted her more!”

I listened carefully to
his story. I couldn’t help whimpering, crying rivers of tears
silently in his arms.

“
The bet that I had with
Janis and Jake wasn’t that serious. If I didn’t have a girlfriend
by then, I would just pay for their entire honeymoon when they get
married. I was planning to give it to them anyway, as a wedding
gift. So it didn’t matter if I lost. But by then, I was already
losing her… I needed to come up with a quick plan to keep seeing
her. And when Janis reminded me about the bet, an idea crossed my
mind. I took her to Miami, not just to win the bet, but also to
make her fall for me. But this girl can be pretty stubborn
sometimes. She was all bent up in her beliefs that no one could
change her mind. But I put up with it. I was willing to wait for as
long as it took because ever since I was a teenager; I was hoping
to find a woman who would love me for who I am inside. And I know
that the fact that I’m Ryder Van Woodsen prevented her from taking
a chance on me.”

He pulled away from me so
he could look into my eyes. I stared up at him, not able to stop
crying. It seemed like I could see Ryder’s soul in his eyes... like
he was baring it all for me.

“
Every time we pretend
we’re together, that was the only time I could freely express what
I really feel for you, Ash. I express how much I wanted to take
care of you. How much I wanted to hold you in my arms, and make
love to you. Whenever I was your fiancé, I picture how life would
be like when we’re truly together… and I know it would be
perfect.

“
When we stop, I had to
pretend I don’t feel anything for you, I held back every bit of
emotion. For a while now, it seemed that whenever I pretend to be
your fiancé, that’s when reality starts for us… when we go back to
being just… friends… that’s when we start to pretend.” He took a
deep breath and leaned forward to kiss my forehead
again.

“
You were so convinced
that you don’t belong in my world… but you don’t realize
that
I
belong to
you! For months now, Ash… you call me, I answer in one ring.
Anything you want, doesn’t matter what time or where I am… I pull
it off for you. Didn’t you ask yourself why I was going to hell and
back for you?”

I giggled in spite of my
tears. “I thought you were just crazy about saving poor damsels in
distress.”

“
I was crazy about you,”
he said. “God! I’m still crazy about you!” Ryder pulled me to him
again and locked me into a tight embrace.

“
You said I was having a
relationship with you…” I started.

“
It felt that way to me,”
he said. “We’re on the phone all the time, you have keys to my
house, I’m at your beck and call… really, Ash? You didn’t
notice?”

“
You tricked me!” I said
giggling.

He shook his head. “I
wanted you to realize that it didn’t have to be complicated. I
wanted you to get used to a life with me… and I was hoping you’d
find it comforting… that you could handle it… that I was far from
the rich assholes you met in your life. So when you’re finally
ready to admit to yourself that you’re ready for a relationship, I
would be the first on your list… regardless of whether I was Ryder
Van Woodsen or not.”

I closed my eyes and
savored Ryder’s scent, and his warm embrace. I realized that he was
right. I’d been living in his world for months, and he never judged
me, or disappointed me. He was the sweetest thing I knew. I don’t
know how his family would react to me… but I knew this guy would
fight for me. And that’s all that matters.

“
I cannot help who I am,
Ash,” he said wistfully. “I cannot change who I am. I will always
be Ryder Van Woodsen. But I want you in my life. I want you more
than I’ve wanted anything in my life! I’m willing to wait for as
long as it takes. I’m even willing to honor your
‘no sex before marriage’
policy, if that’s what it takes, and I will do it better than
Bryan ever did. I’ll fly back to Malibu for you as often as you
want. Just… trust me, take a chance on me. And I will do my best to
make you happy.”

I smiled at him. “I am
happy, Ryder. With you… in this
fake
relationship
we’re in. What would it be
like if we do it for real?”

He smiled back at me. “A
hundred times better,” he promised.

“
Don’t make any promises
you can’t keep,” I warned him. “I’ve had my fair share of broken
promises already.”

“
I know. I'm not making
any promises I can't keep. I promise if you take a risk with me, it
will be a hundred times better!” he said seriously.

I stared up at Ryder’s
eyes. The truth was I wanted to be with him as much as he wanted to
be with me. I may be scared, but I wanted him more than anything in
the world. He was right. It doesn’t matter whether or not I was
ready for a relationship with him. Sometimes, the only thing that
mattered was the way we felt… what we wanted. After all the pains
I’d been through with Bryan, maybe I really did deserve a life with
Ryder. Maybe Geena was right. I had to feel the pain of a broken
engagement with Bryan because he wasn’t the one meant for me.
Someone better was.

Finally, I smiled at
Ryder. Then I tiptoed and gave him a kiss on the lips. He savored
that kiss, as if he’d been dying to kiss me for days.

He took a deep breath. “I
love you, Astrid Jacobson. More than I’ve ever loved anybody. You…
are my life. I will take care of you, I will protect you. I love
you! I love you! I love you!” he said. Then he leaned his forehead
against mine. “Give me your answer, Ash. Will you risk being with
me? For real?” he whispered against my lips.