King 03 - Restless (11 page)

And in truth, I was more than a little taken aback by the invitation. In my mind, what was between Rafe and me should stay that way—private, only between the two of us. I didn’t have any plans to invite him for dinner with my parents, or even make a big deal at school about us being a couple. Keeping the whole thing quiet was just fine by me.

But obviously Rafe had other ideas. He was looking at me with a mixture of expectation and anxiety. I forced a smile.

“I would really love to do that. But maybe next weekend? If I’m out three nights in a row, my parents are seriously going to freak.”

To my relief, Rafe grinned in understanding. “Yeah, I get that. No problem. I’ll tell my grandmother… maybe Friday night?” 

I nodded, thinking that there was plenty of time before Friday night to come up with some plausible excuse. Although I was fascinated by the idea of hearing more King stories, I really didn’t want to give Rafe the wrong idea. Hanging out, going on the occasional date—I could deal with that. Meeting family and being considered a bona fide girlfriend was a route I wasn’t ready to take yet. Not with Rafe, not so soon after Michael.

We finished our ice cream and walked back to the car.  Rafe held my hand firmly, with a kind of defiant pride. While I might have wanted to hide whatever this was between us, I could feel that he was ready to shout it from the rooftops, and he didn’t care who saw us. I was going to have to tread this road carefully.

Rafe walked me to the front door again, and this time his urgency was almost palpable. He drew me close to him in the shadows and held my face gently between his hands.

“Tas…” he whispered, and then his lips touched mine, barely a brush of a kiss. I tentatively reached around him, and immediately, as though he had been waiting for some sort of sign, his mouth took complete possession of me. I heard a groan low in his throat over the pounding of my heart. He moved his hands from my face to my back, pressing me even closer to him.

I pulled away at last, gasping. “Rafe, I’ve got to go inside,” I murmured. “My parents probably heard the car. They know I’m home.”

In response he held me tighter. My head was forced against his chest, and I could hear that his heart was racing, too. 

After a moment, he loosened his hold and looked down at me. I could hear what he was thinking, and I felt his yearning. 

“Okay.” He traced one finger lightly over my lips. “I guess… I’ll see you Monday?” It was a question, and it was only because I heard his thoughts that I knew what he was really asking. 

“Of course.” Awkwardly, I rose onto my toes to touch my lips lightly to his. He brushed one hand lightly over my back and released me with that twisted half-smile of his. 

I stood on the porch and watched him climb into the car, wondering once again just where my life had spiraled out of control.

Hi, Tas. I hope… you had a good weekend. I’m ready to start another week up here. It’s been kind of chilly. I can’t believe I’m talking to you about the weather. I… miss you. That’s all. I love you, Tasmyn. Call me.

I dreaded going back to school on Monday. Not only was it now pretty common knowledge that Michael and I had broken up, but I was fairly certain that Rafe and I—and whatever this was between us—would also be the talk of the school. I had already gotten a reproachful email from Anne on Sunday.

In fact, Sunday had been a pretty rotten day. My parents had decided to confront me about Rafe, and I had to work hard to convince them that we were just friends. That, along with Anne’s email, had left me drained, and I turned off my phone and went to bed early.

I got to school at the last possible moment, with just enough time for a quick stop at my locker before I had to run to history. My heart sank in dismay when I saw Rafe leaning against my locker.

His eyes lit up when he saw me, and he smiled. “Hey,” he said quietly. “I was beginning to think you were ditching today.”

“No.” I couldn’t quite meet his eyes; my stomach was churning. “Just running late. I’ve got to get to class.” I opened my locker, pulled books out, shoved books in and slammed the door. 

Rafe was looking down at me; his face was inscrutable, but the feelings of confusion and apprehension were impossible to ignore. I heard bits and pieces from his mind, all trying to figure out what was going on with me.

I struggled to soften both my tone and my expression.  “I’m sorry. I’ll see you at lunch, okay?” I reached up to give him a friendly pat on the shoulder, but it backfired when he caught my hand and pulled me closer to him.

Leaning over, his lips a hair’s breadth from mine, he whispered, “Okay. Have a good morning.” When he would have moved closer to kiss me, I pulled back.

“Not here,” I muttered, and then added, more loudly, “You, too. A good morning, I mean.” I fled down the walkway and around the corner before Rafe could say—or think—anything else.

As I had feared, there was a loud mind buzz all morning in all of my classes. People—well, mainly girls-were speculating about what was going on between Rafe and me. I picked up some derisive thoughts aimed toward me and worked hard to ignore them.

I was tired and exasperated by the time I got to lunch. Grabbing a bottle of water and an apple, I slumped down at our lunch table, pointedly ignoring the junior girls at the other end. Amber joined me a few minutes later.

She set down her tray and smiled at me cautiously. “Hi. Rough morning?”

I nodded and looked beyond her. “And it’s about to get more complicated.” 

Rafe came around the table and put down his tray before he sat next to me. He shone a bright smile at all of us.

“Hello, ladies! Everyone have a good morning?” At the far end of the table, I could feel the junior girls’ hearts melting, and I only narrowly avoided rolling my eyes.

Rafe draped an arm around my shoulders. “And how about my favorite girl?” 

I shrugged his arm away. “I told you, not here.” Rafe stiffened slightly and moved away maybe a fraction of an inch. He ate in silence for a few minutes while I slowly peeled the label off my water bottle.

“Is that all you’re going to eat?” Rafe asked me finally.

“Yep.” I took a nibble of the apple and a long swig of water.

“You need more than that. Here, have some of my fries.” He pushed the cardboard tray closer to me. I pushed them back.

“No, thanks. I’m not hungry.”

“But you need—g”

“I think I know what I want to eat. I don’t need anyone to tell me. I can take care of myself.” I spoke through gritted teeth.

“Don’t worry about Tasmyn eating, Rafe.” Amber, always the peacemaker, was trying to help. “She always just kind of picks at lunch. You know Michael used to say—” She stopped abruptly, realizing what she had just said. The silence around the table was painful.

I couldn’t take anymore, and I stood. “I’ll see you later.” I fled into the welcoming silence outside the cafeteria and walked quickly toward my locker.

“Tasmyn!” I felt Rafe behind me even before I heard his voice. “Wait a minute.” 

I stopped but didn’t turn. Rafe caught up and stood in front of me. “What was all that about?”

I didn’t look up at him. “I can’t deal with this, Rafe. Everyone is thinking these terrible things about me—if you could hear them! And even my friends don’t understand what’s going on. Honestly,
I
don’t understand that, either.”

Rafe was quiet for a moment, and I knew he was blocking me from hearing his thoughts. It was vaguely annoying to me that he did that: I could only really hear him clearly when he wanted me to, I realized.

“After this weekend, I thought things were different,” he said slowly. “I thought… we were kind of… together.”

I closed my eyes and wished that I had the gift of teleportation. Anywhere but here… anywhere but here…

When I opened my eyes again, Rafe was looking down at me questioningly.    

“Rafe… to tell you the truth, I don’t know what happened this weekend. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy the time with you. I really did. I like you. I want to hang out with you. But I can’t do this—” I pointed at him and then at myself—“here at school. People are thinking—well, they’re making some very big assumptions about how I can go from dating—one person to another so quickly. They’re thinking some pretty hurtful things about me.”

Rafe’s eyes burned. “I’ll take care of anyone who says anything about you. Believe me, I can manage that.”

“Don’t you see, Rafe, they’re not going to say anything in front of you. They’re
thinking
these things. You can’t go around beating up people for what they’re thinking. And—and maybe they’re right.” My voice dropped, and I swallowed a sob. “Maybe I am—kind of easy, to go from being so involved with Mi—with one person to another that fast.”

“Don’t say that.” Rafe swore quietly. “You know that’s not true.”

“I don’t know it. I do know… Rafe.” Finally I raised my eyes and met his. “I’m not being fair to you. What I said to you before—last fall—it’s still true. I may not be with Michael now”—oh, that hurt—“but he’s still
it
for me. He’s the only person I’m ever going to love. Even if I’m alone for the rest of my life. 

“I like you. I even—I admit, I enjoyed what we shared this weekend. But afterward, it makes me feel horrible. Guilty. And it’s not fair to you.”

Rafe gazed down at me steadily. “You say that right now. You’re still getting over Michael. I get that. But you don’t know that you could never love someone else.”

I shook my head. “Yes, Rafe, I do know-”

“Give me a minute,” he interrupted. “I won’t push you. I won’t pressure you. But let me stay close, and maybe one day you’ll realize that you’re ready to move on. Does that sound reasonable? And meanwhile, you’ll have someone you can talk to—and don’t forget, I’m keeping you honest on the whole witch deal.”

I looked around the hallway quickly. “Shhh—don’t say that so loud!”

Rafe shrugged. “Not afraid of her. Anyway, do we have a deal?”

I thought for a moment and then nodded slowly. “Okay. But just remember that I warned you. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, Rafe.”

“No problem. Hey, you want to hang out after school?”

I shook my head. “Can’t. I’m working. You know—
working.
” 

Rafe rolled his eyes. “That’s right. More time with the-” He saw my raised eyebrows and stopped. “Well, you know. Okay then, call me right afterward. If I don’t hear from you by dinner, I am driving to your house. Got it?”

“Got it,” I answered. 

Rafe squeezed my shoulder briefly and dropped a quick kiss on my forehead. When I made a move to protest, he threw up his hands and backed away down the walk. “Hey—friends! See you later. Be careful!” Those last words were spoken with extra emphasis.

“I will,” I called after him. But I wondered once again whether being careful was really an option anymore.