Killing Kate (19 page)

“I can feel it but right now all I
see is you,” I tell him.  I put my arms around him and lay on his chest and
feel him breathe hard as I play with him.  He is wet with my juices and my hand
slides back and forth over him and soon I feel him come in my hand.  “You’re a
mess,” I say, and crouch over him and take him in my mouth to clean him up.  He
shudders as I take him all the way in my mouth, and then I lick my hand as
seductively as it is possible to lick a hand.

“You’re a minx,” he tells me. 
“Where’d you learn to be such a dirty girl?”

“Movies,” I tell him.  “The
Internet.  Life.”  Confessing my secrets doesn’t embarrass me as it should.  I
feel like I can say these things to Justin.  He knows my dark side.

“I guess I already knew that,”
Justin says quietly.  “Maybe you’ll let me watch one with you sometime?”

“Maybe,” I say, not quite ready to
make that commitment.  “I don’t really share that with other people.  Well, I
never have before, but I’ve never really had a boyfriend before either.”

He grins.  “So I’m your boyfriend,
now?” he teases me.  I groan and cover my face with a pillow and toss it toward
him.  He grins even more and throws it aside.  It hurls its way over to my
dresser and knocks into the forgotten package from Drake.  “What is that?” he
asks me.  I look toward where his eyes are pointed and my heart skips a beat. 
He’s looking directly at the package.

He sits up and pulls up his jeans
and walks over to the brown package.  I watch in horror as he picks it up and
turns it around in his hands.  “What is this and where did it come from?” he
asks.

“Um, I don’t know,” I said,
sounding immediately like I’m lying, which is half the case.  I sigh.  “Drake
brought it.”

“Drake?” Justin asks.  “You mean,
the lawyer?”  I nod and cringe.  Justin’s face look like he’s working things
out.  “Jenna, that night I picked you up, was it from his place?”

“Yes,” I whisper.  Justin takes my
affirmation as a cue to rip open the paper.  It’s an unmarked DVD case.  My
heart feels like it might leap out of my throat as he walks over to the small
television I have in my bedroom and opens the DVD player.  He turns the screen
on and it’s Drake fucking me the first night we were together, the night he got
my yellow dress all wet.  The night I so willingly fucked him.  “Turn it off!”
I cry out but Justin doesn’t move.  He just watches the screen.  He keeps
watching and watching and I am watching him watch and feel my face grow hot
with tears.  He looks wistful, sad, and confused.  Then I see his facial expression
change to one of horror as the scene changes.  It’s the same setting, but it is
obvious that Kate has taken over me on the screen.  I can’t watch the screen, I
can only watch Justin as he takes in what Drake sent to me on that damned DVD,
and then I hear myself scream and finally turn and look, and it’s Drake,
fucking me over the control panel of his “screening” room, and that’s the last
thing I see.

“Hello Justin,” she purrs.

“Kate?” he blinks and stares. 
Slowly he realizes the difference.  Her tone, her mannerisms, her look she is
giving him – they all aren’t like Jenna.  They are Kate, and he recalls the
night he first encountered her.  She seems much more mellow tonight, though. 
The last time she visited when he was here she was manic.

“That’s right.  Good to see you
again.”

He crosses his brows together.  “I
think the only time we ever met we watched a baseball game and there isn’t one
on.  So perhaps you should let Jenna come back out.”

She smiles bewitchingly.  “Actually
I watched you sleeping a couple of nights ago and went through your drawers. 
I’m sad to say I didn’t find much there.”

“No, you wouldn’t,” he says.  “I
have nothing to hide from you.  Or Jenna.”

“I don’t have anything to hide from
you either,” Kate echoes.  “Actually, Jenna is the one with all of the
secrets.  She’s told you some things and left out a lot of bits and pieces. 
When you saw how much she liked what happened on that tape, she hid from you.”

“What do you mean?” Justin asks.

“I mean she likes it rough,” Kate
says huskily.  She pushes Justin back against the mattress and hovers over
him.  Her hair dusts against his face lightly.

“You mean you like it rough,”
Justin says.  “Jenna lets me make love to her.  You let men degrade you and
enjoy it.”

“She’ll get bored,” Kate says, “Don’t
you want to degrade me?” she suddenly asks Justin, as though the idea just
popped into her head.  “Wouldn’t you like to smack me around and fuck me hard? 
Maybe you can fuck me in the ass.  I’ll let you.”

“No,” Justin replies calmly.  “I’d
rather be with Jenna than do those things to you.  I don’t know you very well.”

“I know you,” Kate says.  “I know
you like to feel like you’re helping everyone and feeling useful.  What kind of
charity case did you have before Jenna and Devin came along?  Do you only date
girls with problems so you can feel like a knight in shining armor?”

He actually looks hurt.  “That’s
not fair.”

She smiles.  “But it’s true.”

Justin looks conflicted.  “It’s
true I like to help.  But Jenna is special to me and if it were anyone else, I
might not be so willing.”

Kate rolls her eyes.  “Whatever. 
It’s charity.”

He sighs.  “I guess I’ll go home.” 
He begins to gather his clothes off the floor and Kate grabs his arm.

“Why not stay with me?” she asks
him.  “I won’t tell Jenna.  We don’t even have to do anything.  And I can show
you something you might want to see.”

“Show me what?” Justin asks,
standing up and buttoning his jeans.  He looks around and picks up his t-shirt
off the floor.  “I think I’ve seen all I want to see for tonight.”

“Oh, that,” Kate says, flipping her
hand at the television.  The DVD has stopped playing and the screen casts a
blue glare through the room.  “I can show you all sorts of movies like that. 
And I don’t mean the ones that were taken from the house, either.”

“What do you mean, movies?” Justin
asks, looking at Kate.  She smiles and pulls Justin toward her and begins to
whisper in his ear and stops.  Her expression glazes over and her lips stop
moving….

*

“Kate?  Jenna?  Hello?” I feel
Justin shaking me and I can’t figure out what’s happened.  We’re in my bedroom
and its dark except for the blue glow of the television.  Justin is sitting
beside me, looking perplexed.

“Was she here?” I ask him.  He
nods.  “Shit, what happened?”  Then I remember what I’d just seen and what
Justin had just seen with me when I feel the glow of the television.  My head
sinks into my hands.  “Fuck.”

“Jenna,” Justin says, pulling me
toward him.  “You need to talk to me.  Do you think you can stay around long
enough as yourself to help me understand a few things?”

I bite my lip and nod but I am not
sure.  I suddenly feel drunk.  I might not have the best control over what I do
right now.  “I’ll try my best,” I say.  “But if you start to get angry, please
try not to show it.  I’ll understand that you are, but you need to stay calm if
you want me to stay myself.  And try not to lead the conversation anywhere differently. 
I want to tell you everything but it’s hard to when I get pushed.”

“Okay,” he says, nodding.  “I’m not
angry but I’m confused and I’m hoping you can help me get the big picture.”

“The thing is,” I say, “I don’t
really know the big picture.”

“But Kate does,” Justin says, “She
just said something to me that I think might be important.  I think if we try
hard enough we can merge the two perspectives.”

“That sounds like some therapy
shit,” I tell him.  “Are you going to be my therapist?”

Justin shrugs.  “Maybe it’ll work. 
I’ve been doing some research about D.I.D.”

I roll my eyes.  “Anyone can Google
some shit about D.I.D.  It doesn’t make them a therapist.”

“But you are comfortable with me, I
hope?” he asks.  “I mean, I know you are more comfortable with Devin, and if
that’s the case and you want me to fuck off, just say so.”

I sigh.  “I’m willing to try
anything.  I just don’t have much faith that anything will work.”

“Is there a way I can address
difficult subjects with you without you changing into Kate?” Justin asks.

I shrug.  “Without medication it's
hard to control.  I haven’t really mastered it.  And with medication, Kate is
just gone.”  I suddenly get an idea.  “You can try talking to Kate, though. 
There are ways to get information out of her.”

Justin considers this for a moment
and nods.  “Okay,” he agrees.  “Any advice for talking to her?”

I think about that.  “She's harsh. 
I think the best way to do it is argumentatively.  Confront her.  Don't hold
back.”  I look at him and force myself to smile.  “I guess you can take the
same approach with me.”

“I wouldn't,” he says.  “You just
told me to do the opposite.”

I take his hand and pull him to
me.  “It needs to be done.  Something happened that night that I asked you to
pick me up and I think I might be in trouble.”

I go on to explain about how I
originally became involved with Drake.  I was attracted to his charm and
probably his money, but when Justin made his feelings clear to me, I wanted to
end things with Drake because I realized that Drake was good for Kate, but not
for me, and I needed to do what was best for me.  At the time it wasn't
blatantly obvious but I realize that now.  That night I went to Drake's to
break things off and he showed me the video he had taken of us, the same video
that he dropped off earlier at the housewarming party, in my DVD player right
now, I felt violated.  Then he took everything too far and raped me.  I watch
Justin's face as I tell him everything, but he is unreadable, and I'm not sure
if I'm comfortable with that or terrified.  “What are you thinking?” I ask him
finally when there is no more to say.

“I'm thinking that there is
something else that neither one of us knows about in the story,” Justin says. 
“The break in the other night has something to do with this.  The DVDs from
your house were stolen and Drake drops off a DVD that's a sex video of you. 
What do you think that's about?”

“Drake broke in?” I say, and it
makes sense.  “But why?  If he had the video at his house, what would he be
looking for here?”

Justin looks at me and takes a lock
of my hair and tucks it behind my ear.  “I love you, Jenna,” he tells me, “but
I think I need to talk to Kate now.”

“You mean-?”

He nods.  “Can you just let her
come out and talk?”

I nod and feel her consume me.

*

“Kate?” she hears him say.  “Can we
talk?”

She smiles and rakes her fingers
through her hair.  “What I want to do involves more than talking.”  She leans
over and starts to push Justin down onto the mattress but he stops her.

“No, I can't do that with you,” he
says.  “I love Jenna, Kate, but I don't love you.”

Kate scowls at Justin.  “Jenna is a
part of me,” she explains.  “If you love Jenna, you love me too.”

Justin shrugs.  “Perhaps I do, but
I think it would be a violation of Jenna's trust to touch you...like that.”

“Well then,” she purrs.  “I guess
we're not going to talk.”  She gets up and begins to open drawers, pulling out
clothes.

“What are you doing?”

“I'm going out,” Kate explains. 
“Since all you want to do is talk, and I find that boring, and I'm horny.”

“Charming,” Justin says.  “What can
I do for you to get you to talk to me?”  He stands up and takes a hot pink lacy
bra out of her hand and puts his arms around her waist.  “Anything?”

She grins and laughs.  “Oh, Justin,
you're terrible at manipulation.  But fine, since you're asking.  I'll give you
what you want, but you have to do what I want.”

“I can't do that to Jenna,” Justin
explains.  “If you're asking for what I think you're asking for.”

“You won't know until after I tell
you.  Then you have to do exactly what I want.  And it will not involve leaving
your clothes on.  Or mine.  In fact, let's play it tit for tat.”  She pulls her
shirt up.  “I'll start with some tit.”

Justin looks at Kate.  “It's scary
how much you look like Jenna, but you aren't.”  He sighs.  “Fine.  Tit for
tat.  You get to start.  What do you think Drake was looking for when he broke
in and took the DVDs?”

“That's a loaded question,” Kate
says.  “First you're assuming that it was Drake.”

“Who else could it have been?”

“Perhaps any of the men who were
videotaped with Jenna back when Jack used to record her and get paid to do
it.”  Kate smiles slightly.  “Don't look so shocked.  Jack did whatever he
could for money.  The video was just another method for profit.”

“So you think those videos are
somewhere in this house?” Justin asks.

Kate shakes her head and puts her
finger against his lips.  “Not just yet,” she says.  Now it's my turn.”