Killing Kate (18 page)

“Wow,” Justin says, coming to my
side and looking in the same direction I am.  “She’s the last person I expected
to see around here.  It’s been a long time.”

“I’m sorry, who?” Sarah asks us,
popping her head between the two of us.  Her chin digs into my shoulder.  She
has a way of being nosey that’s adorable and obnoxious all at once.

I turn back toward the group I’m
talking to and lower my voice.  “Holly is Devin’s ex,” I explain as everyone
leans in to hear.  “Back when we lived in the neighborhood, they were together. 
I mean I’m talking high school sweethearts.”

“They were like Syd and Nancy,”
Justin explains.  “They bonded by shooting each other up with heroin.”  We all
can’t help but simultaneously look over again.  I’m sure we’re being really
obvious, but Devin and Holly are too absorbed to notice.  “She actually looks
good.”

“Rehab?” George asks.  “That’s not
the body or face of a junkie.  I get too many at the club and I know what they
look like.”

Admittedly George appears to be
right.  Holly looks healthy.  When we were younger and she was with Devin she
probably weighed no more than 90 pounds, with stringy unwashed dirty blonde
hair that she wore in a boy’s haircut with a Mohawk.  Her eyes used to look too
large to fit on her small face.   Her clothes were usually ripped and dirty.  She
resembled a pixie junkie.  Since I’d last seen her almost ten years ago she has
probably gained twenty pounds in all of the right places.  Her hair is nicely
cut and styled in a blonde angled bob, setting off her tiny ski slope nose and
dimples.  She is wearing a cute black tank wrap dress and red wedge heels.  Her
makeup is tastefully simple and her nails are long and manicured.  Considering
she was the junkie, she certainly looks like she has her act together more than
I do.

“Jenna!” she exclaims after she
greets Devin with a warm hug.  “Wow, it’s so good to see you!  You look
great.”  She comes up to me and takes my hands in hers and smiles warmly.  Is
she for real?

“Hi Holly.  You look…fantastic,” I
say, really meaning it.  I can see from Devin’s gaze in her direction that he
thinks so too.  “But how did you two…?”

“I, ah, ran into Holly when I went
to get a haircut,” Devin tells me.  “She works over at Star Cuts on 95
^th
and 52
^nd
.”

“No kidding,” I say.  “So you still
live in the area?”

“With my mom,” she admits, looking
a bit guilty.  “She took me in when I was in rehab and then it ends up she
likes having me around.  At least now that I’m sober.”  She laughs casually and
I give Justin a “what the fuck” look but try and smile back at her.  “She’s
getting older and doesn’t like being alone.”

I look at Devin and smile.  “Wow,”
I finally say.  “Devin, I guess you’ve been keeping secrets from me.”

He looks sheepish.  “I thought it
might be a nice surprise.”

“It’s definitely a surprise,”
Justin says, stressing “surprise”.  “Hello Holly.”

“Justin, oh my god!” Holly
exclaims, reaching over to hug him.  “I heard you were still around.  Didn’t
you photograph Michelle Hodge’s wedding?  I did her hair and makeup.”

“I did,” Justin replies.  They
settle into familiar chatter and I take the opportunity to walk over to Devin
and pull him back a few steps out of earshot.  He shrinks back a little in
anticipation of what I’m going to say.

“Well done,” I whisper.  “I guess I
didn’t need to bring a potential setup for you after all.”

“Which one?” Devin says through his
teeth which are fixed in a smile.  “The blonde head or the brunette?”

“The brunette,” I said.  “Cute,
right?”

“I guess.”  His eyes are fixed
where I know they will be the rest of the night, on Holly.  I shrug and
surrender myself to the situation.  You can’t mess with soul mates, and despite
their checkered past, I can’t think of anyone else that Devin has ever cared
for like Holly, besides me, but that’s very different.  Maybe Syd and Nancy
could grow into Ozzie and Harriet.  I see Sarah has swooped in to make herself
acquainted with Devin’s railroad buddy Steve and Yaara is chatting with
George.  Louisa is walking around making sure everyone is fed and telling
Alicia and Carlos to try some cake.  I smile, enjoying the scene.  I can relax
in good company.

“What’s going on?” Justin says,
coming up behind me.

I smile and reach for his hand. 
“I’m having a great time.  This is wonderful, everyone seems to be getting
along.”

He brings his arms around me and
kisses my forehead.  “Why wouldn’t they?”

I smile and shrug and reach up to
kiss him back. I hear the front storm door swing open and turn around and just
about lose my shit.  Someone is about to rain on my parade in the worst way.  “Holy
fuck,” I gasp under my breath.  It’s Drake.

He looks handsome and out of place
in a light grey suit and expensive Ray Ban sunglasses on.  I breathe in
deeply.  Hold her in, hold her in, I think, feeling my head twitch slightly
like I have Turrets.  Drake takes his glasses off and puts them in his suit
front pocket and looks around.  Then he finds me and grins.  My face has
collapsed into a look of despair.  Justin feels me stiffen and pulls away from
me, misunderstanding my reaction and not realizing who I’m reacting to.  I bite
my lip and fight the urge to scream, or worse, let Kate out.

“Hello Jenna,” Drake says softly
and dangerously when he walks up to me.  He looks at Justin with a gaze that indicates
he should back away, which is exactly what Justin does.

“Need anything, Jenna?” Justin asks
me, “I’m going to get something else to eat.”

I shake my head but I’m silently
screaming, “You!  I need you here!”  My feet are melded to the floor and I can’t
move.  Drake’s gaze makes me look down and away.  I desperately look in Devin’s
direction but can’t seem to catch his eye.  He is focused on Holly, and
suddenly I am angry at her for being here.  I’m angry at Justin for walking
away, and I’m angry at Devin for ignoring me.  I’m left alone to fend for
myself.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”
I whisper.  “You shouldn’t be here!”

“Nice to see you as well, Jenna,”
he replies casually.  He reaches into his suit pocket and pulls out a brown
paper wrapped package.  “I came to drop off your housewarming gift.  It’s
specifically for you,” he tells me, with all of his emphasis on “you”.  He
hands me the package and I clutch it against my chest.   It’s very light.  Then
he winks at me a split second before Devin walks up to us.

“Mr. Carroll, right?” Devin says,
shaking his hand.  I feel a bit nauseous.  “Devin Parker.  It’s nice to finally
meet you.  Thanks for all of your help with the property tax transfer.”

“Oh, it was my pleasure,” Drake
says, stressing the word “pleasure”.  What is with him and the last word of
every sentence?  It’s gross.  I can’t believe I found it alluring at any point
in my life.  “Call me Drake.  I can’t stay for very long.  I just wanted to
drop by and make sure everything is going smoothly with the tax statements.”

“They seem to be coming through
just fine,” Devin says.  “I mean, we got the first monthly bill so I assume
everything is fine.  Are you sure you can’t stay?  There’s plenty of food.”

“Oh no, I can’t,” Drake says.  “I
need to go to another house closing up on the north side.  Anyway, call me if
you need anything else.  Jenna has my number.”

“Will do,” Devin says and walks Drake
to the door.  They shake hands again and Drake casts me once last glance that
makes me shake all over.  Then he turns and goes.  When Drake walks out I
breathe a sigh of relief.  Devin is oblivious, but Justin comes back to me with
a beer and asks if we can talk alone for a minute.

“Meet me on the porch,” I say,
realizing I am still holding the package Drake gave me.  I need to put it away
someplace safe.  “Let me go to my room and get my smokes.”

I walk to my room and put the
package down on the dresser and my hands are still shaking.  I look across the
room at myself in the mirror and see Kate standing behind me.  “Go away!” I say
out loud to her, and then clap my hand over my mouth.  I’m sure someone heard
me shout.  She smiles and blows me a kiss and vanishes.  I breathe another deep
breath and sigh loudly.  My pack of cigarettes is on the floor next to my bed. 
I take one out and walk out of the room, past everyone in the kitchen and onto
the porch.  I need air, even though it’s stifling hot outside and the cool air
conditioning made me forget it.  Justin is already out there waiting for me.  I
light up my cigarette and stay standing and pace the length of the porch,
trying hold myself together.

Justin sips at his beer and watches
me.  “Jenna, who was that?” he asks me softly.  I’m sure I look like a maniac
and he doesn’t know quite how to handle me right now.  “Jenna, what did he say
to you?  Why were you so affected by him?”

I don’t want today ruined and I
don’t want any trouble.  I feel like Justin knows what’s up but wants me to say
it.  He’s watching me with a suspicious look on his face.  I make myself stop
pacing and look straight at him.  “It was our real estate lawyer who handled
the property tax transfer on the house,” I say, telling the truth but offering
nothing beyond what I want Justin to hear.  “He stopped by to make sure
everything was okay.”

Justin nods.  “He looks familiar,”
he says.  “Oh, wait, wasn’t he at Jack’s funeral?”  I nod and take a drag. 
“Jenna, what’s wrong?  Something feels off.  A few minutes ago you were saying
everything was going so well, and now you look like you’re ready to-“

“Release Kate?” I interrupt him.

He shakes his head.  “I was going
to say, ready to fall apart.”

I put out my cigarette.  “I’m
okay.  Let’s go inside and mingle some more.  I’m suddenly really tired.”

Justin shrugs and follows me in.  The
first thing I do is exchange my glass of sangria for Jameson, straight up.  I
proceed to return to some old habits and get dangerously drunk in the next
hour.  As the party winds down, I slowly feel relieved, just wanting the day to
be over, and to be alone with whatever Drake came over to bring me.  Everyone
from Appleseed has to work that evening and so they leave early evening.  Louisa
and Joe take off just after the food is nearly gone, as Louisa has to make sure
everyone is well fed.  No one goes home hungry.  Eventually it’s just Devin,
Holly, Justin and me left.  There isn’t much to clean up other than some trash
and Devin and Holly and Justintake care of most of it.  I contribute by draining
all of the cups with alcohol left inside.  Justin tries to get me to eat the
small amount of food that’s still around to attempt to have me sober up.  The
truth is, I’m pretending to be much more drunk than I really am because I want
to be by myself.  I don’t want to break the news to Justin and tell him to go
and he’s not getting the hint.  I have a feeling I’m not going to get what I
want.

Justin brings me to my room to go
lie down.  “I brought you something,” he tells me and I refrain from rolling my
eyes.  How many “presents” can a girl take in one day?  He changes my attitude
almost immediately when he pulls photographs of me from the first night we were
together out of a yellow envelope.  The ones where I am painted like a peacock
and displayed nude on the covered chaise.

I breathe in and take a photo out
of his hands.  “Oh, wow,” is all I can say.  I feel him sit behind me while I
look at them and his lips are on my neck.  I let him cup my face in his hand
and run his other hand down my side and over my thigh, sending a shiver through
me.  I help him undo the button on my shorts and feel him slide his hand over
me, his fingers slipping inside of me.  He moves two fingers in and out of me
gently and pushes me back so I am lying down on my bed with him beside me.  As
he hovers over me, he brings his hand up to his mouth and tastes me on his
fingers.  “Any good?” I ask him.  In response, he brings my hand to the front
of his jeans and I feel how hard it’s made him.

“What do you think?” he asks me. 
In response, I put my arms around his neck and bring him closer to kiss me.  I
can taste myself faintly on his lips and it arouses me even more.  He moves my
shirt up and over my breasts and pushes my bra out of the way and brings his
face down to my nipples.  He hasn’t shaved in a day or two and it scratches my skin
when he is gentle, so I pull him toward me and he takes my nipple in his mouth
and sucks hard.  I gasp and fumble with his button and zipper on his jeans and
push them down over his hips and he pushes himself inside of me instantly.  We
rock together and in a minute I’m coming and crying out and he is quick to
follow, but quieter than I am, and I realize we aren’t the only ones home and I
turn red with embarrassment.

“Oops,” I say.  “I guess Devin is
going to give both of us shit.”

Justin shrugs and rolls over to lie
down next to me.  “I have a feeling that he’s probably in his room with Holly
doing the same thing.”  I groan because that’s my brother, and it’s gross.
Justin laughs.  We lie still for a bit and then turn and kiss each other
gently.  He kisses my eyelids and I kiss his neck.  He brings my hand down to
feel how hard he is getting again.  “See what you do to me?”