Killing Kate (12 page)

Drake follows me in and leans
against the wall and I sit down in one of his expensive looking chairs facing
the view of Navy Pier.  He is dressed in a striped button down collared shirt
and jeans, barefoot and disheveled hair.  His shirt is untucked.  He looks really
sexy, and I hope I can hold my ground.  “Of course not, I’ll take you as you
are.  But you have to admit last night was a lot of fun.  I’ve never role
played before.”

Fun for you, I think.  I wasn’t
there.  “What was your, um, favorite part?”

“My favorite part?” Drake looks
amused.  “Well I could tell you about it, or I could show you.”

“I’m not sure I’m up for that right
now,” I say, shamefully remembering that under my scummy clothes, I’m certainly
dressed for it.  But the kiss and the ride with Justin that has only happened
within the past hour has changed everything.  My head is starting to spin.

“Oh, you don’t actually know what
I’m specifically proposing,” he says in a playful tone.  He walks over to me
and takes my hands and pulls me up.  “Why don’t you follow me?  I have
something I’d like to show you.”

“Drake, I’m not going into your
bedroom.”  Good girl, I think, stand your ground.

“Hush, Jenna, and follow me.  We’re
not going to the bedroom.”  I dumbly follow him down the hall and he is true to
his word.  Instead of the bedroom, he leads me into what looks like a media
room, complete with a control center panel, which he sits down in front of. 
“Pull up a chair,” he says, indicating a desk chair across the room that is
identical to the one he sits on.  It’s on rollers and I push it over and sit
compliantly.  I am curious as to what this is all about.

“Are you a DJ or something?” I
ask.  He doesn’t answer me.  Instead, he pushes a few buttons and the screen in
front of him comes to life.  Oh dear god, I think.  “What the hell is this?”

It’s me on the screen.  Or rather,
not me, but Kate.  She is on her hands and knees and her hand is between her
legs, exploring, and by the look on her face she is enjoying herself.  It’s
surreal to watch.  She has my face, my hair and my body, but on the other hand,
everything about her is not me.  The expression on her face is confident and
aloof.  Her back is curved in such a seductive way that makes her look like a
professional porn star.  She is good at what she does, the ultimate
seductress.  She is in complete control.  I feel myself getting turned on, even
though it’s only me.  “Come here, Drake,” I hear her say.  Her voice is so
different from mine, I think.  No wonder Drake was so enchanted last night. 
It’s like I’m the best actress ever.

Drake steps onto the screen.  He is
completely naked and fully erect, and Kate comes to him and puts him in her
mouth and I see her take him all the way in.  Drake’s face is a look of
ecstasy.  His hands move to the back of her head and pull her in.  She takes
him in her mouth and pulls him out, and then takes him back in again.  She
doesn’t even gag, that bitch, I think ironically.  He comes within a minute and
she swallows everything, moves back and smiles.  His semen drips down her chin
and she wipes it away with the back of her hand, and then licks it off.  She
looks elated, as though it’s her favorite form of nourishment.  I sit forward in
my chair and I am strangely aroused and disgusted at the same time.  Is this
me?  “Sit on my lap,” says the real Drake who I remember is sitting next to
me.  I look down and see my hands are on my thighs, rubbing back and forth
subconsciously.  I look up again.  The on screen Drake is busy now, kneeling
behind Kate and…oh my god, I would never do that, I think.  But apparently I
do, as Kate.  I am aware of places on me that are sore that are now explained
from watching this.  You wanted to know, I think, and now you know.

On the side of the screen I am on, Drake
pulls me over to him.  I feel how hard he is through his jeans.  I am facing
him and instinctively push my crotch against his.  His lips move against my
neck as he uses his hands to push my hair aside.  “Drake, stop,” I murmur
without any conviction in my voice whatsoever.  One of his hands moves to push
my shirt up and covers my breast.  I’m afraid I’m at the point of no return and
won’t be able to stop him…or myself.  I think about Justin and feel Drake
touching me.  It’s making my brain explode.

“Red today,” he says, getting a
glimpse of my bra.  “I like red.”

“I’m sure you do,” I say.  “Drake,
I-oh god, Drake, stop, please.”  I push him back.  “Why did you tape this?”

He sits back, putting his hands
behind his head and smiles.  He looks proud of himself, and a sick feeling
washes over me.  “I told you the first night you came home with me.  I like to
watch.”  I turn to the screen and see Drake pumping away slowly behind Kate,
who appears to be thoroughly enjoying herself.  “Having this,” he indicates the
control panel and screens with a sweep of his arm, “allows me to watch as often
as I want to.”

“I can see that,” I say.  “You
shouldn’t have done that.”  He pulls my shirt up over my head and tosses it
aside and I feel his lips move against my shoulders.  His hands push the cups
of my bra over my breasts and he moves his mouth to the flesh above my nipples
and bites savagely.  I cry out and put my hands in his hair and try and pull
his head back.  “Stop it,” I tell him.  “Drake, get off me!”

Instead of listening to me he
pushes me back against the control panel and pulls my shorts down roughly until
they are past my knees.  He is so close to me I can feel his hand fumbling with
his belt.  He plunges himself into me and I scream.  He quickly positions one
hand over my mouth and the other is squeezing my ass so tight through those
damned red crotchless panties that it brings tears to my eyes.  I can feel
little switches and knobs digging into my back against the panel.  I try and
bite his hand but he’s holding it too tightly over my mouth and I feel like I
can’t breathe since his hand is covering my nostrils.  He comes quickly, to my
relief, and his grip on my mouth falls slack.   I am able to push him away from
me and grab my shorts and pull them up quickly.  I am running away from that
awful room down the hall and out his front door as I am pushing my top down in
place.  Luckily, no one sees me, and it’s quiet in the hallway.  I don’t even
bother to wait for the elevator, I bolt for the stairs.  Eighteen flights down,
and I’m winded, but the adrenaline rush propels me.  But then I see him there,
waiting for me.

“Leaving so soon?” Drake says.  We
are in the lobby, and clearly I can’t run as fast as he can casually slide into
an elevator and let it take him downstairs.  He is holding my purse and
grinning like a sick fuck.  I snatch it out of his hand as he holds it out to
me and glare at him.  I look around the lobby, wishing someone were there.  Where
the fuck is the doorman?  He blocks me from getting anywhere to freedom by
putting himself between me and the front door and grabs my wrist.

“Let.  Me.  Go.”

Drake casts me a beautiful smile
which chills me to the bone.  “I’ll let you go,” he says.  “But now that I have
you on camera, you’re mine.  I just want to make that clear.”  He doesn’t offer
anything else but eases his grip on my wrist.  “Do you need me to call you a
cab?”

“Fuck you,” I say and push him
aside and walk quickly out the door.  I walk a few blocks as I sob hysterically
and try and calm down.  Finally I am breathing normally and wander over to the
Chicago River and find a bench to sit.  I pull my phone out of my purse and see
I have multiple text messages from Devin.

“Where R U?” it says.  Then another
one.  “Call me now.”  And another.  “Not funny Jenna.”

I sigh and dial Justin instead. 
Devin can be dealt with later.  “Hey,” he says when he answers.  He sounds wide
awake but I realize it’s almost 2:00 am.

“Did I wake you?” I ask him.

“No, you didn’t,” he says.  “What’s
wrong?  Do you need a ride?”

“Yes,” I blurt out and burst into
tears.  “Come soon.”  I tell him where I am and hang up.  He doesn’t ask why I
need a ride or why I’m crying and I appreciate that.  I fumble in my purse for
my cigarettes and see I have three left.  No stores in Drake’s fancy
neighborhood are open.  I light one and text Devin back.  “I’m fine,” I reply,
not offering any additional information.

He immediately texts back.  “Get
home now.”

“On my way,” I reply back.

It takes Justin less than thirty
minutes which indicates that he’s been driving like a bat out of hell to get to
me.  I get in his car and put my head against the window.  “I’m sorry,” I say. 
“You should be home and sleeping right now.”

Justin shakes his head and is
silent for a minute.  He always seems to be considering what to say with me. 
“So can I ask what happened?”

I shake my head.  “I can’t.”  I
look at him but he stares straight ahead at the road.  “Are you angry?”

He shrugs.  “I want to give you the
benefit of the doubt but right now I’m thinking a lot of things that aren’t
good.”

“Tell me,” I say, turning in my
seat to look at him.  He’s doing the jaw clenching thing again.

“You won’t want to hear it,” he
replies.

“I do want to hear it.”

“I’m thinking that the reason you
can’t tell me anything right now is because you actually slept with this guy
and feel guilty about it.”  He looks at me.  “Am I close?”

“No!”

“So you didn’t sleep with him?”

“Can we please not talk about this
right now?” I am yelling.  It’s not flattering.  I take a deep breath. 
“Justin, everything we talked about tonight meant a lot to me,” I tell him.  “I
don’t lie.  Ask Devin.  It’s not in me to lie, though I’m not ready to tell
you.  I really do like you, but something just happened to me that I don’t want
to relive through a conversation with you just yet.  I’d like to forget this
whole evening didn’t happen after I left you.  But at the same time, I’m glad
it did.”  At least I know now that Drake is everything I thought he was;
dangerous and not good for me.  There goes my inner conflict, though what I had
to go through to resolve it wasn’t exactly what I’d hoped it would be.

“You’re glad what happened?” Justin
demands to know.  “Jenna, this isn’t going to sound any better the more you
say.”

“I’m going to keep my mouth shut,”
I say.  “Everything I say isn’t sounding right or even remotely able to convey
how I feel.”  I start to cry.  “Justin, I need to get home to Devin.  I need to
be with my brother.  I can’t make you understand what happened.”  I can’t tell
you yet, I want to say.  I want to talk about it, but Devin needs to hear about
it.  I can’t understand what’s going through my head right now.  Where was
Kate, I wonder?  I couldn’t feel her anywhere.  I just feel numb.

The rest of the ride is silent. 
Justin pulls up in front of the house, but makes no indication that he is
coming inside.  “Can I call you tomorrow?” I ask him.

“You can,” he replies.  He is cold to
me and I feel like bursting into tears all over again.  He watches me walk to
the door and let myself in and drives away.  When I walk inside Devin is
waiting for me in his chair.  He looks exhausted and mad.

“Jenna, what the hell?” he shouts. 
He stands up and storms over but stops.  “Holy shit, Jenna, what happened?  Why
were you crying?”

And then I burst into tears all
over again.

*

“What I can’t understand is why
didn’t Kate come to your rescue?” Devin asks.  I have told him everything. 
Well, everything except for one small detail, which is who I was with.  If
Devin knew about Drake he would go and kill him.  I decide it’s more important
to keep Devin out of jail than to take revenge on Drake, although he deserves
to die, as far as I’m concerned.  The easiest solution is to just avoid him
entirely.

“I have no idea,” I say.  “It’s
like before she would always come to my rescue whenever something unpleasant
happened.  This time she generously let me experience it all for myself.”

“But in a way it’s kind of a good
thing,” Devin says.  I give him a dirty look.  “I mean, it’s not good that you
went through that, but it’s a breakthrough of sorts.”

Is it?  I wonder.  We are sitting
on the couch together.  Its 5:42 am and neither one of us has had much sleep,
though I’m wide awake and I think Devin is too.  He’s used to operating on
almost no sleep as a railroader.  I am freshly showered under Devin’s care for
the second night in a row.  Yet I feel okay, like I’m going to get through
this.  Devin is with me.  Of course I will get through this.  Not to mention,
Devin’s right.  Kate isn’t here and it feels like a breakthrough.  My head is resting
on his shoulder and his arms are around me.  As much as I wish he wouldn’t pry
into my business, I need Devin in my life.  He’s the only one who knows what
I’ve been through and how things are with Kate.

“I just feel shitty about how I
left things with Justin,” I say to Devin.  “I couldn’t tell him, you know?”

“About Kate?” Devin asks me.  I’m
sure I look sheepish.

“No, I, um, told him about Kate,” I
say.  “We sort of had a chat as he drove me over.”  To get raped is how I’d
like to sarcastically complete that sentence, but I know it will make me sound
crass.