Kilgannon (14 page)

"Yes," Edmund said, sharing a smile with her. The evening cannot last forever, I told myself. It
will just
feel like it does.

"Of course," Rowena laughed as she watched me through half-closed eyes, "many women pay him undue attention. You should have seen them today in the shops." She waved her hands airily. "They were peeking out of windows to see him. They look so small next to him. It was charming to see him among them." Charming, I thought, wondering if they had practiced this conversation beforehand. "And he enjoys the attention so."

"Do you think so?" Edmund asked, watching my reaction.

"Of course he does," Rowena said, turning to glance over her shoulder, then lowering her voice as if what she was about to say was confidential. "He gives the shopkeepers that smile of his, and they fall all over themselves trying to help him. Today he was looking at a white silk nightdress and robe." She paused for effect. "So thin you could see the light through it. Very beautiful. I assisted him in his search. It was very pleasant." She smiled archly and fanned herself as if overwhelmed. Edmund laughed, and they exchanged a confederate smirk. I hated them both.

Dinner was announced and I breathed again, but my comfort was short-lived. I could not concentrate on my meal or on the conversations around me. I spilled my wine and dropped a fork on the floor. By dessert I was exhausted and sat silently with the women when we withdrew. It was ail lies, I told myself over and over. But I wondered. I did not sleep well, wondering how I could be so wrong about Alex. He was obviously nothing more than a handsome philanderer, and I his willing fool.

I was still in that frame of mind the next morning, alone in the library with my foul mood, when Ellen popped in, giving me a conspiratorial look as she announced that the Earl of Kilgannon was here. A moment later Alex stood in the doorway with two packages in his hands and Randolph, already talking about horses, just behind him.

"Alex," I said, offering my hand and trying to keep my annoyance under control.

"Mary." Alex grinned as he bowed over my hand, his eyes merry. Obviously he saw nothing wrong with his behavior. "I realized I'd not given ye the chocolate I promised. I've been carrying it with me all this time." He handed me the smaller package. "And I had something made for ye," he said, adding the larger one. "I canna wait to see ye in it." Before I could respond, Ellen leaned into the room and told Alex that someone was asking for him at the door. Eyebrows raised in surprise, he went to see who it was. I looked at the packages in my lap while Randolph moved around the room and chatted to me. The smaller one held the familiar shape of a chocolate box, and I put it on the table next to me while I examined the larger of the two. I was certain that it contained a white silk nightdress and robe. Apparently seduction was in fact on his mind. Had we but world enough and time indeed. His arrogance knew no bounds.

I was sitting stiffly on my chair, staring into the fire and paying little attention to my uncle, when Alex returned. He moved to stand in front of me, his manner much subdued, his face pale. "I must leave immediately, Mary," he said hoarsely.

"Indeed you must, Lord Kilgannon. Perhaps we do not know each other as well as you had thought." I gestured with the package. "Or as well as intended. How could you possibly give me such a thing? Do you really think a silk nightdress is appropriate?"

He looked bewildered. "Mary, it's not—"

"Oh, it's not? And why not? Is it the wrong gift for me, or is it just the wrong time to give it to me?" I stood, angrier by the moment. "Were you waiting until you had successfully seduced me, Alex? Or is the nightgown a gift for another woman?"

"Neither, Mary. Please listen—"

I thrust the package at him and stormed across the room, turning at the door. Alex held the package in his hands, his eyes wide. Randolph's mouth hung open in shock. "I will not be seduced, Alex MacGannon, so if that's what you had in mind, you'd better think again. And if it's for another woman then. ... then damn you." I burst into tears and turned blindly out of the room. In the hall I bumped into Bronson, who sniffed and stepped back. "You hideous man," I snarled. "Go listen at another door!" I ran upstairs.

Eventually I cried myself to sleep. When I woke it was early afternoon. I had no tears left, but I was still
angry
. I went downstairs to find Louisa, but both she and Randolph were gone. As I stood in the foyer trying to decide what to do next, I saw the packages on a table by the door, a folded note sticking out from beneath them.

Miss Lowell, Alex had written. I am leaving these packages for you as I have no use for them. One is the chocolate that I've mentioned and the other I had made for you. Keep it or not, as you will.
Alex
MacGannon.

"Bronson," I called without turning around. He was there at once, and I knew he'd been watching me. I thrust the packages at him. "Have these delivered at once to Kilgannon's ship. It's called the Gannon's Lady.'"

"Is there a message, miss?" he asked.

"None."

Two hours later, curled up with a book in the library, I was startled to hear a banging on the front door and the sound of loud voices. Ellen burst into the room, followed by Bronson. And Alex. All three spoke at once, Ellen trying to warn me that Alex was here, Bronson telling me he tried to stop him, and Alex, his anger obvious, saying that he wished a word with me. I rose to my feet and slowly put the book down before turning to them. I put a hand on Ellen's arm to reassure her and told her and Bronson that I understood but that all was well. I would, I said, speak with Lord Kilgannon alone, and I thanked them for their concern. They nodded, moving to the door, but at the threshold Bironson turned.

"Miss Lowell?" he asked quietly. "I will stay with you if you wish it." I met his eyes across the room and for once saw no derision or disapproval, only concern. Ellen peered over his shoulder, her face pale.

"That is most kind of you, Bronson," I said. "But I have no doubt that Lord Kilgannon will behave as a gentleman." I turned to Alex and met his eyes. "Won't you, sir?" I asked frostily.

He stared at me for a moment, then turned to Bronson. "Leave us. This is not yer concern. Miss Lowell will call ye if she needs ye." At my nod Bronson left us and I turned to Alex. He watched me with a stony face, crossing his arms over his chest. He looked very large. And very angry. And very handsome. The silence stretched unbearably and at last, weary of the tension between us, I moved to stand before the fireplace, my back to him. It was difficult to remember to hate him when he looked like that. I sighed and tried to stay cold and disciplined.

"Mary," he said, his voice tight with control. I didn't turn, and he didn't speak again. At last I glanced over my shoulder to see him looking down at his watch with a frown.

"If you need to go, sir, please, don't let me delay you," I said, turning fully. He looked up at me with an unreadable expression, his hands falling to his sides.

"I do need to go, Mary, to see my shipping agent. He says he may have more news and I'm to meet with him in half an hour. I dinna realize it was so late."

"Then, by all means, go, Alex. A meeting with your shipping agent is much more important than talking to me."

"No, but it's close." He took a deep breath and 1 did the same. "Lass, the message I received earlier was from him as well. Do ye ken the brig I've been worried about, the one that's been missing?" I nodded, thawing despite myself. He looked exhausted. "Well, it's gone down off Cornwall and is lost with all its crew and cargo. They were not Kilgannon men, but I must discover what happened. And that means I must leave as soon as possible. I have to meet with the agent and then I go to Cornwall." I nodded, and he frowned again. "But I couldna leave without discovering what made ye so angry. I dinna understand what happened here this morning, Mary. Why are ye so angry with me?"

I wondered if any man had ever been more impossible. "Why am I so angry? Only a saint would not be. You're marrying Morag, Alexander MacGannon, and you've been seen all over London with women, including Rowena, and you have the gall to shop with her and buy a nightdress that you give to me and you tell me you cannot wait to see me in it. Why would I not be angry?" I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him. "Tell me why I should not be angry."

He blinked, then laughed. I watched some of his tiredness melt away as he shook his head and laughed again. "If any of that were true, lass, I'd agree with ye and be angry at myself along with ye. But it's
no’ true
. None of it."

"You're not marrying Morag?"

"No. Nor do I wish to."

"Who is she?"

"Morag MacLeod. From Skye. My friend Murdoch Maclean is in love with her. Has been since we were lads."

"And you're not? And haven't been?"

He paused. "I was. But it was a long time ago."

"You were in love with her?" My voice was shrill, and I winced.

He nodded, shifting his weight. "When I was sixteen I convinced myself that I loved her and that I wouldna marry Sorcha."

"And what did Morag say?"

He looked uneasy. "She was in agreement."

"I see," I said, and sat down on the couch heavily. This was all wrong. He was supposed to hotly deny it and reassure me. I didn't want to hear more. "So it's true."

He shook his head. "No. I was shipped off to France for a year, and Morag was shut up in Skye. Neither my father nor hers would have any of it. And when I saw her again, she dinna seem so wonderful. And then I discovered that Murdoch felt the way he felt, and I had to marry Sorcha, so ..." He shrugged. "It was just a youthful fancy, is all, Mary, nothing more. I haven't seen her in a while. She's nothing to me."

"But I heard—"

He made a sharp gesture. "Ye heard wrong. Morag MacLeod means nothing to me, lass. Nothing. Whoever's been talking to ye has filled yer head with nonsense. I willna marry Morag, not now nor ever, and I havena been out in London with women. I saw Rowena when I was shopping, aye, and she was there when I was looking at the nightdress. I am the world's greatest fool not to have realized that she would tell ye and make the most of something that was a chance meeting. I dinna spend any time with her, lass. It's not her company I desire." "I see," I said.

"No, ye don't." He took a deep breath. "Mary, ye canna always believe what ye hear. I have done nothing improper nor have I spent any time with Rowena. Do ye not ken that she's jealous?"

I looked at him in surprise. "Jealous?" "Aye, because yer beautiful and much younger."

"I'm younger, Alex, but I'm not more beautiful." "Aye, Mary, ye are. Ye win the contest, believe me. I've seen many

Rowena’s
. If I wanted a woman like her I'd have one. I don't." I felt my cheeks flush and saw him note it. His expression softened. "Mary, is that what was bothering ye? That ye thought I was courting ye and betraying ye at once?"

"Are you courting me?"

"Lass, how could ye not ken I am? Did ye think I was always seeking yer company because I couldna abide ye? What did ye think I was doing if not courting ye?"

"Seducing me."

"Seducing ye." He looked at me for a long moment.

"I knew you liked me, but I thought I'd frightened you away after I went to your brig or that I'd led you to believe by my behavior that seduction would be acceptable to me. And there was the poem. And the nightdress."

His eyes widened and he paced the room, shaking his head. "I'll never understand a woman's mind. Do ye think me such a fool or such a cad that I'd try and seduce ye in front of yer aunt and uncle and with the blessing of the Duchess of Fenster?" He stopped and faced me. "Mary Lowell, ye credit me with much more intrigue than I am capable of. I told ye, lass. I'm direct. It's ye I'm courting, and ye I'm here with." He pulled out his watch again and frowned. "But not for long." He watched me for a moment, then extended his hand. "Mary, will ye come along with me to the agent's? I must go, lass, and we'd have a chance to talk in the coach. Please."

I nodded and I threw convention to the wind once more.

Alex's agent was not at his office near the docks but at his house, not far from Louisa's. Bronson and Ellen had watched us with worried eyes as we left, Ellen handing me a cloak without a word, and Bronson nodding at my explanation that I would soon return. I shuddered to think what Louisa and Randolph would say, but I could not refuse Alex.

We talked more in the coach he'd hired, and I was soon completely convinced that Alex had been maligned by Rowena, who had access to all those who had helped spread the tales about him. It seemed that despite my notion that I knew London society, I still had more to learn about the wars of love.

At the agent's house I told Alex to go inside without me. It was enough that I was with him again without a chaperon. If the agent recognized me or knew my name, the word would soon be out. I waited patiently for a while, hugging myself as I reviewed our conversations. Alex was courting me. He'd still not spoken of love or marriage, but I was content for now. What a difference a few hours made, I thought, and ignored the coachman's movements. He seemed to be moving a lot and making strange noises. This is why Louisa insists on having her own coaches, I thought. One never knows what one will get with a hired one.