Kei's Gift (39 page)

But Kei was grateful not to be pressured, even though he wished he could offer more of himself than he could. He was a hollow wreck now. Ai-Albon would get back a mere shadow of the healer it once had. He hoped that would be enough for his clan.

He steeled himself as they arrived at Karus’s home. Apart from the transitory visits from Arman’s officers, he’d had no prolonged contact with anyone other than Arman in over a month. The house was quiet, and Matez left them alone as soon as he let them in, which immediately made Kei suspicious.

The suspicion was confirmed when Karus made no move to take his hand, even though he was clearly delighted and relieved to see him. “Pei, Jena’s told you, hasn’t she?”

“About what, Gidu?” Karus’s guileless blue eyes were wide in enquiry and nothing else.

Kei looked at Arman, who shrugged. “About my...gift,” he said, using an ambiguous word he could explain away if he was wrong.

But he wasn’t. “Yes, my boy, she did. I’m so very sorry this has happened to you and I won’t burden you this evening with my company. Jena’s waiting for you in the front room, with a good fire and a hot meal. Arman and I will keep each other occupied tonight. Go see her, she’s missed you terribly.”

Kei bowed. “Karus-pei, you’re both kind and wise. I’ve missed you too.”

“Well then, I hope you’ll be able to spend more time with us soon. Run along, and remember you promised me to tell me more about that academy in Darshek one of these days.”

“Yes, Pei, I haven’t forgotten.”

He went looking for Jena.
There, that hadn’t hurt too much.

~~~~~~~~

Karus sighed, and asked Arman to help him to his feet. “Poor child, what a dreadful affliction.”

“I’m sorry not to tell you, Pei, but I was sworn not to.”

“Of course you were. If I weren’t a harmless doddering old fool, Jena would doubtless have made me swear too, but who would believe my tales of people who can read your thoughts with a touch?”

“I’ll allow the ‘old’, but only a fool would think you one. Where do you want to go?”

“To the kitchen. I gave Cook and Siza the night off, and told them to find their sweethearts and enjoy themselves,” he said with a chuckle, leaning on Arman’s arm as they walked towards the kitchens.

“I never knew you were a matchmaker, Pei.”

“Oh, a terrible meddler, given my choice. Such am I reduced to that I need to arrange the affairs of servants to amuse myself.”

It was warm in the kitchen, and smelled deliciously of the meal waiting for them. Karus indicated he wanted to sit at the main preparation table and told Arman where Jena had left them their supper. He sighed happily. “This reminds me of my childhood, watching my mother prepare our meals with our cook. So many changes have happened since then, of course. Even what we eat—I’d never heard of medo fruit when I was a child, and then it was a luxury only the rich ate. Now, of course, they throw them at the festivals as if they’re nothing. I don’t suppose you can remember a time without cheap Darshian fruit at your meal table.”

“No, Karus, I can’t.” Arman set the cold cooked fish and the spiced vegetable soup out in front of them, and handed Karus bowls and implements, before serving the food and cutting some bread. It reminded him of the quiet suppers with Kei in his own rooms—how much more enjoyable it was to be with a friend over a private meal, than at a state feast. Most of the senatorial class adored big occasions like those often hosted at the palace—Arman had always loathed them with every fibre of his being.

“So many changes,” Karus said again, spooning his soup into his mouth. “So many changes in you, Arman.”

“Me? Well, of course I’ve changed, you’ve known me since I was in baby robes, Pei,” he said with a smile.

“Yes, and you were such a sweet baby to grow up into such a disobedient child,” Karus said wagging his finger. “That blessed tuktuk was never the same after what you and Tijus did to him.”

“Sorry, Pei,” Arman said but still able to grin over the incident. He lost his grin as he remembered telling Loke about it on his death bed. But it had been so funny when the tuktuk had sworn at Senator Dizus’s wife....

“But that’s not the kind of change that strikes me most about you, my boy. Even since you came back from Darshian...do you not feel it yourself?”

Arman cocked his head. Karus was giving him one of his critical looks, the one that seemed to know exactly what he was thinking or feeling at any point. That look had made him an effective disciplinarian in former years, and it was one Arman used on his officers from time to time with great effect. But he really didn’t know what his friend was getting at. “What do you mean?”

“When you left, you were a disappointed man wrapped in duty. I ached to see you thus, and when you came back, you were so bitter and angry. But now you remind me of when I first met Loke, that time you brought him with you to visit. The two of you were such good friends, I rejoiced to see it, and every time I saw you with him. Now you’ve made another friend, and it’s changed you again. Even with this latest trouble...as with Loke, he feeds your soul and makes it grow. Am I speaking out of turn?”

“No, you aren’t. But since I tore
his
soul in half with what I did, it’s not like I deserve his friendship in the least.”

Karus gave him a sharp look. “He forgives you. I can tell by the way he looks at you, that he bears you no ill will at all.”

“Perhaps not, Pei, but we’re still at war. He’ll leave soon, I sincerely hope for his sake. All I can do is try and heal the hurt I’ve given him.”

Karus nodded and ate more soup, as if that was all he had to say on the subject. But then just as Arman relaxed and began to eat his own meal, Karus spoke again. “And then, my dear Arman, what will you do? Retreat into bitterness again? Do your familial duty and let your soul die?”

“You speak as if I have any choice in the matter. I was born in this caste, I let my father make my marriage. I accepted my rank. I can’t complain now if it doesn’t bring me joy.”

“No, my boy, you can’t. But Loke brought you joy. I think Kei would if you let him. All I suggest is that you let yourself believe that even when they are both gone, the possibility of happiness exists in your future, and not to retreat into yourself again. I won’t be here forever,” he said gently, laying his hand on Arman’s wrist. “I don’t want to be with Loke, watching from the heavens, as you turn into a sour, angry old man.”

“You’ll be here for a while yet,” Arman said gruffly.

“My boy, don’t insult my few remaining brains,” Karus chided gently. “Bring your child up to have an open, honest heart and you will do us all honour, and find some joy in your life. Leave yourself ready to find friendship again.”

“I’ll try, Karus-pei, but I don’t want to speak of the future.” Arman changed the subject to what had happened that day in his office. “Kei was terrified, and I don’t blame him.”

Karus sighed. “Ah, Sei Mekus, what a horrible child he was, though I shouldn’t say it. He’s a bully, always was. You need to treat him the same way you treat other bullies.”

“I very much doubt Her Serenity would appreciate me picking one of her senators up by the scruff of his neck and beating the dust out of his bones,” Arman said dryly, and Karus chuckled.

“No, I fancy not. But I also fancy you have better weapons than your fists these days. I pray daily for the end of the siege, much as I will feel more that I’m losing a daughter than a servant in Jena. Is there any movement at all on that front?”

“None whatsoever. At this rate, you’ll have Jena with you at the next Solstice.”

“Which would bring her no happiness, so I won’t wish it, however much we each want our friends to stay. I never expected to see this day. To be at war but to have found friendship through it. It’s very strange, is it not?”

“Indeed, Pei. Very strange.”
But also wonderful
. A brief but wonderful time to be cherished in the future which, whatever Karus said, had no prospect of joy at all.

They finished their meal, not talking of the war of which Arman had had more than enough lately, but of small things. Karus’s garden and his plans to try and cultivate the difficult yusus tree with its extravagant, delicate blooms and edible blue berries. Matez’ budding relationship with a servant in one of the neighbouring households, and what that might mean to Karus. The books on the history of Andon Karus had ordered and that he was expecting to arrive soon. Little, undramatic things Arman rarely had time to contemplate, but which were things he would
like
to have time to contemplate. He suspected he would be Karus’s age before he had that luxury—and even then, he would have his wife and her bastard to ruin his peace. He had no expectations Mayl would die in childbirth—the gods wouldn’t want to take her back to them sooner than they needed to.

Jena came in as they were finishing. “He’s resting,” she said, forestalling both their queries. “You’ve done good work with him, my lord.”

“Hurt to admit that?”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Not at all. A healer takes her remedies even from the most poisonous bushes.” Karus chuckled at that. “He’s a long way to go, my lord. Don’t imagine he’s close to being healed, because he’s not.”

“No, I don’t, but I urgently need to know if you think he can bear to be away from me for a few hours each day. The situation has become dangerous at the palace for him.”

“Mekus? He told me,” she said with a scowl. “That...bucket of urs piss!”

“Jena,” Karus said in mild reproof. “Arman has to look the man in the face, you know.”

“Yes, well, maybe he could poke him in the eye too while he’s looking. All right, I know. The answer is, yes, if Karus will not mind him hiding away for the first few days.”

Just what Arman had hoped for. “Excellent. Pei, if he can come to you in the afternoons, that will reduce his time there.”

“Yes, of course—he can spend all day here, you know that,” Karus said with a puzzled frown.

“No, he can’t, Karus,” Jena said.

“I don’t understand, my child.”

Jena glanced at Arman. “It’s complicated. I’ll explain later, perhaps. But Kei should spend more time with Arman now than with you or me. For a little while longer, at least.”

Karus blinked a little. “You’re the healer, my dear. Whatever he needs, you know that. We need to send him home safe and in good health. It’s only fair.”

“Yes, and I intend to,” Arman said, looking at Jena who nodded. “I’ll wait until he’s ready and take him home. Thank you.”

“Thank you—for his sake.”

“Of course. For what other reason?” Karus was looking down at his plate, so Jena put her tongue out at Arman. Arman only grinned. Jena held no fears for him—he was married to a champion practitioner of nastiness. Jena was but a rank amateur in those stakes.

~~~~~~~~

It was an intense relief to Arman to find Kei could, at last, spend some time at Karus’s house, and even benefit from it. He’d explained what he and Jena had been doing—Arman really couldn’t understand this strange power or what it felt like, let alone these mental exercises, but he accepted their necessity and the benefit Kei derived from them. He was a long, long way from normal, but at least he no longer returned from the kitchens pale-faced and sweaty every time he fetched a meal for them.

There was no joy in him though, no real spirit in his conversation. Jena said his recovery would take time and kindness from his friends. Arman could offer one, but who knew how much there would be of the other.

He could at least make him safer and exercised his little used political skills to make sure Mekus’s spite didn’t lead to fatal results for Kei. Arman let it be known what Kei was working on, casually mentioning the dictionary and the medical text to Blikus as “being of some possible use, my lord,” carefully underplaying it. Blikus’s curiosity was piqued, just as Arman hoped it would be, and so Arman told him a little more about Darshianese remedies. His scepticism died somewhat when Arman had Kei’s medical supplies brought to the palace and had Kei demonstrate the effect of the chuo sap ointment to the Lord Commander.

“Amazing stuff, Arman,” Blikus murmured, looking at his fingers. “You, Kei—you know the recipe for this?”

“Yes, my lord, my family invented it. But you can’t get chuo sap in the south.”

Arman was proud of how Kei held his nerve under Blikus’s penetrating gaze. “Really. But still—put the recipe in that thing you’re writing. You never know, we might get supplies of it. Are you describing the use of this nitre weed solution?”

“Yes, my lord. It needs to be used carefully, it can be an irritant as well as a poison.”

“Hmmm, since the last time I had a bad back the liniment the medic gave me brought me out in hives, I don’t think we’ll be too frightened by this. It’s a good idea, this book, Arman. I’ll mention it to Her Serenity. No point in prejudice getting in the way of keeping our troops healthy.”

“No, my lord, exactly my thoughts.”

And now you can go sit on an angry thurl, Mekus
. He would look like a perfect idiot if he complained to Kita over this now, and Blikus hadn’t raised the slightest objection either to Kei being in the palace in the mornings. Had even suggested Kei speak to the medics, but Arman politely suggested that since the siege might end any day, the notes would be a valuable resource, as would the dictionary, and would it not be best if he continued to work on them instead? Blikus had agreed, and Arman could relax again.