Kane, Samantha - Brothers In Arms 4 (40 page)

Why did Ian look so sad? What had happened while she’d been in the garden with

Very? The questions spinning around in her head were making her dizzy.

“I thought dancing was supposed to be fun,” she said quietly to Derek.

He jerked his head around almost as if he was surprised to see her next to him. His hold on her hand loosened and then fell away. She felt lost at the abandonment. “It is.”

His voice was flat, impersonal.

“Then why are you so grim?” Sophie asked, her tone as flat and impersonal as his.

The question, or her tone, seemed to anger him.

“I am merely thinking about the steps,” he informed her dismissively.

Sophie moved slightly away from him. “Really?” she said dryly. “If you have to

concentrate that hard, perhaps you’re not as good as everyone thinks. Perhaps I should find another teacher.”

Derek’s eyes narrowed on her, and she caught a glimpse of heated emotion in them before he hooded them and hid it from her. “No one else is going to teach you to dance, Sophie. Only me.”

The dark promise of his voice caused memories of their night together to flash

through Sophie’s mind. He’d commanded her in just that voice, had loved her with the same rough timbre and hooded eyes. Her heartbeat raced and her breathing became erratic. “Why? Why only you?” she whispered. Before he could answer, Ian called to them from the piano.

“It shall be a waltz first. It is a relatively simple dance, and as Very has pointed out, Sophie and I will most likely be expected to dance one together for everyone’s

enjoyment.” Sophie looked over at Ian and shivered a little at the inscrutable look on his face. What was going on? She looked back to Derek and he was grim again, also staring at Ian.

“Fine. A waltz,” he answered, and he swung Sophie into his arms. He put one hand on her waist and held her other hand high. Sophie automatically grabbed his upper arm with her free hand and felt the muscles bunch and tremble beneath her hand. Sophie looked up at him, and it was as if she’d been punched in the stomach as desire slammed through her and she fought to breathe. His beautiful hazel eyes were staring at her, stark and hot with an emotion she could clearly recognize, a desire equal to her own.

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Derek’s eyes with their green and gray depths made her think of the forest. The dark heart of a great forest, sunlight filtered far above by the trees, casting a soft green-tinged light on the dark earth forest floor. When he looked at her like this, so intense, so dangerous, it was like the air in that forest, still and quiet and full of teeming life, wild things watching and hunting just out of sight. Life poured off Derek, life and heat and a wildness that was barely contained.

“Put your hand on my shoulder.” Sophie blinked several times as Derek’s voice

penetrated her thoughts. “Sophie,” he repeated impatiently, “put your hand on my shoulder, not my arm.”

“Oh,” Sophie said and quickly complied. She winced inwardly at her wayward

thoughts and less than intelligent response. No wonder Derek didn’t love her, she was an idiot.

“When you dance, no matter whom you are dancing with, keep a respectable

distance between you and your partner. The high sticklers will pounce on you if they sense any impropriety in your dancing.” Derek’s voice was detached, lecturing, and Sophie couldn’t help being just a little hurt at his dispassionate treatment. His comment made her snort inelegantly.

“Yes, I’m sure it’s the impropriety in my dancing that will set tongues wagging.”

She saw Derek fight a grin at her comment and felt a small thrill of victory. Then Ian began to play and Sophie was utterly amazed at the musical magic his clever hands were making at the piano. The piece was beautiful, slow and sensual with a lyrical, dreamlike quality. She’d never heard it before.

“I didn’t know Ian could play the piano,” she said, staring over her shoulder at Ian sitting there concentrating completely on the music, as if no one else was in the room.

Derek tugged on her hand and she turned back to him. “Ian is the consummate

lover, Sophie. He excels at all things romantic, including music. It is one of his passions, although he has rarely indulged it the last two years.”

“Why?” she asked breathlessly. The combination of Ian’s sensual music and Derek’s physical presence was arousing Sophie tremendously. Her skin felt tight and hot and ached with a yearning to be stroked. Her breasts felt heavy, her nipples hard, her sex wet and swollen. Why? Why now, in front of a room full of people? She bit her lip and unconsciously gripped Derek’s hand tighter.

When Derek answered, his voice was low and filled with the gravel of desire. He had to stop and clear his throat, but it was too late. The sound had traveled down Sophie’s spine and lodged inside her where it throbbed in time to Ian’s music. She stared helplessly at his mouth as he answered. “He won’t say. I think it makes him too emotional to release himself in the music. He has a lot of things stored away behind a locked door inside him, and music unlocks the door that he wants to keep closed.” The look he shot Ian was almost painful in its naked adoration and concern.

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“You love him so much,” Sophie whispered, awed by the depth of Derek’s feelings, dismayed that anyone could think him cold or unfeeling or a bully. Derek felt things so deeply. He understood Ian’s closed door because he had so many of his own.

Derek looked down to her again. “Yes,” was all he said. Then he moved and Sophie followed.

Derek gave her very little direction. He used his body to guide her and taught her the steps by demonstrating them instead of explaining them. Sophie was glad. She’d always learned better this way, by doing rather than being told what to do. Somehow Derek knew that. She wasn’t surprised. In her experience so far, Derek knew

everything.

There were several couples dancing. Very and Wolf, Kate and Tony, and a pretty

girl named Rachel who was here with one of Jason’s friends. She was dancing with the Duke of Ashland and looked as if she couldn’t believe her good fortune. The duke just laughed and swung her around, his dancing as boisterous and happy as the duke

himself. Sophie saw them all as if through a fog. Almost all her concentration initially was on learning the steps of the dance. Eventually her awareness was less on the steps and almost exclusively on Derek.

Dancing with Derek was extraordinary. He moved as if the silly rules that applied to other people had no meaning for him. He was a big man, but when he danced it was as if he floated above the ground, and Sophie floated with him. She stopped looking down at her feet and simply stared into Derek’s eyes, lost in them, and he stared back equally transfixed. He was so beautiful, so big and strong and wonderful.

I love him
.
I love him
. Sophie’s thoughts kept tempo with the dips and swirls of the dance. Even as her desire deepened, her heart grew heavy. He didn’t want her. He’d come to her bed, with Ian, because of Ian, but he didn’t want her, Sophie. She could be any woman as long as Ian was there. She wanted to cry at the injustice of it. All her life she’d wanted someone to love. Now she loved two men. She was being greedy. Ian

loved her. He’d said he loved her. It had to be enough. And even if she couldn’t have Derek’s love, she could have his body, and give hers to him. And during those times she’d pretend he loved her. She’d pretended most of her life, but this would be the most precious lie she’d ever told herself.
I love him
.

Ian looked up from the music to watch Derek and Sophie dancing. They looked

perfect together, he so big and strong and Sophie tall and slender and moving to the music like a willow in the wind. The two of them were amazing to watch. They gazed into each other’s eyes as they spun and whirled around the floor, oblivious to everyone else in the room, including him. He didn’t mind. He was secure in their love and affection for him. The sight of them like this made his heart pound and his hands tremble on the keys as he poured all his love into the music he made for them.

Slowly all the other dancers stopped and stood off to the side to watch them, as mesmerized by their grace as Ian. Derek had pulled Sophie close so that their bodies 201

Samantha Kane

were pressed together from chest to thigh, moving as one. Her arm was around his shoulder, her hand on his nape as she tipped her head back to look deeply in his eyes.

They were born to dance together, to be together. Derek may try to lie to himself, but the proof of his love was there on the dance floor, in the way he held her and the way he looked at her.

Sophie wore her heart on her sleeve. It was obvious to all that she was desperately in love with Derek. Her eyes were dreamy, her lips parted as if in anticipation of his kiss. She clung to him and followed his every move, letting him lead her, guide her, completely trusting him with everything she was. Ian ached for her. How many times would Derek hurt her before he admitted he loved her? Ian wanted to protect them both from hurt, but how could he? He was only a man, and all he could do was love them both. He had to look away and, closing his eyes, released that love into his song.

Derek was under a spell and he wished never to awaken. Sophie felt like a dream in his arms as they floated around the room. She was fire and heat and passion as the sunlight danced in and out of her flaming hair as they glided past the open windows.

He knew he had pulled her too close, but he needed to feel her pressed against him, to feel each breath she dragged into her chest, each beat of her heart in her breast. Her fire called to something in him, something that had lain dormant for so long. He felt a great love and passion for Ian, but this was different. This feeling was mixed up with protectiveness and possession in a maelstrom of emotions that had him off balance and he didn’t like it, but there was nothing he could do.

He was drowning in the depths of her glittering amber gaze. He couldn’t pull his eyes away, as if she’d bewitched him. But he knew the fault was his own, the weakness of his own making. He hadn’t protected himself well enough from her. He craved her.

He craved her kisses, her moans, her laughter and her quick wit. He craved the earthy, sunshine smell of her after she came in from the garden, and the scent of her sweet tea over the breakfast table. He craved the taste of her freckles and the strength of her legs around his waist, the feel of her hair against his chest.

How? How had he let this happen? He felt his heart beating a rapid, panicked

tattoo in his chest as if to remind him that it was fragile. He hoped it wasn’t too late, that he’d be able to pull back from this pathetic needing. With a sinking heart he suspected it was already too late. He was in too deep now with no way out. To walk away meant leaving a big part of himself behind with her, not to mention what it would do to Ian. What was he going to do? Christ, he loved her. He loved her. The thought frightened him so much he felt his hands tremble as they held her.

The music stopped and Derek glided Sophie to a standstill. They didn’t release each other immediately, but blinked slowly as they continued to stare into each other’s eyes.

The desire in her gaze was obvious, but there were other emotions hiding behind it.

Gradually Derek became aware of the utter silence in the room and the deserted dance floor around them. He reluctantly took a step back from Sophie, but they’d been so 202

At Love’s Command

close he was barely at a respectable distance. The urge to flee was nipping at his heels, his fear and confusion clouding his mind.

“Are you going to break my heart, Derek?” Sophie whispered brokenly as he let his hands drop. The question pierced him like an arrow. He shook his head, whether in denial of her question or of his feelings he wasn’t sure. He turned and walked from the room without a word, the silence he left behind more deafening than words.

* * * * *

Ian and Sophie left Jason’s right after Derek. They came home hoping to find him there, but he was nowhere to be found. Sophie was very quiet through dinner and excused herself to go to bed early. Ian joined her soon after, determined to talk about what was going on and what Sophie wanted. Ian realized that he was at fault in the whole situation. He’d been holding back his hopes and fears from Sophie, and it was time to stop. If they were truly to make a life together, they needed to be honest with one another. She was already in bed by the time he got to her room. Without a word he climbed in beside her and pulled her into his embrace.

“Sophie, we must talk. About Derek, about us, about what’s going on.” No sooner had he broached the subject than Sophie broke down and began crying on his shoulder.

“Oh, God, Sophie,” he murmured, kissing her head gently as he stroked her back, her gulping sobs echoing in his head. He’d done this to her. He’d been so focused on what he wanted and what Derek needed, he’d ignored Sophie’s needs. It took him a moment to understand what Sophie was trying to say through her tears.

“I’m sorry, Ian, I’m sorry,” she cried. Ian’s heart clutched painfully. “It’s my fault, I drove him away. I pushed him today, and now he’s gone. Gone! How you must hate

me. I’ll leave, Ian, I’ll leave and Derek will come back to you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Ian held her tightly to him, trying to absorb her pain. “Sophie, no! You mustn’t believe that, you mustn’t. It was me, always pushing him, telling him what to do. Why didn’t I leave him alone?” Ian closed his eyes and tried to gain control. “He’ll be back.

He always comes back. Derek…oh, Sophie. There’s so much you don’t understand

about Derek.”

Sophie pulled away violently, her fists wrapped in the sheet. “I understand he loves you, Ian. I understand that. How could he not? And I understand he doesn’t love me.

He desires me and he hates himself, and me, for it.”

“Sophie, no—”

“Yes! Yes!” Sophie was shouting. She was getting hysterical.