Kade's Rescue (Detroit Heat Book 1) (10 page)

I smiled at him, trying to be polite and not let my bad mood affect others. I was a professional. “What can I help you with?”

He lowered his voice and a pit opened wide in my stomach. “I need you to let me tell you about Kade.”

I put my hands up, stopping him from going on. “I don’t want anything to do with him. I don’t know what he told you, but he ran off on me and made me look like a fool in front of a restaurant full of people. I have nothing to say to him, and there’s nothing I want to hear about him.”

The man grabbed my hands and lowered them. I had to look him in the eyes, “He’s crazy about you. You really don’t want to hear that?”

“He’s just plain crazy.” I could see some of my co-workers looking over at me, and my face began to flush from embarrassment. “I’ve got to get back to work.” I turned back to my large box of radishes.

I might have been able to focus that morning if three other guys hadn’t come up to me basically saying the exact same thing. They told me Kade was crazy about me, and they wanted a chance to explain. I tried to keep quiet. I didn’t want Leslie to see me making a scene. But they were testing my patience like nothing else.

At least I knew he wasn’t there. I’d looked around enough in that first hour to see that he wasn’t among the firemen who had come to volunteer.

As we got set up behind the lunch counters to start serving, another volunteer appeared beside me. He was an older man, and at the sight of him, I rolled my eyes.

“Don’t tell me: Kade is crazy about me. Blah, blah, blah. Please.” I turned to him. “Please, just save it.”

He smiled at me. “No can do, dear. You know we don’t quit, right?”

I sighed. This was hell. This was exactly what hell was like.

“I’m not gonna sway you and tell you how sweet he is. I’m not gonna make him out to be some saint, because he’s not. He’s a guy that does a hard as hell job, and it took its toll.”

The older firefighter sounded tired, as if his words were weighing him down. I sighed. I had to admit, it wasn’t what I was expecting to hear.

“Kade had some bad stuff happen to him in the last few months. One thing after another. His partner is in the hospital right now, as a matter of fact. Yeah, what the guys said is true—he’s crazy about you. He’s also going through some major shit. He’s on mandatory leave right now because of it. I’m not excusing what he did. I’m just asking you to open your mind a little.”

He looked around as people began to file into the cafeteria area for their meals. “You know what it’s like helping people when they’re at their worst. It weighs on you. It’s weighing on him. By the way, he doesn’t know we’re here, so don’t get angry with him on account of us. That’s all I’ve got to say, I guess. I don’t think he’ll contact you. As far as he’s concerned, he blew it. If you don’t agree, you know where to find us.”

I spent the rest of the day furious. Furious with the firefighters, furious with Kade, and furious with myself. I knew my resolve had been shattered, and I knew what that meant.

God, was I glad to be back at work. The break was nice, but the time in my own head was a nightmare. Two weeks off felt like an eternity. The shrink had cleared me to come back to work, and I damn near hugged him when he did. I did one thing well: worked hard. I beat down the fiery beast with everything inside me. When I couldn’t do that, all I did was think about my mistakes.

The number one mistake running through my head for two weeks? One Layne Manchester. A great girl with everything going for her. She was sweet, smart, and one look at her took my breath away. I always owned up to my mistakes, and that was one big fuck-up on my part.

The first thing I did after breakfast with the guys was work out. I had so much pent up energy, and I had to do something with it. I’d been restless for two weeks, and I worked it all off in the weight room. I came out sweaty and with a clear head for a change.

I turned on the shower, leaving the water cold. Stepping in was a rush unto itself. I sucked in a quick breath as the icy currents splashed over my tired muscles. I’d be sore the next day, and it would feel amazing. As usual, the second I lathered up my hair, our tones dropped.

“Fuck,” I said, but there was a wide smile on my face. My strength returned in an instant as the dispatcher’s call came out over our speakers.

“Attention Engine 37, accident with injuries at the corner of Vernor Highway and Lawndale Street. Overturned vehicle with entrapment.”

As she repeated the call, I rinsed as much shampoo out of my hair as I could, then sprinted to my cot, one hand keeping the towel in place. I threw my clothes over my soaking skin and ran for the bay.

“Two weeks off and he gets rusty. Get your ass in gear, Kade!” Jonah, one of my brothers, was hanging out the door of the engine and yelling to me as I stepped into my boots and bunker pants. I yanked them up and grabbed my jacket and helmet.

The back door to the engine was open, but I heard the air brakes let off. I ran for the open door as Alfonzo slowly pulled out of the bay. I could see him smiling at me in the rear view mirror, taunting me. Just outside the garage door, I grabbed onto the handle and hoisted myself into the cab.

“Just in the nick of time, McCaffery. I have no problem leaving your dripping wet ass at the station.”

I threw my jacket to the floor, grinning wide. “Glad to see you again, too Fonz.”

We made a left out of the station. My adrenaline was flowing, the siren was wailing, and I felt relaxed for the first time in weeks. A car crash would be a nice way to ease back into work. Nothing too strenuous. We’d cut the trapped people out, get them ready to transport, and I’d feel like I was back in the game before anything too serious came up.

We had just turned the corner when I spotted someone out my window. I had just enough time to get a glance as we roared past her. I tried to roll the window down in time, but we were already through the intersection, air horn blasting us a clear path.
 
It was her, but I could barely believe it.

The rescue went like clockwork. An SUV had flipped onto its side, so after we stabilized it, we cut open the back hatch and got the people out with only a few scrapes and scratches between them. Even though it was simple, it felt like a big win to hear their thanks.
 
The work was great, because it gave me time to think about who I’d seen walking toward the station as we rolled out.

I really thought I’d never see her again. I thought that even if I called Layne, she’d want nothing to do with me. I had screwed things up royally, far beyond the point of an apology and some flowers. In my meetings with the shrink, I had pretty much resigned myself to trying to forget about Layne. Then I saw her outside my fire station, and I felt so stupid for giving up.

My mind had been on autopilot while we worked the call. I wanted to get it done and get back to the station to make sure I wasn’t just seeing things. My heart ached at the prospect of seeing her again. I wanted to explain everything to her. I wanted to open that door and let out all the painful memories. I knew she’d listen, and I knew she’d understand.

“Engine 37 has cleared the scene. Returning to station.”

Hearing Jonah broadcast that message to dispatch was such a relief. After forty minutes at the car crash, we were finally heading back. My heart raced like I was in the weight room again. I closed my eyes, hoping to God Layne would still be there waiting for me.

Fonz backed the engine into the station, and I saw her again. The ache in my chest was back, but worse than ever. There was Layne, leaning on the brick wall beside the garage door looking cool as hell.

It took every bit of instinct not to panic. She was there, all right, and that meant that I had some explaining to do.

Alfonzo walked past me next to my locker. “Well?”

He snapped me out of my mental pep-talk. “Well, what?”

“You gonna go out and talk to her, or what?”

I shook my head, a nervous laugh escaping. “Jesus, does everyone here know my business?” All Fonz did was smile and lean against the lockers. That was a fucking yes.

I sucked it up and headed toward the bay doors. I tried to think of what I’d say, and of course, I came up blank.

I walked out the open garage door and turned to her. God, she looked like an oasis in the desert. Layne was the girl next door that made you want to stay home all day long. I was sure I had a dumb look on my face, but there was just no stopping it.

“Really glad to see you, Layne.” It was lame, but I couldn’t think of anything else at the time.

She gave me a half-hearted smile. “How are you?”

I could hear the sadness in her voice and it killed me. She’d come to the station as a favor to someone, probably someone inside. My heart thudded against my ribs as if it knew what to say better than I did.

I struggled to find the right combination of words that would help her see where I was coming from. But nothing came to me, so I had to say the next best thing. “I’m a chickenshit.”

“What?”

I looked into her gorgeous, sweet eyes. “I’m a coward.”

She shook her head. “Kade, I don’t understand.”

I sighed. “I freaked out because of something that happened to me a few months ago. That’s not why I’m a coward, though. I’m a chickenshit coward because I couldn’t tell you what happened, and I couldn’t apologize. I couldn’t call or try to make it up to you. It’s been eating at me for weeks. I can’t stop thinking about you, but every time I try to fix this, I freeze up.”

Despite pouring my feelings out to Layne, I could see that she wasn’t tripping over herself to forgive me. Good for her. She crossed her arms. “After what I thought was a really great connection and an amazing few weeks, you ran off. You abandoned and embarrassed me, and then I don’t hear anything from you?”

“I owe you an explanation.”

Layne turned her hands up to me. “I’m all ears.” I wanted to smile. She was a tough girl, and it only made me ache more for having hurt her.