Just the Way You Are (21 page)

‘Look, cut the Ice Queen act for a minute, eh? I just want a little bit of your time then you can go back to hanging off Lover Boy all night.’

He shot a dark look at Nate, who was busy swigging from a can of lager and lounging on the sofa.

‘Careful Max, you don’t want to sound like you care.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘For someone who’s meant to be taken yourself, you sound awfully jealous of me and Nate.’

‘I’m not jealous, trust me.’

‘Max, we’ve been friends for twenty-odd years; don’t start lying to me now!’

‘If you ask me,
you’re
the one who’s jealous. I know the thing with me and Gwen came a bit out of the blue but it’s cool and kind of weird at the same time. I’m looking forward to seeing what happens with us and if you can’t deal with that –’

‘Ugh,
please.
We had one kiss that didn’t mean anything; trust me, I’m already over it.’

I walked off as a salty sting pricked the back of my throat and eyes. I was determined not to let Max see how he’d hurt me.

***

A little while later, we were all sat on the couch watching a movie on Max’s big screen TV. There were two perfect little pairs and for once, I was part of one. I wasn’t on the outside looking in like I’d been the night I’d gone out with Gary from Stockport. Here I was, with Nate’s muscly arm wrapped round my shoulder while he gently stroked the bare skin at the top of my arm. Meanwhile, Gwen and Max were on the other couch; he had his legs stretched out wide and she lay in the middle. His arms were slung lazily around her and their fingers were locked together.

I tore my gaze away from the film, which wasn’t that interesting anyway, and looked over at them. Gwen stirred slightly and repositioned herself with a contented little sigh. She reminded me of a cat sitting on its owner’s lap and I wasn’t so sure it was in a good way.

Nate took a stretch and yawned loudly. ‘Fancy heading up the road then?’

This caught Max’s attention and he flipped round to look at us, seemingly not caring he’d knocked Gwen off balance.

‘Don’t be silly, we just got here,’ I replied. ‘We can’t leave now.’

‘We’ve been here for hours Ava, I’d like to get up the road and spend a bit of time with you if that’s OK.’

He sounded pretty grumpy; over the course of the evening, it had been pretty obvious that he and Max were never going to be best friends. They disagreed on most things: Max was into politics, Nate wasn’t; Max loved talking about food while it bored Nate to death. They were both so different yet the one thing that bound them together was their apparent feelings for me.

What a mess.

‘Leave if you like, we’re going to have an early night I think,’ Max replied with a quick grin.

Gwen blushed and gave him a playful tap on the arm. ‘Max you can’t say that!’

He murmured a reply in her ear then nuzzled into her neck while she giggled. My insides shrivelled up.

‘Right well… We’ll be going then.’ I grabbed my coat and dragged Nate out the door while my two best friends played tonsil hockey on the sofa.

Nate drove me home and we kissed in the car for what felt like hours. His lips became more and more insistent and pressed harder on mine as his desire rose.

‘Can I come in for a coffee?’ he asked as his hand moved down to my breast.

‘Not tonight eh? I’ve… I’ve got stuff to do in the morning.’ I was lying through my teeth but the thought of inviting Nate into my personal space filled me with dread.

‘Well I’ve got something I’d like to do right now – you.’ His kisses moved down to my neck and he allowed his teeth to graze against my skin.

I put my hands on his shoulders and moved him back to make myself more comfortable. His face was blank but I could tell from the look in his eyes he wasn’t happy at being stopped.

‘What is it?’ He frowned and waited to hear what he’d done wrong.

I didn’t know exactly what was wrong, but had a strong suspicion it was to do with him not being Mr Writer. Going out with Nate was the only reason I’d given up on finding him – well that and the lack of letters – and a part of me resented him for it. If he’d just moved on to one of the work experience girls, I’d still be consumed in my search and thinking it would all come together one day.

‘Nothing,’ I replied. ‘Nothing at all, everything’s fine.’

I had to remind myself that Nate was a real, flesh-and-blood guy who wanted to be with me. He was here right now when it counted and not hiding behind a bunch of letters.

‘So can I come up then?’

‘Would you mind if we left it tonight? I’m really tired and I’m up early tomorrow.’

He nodded slowly and his mouth formed a harsh line on his otherwise perfect face. ‘No worries; another time eh?’

‘Sure.’

Feeling like the biggest bitch in the world, I got out of the car. Before Nate drove away, he rolled his window down.

‘I know I’m not everything you want Ava. Maybe I don’t tick all your boxes but I’m here. Think about that.’

Without giving me a chance to reply, he drove off into the night.

A quick trip through the lobby door later, I was back in my flat. I felt something crunch underneath my feet as I stepped through the front door and, when I looked down to see what I’d stood on, I saw a slightly crumpled envelope lying on the floor A little bubble of hope rose in me when I picked it up; I was hoping against hope that it would bring another twist in my journey to find my secret admirer.

Sure enough, his loopy slanted handwriting was on the front. My heart skipped a beat as I turned over to rip it open. However, before I could, three words on the back stopped me in my tracks.

MY FINAL LETTER

Chapter 21

Dear Ava,

Writing this letter is both difficult and amazing in equal measure. It’s the letter I never thought I’d write but one I’m privileged to. Yes Ava, I’m finally ready for us to meet. I know it’s been a long time coming and I promise you it’ll be worth it; I can’t wait to meet you at last. I’m just putting the finishing touches to my grand reveal and I’ll let you know somehow when everything’s in place. The letters stop now though. It’s time for us to take things to the next level.

I could spend the rest of this letter going on about how great it’ll be if we finally get together (I’m still aware there’s a possibility this won’t happen) but I won’t. See the thing is, I know it’s not going to be all rainbows and butterflies for us. There will be times when we get on each other’s nerves and when we argue to the point where we don’t know if we should carry on any more. I know it won’t be perfect but it’ll be us and that’s enough for me. I hope it is for you too. For every shouting match we have and every careless remark made, there will be a hundred times where we’re lying with our arms wrapped round each other, scarcely able to believe that we got so lucky. Everyone around us won’t believe that two people could be as in love as we are. I promise to love you until there’s not a breath left in my body. To me, that means more than empty promises of exotic trips and expensive gifts. Promises are broken and gifts can be lost, but the love I promise to give you will last forever. Keep smiling, beautiful.

Love always

?

Well that was a turn up for the books.

I might’ve given up, but Mr Writer certainly hadn’t. My worst fear had been demolished at last; he hadn’t got fed up with me. After six whole years and a shit load of letters, we were finally going to meet. Although I didn’t know when or where it would be, I knew it would be the pivotal moment I’d been waiting for all my life. We’d fall into each other’s arms and kiss and then ride off into the sunset together. I couldn’t wait. The day I met him was going to be the first day of the rest of my life.

Just as I was planning to do a happy dance then devour a tub of Ben & Jerry’s, there was a knock at the door. I almost jumped out of my skin; who the hell was visiting me at this time? More to the point, did I really want to know? Cautiously, I approached the door, armed with one of Gwen’s stupidly high stilettos. If it was an intruder, I could at least bash him in the face with it.

I didn’t really have a list in my head of people who could possibly be on the other side of the door. However, it’s pretty safe to say I wasn’t expecting to see Max standing in front of me.

‘Max… What are you doing here?’

I brushed some hair out of my eyes so I could see him properly. A ghost of a smile danced at the corners of his mouth and there was a look in his eyes I couldn’t quite define.

‘Before I tell you, do you think you could put the shoe down?’ He chuckled softly and goose bumps rose on my arms.

I did as he asked and chucked the glittery high heel on the floor. It landed with a clatter that made us both jump.

‘OK, now that’s done can I come in?’ His face had relaxed now and looked as warm and kind as it always did.

‘Sure.’ I stood aside then he walked into my hallway and leaned against the wall.

I decided to get the sensible questions out of the way first before delving into why he’d come to my flat at gone midnight.

‘Where’s Gwen?’

‘She’s gone to stay at a mate’s house.’ Max pushed himself off the wall and stepped closer to me. Instinctively, I edged backwards.

‘Why? If you’ve hurt her Max, I swear I’ll never forgive you!’

‘I haven’t hurt her. OK, maybe she’s a bit annoyed but she’ll live.’

‘What have you done?’

I backed away again like he’d told me he was an axe murderer. The thought made me laugh; Max would be the world’s worst killer. He’d end up making his victim tea and sandwiches instead.

‘I told her gently and politely that things weren’t going to work out between us, that we were too good friends to be anything more. She threw a shoe at me.’ He lifted up his fringe to show me a small cut on his forehead. He looked a bit like Harry Potter. ‘Then she grabbed her stuff and went to her mate Jenny’s house. I’ve just got off the phone with her now actually. She’s had a bit of time to cool down and she agrees with me; what we had was good but we’re better off being mates.’

My nose wrinkled as I processed what he was saying. ‘It didn’t look like that when me and Nate were round.’

‘We had fun together and being coupley with her was nice,’ Max explained. ‘But the way I felt when we kissed at my flat that night… Ava, I’ve never felt like that before and I don’t think I ever will again.’

My breath caught in my throat. I knew there was a stock response for this kind of thing but I was buggered if I knew what it was. Butterflies began to flutter in my stomach, and my head spun as I tried to process what he was telling me. In the back of my mind, an excited little voice whispered that things were finally about to fall into place. I grinned broadly as I realised I was more than ready to let that happen. For once in my chaotic life, things were starting to make sense.

‘Max, I… I don’t know what to say! So what, you’re telling me you have feelings for me, is that right?’

He let out a soft laugh and smiled, his perfect teeth on full display. ‘Yeah Ava, that’s exactly what I’m saying.’

‘O-OK, I-I just wanted to make sure I had it right, that’s all…’ I trailed off while my brain tried to cobble together a suitable reply. While I willed myself to assemble some kind of coherent response, it seemed my brain had nothing to give. What I was feeling was beyond logic and reason and thinking; I had to let my heart do the talking here. The prospect of surrendering sense for emotions scared and excited me.

Max took a few more steps towards me and I didn’t back away. Instead, I looked at the floor while I tried to take in the news that my best friend in the whole wide world had
feelings
for me.

He put a finger under my chin and tilted my head upwards. He looked delicious bathed in moonlight from the hall window.

‘I know this is mad, believe me I do, but it’s the realest thing I’ve ever felt in my life. I didn’t plan on falling for my best friend but here I am, at Christ knows what time of the morning, pouring my heart out to you and hoping you might feel the same. Seeing you with Nate tonight killed me. I hated seeing him with his arms round you or kissing you because
I
wanted to be the one doing that.’

I stood there, speechless and not knowing how to feel. A part of me silently screamed that this was the best news I’d ever heard while the rest of me was totally flummoxed.

‘Ava, help me out here eh?’

Max laughed and bit his bottom lip. I could tell from his voice that he was panicking in case he’d made a fool of himself. Finally, some words came to mind. My brain cleared and I knew exactly what to say. For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel like there was any smoke and mirrors; there was no hidden agendas, secrets or lies. There was only Max and his love for me and I’d never felt happier.

‘You know that kiss?’ I said. I paused and pursed my lips for a second, trying to keep my giddiness from bursting out of me. I felt light-headed and carefree, like I was on a fairground ride that was spinning and dancing. I didn’t feel scared or unsure like I had with Dave or any of the others. This felt right; it
was
right.

‘Uh huh.’

‘Do you think you could remind me what it was like? Maybe give me an action replay?’

Max nodded and bent his head towards mine. I held it in both hands and ran my fingers through his hair. His arms were wrapped around my shoulders and waist and he pulled me as close to him as he could. Our lips moved together in perfect sync, our tongues danced with one another and I was happier than I’d ever been.

He pinned me against the wall and lifted me up so he could kiss me better. I wrapped my legs around his waist and began tugging at his hoodie. Kissing wasn’t going to be enough this time; I needed to feel his touch, to connect with him in a way we never had before. Though my hands were shaking with excitement, I eventually managed to unzip it, pull it off and throw it away.

It was his turn next. He slid his hands under my purple chiffon top and slid it off with incredible ease.

‘Anyone would think you’d done this before,’ I breathed between kisses.