Just That Easy (13 page)

“You mean you?” She laughed. “Yeah, I know all about the
alpha male, I have one in my bed at night.”

“Damn straight.” He nodded, his breath tickling her cheek.
“Know why you know so much? You’re an alpha too. Alpha female, and they can
smell it. Regular guys, they either want to control you, which is never going
to work, or they run. I’m guessing mostly run.”

Cocking her head, she met his stare. “Say I buy that. Then
what is it you want, why don’t you shy away? Alpha males should want to
dominate, right?”

“Some do. I do, don’t I? And you let me, and you like it.
But I’m also secure enough, or we should just say insane enough, to recognize
what you are. To just let you be what you are and dive right into it, love it,
hell drown in it, it’s so amazing. Men like me, we’d prefer to take the
challenge. Let all that raw power loose and try to keep up with it. Or let it
kill us in the process.” He laughed, deep, husky and his eyes virtually on
fire.

Drown in it, was right. This man could do with words almost
as much as he could with his hands.

“I can see that.”

“Everyone runs harder when they have someone running right
along with them, keeping up, challenging, needing to be challenged.”

His words gave her a surge of fear and energy at the same
time. “Well, except those little pencil-dick guys who run the other way.” She
gave him that man-eater grin she knew always put a little spark in his eye, and
probably elsewhere.

“See what I mean, baby? You would eat those poor bastards
alive. No wonder they run from you.” He met her grin with one of his own
I-want-to-eat-you-up smiles.

“Only someone like you could manage to make me feel that
good about myself and not make it sound ridiculous.”

“Then I’m glad I’m here, you should feel good about it all
the time. I know how it feels to have people look at you like you’re a threat,
or not understand what you are. They’re afraid so they figure if they isolate
you, then you can’t hurt them. Your strength is your best asset, and the thing
that also leaves you high and dry when people run from it. All by yourself most
of the time.”

It couldn’t have been any clearer he’d shifted from talking
about her, to himself. The urge to reach out and touch him was not going to be
denied, promise to herself to hold back or not.

Her fingers brushed his chin, one hand lightly stroking his
cheek, her other hand stroking his chest. She wanted to say she would never run
from him, she wouldn’t be one of the ones to leave him high and dry because,
god, she knew exactly how that felt. It wasn’t a pleasant thought that she was
doing just that by keeping feelings for him at bay, keeping her emotional
distance for that moment when he wasn’t there anymore.

She gave him what she could, leaning her forehead into his
and closing her eyes against the regret it couldn’t be more. “I guess it just
takes the right person to bring out what we really are. As much as you make me
feel like all that, I’ve never been this person before you, Grant. I didn’t
think I could.”

He pulled away from her and shook his head, eyes growing
more intense. “I know you weren’t able to be like this with anyone before, but
it’s always been there. A woman who can think like you do, go those places in
your head, it’s not something you learn. It’s just who you are whether or not
you know how much power you have. I know, because I was never this guy before
you either.”

His words, the seriousness of his tone and the tight look on
his face, stopped her thoughts cold. Her feelings of resistance and hiding her
true self were nothing new, she barely thought about it anymore until he had
come along. Picturing him having any sort of similar ideas about himself seemed
impossible. He was fearless, comfortable in his own skin, commanding of himself
and her. How could she possibly believe he had ever been any other way? “I’m
not sure I buy that one. You are who you are, there’s nothing hidden about you
at all. You’re so true to your own nature it makes me want to be the same way.”

A quick look of apprehension flashed over his face, but he
turned away so she couldn’t see his eyes and rubbed his jaw, as if lost in
thought. “What if that’s not true? I’m not acting with you, no. Doesn’t mean
I’ve always been the man I am with you.”

“I think I’ve learned to judge people well enough to know
the difference.”

“You might be wrong about me, you know.” He leaned back and
tipped her chin up to his face. “There have been a lot of women like her,
Teryn. A lot. I can’t even tell you how many. And I wasn’t always nice to them.
I don’t think I ever was, in fact.” She could tell he was waiting to see if she
was shocked at his admission. His shoulders grew tight under her fingers, his
stance was rigid. He didn’t just wait to see if the idea bothered her, it
seemed as if he waited for her to hate him because he thought he deserved it.
Whatever he’d been to them, it sure as hell didn’t reflect the man she was here
with.

Maybe it wasn’t who he had always been, but it was certainly
who he was now. Whether or not she kept her feelings for him reined in, the
moment was about the here and now, not the past. “All right then. Right here,
right now, is us. We do what we want, remember? I’m not one of them and you
don’t seem to ever want to go there again, far as I can tell, so let’s make
some new experiences for you to remember instead of dwelling on being, well,
whatever you were.”

His shoulders sagged in relief, but he didn’t let go of it.
“You don’t know my history, Teryn, things tend to come back on us in my family,
we can’t seem to get away from it. I know you are waiting for the other shoe to
drop since the moment you met me, and I’ve been trying too damn hard to
convince you it won’t. Right here and now I’m telling you my track record
sucks. Doesn’t that pretty much sum up what you’ve been afraid of?”

“Not really. My worries don’t look backward, just forward.”

“Then I still have a chance, you haven’t run away screaming
yet.” He shook his head with a weak smile. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

She nodded, the motivation for working out lost in the
avalanche of thoughts that had just crowded her brain.

* * * * *

That afternoon, workout done, lunch over and the lazy early
summer afternoon ahead of them, Teryn went into her office to try to put down a
couple of thoughts she’d had on the development of her newest project. Grant
was comfortable on the couch, book in hand, nursing an iced tea. She’d become
bored with her book, she needed to write something.

It didn’t escape her how easy this was. This big man
lounging on her couch, book in hand, her working in her office. Like normal
people.

She shrugged it off and put her mind into her work. This
time it was easy and the thoughts flowed well on the new piece. Usually when it
came this fast she could be working for hours, marathon writing sessions at
times with breaks only to go to the bathroom or grab food to drag back to her
office. It seemed as if when the words flowed out of her, sometimes they just
didn’t stop and she hadn’t had any reason to, no one to interrupt.

Which is why she really noticed when Grant did interrupt
her. Notice, she did. Bother her, it didn’t. Except that fact did bother her.
He changed everything about what she was and how she did things whether she
wanted him to or not.

He lounged in the doorway, leaning one broad shoulder
against the jamb, watching her for a moment. His hair fell over his forehead in
that messy way it had of not staying put and she couldn’t help smiling at him.

The look on his face was mix of slight discomfort and
curiosity. As if he knew he shouldn’t be invading this space but couldn’t help
himself. “Am I interrupting?”

“No, not really. You can come in if you want.” The idea of
him in her office felt better than she wanted it to. The sight of his bare feet
and husky frame dressed in his usual jeans and untucked button-down shirt made
her want to forget all about working.

Moving a couple of feet into the room, he shoved his hands
into his pockets and looked down over her desk at her. His grin lit up his
face, the room, her body. “I like watching you write, you make all kinds of
interesting faces. I can see the conversation you’re having with yourself in
your head.”

“Uh-huh. Sounds like all kinds of crazy to me. Especially
since I’m not having it with myself.” She laughed shaking her head.

“Cute. It’s cute.”

“Again with the cute.” She made a face, secretly thrilled he
not only noticed how she looked when she wrote but thought it cute despite her
disbelief that it was.

He moved farther in, looking a little bit as if she had
welcomed him into some kind of exclusive club. “I’ve never been in your
office.”

The idea he had been all but living here but had kept out of
her private space drove her appreciation up a notch. It also made her feel
slightly stingy. “You can come in here whenever you want. If I leave you alone
in my house that means I’m not too worried about you seeing anything.”

His gaze roamed the room, stopping here and there on some of
the things she had collected lining the near-to-bursting bookshelves. “Still
doesn’t mean someone should go looking for anything in particular. And you left
me alone in your house because I scared you off. Seems a little twisted,
doesn’t it?” His eyes came back to rest on her.

“Wasn’t what I meant.”

“True. You look through my stuff yet?”

“You mean the clothes you like to leave thrown around my
bedroom?” She shook her head, not minding a bit that they were there. In fact
it gave her access to his T-shirts. She’d found herself attracted to pulling
them on when she climbed out of bed in the morning, his scent still on both
them, and her.

“You kind of like it, admit it.”

A blush crept up her face that he had noticed. “It’s a
little comfortable. As for that big stupid bag you carry around crammed full of
crap, no. Haven’t picked through your wallet yet either. Did you think I
would?”

He shrugged. “Nope. I didn’t. Most women would though,
that’s kind of why I brought it up. I haven’t really left since the first night
you had me here for dinner. I’m just sort of here, Teryn, you just let me in,
let me be here.”

The heat in her face increased but not from embarrassment. A
sharp catch of tension seemed to grab her everywhere at once while she
contemplated her answer. Panic ruled. “We already established what this is, right?
It’s good. Really, really good. It’s comfortable. It’s adventurous. It’s sex.
We both need it, we both want it. Had that conversation already. I like you
being here, doesn’t bother me at all.” Looking back down at her work, she both
regretted shutting him down so hard and fast, and having to admit the twinge of
wishing she could hope for something more never did seem to leave her entirely.

“I’m going to keep my mouth shut now. Except to say I like
it too.” He moved behind her, laying his big hands on her shoulders and rubbing
lightly.

Surprised she relaxed so easily into them, she let him work
the tension out of her. “Feels good. Thank you.” It did feel good. The idea he
knew how much the conversation had stressed her felt even better, and more
dangerous.

His hands slid to her neck, stroking softly, she felt the
ridges of the calluses on his fingertips. He was always careful to keep them
from roughing her skin, another of his considerate gestures. “It doesn’t bother
you if I stand behind you like this, looking over your shoulder?”

Relaxing into his hands, she rolled her head backward. “No.
Read whatever you want. If I don’t want you to see it it’ll be somewhere you
can’t.”

“That’s kind of a contradiction you know, since you use a
pen name and a lot of people don’t know what they are reading is yours.”

The truth of that statement struck her. “But you already do.
You know exactly who I am, and that’s perfectly fine with me. We wouldn’t be
doing this if you didn’t, would we?”

“True. Goes both ways you know.”

“Sort of.”

His hands stilled on her neck and she felt the sigh at the
same time she heard it. “Meaning, I’m holding back anything about who I was
before you met me.”

“Bingo. But, I think we both know if you don’t do that it’s
going to make me more uncomfortable than satisfied.”

“Can’t win with you girl, can I?” He laughed, squeezing her
shoulders in his big hands. The heat rolling off his body warmed her back, his
hands felt solid and good. As good as that low, rich voice, muffled in her
quiet office, but still deep and male enough to reach right into her.

“No sweetie I think you won the jackpot already. We skipped
over the whole boring and awkward sizing each other up, early relationship mess
and went straight for the total intimacy, remember? Those are your words.”

Which completely lacked intimacy now, and he mentally kicked
himself for it. They had sex. Erotic, no-holds-barred sex, with the promise of
a lot more that would be much deeper than they’d had already. That wasn’t
intimacy. Intimacy was the conversations they had late into the night. The way
she let him be her partner when they were at the gym, now, here in her office,
sharing what she was with him. All the things she called “in betweens” and
wouldn’t acknowledge.

He leaned on the edge of her desk, looking down at her.
Resisting the urge to go ahead and throw everything out there, right at her.
Shock her and see if it pushed her forward, or back. Talk about twisted. Then
again, leaving everything that would expose him for the lying bastard he was right
under her nose in her own house was pretty twisted. Knowing she wouldn’t go
looking was an even worse kind of masochism.

Maybe it would be better to do it now than later.

“Here, you want something to read? You look like you’re
going to slice through me with those laser-beam eyes. Core idea for a story I
want to do. Just the basic thought line, anyway.” She yanked a note pad out
from under his hip and shoved it in his hand.