Just Make Him Beautiful (6 page)

I thought to
myself
,
if my brother was as big in the dick department and only
sixteen
going on
seventeen
, Mr.
Jamison
,
who I found out was
twenty-eight
,
had to be twice or maybe three times as big, right? After all, I had mastered the art of giving a hand job
,
so in my mind
,
I couldn’t help but think what it would be like to do the same to this full
-
grown
,
fine
-
ass man.
             

Now, I may not
have
be
en
that smart when it
came
to relationships between men
,
because I’
d
never been in one
,
but I was willing to learn
.
I had a straight 4.0 GPA and was Mr.
Jamison’s
favorite student. I w
as
the first one in his class in the morning and the last one to leave. I would ask him for additional assignments just so I could spend that much more time with him
.
A
nd he would definitely challenge me by giving me
twelfth
-
grade math assignments
, which
I would always get right
,
and he would look at me with such pride
.
A
t the time, I thought it was love
.
H
umph
!
S
illy me,
duh!

Some of the boys in my class would still call me a punk or sissy
from time to time
,
but I was so ahead of them
mentally
,
I paid them no mind.
I had began to relate more with the girls in my class and how they felt about these stupid little boys who didn’t
k
no
w
the difference between a noun
and
pronoun,
or
a verb
and
an adverb
.
W
ell
,
you get my point.

My best friend
in
junior high school was this girl name
d
Robin
Parker
. She knew I was as gay as a
pocketbook
full of dicks
,
but she loved me just the same. Robin and I both thought Mr.
Jamison was
fine
,
and we would
ke
e
-ke
e
and
holler
on the phone for hours
and in person as to
who was going to marry him first.
A
little plump for her size
,
Robin was my first fag
-
hag
friend
.
She lived around the corner from me
,
so we
would
walk each other to school and home together.

O
ne day as we walked home from school, Robin wanted me to meet her over at the recreational center
up the street
from where we live
,
so she could point out this boy she
like
d
so much
.
S
he didn’t know if he was gay or not
,
so she wanted me to meet him and pull out my gay radar and let her know if I thought he was gay.  I told her I would meet her there
,
even though my mother had punished me several days before and barred me from coming out of my room, let alone outside.
But
,
hell, I was willing to take a risk, especially when it came to checking out boys.

*

I opened the door and listened to see if anyone was home. I knew my mom would be at work
,
but I didn’t know if
Keshia
was in her after
-
school program
or over our neighbor
’
s apartment waiting for me to pick her up. As for Ray, he c
ame
home when he
came
home. 

I put my book bag down and went next door to see i
f
Keshia was there.
“Hello
,
Ms.
Washin
g
ton
.
I
s Keshia here?” I asked
,
standing outside the door.

“Good afternoon
,
Cameron
.
Y
es
,
your sister is here. She’s been waiting for you.
”
S
he yelled inside her apartment with the door open
,
“Keshia, your brother is here!” Then she said to me,
“She will be out in a moment
.
W
ould you like to come in and wait for her?”

“No
,
m
a
’am
.
J
ust tell her to come home
,
and I’ll leave the front door unlock
ed
for her.”

“Ok
ay,
Cameron
.
Y
ou’re such a sweet little boy.”

God
,
I hated when Ms.
Washington
said that. Every time I came there to pick Keshia up, she would say,
“Y
ou’re such a sweet little boy.
”
Humph, if she only knew how sweet
.

I went next door to our apartment and waited for Keshia by the door. I was trying to think of a way I could sneak out and meet with Robin
,
but nothing would come to mind. I thought,
May be I could get
Keisha
to take a nap
.
A
fter all, I would only be gone for less than an hour.”

Keshia
came running through the door.
“Cameron
,
I’m hungry
.
W
ould you fix me a grill
ed
cheese sandwich please
?
”

“Did you do your homework?”

“
U
h
-
huh
.
I did it over Ms.
Washington
house,” she replied
,
throwing her book bag down on the living room couch. “You gonna fix me a grill
ed
cheese sandwich?”

“I’ll fix you a grill
ed
cheese sandwich if you promise not to tell
M
ommy I went to the recreational center
.
”

Keshia smiled.
“Ok
ay,
I promise
.”

Within minutes, I
’d
fixed her a grill
ed
cheese sandwich along with a glass of mi
lk
and watched as she ate
and drank until she was full. I then proceeded to change my school clothes and put on a tight pair of jeans that showed off my small shape
,
and my favorite blue sweater that fit perfectly.

As I headed to the front door
,
Keshia said
, “O
rrr
, I’ma tell
Mommy
.”

See, that’s why I c
ould
n’t stand this little bitch.  “Keshia
,
you said
if I fixed you a grill
ed
cheese sandwich that you wouldn’t tell,” I stated
,
trying to remind her of our agreement.

“Nah,” she replied
,
f
licking out her tongue and running into
our
mother
’
s bedroom.

I could have
run
after her
,
but if I did, I would have
punched her in the throat and she wouldn’t have been able to say shit
.
B
ut that would have gotten me in more trouble with
Mother
.

I didn’t know what
I was going to do
.
Do I stay in, or do I sneak out and have this little bitch run her mouth?

We lived on the
second
floor
,
and I could hear all the other kids outside playing and having fun. It was a warm
,
sunny day
,
and inside this apartment was the last place I wanted to be.

I
kneeled down and lift
ed
up the window in our living room that faced the square in our neighborhood and watched as the guys play
ed
basketball while the girls sat on the bleache
r
s giggling and
checking out
the guys.

“Yo
,
Ray, pass me the ball
.
I’m open,” I heard one of the basketball players yell
.

“Man
,
I got this!
”
Ray
yelled back
,
running down the court.

I wasn’t a big sports fan
,
but I did enjoy watching Ray play ball. He was good
at any sport he played. He was on the varsity football and basketball team at his school. Not that it was any secret
,
but the kids in the neighborhood didn’t know that Ray and I were even related. I guess that’s because I was so light
-
skin
ned
and
he
was dark
-
skin
ned,
and we had different last names. Mine was Jenkins
,
his was
Watson
.

Honey
c
hile,
I
just
couldn’t take it any longer
.
T
his cabin fever was driving me crazy. I had been in this damn house for the past few days and
was
fucking tired of it.
 

I closed the window and marched out the front door
.

Keshia
yelled
in the
background
, “I’ma tell Mommy.”

“Go ahead,
you rug rat
.
I don’t give a shit!”
  I climbed down the steps heading to the front door of our apartment complex.

Once I was outside
,
I felt free. The warmth of the sun shined on my face as I tried to stare at
it
. Needless to say, I lost that battle
,
but it felt good.

“Hey
,
Cameron!
”
Robin yelled.
“C
ome here
.
”

I looked and saw that Robin had just taken a seat over at the bleache
r
s w
h
ere the older girls were sitting. As I walked over to where she was, I heard some of the guys
around my age whisper
,
“
Punk
,”
and
“
Sissy
,”
as I
switched
by
.
I wasn’t bothered by that
,
but I guess they called me that because of the way I dressed and the way I walked. I had a natural switch as I walked
.
  I think some thought I was doing it on purpose
,
but I wasn’t
.
T
hat was just how I walked
.
I couldn’t help it.
Jealous bastards
!

“Hey
,
girl,” I sai
d
,
greeting Robin with two snaps of my finger. I only snapped my finger from time to time because Robin always got a big kick out of it. She said it reminded her of the two gay guys on the TV show
In Living Color
.