Junk Miles (4 page)

Right?

And when I looked at his face, crestfallen with worry that he’d given me the wrong gift, I stuffed all of my crazy neurosis aside and let him know that I loved how much he loved me and the way he showed me. Even if it was overwhelming sometimes.

“
It’s so beautiful.” I cupped his face and kissed his gorgeous model-perfect mouth. “I love it.”

“
Good.” He nodded, relieved. “I’m not great at picking out gifts.”

“
Are you crazy? These are perfect. Thank you.” I waited a minute. “So, how did you pick the wording on it?”

“
They had all different ones. The girl behind the counter told me what they meant. Like,
I am yours, you are mine
. Or,
All I desire
. They all made sense. This one just made the best sense. I feel like I can trust you with my heart. I guess.” He ducked his head shyly. “Jesus, Brenna, you make me say the sappiest crap.”

“
You love it.” I wanted to say whatever would break the awkward energy in the air. I was about to kiss him again.

Mom and Thorsten came out just then. Jake quickly broke away from me and started picking up wrapping paper and putting it in the bag that he’d packed the gifts in. He held out a box to Thorsten, who opened it and got all excited over a little pouch of tobacco.

“
My dad picked it up for me,” Jake explained. “It’s a special blend. Something they still pick by hand. Brenna told me you smoke a pipe, so I thought you might like it.”

Thorsten slapped him on the back and smiled happily. He and Mom looked at the gifts, and Mom didn’t even make a big deal out of the ring, though I caught her looking at it a few times with her mouth twisted disapprovingly. They gave Jake a new pair of riding gloves. It was the only thing I hadn’t given him for his birthday.

“
These are great.” Jake turned them over in his hands. I had been with them when they bought them, so I knew they were amazing. You can buy a whole range of gloves, and, of course, Mom and Thorsten had gone to the top of the spectrum for them. He hugged Mom tightly, then bypassed Thorsten’s hand and hugged him, too.

I felt a little choked up, and I think my parents did, too. We all sat in silence for a long minute before Mom said, “Oh! Dinner!”

We went to the dining room, laughing. We all walked back and forth with food, way too much food, for the long table. Thorsten got us together and took pictures, snapping a few himself, then setting up the camera so we could all get in one together. Jake took over and made the three of us squeeze together for a family shot.

I tried to stretch the dinner out as long as I could. Jake ate so much, even Thorsten, who is a bottomless pit, was impressed. We made conversation and laughed. Mom and Thorsten drank wine and she relaxed a little, then a lot. We laughed more, and then Mom brought out dessert. It was delicious and cozy and wonderful.

Jake and I offered to clear and clean up. Mom and Thorsten went to the living room to watch an old movie on AMC.

“
Wash or dry?” Jake picked up the sponge in one hand and the dishtowel in the other.

“
Normally I’d pick dry.” I rubbed my chin as if I had to give this a lot of thought. “But I don’t know if I can trust you to wash the way my mom would approve of.”

“
You doubt my abilities?” Jake teased.

“
Definitely.” I turned the water on and started to soap everything up. I had one of my mom’s crazy aprons on, a red plaid one with a Santa head on it.

“
You look really pretty.” Jake leaned one hip on the counter and took the first dish I handed him, his eyes on me the entire time.

“
You just like to see me slaving over a hot sink in a crazy apron.” I stuck my tongue out at him.

“
I’m gonna miss you a lot.” Jake dried the plate in his hand with his eyes down.

“
I wish the timing was different.” I looked down at the food-encrusted plates in the bubbly water.

He put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently. “No matter when it was, I would be sad you were going. But you have to go. Every time. You can’t put this stuff off.

Sometimes I was scared Jake wasn’t going to be into what I was into. Sometimes I was really scared that I was going to outgrow him. I couldn’t really imagine anything worse than growing away from Jake, but the reality was that he and I didn’t have remotely similar goals when it came to things like travel and education. I cringed.

Was Mom right?

“
Maybe next year we could go somewhere together.” I willed Jake to horn in on my get-independent plans. Did it still count as his goal if I suggested going? Was it independent if Jake came along? Was it weird to think we could pull off a European trip together? Like my mother wouldn’t freak out too much over that.

Jake looked at me for a long time. I could tell he was wrestling in his mind between the desire to do something new and all the fear that went along with doing just that. “How much money would I need?”

I shook my head. “I’ve never really paid for it when I traveled.” I felt a little embarrassed admitting that.

“
Of course not.” Jake pulled his eyebrows together. “How do I get a passport? I need one, right?”

“
You do.” I scrubbed the gravy boat, rinsed it, and handed it to him. “There’s an application online you can download. You have to get it notarized and get your picture put on it.”

“
It doesn’t sound any harder than a driver’s license.” He made neat stacks of the dishes he dried. “So, where are we going, Bren?”

“
Where do you want to go?” I squirted more dish soap into the water.

“
How about Australia?” His eyes were bright as, I imagined, kangaroos and wallabies jumped through his head.

I honestly hated to shoot his wallabies but... “That’s like a twenty hour plane ride.”

“
You’re kidding.” He stopped drying, and I could almost see his brain visualizing where Australia was in relation to the States.

“
It’s on the other side of the world, Jake. Not that we can’t go. Maybe we should just think closer. Like Europe.” I closed my eyes and focused on the first amazing, beautiful image that popped into my head. It was Venice. “I’ve always wanted to see Italy.”

“
That would be incredible.” The kangaroos hopped away, and I imagined Jake thinking of marble statues, cobblestoned streets, and the Coliseum. “Wow. Italy. Okay, Italy next year. It’s a deal.” He stuck his hand out, I took mine out of the soap suds, and we shook.

Next year. I’d be a junior plus and Jake would be a senior. I hoped we would still be dating, but just thinking like that made me scared to death I would jinx something. Would my mom and Thorsten ever agree to it? Right now it was too much fun to think about. There was no way I was going to let the whole plan get bogged down with possible problems.

Jake rubbed his thumb over the gold posey ring on my finger. “What are you going to see in Paris?”

I shrugged. “Mom and I barely had time to talk about it. But the flight is long, so I’m sure she’ll fill me in.”

“
You’ll take pictures?” Jake asked. He let my hand go reluctantly, and I went back to scrubbing the dishes.

“
Of course.” I imagined the two of us looking through my pictures together when I got back. “Will you take pictures?”

“
Of Sussex County?” He shook his head. “Why?”

“
I don’t know. I’ll miss almost two weeks of Sussex County in the winter. You can document it for me. Like a fortnight in the life of Jake Kelly.” I slid my eyes over to him. “Or you don’t have to. It was just a thought.”

“
No.” He smiled from behind the cabinet door as he stacked clean, dry dishes in. “I’ll do it. You can look at it when you’re having trouble sleeping.”

“
You’re not that boring.” I finished the final pot and came to help him finish drying and putting away.

“
You’re delusional. My life is painfully dull.” He took a pan out of my hands and pulled me in for a kiss. “And soon I’ll have photographic proof.”

We finished the dishes in good-natured quiet, then Jake got more dessert and we settled in the living room. It was nice having Jake around. I had grown up an only child, and Christmas tended to be pretty quiet at my house. This was the first Christmas I had someone my own age around, and it was nice even beyond the fact that it was Jake and he was my boyfriend. It was fun to have someone to talk to and be with. Mom and Thorsten had on
White Christmas
with Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney, and Jake soaked it in with wide eyes.

I slipped my heels off and tucked my feet under me, checking him out for a few minutes. I leaned close. “You like musicals?” I took a deep breath of his clean, crisp smell.

“
I guess so.” His index finger ran along my fingers gently. “I’ve never seen this movie.”

“
It’s a Wonderful Life
isn’t the only Christmas movie in the world.” I weaved my fingers with his and held on tight.

He clicked his tongue at me. “I know. I’ve seen
The Grinch
and
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
” He paused. “And
Frosty the Snowman.
”

“
What about
Elf?
” He shook his head. “What about
Emmett Otter’s Jugband Christmas
?” He looked at me like I was crazy. “Oh, man, we have some catching up to do.”

So for the next few hours we laughed through Christmas movies. Jake had seen
A Christmas Story,
but had never heard of
A Child’s
Christmas in Wales
, my all time favorite.

“
Figures your favorite would be a weird poem story.” He pulled me over and kissed me on the temple.

“
Dylan Thomas is not weird.” I defended one of my favorite poets. “You’re the most unexposed person I’ve ever met in my life.”

Jake tweaked my nose, which I thought was completely adorable and lovable of him, even if he hadn’t taken my seriously-made comment very seriously at all. Thorsten and Mom had more coffee and dessert, and Jake joined them. When they were done, he stood up, thanked my parents, and told them that he had to get home. One thing Jake was really good at was not overstaying his welcome.

Everyone wished him a merry Christmas and Mom shooed me outside with him. There was no snow. Except for a freak storm in September, we hadn’t had a single flake. The ground was hard and cold under our shoes and the sky had a crisp, clean smell that meant snow was near, but there was no actual snow.

“
Maybe I can see you tomorrow.” He wrapped me in his arms.

I put my head on his chest and breathed in the sharp smell of aftershave wafting from his neck. “Maybe. I’ll work on my mom.”

“
I had a really nice Christmas.” He rubbed his hands over my arms. “This might be the nicest Christmas I’ve ever had. I mean, since my mom died and all.”

I went really still. I heard about Jake’s mom as much as I heard about my dad. I waited and, just like Mom earlier, Jake lifted the mysterious curtain and let me take a brief peek.

“
She was really into Christmas.” He held me tighter as he spoke. “I remember being in the car with her. She took me all over the town to random houses so we could look at the Christmas lights. And we just parked. She let me sit in her lap, and we just looked at this really big house with all of these lights on it. I don’t remember much, you know. I was pretty young when she died. But she did really like Christmas.”

“
I’m sorry you didn’t get that many with her.” I felt the prick of tears in my eyes. No mother? I couldn’t imagine a sadder fate. I had a hard time breathing without letting my tears run.

“
Don’t cry, Bren.” Jake kissed me. “I never tell you about this stuff because you get too upset. It’s okay, really. I miss her, but it’s okay.”

I hugged him tight, so tight my arms hurt. Jake had so little. Jake needed so much. It was intimidating. It was a lot to feel responsible for. But, I loved Jake, loved him, loved him, loved him. I would guard his heart, no matter what.

“
I love you,” I whispered right in his ear, and suddenly I was pressed up against the house, his hands knocking bobby pins out of my hair, his mouth hard on mine. He had my coat spread open at the sides and I could feel his body crushed to me, hot through my silky dress. “Come back tonight.” I didn’t care that I was begging shamelessly.

“
I can’t, Brenna. Your parents will kill me if they catch me.” He kissed my mouth and down my neck.

“
Please, Jake. They drank that whole bottle of wine. They’ll never know. I don’t have long with you. Please, Jake. Please.” I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him gently on his earlobes and under his jaw, where I knew he was most sensitive. “Please.”

“
Okay.” He dragged his hands out of my hair, down my neck and along the front of my body. He closed his gray eyes, and I wanted to yell at him to open them up again. I wanted to feel his hands on me for a little while more, but he pulled away before I had my fill. “I’ll come back at two. I’ll call when I’m at the window.”

I kissed him. “Thank you.”