Junie B. Jones and the Mushy Gushy Valentime (2 page)

’Cause our cutting days were over, that’s why.

And our pasting days never even got started.

The valentimes box turned out very beautiful!

After it was finished, Mrs. passed out lists for us to take home. The lists had the names of all the children in Room Nine.

“There are eighteen children in our class,” said Mrs. “So that means that everyone needs to bring eighteen valentines.”

I raised my hand.

“Do we bring valentimes for ourselves, too?” I asked her.

“Well, no,” she said. “I mean there’s no rule against it, I suppose. But valentines are really supposed to be given to others.”

She thought for a second.

“Oops. I guess that means I made a mistake, doesn’t it?” she said. “Since you won’t be bringing in cards for yourselves, you will only need to bring in seventeen valentines.”

I raised up my hand again.

“Yeah, only what if we also want to bring a valentime for
you,
Mrs.?” I asked.

Mrs. raised up her eyebrows.

“Well, then you would be back up to eighteen again. Wouldn’t you?” she said. “Seventeen plus one equals eighteen.”

I tapped on my chin.

“Yeah, only what if there’s people in here
who we don’t actually like that much? Do we have to bring them a valentime, too?”

“Yes, Junie B.,” she said. “Of course you do. Valentine’s Day is a day of friendship for
everyone.
So every single boy and girl in Room Nine will bring a card for every other boy and girl.”

After Mrs. finished explaining, she sat back down at her desk.

I zoomed up there and whispered in her ear.

“Yeah, only I know I have to bring cards to the
regular
boys and girls,” I said real soft. “But I don’t have to bring cards to the big, fat stinky heads, do I?”

All of a sudden, Mrs. throwed her arms in the air.

“Yes, Junie B.! Yes, you do!” she said. “For the last time…you will bring a card for
everyone
in Room Nine. Even the big, fat stinky heads!”

Just then, all of Room Nine looked at her.

’Cause teachers are not supposed to say
big, fat stinky heads,
I think.

After that, Mrs. closed her eyes for a real long time.

Then finally, she stood up very slow.

And she went to the sink.

And she took aspirin.

The next day was Saturday.

And it was the funnest Saturday ever!

’Cause Daddy took me to the drugstore! And he bought me beautiful heart antennas for my head! Plus also he let me pick out my very own box of valentimes!

After we got home, Mother helped me pick out the perfect cards for every person in Room Nine.

First, I picked a card for my bestest friend Lucille. It had a lovely princess on the front of it.

“This one, Mother!” I said. “I will give
Lucille this one! ’Cause when she grows up, she is going to marry an expensive prince! And she is going to let me and Grace sweep her castle! Plus also we will get to wear her raggedy used-up gowns!”

Mother looked and looked at me.

“Lucille is a regular saint,” she said very quiet.

“I know it,” I said. “Me and Grace are lucky to have her.”

After that, I found the perfect card for Grace, too. It had two running shoes on the front of it!

Mother read me the words.

It said,
Valentine! You and I make the perfect pair!

“We do, Mother! Me and that Grace do make the perfect pair! ’Cause Grace can beat me at running! And I can beat Grace at
lots of other stuff, probably! Only I haven’t actually found anything yet.”

After that, I picked out special cards for all of the other children in Room Nine.

Every time I picked out a valentime, Mother crossed a name off the list.

Finally, there was only one name left.

“Jim,” said Mother. “You still need to pick a card for Jim.”

I did a big sigh. ’Cause I didn’t want to give that guy one, of course.

I looked all through my box of valentimes.

Then, all of a sudden, I saw a card with a funny skunk on the front.

“That one,” I said. “I will send Jim that one.”

Mother shook her head.

“I don’t know, Junie B.,” she said. “A
picture of a skunk just doesn’t seem very nice.”

I put it in an envelope.

“Perfect,” I said. “’Cause neither is Jim.”

On Monday I skipped into Room Nine very thrilled.

“Mrs.! Mrs.! Look!” I said. “I have all my valentimes for the big, giant valentimes box! They are right here in this paper bag I am carrying!”

I runned and showed her inside it.

“See them? See them, Mrs.? I matched every single card to the exact person who will get it!” I explained.

Mrs. patted my head. She said the word
good job.

Then she took me by my hand. And she showed me how to put my valentimes through the mail slot in the box.

“I do believe that you are the very first person in Room Nine to bring in her cards,” said Mrs.

I did a gasp at that exciting news!

“
First,
Mrs.?” I asked. “I am really, really first?”

After that, I springed way high in the air. And I ran around and around in a circle.

“I’ve never been first at anything before!” I said real squealy. “Not ever, ever never! And so what is my prize for winning?”

I closed my eyes and held out my hands.

“Put it right in my hands, okay, Mrs.? I won’t even peek. promise!”

After that, I stood there real patient. But
nothing got put in my hands.

Finally, Mrs. bended down next to my ear.

“Junie B., honey, I’m really sorry. But there is no prize,” she said. “We weren’t actually having a contest.”

I opened my eyes.

“We weren’t?” I asked.

Mrs. shook her head no.

My shoulders slumped a teeny bit.

“So then, a prize would be out of the question, probably,” I said.

Mrs. shrugged. “I’m afraid I didn’t buy any prizes,” she said.

After that, I rocked back and forth on my feet. And I thought and thought.

“Would you have a mint in your drawer, maybe? Or some stickers?” I asked.

Mrs. smiled.

Then she took me to her desk. And we looked in her drawer.

“How about a broken piece of chalk and a yellow rubber band?” she asked.

“Sold!” I said.

After that, Mrs. told me congratulations. And she gave me my prizes.

I quick skipped to my table to show them to Lucille.

She wrinkled up her nose.

“Yuck. Have you been going through the trash can again?” she asked.

“No, silly! These are my prizes!” I said. “I got prizes for bringing in my valentimes first!”

Lucille smoothed her dress.

“Yes, well, I would have brought my cards in today, too. But they’re not back from the printers yet,” she told me.

“What?” I said. “What printers?”

“The printers where they print my name on the cards,” she said. “Wait till you see them, Junie B.! Every card will have
Love and kisses from Lucille
on the bottom of it!”

She hugged herself.

“They are so beautiful,” she said. “Each valentine has a cherry lollipop on the front. And the lollipop is in the shape of Cupid.”

She sighed very dreamy.

“Cupid is the symbol of Valentine’s Day, you know,” she said.

“Of course I know,” I said back. “Plus also skunks and shoes are symbols of Valentime’s Day, too. ’Cause that’s what are on my cards.”

After that, me and Lucille did our work till recess.

Then both of us went outside to play with our other bestest friend, Grace.

Only too bad for us. ’Cause Lucille kept on bragging about Valentime’s Day. And that’s how come she and that Grace got into a disagreedment.

“I am going to get more valentines than anyone,” bragged Lucille. “That’s because the boys love me better than any other girl. And they will bring me lots and lots of cards.”

Grace looked curious at her.

“But Mrs. said to only bring one card for every boy and girl, remember? Not lots and lots.”

Lucille flounced her flouncy dress.

“Silly Grace. Look at me, for goodness’ sake! I am precious! And when you’re precious, boys automatically bring you lots of
valentines. They just can’t help theirselves.”

She twirled all around.

“I am the cutest girl in Room Nine, Grace,” she said. “I am way cuter than anyone else.”

She giggled and pointed. “Even you.”

After that, Grace did a little frown. ’Cause that hurt her feelings, I think.

I tapped on Lucille.

“Yeah, only Grace is the nicest, Lucille,”
I said. “And so maybe the boys will bring her lots of valentimes, too.”

Lucille did a huffy breath at me.

“But I’m
richer
than Grace, Junie B. So that is another reason to bring me more,” she said.

I thought for a minute.

“Yes, but Grace can run faster,” I said.

“So?” said Lucille. “My hair is longer. And boys like long hair.”

I looked at Grace’s head.

“But Grace’s hair is springier and curlier,” I said. “And that is cute as a button.”

Lucille made squinty eyes at me.

“But I have a big-screen TV. And a pool!” she said real loud.

That’s how come me and that Grace leaned our heads together. And we got in a huggle.

Finally, I looked up at Lucille.

“Okay. Here’s what we came up with,” I said. “Grace can whistle through her teeth. Plus she can wiggle her ears. And also, she can dribble a basketball through her legs while she’s running.”

Lucille jumped up and down.

“BUT I HAVE A PONY!” she hollered.

I patted her very sympathetic.

“Sorry,” I said real soft. “Grace has a
snake.
”

After that, Lucille’s shoulders got very sagging. And she sat down in the grass.

’Cause boys love snakes better than anything.

Pretty soon, that Grace sat down next to Lucille. And she put her arm around Lucille’s shoulders. And she patted her.

’Cause guess what else?

Grace is a good sport.

Valentime’s Day came on Friday!

And guess what? My grandma Helen Miller bought me a special Valentime’s outfit! And it matched my heart antennas very perfect!

That day at school, I skipped all around Room Nine. ’Cause I was a treat for the eyes, I tell you!

Finally, I sat in my seat. And Mrs. took attendance.

And guess what? Nobody was absent!
’Cause who wants to miss a party, that’s why!

After attendance, Mrs. put on a special Valentime’s apron. It had a big heart pocket in the front.

Then Mrs. filled the heart pocket with Valentime’s cards from the box. And she delivered them to all of the children.

And wait till you hear this!

The very first valentime was delivered to me! To Junie B. Jones! And it said my name right on the envelope!

“YAHOO!” I shouted real thrilled. “I AM FIRST
AGAIN,
MRS.! YAHOO! YAHOO!”