Juilliard or Else (24 page)

Why did he word it like that? I wanted to ask, but Tucker continued on.

"I know that doesn't makes sense, but one day, I hope I get to tell you." Tucker stood and took my hand to pull me up and we started walking back in the direction of my apartment.

"What about you, what's your favorite color?"

I laughed with him. "If I had to choose, pink."

"Now, why pink."

"Cuz it's cute." Tucker laughed some more. "What about a favorite food?" I asked.

"Hmm, food." He thought for a moment, "Pizza. It's super easy and really good."

Now it was my turn to laugh, "What about you, Gabs?"

How could I forget my favorite food? It was from when I was little, but that didn't really matter.

"Macaroni and cheese with cut up hotdogs." I smiled proudly. "Oh, and you can't forget the glass of chocolate milk."

Tucker scrunched up his nose and shook his head. "That sounds disgusting."

"Nope. So good, you're missing out." I poked him in his chest and he grabbed my sides hard, then I started laughing and he ended up tickling me some.

When we walked back into my building, Tucker suddenly went stiff at my side. He quickly pulled me into a darkened corner and covered my mouth with his hand.

"Shh. Just be quiet, don't talk and stay here, okay?"

I nodded. Suddenly I was scared and started to shake. What was going on? Tucker took his hand away from my mouth, softly pecking my lips and walked back out into the foyer of the building. Over by Michael was the African American guy from the coffee shop and club, dressed completely in black again with a gold chain glistening on his shirt. My eyes watched Tucker approach him with caution.

"Jeremiah, man. What's up?" Tucker did that hand shake with him and they huddled together talking.

"Where's that girl you've been hanging around with these days? You've never been a one woman man, Tuck. What's going on?" Jeremiah stood straight and stuffed his hands deep into his dress slacks. Tucker's eyes met mine from across the room and he shook his head. I thought maybe he was talking to me and telling me to stay still like he warned. But then I saw Jeremiah was leaning in, whispering in his ear. There was more whispering and more Tucker shaking his head, and then Jeremiah stepped away from him and walked to the front doors. But when he saw that Tucker wasn't behind him and was just staring at me, Jeremiah barked an order at him.

"Now, Tucker!"

Tucker's eyes didn't leave mine as he walked over to where Jeremiah was standing, then left the building with him.

I didn't hear from Tucker the rest of the week. I didn't know where he went or what he did. When I asked Jett if Tucker was at the tattoo shop working, he would just shake his head at me.

"Jett, should I be worried?" I asked one night as the three of us were outside on the balcony smoking.

"Just leave it alone, Gabs. You'll hear from him when he's ready."

More weeks went by and still nothing. Every time I made eye contact with Jasmine, she would just smirk at me. I still wondered where he was. The thought crossed my mind if Jeremiah said something to him to leave me alone.

One day after school, Jade, Rachel, and I were walking home and when we rounded the corner to our building, I was shocked to see Tucker leaning up against my building. I slowly approached him while Jade and Rachel went inside. My doorman, Michael, watched us from a distance. I didn't know what to say to him, so I just walked by. However, he did follow me into the building and into the elevator, up to my floor and out on our balcony.

I was sitting on the seat, pulling out a cigarette then handing the box over to Tucker. He flicked up a lighter and leaned to light mine, then his. Silence was the inbetweenie now. I kept my eyes moving around, trying not to let them land on Tucker's cute face. If they did, I was gonna end up back at square one. I was going to hold my ground this time.

"Gabs, I'm sorry I just left you like that."

I flicked the ashes off the stick while blowing smoke out at the same time as Tucker.

"Where have you been?" I kept my eyes downcast as I asked him.

"I can't tell you."

I snorted. Of course he couldn't tell me; that's what was so frustrating. One question that I was afraid to ask was if he was with her. By her, I meant Jasmine. Ugh, even her name irritated me.

I shut my eyes and braced myself for the answer I was going to at least get from this one question. "Were you with Jasmine?"

Flicking his cigarette over the rail, he then knelt down in front of me. Taking my hands in his, he said, "Gabs, look at me."

I had a hard time meeting his eyes, afraid he would tell me that he was with her and he didn't want to see me anymore. Just the little thought of that made my eyes sting and almost water down my cheeks. I took another drag and tipped my head up, careful not to blow smoke in his face. When I met his eyes, I really wanted to cry. His baby blues looked so sad. I really wanted to cry just from staring at him. He slowly reached up to stroke my cheek with the tip of his fingers.

"I want to tell you, but I can't. I hope you can understand that much. How do you know her anyway?"

My legs started to bounce with irritation. "She's in my ballet class at Juilliard. Told me one day to tell you hey. So Jasmine says 'hey'. Did you used to date her?"

"What? No." Tucker shook his head, making his hair fall in his eyes. But just like always, he raked his hand through it in a wild sexy mess.

I shook my head. "I don't understand. Is it me, Tuck? Am I pushing you away? I'm sorry that I've never had a boyfriend, that I'm a virgin. I grew up in a strict house with Carol and no friends. So I don't understand what you do when you're gone all the time. I'm sorry, but I don't understand why you keep going away."

"Boyfriend?" he asked and I looked into his eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I meant guy, I've never had a
guy friend
like you. Crap. I'm sorry, just forget the whole thing." I bit my lower lip.

Stroking my cheek, he said, "Gabs, I just can't tell you right now is all. Maybe one day, okay? But not now. I really need you to trust me, though. Please?" His hand was so soft up on my face, tenderly dragging his fingers down to my lips.

"You're so beautiful. I've missed you, Gabs."

And then he kissed me. My inner self was still so confused.

Before I knew it, a month passed. Madame Ava was hitting us hard every day with the performance of
Swan Lake
. The auditions were tomorrow night and it was down to four girls—Jasmine, me, Sadie, and Mary—for the main role of Odette/Odile. Everyone was required to be there, but Madame Ava had a meeting with us to let us know that the bar was set high and that we are each other's competition. I didn't know the other two girls, as they came from different classes. Jasmine was still being a crap head to me every time we were alone together. She did stupid crap to me, too. Just the other day as I was walking to get my gym bag, she stuck her stupid slipper covered foot out in front of me, and I fell on my face. Everyone laughed and Jon was the only one who came to help me up.

I hung out with Tucker most days after class; he would pick me up right outside the school, and we would either go out for coffee at the little shop where we first met and play a couple of rounds of pool, or go to my apartment. When we would end up at my place, I had to admit, it was my favorite time with him.

And we would always end up on the couch, with Tucker between my legs, making out like crazy. I couldn't get enough of him and every day that I was with him, I wanted more and more. Today was one of those days. Tucker picked me up from Juilliard and we walked home hand in hand. The kissing started really fast, his hands roamed up and down my sides, barely touching underneath my breast. Every time he got closer, the more I moaned into his mouth. My body was getting greedy with want and need from him.

Tucker walked me backwards to the couch, but I wanted him in my bed. I had a hold of his face and pulled him back down the hallway and we stumbled into my room. This was it, I couldn't handle it anymore. I wanted him. My hands were going crazy in his hair as I pushed my tongue in and out of his mouth. I really didn't know what I was doing, but I knew he wanted me just as bad. His hands gripped my shirt while his fingertips grazed my hot skin as we tumbled on my bed. I pushed up on my elbows to the top of my bed while Tucker followed my lead and was between my legs.

My mind kept screaming at me,
Too many clothes! Too many clothes!
I wanted to strip him down to nothing; I wanted to feel his hot flushed body up against mine so bad, and I couldn't wait.

I was barely able to say his name, but it came out more like a moan. "Tucker…" His hands were under my shirt, making their way up to cup my breasts. I cried out at the sensation and the pleasure shooting through my stomach and between my legs. I arched my hips up, needing him.

"Oh Gabs, you're so hot." And his tongue dived back into my mouth, his words driving my body insane.

Reaching down between us, I grabbed him through his jeans, making him hiss through his teeth, sending tingling chills up my back.

"I want you, Tucker. I want you so much." I continued to rub him through his stiff pants. He suddenly stopped and rested his forehead against mine, then stopped moving his legs all together against where I needed him the most. Exhaling a deep breath through his nose and lightly kissing my lips, he started untangling his body from mine.

I grabbed his arm. "Wait, what's wrong?"

His eyes weren't sad, but filled with something else – regret maybe? "Not yet, Gabs, I respect you way too much to do that to you."

Of course being a girl, the only thing I heard out of that was that he didn't want me.

"You don't want me?" I felt like crying.

"No, trust me, I do. I very much want to get inside you like nothing else, but…" He picked up my hand and kissed it. "I just don't want to pressure you is all."

I had to admit, I was so frustrated with that. I wanted this; the last thing he was doing was pressuring me into something that I wanted just as badly as he did.

"Okay."

Tucker bent forward, looking straight in my eyes. "Okay? Are you mad at me?"

"No, never!" I jumped at him and he raised his hands up.

"All right, keep your panties on."

Looking up at him through my lashes, I teased, "What if I want them off?"

His breath hitched and he shook his head. "Gabs, don't tease me."

"What if I want you to take them off? Just like this…" Before I had any time to even think about what my next move was, I reached down and pulled my sweater up and over my head. I was now in my black bra. My heart was beating so hard, I thought Tucker could see my chest thumping up and down with each beat. He stared at me, and when I say stared at me, he stared. I should just take a picture for him.

His fingers came up and touched my bra strap on my left shoulder, slipping beneath it, hooking his finger and then pulling it slowly down. My hand reached up to take down the other side, thinking I won, but I didn't.

"No, stop." He put the strap back on my shoulder and kissed me softly. "Not yet, Gabs." he said against my mouth in a whisper. I sagged down on my bed.

"Okay fine." I undid my hair and scratched my scalp. That felt nice and relieved some tension that was going on in the room. I laid there in my bra and jeans and before I knew it, we weren't alone anymore. I heard Rachel, Jade, Brad, and Jett's voices as they all came into the apartment, laughing.

"Tucker! You dirty bastard, quit boning that ballerina and get out here!" Brad yelled.

"Trust me, there's no boning going on," I mumbled under my breath. Rubbing my face in annoyance as I sat up and swinging my legs off the bed, I picked up my sweater to slip it back on. I turned to leave my room once it was back into place, but Tucker stuck his hand in the back pocket of my jeans and pulled me backwards into him.

"Gabs," he whispered into my ear from behind me; I shut my eyes as his arms wrapped around my waist. "You don't know how badly I want you. I want your body beneath mine. Naked, covered in sweat from the heat of our bodies." His hands slipped under my sweater, which now felt like it weighed a hundred pounds and desperately wanted to be off my body. His pinky finger slipped into the waist of my jeans and my hands grabbed at both of his wrists, moving with him while his wonderful words filled my ears.