Jezebel (35 page)

“I
turned in my resignation before I left the church,” Traynor announced shortly after he arrived home. “I've been praying about this ever since the attempt on your life and I think it's time we withdrew from the public eye. I thought that it might be a good idea if we move after the New Year. Start somewhere fresh.”

Jessie Belle agreed wholeheartedly. She didn't know who wanted her dead, so moving away sounded good to her.

“Your daddy's church is in need of a pastor and they've asked me to consider being preacher there. If I accept, that means we'd be moving back to Mayville. I know you never wanted to go back there to live.”

“What did you tell them?” Jessie Belle asked.

“I told them I would take the job if you agreed. However, I hope you'll say yes. I really feel it's the right thing to do for us.”

“Sounds like you've made up your mind.”

“Are you okay with my decision?”

“I am,” she whispered.

The fear she once had of living and dying in Mayville was becoming true, but strangely enough, Jessie Belle was at peace with it.

“I feel like it's where all this started,” she began. “Maybe this is my chance to start over for real. To get it right.”

Traynor sat down beside her. “It's our second chance. We will get through this together, Jessie Belle. No more separate agendas.”

She nodded in agreement.

He reached over and took her hand.

Jessie Belle couldn't feel Traynor's touch, but she could still feel his love for her. “I thank God for you every single day of my life. Wherever you go, Traynor—I will go with you. I wanted to die when I came out of that coma. I couldn't see how I'd make it another day, but your love and your strength saved me. Your faith kept me pushing through.”

She paused for a moment, resting her voice. “It's not easy for me being like this, but I know that God will work this out for my good. I'm holding on to that, Traynor. I'd lose my mind if I didn't.”

Jessie Belle asked him to get her prayer journal. She had him start from the beginning and read what she called her praise reports. Together they sat there rejoicing in the many ways God showed Himself to her.

Thinking of His goodness filled Jessie Belle with something she couldn't define. Traynor turned on the radio to the gospel station—their radio station.

She looked at him and asked, “What are you going to do with the station?”

“I've been thinking about that,” Traynor responded. “You have any ideas?”

“What if we checked with Mary Ellen—see if she's interested in buying it? She's always wanted her own station.”

Traynor nodded in agreement. “I think that's a good idea.”

At Holt's house, they celebrated the birth of Jesus, and because Holt was also born on December twenty-fifth, they celebrated his birthday as well.

Jessie Belle enjoyed spending Christmas with her son and his family. Her grandson was old enough to unwrap his presents, and she received pleasure in watching his excitement.

She was going to miss him dearly. She and Traynor would be moving to Brookhaven, a small town located ten miles outside of Mayville.

Traynor found a lovely little house for them, and Jessie Belle couldn't wait to see it in person.

Mary Ellen walked over and sat down on the sofa. “Thank you,” she said. “Traynor told me that it was your idea to sell the station to me.”

“It was
our
idea. I know you're exactly what that station needs, Mary Ellen.”

“I'm so happy to see how well you're doing, Jessie Belle. I'm so proud of you and how far you've come.”

“You have been a far better friend than I've ever been to you and I'm sorry about that.”

“I love you, Jessie Belle. You are my dearest friend. Now, we're not going to keep looking behind us—if we do, we'll never see what's ahead of us. Okay?”

“Okay.” Jessie Belle gave a tiny smile. “I love you, too.”

One month later, Traynor wheeled Jessie Belle into a modest one-story home.

“This house is nice,” she whispered to him. “You did good.”

The brick ranch-style house paled in comparison with the Raleigh mansion they used to live in, but Jessie Belle no longer cared. She just wanted to feel safe again. It didn't even bother her that Traynor's salary was meager compared with what he was leaving behind.

They had some money in the bank from the proceeds of selling their house—her medical bills had wiped out much of their savings. They were together and happy.

Jessie Belle missed her son terribly. If only Holt had agreed to leave with them…She partly blamed Frankie. He probably would've come if he weren't married to her.

Convicted for what she was feeling, Jessie Belle raised her eyes heavenward and prayed. “Father God, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way about Frankie. She is Holt's wife, and I need to respect those boundaries. I know that I was wrong about her. Frankie's been nothing less than a wonderful wife to my son. I'm trying to do better now even though I slip from time to time. I'm trying, but I can't do this alone. Please take those feelings away from me.”

Traynor couldn't explain it, but he was happier than he'd been in a long time. He finally felt like he and Jessie Belle were back on track, despite her disability.

It took going through all of this to get my wife back
.

Jessie Belle was adjusting well to living in Brookhaven, and she seemed to sleep better, no longer plagued by nightmares of someone trying to kill her. He knew that she really missed Holt.

Traynor hadn't told her, but Holt, Frankie and their son were coming for a weekend visit. He wanted to surprise her.

Her nurse, Helen, came into the room where he was watching television and said, “Mrs. Deveraux is asking for you, Pastor.”

Traynor jumped to his feet and rushed to the bedroom. “What's wrong, Jessie Belle?”

She gave him a bewildered look. “Nothing, honey. I was feeling lonely and so I had Helen get you. I just wanted to know if you'd read some to me from the Bible. I have the audio Bible, but I love listening to you read the Word.”

Traynor broke into a smile. “It would be my pleasure.”

It pleased him that she hungered so much for the Word of God. God would continue to give her strength if Jessie Belle drew closer to Him.

Traynor sat on the bed beside her and read from the book of Job until she fell asleep.

Watching her, he recalled all the happy memories they'd created together. Some of the worst moments in their marriage popped up, threatening to ignite bitter feelings, but Traynor fought to keep them at bay.

In forgiving Jessie Belle, he had to change his way of thinking, which meant he couldn't allow those memories to take over. He then had to accept Jessie Belle. Traynor had to deal with the damage that had been done to their relationship, but now he was experiencing the healing—the restoration of their marriage.

Glory to God.

F
or the past couple of months, Jessie Belle hadn't panicked at every strange sound in the house. She was finally comfortable with being home alone for a short time while Traynor was at church. Her nurse went to pick up a couple of prescriptions for Jessie Belle and would be gone for at least twenty minutes.

She occupied herself by watching television.

A weird sensation washed over Jessie Belle.

“Is someone here?” she said as loud as she could manage. Her words still came out in a raspy whisper, although her voice was a little stronger now.

Jessie Belle could feel a presence in her room and knew she was not alone.

She spied the thin form of a woman out of the corner of her eye and turned her head. “Natalia…what are you doing here?”

“I came to see you, Jessie Belle,” she replied, her tone cold and exact. “I remember how you came to visit me as soon as you heard my father was dead, however insincere it was. Well, I thought I'd repay the favor.”

“But how—”

Natalia cut her off. “I ran into Holt and his wife—what he sees in that cow, I have no idea…. Anyway, I told him just how concerned I was about you and how much I missed talking to you. Holt gave me your address.”

Jessie Belle didn't know why, but she was bothered by Natalia's tone. She knew the young woman was bitter, but there was something more going on.

Natalia sat down in a nearby chair. “So how's life treating you these days? Getting around much?”

“Excuse me?”

She broke into a little laugh. “Oops, I'm sorry. That was pretty cruel of me, wasn't it?”

“Have you been drinking?”

“Of course not,” Natalia responded. “I don't drink, Jessie Belle. You know that.”

“What are you doing here? I tried to call you before the accident. I wanted to get together with you. I—”

Natalia interrupted her by saying, “You know, I'm truly surprised you survived that nasty fall. I expected you to die. I guess you really are blessed and highly favored. That is what you're so fond of saying, isn't it?”

Jessie Belle didn't respond.

“You know, I keep going back to how you were so sweet to me after my daddy died. Back then, I thought to myself that you must really care about me.”

“I do care about you.”

“
Really?
Is that why you forced my daddy to agree to the merger? Is that why you forced him—no, blackmailed him—into stepping down as pastor? Before he killed himself, my father wrote me a letter. For whatever reason, it ended up under the cabinet in his office. I found it when I decided to take your advice and redecorate. I realized that day that you never cared about me at all. I wanted to make you pay.”

Jessie Belle's heart started to race as the realization dawned on her.

It was Natalia who pushed her. “You…”

She smiled. “You were always a smart woman.”

Opening her purse, Natalia pulled out a knife.

“Please don't kill me…,” Jessie Belle Deveraux pleaded, fear knotting inside her. “I'm begging you….”

A satanic smile spread across Natalia's thin lips. “Why should I let you live? Did my father plead with you to keep his secret? Did he beg you not to destroy my impression of him?
Did he?
”

“I was wrong for the way that I treated you and your family, but I'm not the same person I used to be—I've changed. Being like this…and in this wheelchair…Natalia, I'm so sorry for the pain that I caused you.”

“You'd say just about anything with a knife wielded at you—I'm not stupid.”

“You don't have to do this,” Jessie Belle replied in a small, frightened voice. “Don't end up like me. Natalia, you still have a chance to have a normal life.
A real life
. You don't want to spend it in prison.”

“Me in prison…now, that's a laugh. Prison is exactly where
you
belong.”

Natalia's laugh had a hint of insanity to it, the shrill sound of it chilling Jessie Belle's useless bones.

“You'd be amazed how things can change in an instant,” Jessie Belle stated. “One minute you're on the top of the world and then…then you're paralyzed. You may not think so, but I'm paying for my sins. Natalia, I don't want you to travel down the same road I traveled. I made a lot of mistakes.”

“
Made mistakes
. Humph. You ruined lives. My father…he committed suicide because of you. My family's ruined. You haven't paid enough.”

Jessie Belle tried to keep her fragile control. “I know that. Natalia, you can't know just how sorry I am. For the past year I've had to relive all the horrible choices I made.”

Tears rolled down her cheeks, blinding her, but Jessie Belle was unable to wipe them away, her arms laden with lead.

“I'm so s-sorry.”

“Your tears don't sway me, Jessie Belle. You've taken everything away from me that I ever cared about. It's time for you to pay.”

Jessie Belle breathed in shallow, quick gasps. Her chest felt as if it would burst.

“Look at me,” she uttered, her voice raspy. “You don't think I've paid for my crimes…my sins. I've paid and I'm still paying…. Every single day I wake up in this useless body.” Jessie Belle closed her eyes and began to pray. Not for herself but for Natalia, who was getting ready to take her life.

A chill black silence enveloped the room, surrounding them.

“You deserve to be in that wheelchair and more,” Natalia hissed. “For all the horrible things you've done—you should live out the rest of your life in pain and suffering. The once-great Jessie Belle Deveraux has fallen.
Just like Jezebel
.”

The nurse returned, much to Jessie Belle's relief.

“How did you get in here?” Helen asked, looking from Jessie Belle to Natalia.

“The door wasn't locked,” Natalia replied, sticking the knife back inside her purse. “It's okay. I'm a close friend of the family.
Right, Jessie Belle?
”

She forced a smile.

“Well, I must be going,” Natalia said. “It was good to see you again.”

“Be safe,” Jessie Belle whispered.

“Give my love to Pastor.”

“I clearly remember locking that door behind me,” Helen stated when Natalia left.

“It's okay,” Jessie Belle uttered. “I'm just glad that you're back. I'd like to listen to my audio Bible. Could you turn it on for me, please?”

“I sure will,” she replied. “I'll do it right now for you, Mrs. Deveraux.”

When Helen returned, Jessie Belle was sobbing.

“What's wrong, Mrs. Deveraux?”

Jessie Belle bared her soul to Helen, who sat in stunned silence. When she finished talking, the nurse said, “Mrs. Deveraux, when you accepted the gift of salvation—all that stuff washed away. That's not who you are now, so we'll have no more living in the past.”

“It's not that easy to just shed the old skin, Helen. Sometimes the past has a way of catching up to you. As painful as it can be at times, I'm trying hard to make peace with everything.”

Natalia was still prominent on her mind so much that Jessie Belle didn't even hear Traynor enter the bedroom.

He took one look at her face and asked, “Jessie Belle, what's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost. Sweetheart, what happened?”

“I had a visitor,” she told him.

Traynor sat down in a nearby chair. “Who was it?”

“Natalia Winters.”

Traynor was surprised. “Really? She came all the way to Georgia to see you? That's sweet of her to do that.”

Jessie Belle decided to be truthful about Natalia's visit. “It wasn't really a friendly visit. Natalia had a lot of stuff she needed to get off her chest.”

His expression changed to one of concern. “What did she say to you, Jessie Belle?”

“Natalia just made me take a long hard look at myself.”

“I'm afraid I don't really understand.”

“I hadn't really accepted my part in John's death until today,” Jessie Belle confessed. “She made me face the fact that I did something terrible, and it led to her father killing himself.”

A lone tear rolled down her cheek.

Traynor wiped it away.

“Sweetheart, you don't have to keep rehashing your past. You've repented of your sins—it's in the past.”

“She's right, you know. She said what I've been feeling all along. I'm in this chair because of what I did to Natalia, what I did to Mary Ellen—you and Holt,” Jessie Belle blurted. “I deserve this.”

“Sweetheart, I've seen the way you've turned your life around…. It started long before the fall. You're not the same person.”

“I just feel like it's not enough. Natalia tried to kill me, but I don't want her sent to jail—I want to find a way to help her.”

“It is more than enough, Jessie Belle. You saw the errors of your ways and your heart is willing—God sees the heart.”

“I wish I could have a do-over,” Jessie Belle whispered.

“There are no do-overs in life, sweetheart.”

“I hated seeing so much pain in Natalia's eyes. I'm really worried about her.”

“Did she threaten you, Jessie Belle?”

“Honey, Natalia could've killed me if she wanted to, but she didn't. I just pray that she'll find some peace and happiness in her life. She has a chance to get it right. I just hope she does before it's too late.”

“Every day you wake up gives you one more chance to make a change,” Traynor stated. “As for Natalia, she needs help, sweetheart. The kind of help we can't give her.”

“Traynor, we can't prove a thing. It would be my word against hers. Let's pray for her. God can do more for Natalia than any doctor. She reacted in the heat of the moment. That day, she'd just found a letter that her father left. In it, he said I'd blackmailed him into proceeding with the merger and stepping down as senior pastor.
It's true
.”

“But she tried to kill you, Jessie Belle. Are you sure you want her roaming free? What if she comes back here?”

“She won't,” she assured him. “Natalia said my being in this chair is punishment enough. Besides, a lot of people had motive to want me dead. I've made a lot of enemies over the years. She might have just said it was her to shake me. We'll never know for sure, but if it was Natalia, then I forgive her, Traynor. I pray that one day she'll be able to find it in her heart to forgive me.”

The months were passing in such a blur that Traynor felt like life was fleeing. He didn't want to waste another moment thinking about what would never be; instead he wanted to enjoy every moment he had left with his wife.

Since the accident, Jessie Belle seemed to have good and bad days. Although she never complained, he could tell her body was failing her, but even in her weakened state, she refused to miss a single Sunday of hearing him preach. She kept telling him that hearing his sermons gave her great joy.

The Sunday before Thanksgiving, Traynor Deveraux stood in the pulpit of Mayville Baptist Church. Jessie Belle was seated in her wheelchair beside the first pew. His eyes traveled to her and he smiled briefly before moving on.

They spent a lot of time together just discussing the Bible and Jessie Belle offered him insight and several points when he worked on his sermons. They were still a team, but this time they were both on the same path.

After church, Traynor drove home.

“Honey, you did a wonderful job this morning,” she told him. “I'm so glad you preached on King David. I'm encouraged every time I hear his story.”

Jessie Belle tired more easily these days, so as soon as they arrived home, the nurse and Traynor assisted her into bed for a nap.

He noted that her naps were lasting longer. This time Jessie Belle slept until six p.m. Her health was failing, but there was nothing they could do about it.

Traynor had dinner with Jessie Belle and readied her for bed. While she listened to the audio Bible, he went to the family room to make a few phone calls.

He returned twenty minutes later and cut off the CD player. “I'll finish reading the passage to you,” he told Jessie Belle.

Lying in the hospital bed, she replied, “I'd like that.”

“You okay?” Traynor inquired.

She nodded. “I just miss Holt. I'd sure like to see my baby. Holidays aren't the same without him.”

Traynor kissed her cheek.

“Maybe he'll surprise us and come up for Thanksgiving.” Taking a seat in the chair he kept beside her bed, Traynor began to read from the Bible.