Jezebel (27 page)

O
ne week after Holt graduated from high school, Jessie Belle buried her mother. She died from complications due to diabetes.

“At least she lived long enough to see Holt graduate.” Jessie Belle fingered the single strand of pearls around her neck. “She loved this necklace. It was the first gift my father ever gave her.”

Holt entered his parents' bedroom.

“Mitch and I are leaving tomorrow,” he announced. “He got the job as an intern with a record company, so we have to leave earlier than planned.”

“You don't have to leave yet,” Jessie Belle stated. “Honey, we can fly you there.”

“I promised Mitch I'd help him drive.”

“But—”

Traynor interrupted her. “Let him go, sweetheart.”

Jessie Belle nodded. “The only way I'll support this venture of yours is that you give me something in return.”

“What do you want, Mother?”

“That if this doesn't work out for you—you come home and go to seminary. I just know in my heart you have been called to follow in your father's footsteps. Son, you know it, too.”

“Mother, I…” Holt paused for a moment before adding, “I haven't been honest with you. I know that I've been called to the ministry. I feel it, but I'm just not ready to accept it. This call on my gift is greater. Please understand that.”

“I'm willing to try this your way, but I want your word, Holt. Promise me.”

“Okay, Mother. You have my word. If I don't succeed as a musician—I'll come back and go to seminary.”

She smiled. “You mean it?”

“Don't go getting your hopes up, though.”

“I won't,” Jessie Belle murmured. She leaned back against Traynor. “I'm going to do as your father suggested. Let go and let God.”

Holt embraced her. “Thank you, Mother.”

Jessie Belle held on to her son for dear life. The thought of Holt's leaving was breaking her heart. “I'm going to miss you so much.”

“I'll miss you, too, but you and Father can come out to visit me.”

“You better believe that we'll be out there,” Jessie Belle stated. “You'll probably be begging us to stay home.”

Deep down, Jessie Belle had a feeling Holt wouldn't last a year in Los Angeles. He'd be discouraged and come back home long before.

She would see to it that he was home in time to start college in the fall.

Traynor knew Jessie Belle's heart was breaking at the thought of Holt being away from her. She was already showing signs of separation anxiety.

“I'm very proud of you,” Traynor told her later in bed. “I know how hard it was for you to give our son this opportunity.”

“He'll be back, Traynor.”

“Of course he'll be back. This will always be his home.”

Jessie Belle sat up in bed. “That's not what I mean, honey. Holt will be back to accept the call on his life.”

“Eventually,” Traynor murmured.

“I have a feeling he'll be back before the year is out. It's not going to be as easy as he thinks in Los Angeles. The music industry can be cutthroat. Holt's going to find out the hard way. When he's had enough—he'll be back home where he belongs.”

“I thought you were letting go and letting God.”

“He's my only child, Traynor. Holt is the best part of me. You know, I really thought I was ready for this, but now I'm not so sure. He grew up way too fast.”

Traynor pulled her into his arms. “I love our son, but I'm thrilled to have you to myself. This is our time, sweetheart.”

He kissed her.

“Almost twenty years of marriage, and I still turn you on?” Jessie Belle asked. “I thought by now the passion would have evaporated, and we'd spend the rest of our marriage playing checkers.”

“No way,” he murmured. “Let me show you just how much I desire you.”

Traynor surprised his wife with a romantic getaway to St. Simons Island.

Jessie Belle burst into laughter when she walked into their cozy suite at the King and Prince Hotel and saw that a table had been set up for a game of checkers.

“I figured it would give us something to do if we ran out of ideas.”

She hugged him. “Traynor, you're a mess.”

After getting settled, Jessie Belle and Traynor walked hand in hand along the beach.

“It's beautiful here,” she murmured. “Have you ever been to St. Simons Island before?”

Traynor shook his head no. “One of the church members told me about it when I was looking for places to take you. I'm glad we came here.”

Jessie Belle reveled in the nearness of her husband. With Holt gone, she and Traynor spent more time together. He wasn't traveling as much as before, although he still made a point of going to the church each weekday. Ministry was a full-time job for him.

He still made time to check in at the radio station, too. Mary Ellen was doing a wonderful job as manager, but Jessie Belle didn't believe in being absent owners. Besides, Traynor was still doing a weekly radio show.

“I've been thinking that maybe you should consider expanding your show,” Jessie Belle stated.

Traynor surprised her when he said, “I've been thinking about the same thing, sweetheart.”

While they walked, they discussed ways to expand the radio show. Jessie Belle was thrilled to find that they were finally on the same page. Expanding the show was something she'd felt strongly about for a while, but she hadn't wanted to seem as if she was trying to push Traynor into something he wasn't interested in. She'd tested the waters by mentioning it to him now.

He intruded upon her thoughts. “Ready to go inside?”

Jessie Belle nodded. “Yeah. What time are we having dinner?”

“Hungry?”

“I'm starved,” Jessie Belle answered. “The salad I had for lunch wasn't filling at all.”

“There's a restaurant downstairs. I hear that the seafood buffet is great.”

“Let's go freshen up, then,” Jessie Belle suggested. “We can have an early dinner and then take another stroll along the beaches tonight.”

“I wouldn't mind living on an island like this,” Traynor said. “It's really nice here.”

“We could look into buying a condo in this area.”

He embraced his wife. “It's just a thought, sweetheart.”

“You don't think we could afford a place here? We don't need anything big, Traynor. A two-bedroom is fine.”

“You're really serious about this, aren't you?”

Jessie Belle nodded. “Then we could come down for mini vacations. I think it would be nice to have a place to escape.”

Traynor agreed.

She let the subject drop for now.

They walked up to the second floor, where their room was located.

Jessie Belle went straight to the bathroom to take a shower while Traynor selected a pair of shorts and a shirt.

She came out wearing a robe.

“I left the shower running for you,” Jessie Belle announced.

She slipped into a navy-and-white-striped top and a navy skirt. For her feet, Jessie Belle chose a pair of navy and white sandals.

When Traynor walked out of the bathroom, Jessie Belle was in front of a mirror brushing her hair. She pulled it back into a ponytail.

After she applied the finishing touches to her face, Jessie Belle and Traynor walked over to the restaurant for dinner.

While they ate, they discussed the advantages of having an empty nest.

“I miss my son, but I am enjoying the time that I have with you,” Jessie Belle was saying. “I want Holt in Raleigh or a little closer to us, but not necessarily in our house.”

Traynor laughed. “I feel the same way. I'd like to have him closer, but he is an adult, Jessie Belle. This has to be his decision.” He cracked open a crab leg.

“Holt and I have an agreement,” she stated. “If things don't work out for him, then he's coming back home and going to college.”

“Don't get your hopes up too high on that,” Traynor advised.

“I know how much he loves music, but it's not his calling.” Jessie Belle sliced into a shrimp. “I believe God's going to bring him home to us. Holt was called to the ministry—he knows it. He's just trying to run from it, but we both know that you can only run so far.”

They continued their conversation as they finished their dinner.

Jessie Belle prayed that her son would come home soon. So far, he hadn't really gotten past the front door of record companies. It bothered her when he called her feeling discouraged. She didn't like hearing Holt sound so disappointed.

He wasn't ready to give up, however.

So she continued to ask God to bring her prodigal son home.

H
olt had been in Los Angeles for seven months and while he hadn't gotten past a demo and several auditions, he wasn't ready to give up on a music career. Jessie Belle had expected him to be close to giving up by now.

She couldn't even convince him to come home for the holidays. He had joined them on a Thanksgiving cruise, but Jessie Belle and Traynor had gone out to Los Angeles to spend the week after Christmas with Holt because he couldn't take any extra time off from his job.

He called her three days before Valentine's Day.

“Mother, I have wonderful news,” Holt told her. “God is so good!”

Jessie Belle felt a sense of dread. He was very excited about something and she prayed that it wasn't what she thought it was.

Clearing her throat, she asked, “What is it, sweetie?”

“I might have a record deal. I met with Peace Records and they love my demo.”

Jessie Belle hid her true feelings and pretended to be happy for him. “That's wonderful, Holt.”

After she hung up with Holt, Jessie Belle made a call to the radio station. “Mary Ellen, I need you to do me a favor. Contact Peace Records and tell them that if they sign my son—none of their artists will have any airtime on my station.”

“Jessie Belle…”

“Holt's calling is in the ministry.”

“But to do something like this…honey, you're gonna alienate him.”

“He won't know about it, Mary Ellen. This is in his best interests, I assure you. I would never do anything to hurt my son.”

Mary Ellen was quiet.

“If you're not comfortable with making the call, maybe you should reconsider your position as station manager.”

“I'll make the call, Jessie Belle.”

“Great. As a matter of fact, why don't you send that same message to anyone else who may be interested in signing Holt,” she suggested. “I want my son to walk in his true calling—he doesn't need any other distractions.”

“Whatever you say, boss,” Mary Ellen uttered.

She hung up before Jessie Belle could reply.

Mary Ellen won't stay mad at me for long,
she decided.

But just to be on the safe side, she picked up the phone and ordered a bouquet of roses to be sent to the station. Jessie Belle didn't want to lose her dearest friend in the world. The only other person she'd felt close to had been Sara, but she died thirteen years ago.

Traynor still talked to Rutherford every now and then. He'd remarried a year after Sara's death, and Jessie Belle never forgave him for that. She considered it a sign of disrespect to Sara.

Jessie Belle walked out into the hallway to find the housekeeper.

“Rosa, could you please make sure to put fresh linen on Holt's bed every week? I have a feeling he might be coming home any day now.”

Jessie Belle waited a week before calling Mary Ellen.

“What do you want now?”

“Mary Ellen, I'm calling to say I'm sorry for what I said to you.”

“No, you're not, Jessie Belle. You're not sorry at all.”

It was clear that Mary Ellen was still upset.

“I don't want you to be mad with me,” Jessie Belle stated. “Let me make it up to you.”

“You can't.”

“Mary Ellen, he's my son. I only want the best for him.”

“Why is it that you think YOU know what's best for everyone, Jessie Belle? Tell me that.”

“You'd do anything for your child, Mary Ellen, if you had one.”

“Including break his heart?” she questioned. “I don't think so, Jessie Belle. I'm nothing like you. If people don't do what you think they should be doing, you will manipulate, blackmail—there's no telling what else you'd do to get what you want.”

Jessie Belle was wounded. “I can't believe you said that to me.”

“It's the truth. Jessie Belle, I pray for you constantly. I don't know what it is about you, but…”

“But what?”

“You want to control everyone. It's not right, Jessie Belle. I'm not trying to hurt you, but I'm your friend—I have to tell you the truth. What you did to your son was wrong on so many levels.”

Jessie Belle was heated. “I can't believe you, Mary Ellen. How dare you come off like some kind of saint? You weren't even going to church when I met you—now you're all of a sudden such a Christian.”

“Obviously, you can't handle the truth.”

“It was a mistake to call you, I see,” Jessie Belle uttered. “I'm sorry, Mary Ellen. I thought you'd understand how much I love Holt and want to protect him.”

“I do understand,” Mary Ellen stated. “Jessie Belle, I know how much you love your son. I know that you want the best for him, but what
you
need to understand is that you can't control his life. Holt is old enough to make his own choices—he should be allowed to do so.”

“I don't want to lose you as a friend, Mary Ellen.”

“Then don't ever use me in any of your schemes again. You can fire me—do whatever you want—but I won't be a part of it. Are we clear?”

“Yes, we're clear. Mary Ellen, I'm sorry. For the record, I would never have fired you.”

“Jessie Belle, I think you should tell Holt the truth.”

“I can't do that,” she responded. “He'd never forgive me and neither would Traynor. Mary Ellen, please don't say anything about this,” Jessie Belle pleaded. “I can't lose my husband or my son.”