Jersey Girl (Sticks & Hearts #1) (23 page)

She's had to endure my pitiful breakdowns over the past week, choosing to keep me company over sex with her boyfriend. I feel bad about keeping her from him, but right now, I need her with me. When she's around, it keeps me from caving and calling him. When I said I needed time, I had no idea how slowly it would creep by once all the joy had been taken from my life. I know that sounds melodramatic, but I feel as if I haven't smiled in ages.

I remember this one time when I was six, and my parents took me to Navy Pier in downtown Chicago. There was a vendor holding a giant bouquet of the most colorful balloons I'd ever seen. I'd begged my dad for one, and he'd suggested I wait until after we'd ridden the Ferris wheel. I'd cried until he finally caved and bought me a red one. I'd carried it proudly, holding the string tightly as we walked the pier. When we climbed into the gondola, my dad offered to hold my balloon, but I'd refused. The wheel began to turn and we rose higher and higher, and I'd panicked and let go of the string. I remember watching helplessly as the balloon floated further from reach. With each pass of the wheel I could still see my balloon, but I couldn't get it back. I'd been crushed. I'd had something I treasured, but then I'd gotten scared and let it go when I should have held on tighter.

That's sort of the way I feel now. Brantley was my balloon, and I panicked and let him slip through my grasp. The only difference is, the wind hasn't carried him away. He's still within my reach, but if I go to him, I'm not sure what it is I'd be reaching for. I know he doesn't want a relationship, but why not? Where do you go after crossing the line from friends to lovers? Can lovers go back to being friends? Is that what I want? It feels as if I've tasted the forbidden fruit and now I'm being punished. I've been banished from the Garden of Eden, but it was by my own hand.

I fall back against the pillows and throw an arm over my eyes.

I'm such an idiot.

I've been utterly miserable and it's all my fault.

"If you're that sad just call and tell him you've changed your mind and want to jump his bones again."

"You really think it's that's simple? Sex is the answer to everything, right? How am I supposed to pretend it didn't mean anything? I've never been
that
girl before."

"Do you miss hanging out with him?"

"Yes." There's no hesitation in my response. "But the sex was pretty incredible too." At this, she giggles and leaps over to join me on my twin mattress.

"So have both."

"What are you saying?" I ask warily.

"Be his fuck buddy; that way you get the best of everything," she announces casually. "The way I see it, this is your only option. You clearly need this man in your life, and you'd be a fool not to have him in your bed. You practically said so yourself. This way it's a win-win." She waits for me to say something, but all I can think about is how much I miss him. "Let's go. We're busting out of the land of gloom and doom." She tugs harder, and I let out another sigh. "Uh uh, there will be no more moping today. Come on, it's a gorgeous day out there. Let's go soak up some rays."

"Fine, but I can't promise what kind of company I'll be. I'm suffering over here." I push out my lip and show her my best pouting face.

"You'll get no sympathy from me for self-inflicted suffering. You hold the power to turn it around," she retorts as she slips her Ray Bans in place.

"What are you talking about? He's the one who said we should have sex then go back to being friends. I think
he's
the one holding all the power."

"My dear, sweet Cassie. You really have no clue, do you?" she points a manicured nail at my lady bits. "That space between your legs holds a magic box that lover boy has already sampled, and by the look on your face I'm assuming he did a lot of sampling. I can guarantee you he won't say no if you offer him another chance to unleash it's power."

"You're crazy. I don't have a magic vagina," I say, shaking my head at her logic. Call me crazy, but right now my lady bits aren't feeling very magical. If anything, spending the last few days alone has left me feeling lonely and horny.

"Maybe not, but in your heart you know I'm right."

I flash her the first smile I've smiled in days and mentally run through everything I ever learned from Harry Potter.

You know, just in case...

As we approach the grassy area outside the auditorium, Roni begins tugging on my arm, encouraging me to walk faster. There's a game of touch-football being played on the lawn, not an unusual occurrence for this particular part of campus, but when the guys playing happen to be half the men's hockey team a crowd is bound to gather. My heart leaps at the prospect of seeing B again.

We claim a patch of grass and drop down to join the oglefest. Is that even a word? If not, it should be, because the men gathered here this afternoon are definitely worthy of ogling. Less than fifteen feet away, a herd of bunnies have taken up residence, no surprise there, and it's all I can do not to gag every time I hear one of them cheering for B. Thinking back to my first night in Ann Arbor, I remember the comment Scotty had made about multiple girls in Brantley's bed. Now that we've been intimate, it leaves me wondering which of these girls he's taken back to his apartment. Jealousy rises to the surface when I realize that maybe my magic box doesn't possess the kind of special powers Roni was referring to. Maybe mine was just another notch in his belt. I quickly brush that thought away and do my best to focus on the game, but it's hard to look out there and see anyone but him.

I watch the next three plays and study the way he moves. I watch the way the muscles in his back ripple when he raises an arm to throw a pass, and I think about the way they'd contracted during his climax. The rise and fall of his chest after sprinting for a touchdown reminds me of the first time I took him in my mouth and he'd fallen apart beneath me.

Sitting here is pure torture. I should get up and leave. Guard my heart from the pain I'm sure to inflict upon it by staying here. But I can't bring myself to walk away again. Just being in his presence has me feeling lighter than I had been before arriving. At one point our eyes connect and I can tell he's surprised to see me. A small smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth before he gathers his team around him in a huddle. No more than thirty seconds pass before they break and Davis begins calling out numbers and something else I can't quite understand. The play begins and the guys start to scatter. Before I know what's happening, I see Davis lowering his arm to deliver a pass right into B's awaiting hands, and before I know it, he falls to the ground and somehow ends up with his head in my lap.

"Hey, you," a smile forms on my lips when his amber eyes meet mine, "nice play."

"Pretty smooth, huh? I'll let you in on a little secret." His finger beckons me to lean down so he can whisper in my ear. "This little stunt wasn't exactly an accident."

"No, really?" I flutter my lashes and feign surprise. Being this close reminds me how much I've missed him.

"Cross my heart." He makes an X over his chest and a sad smile appears. My hand instinctively cups his cheek, and the warmth of his skin burns straight through me. "God, I've missed you."

I don't know if it's the look in his eyes or the feel of his hand as our fingers twine together then break apart far too soon, but I come to the conclusion that I don't want whatever it is we have to end. I need him, and I'll take whatever it is he's willing to give me.

"Bet I've missed you more," I quip, and my flirty response is rewarded with a wicked grin.

Davis' hand reaches down, interrupting our moment, to lift Brantley back to a standing position. Our little reunion lasts less than a minute.

"Quit screwing around, Cage. We're trying to play a game here," Davis grumbles, shaking his head at his teammate.

"Will you stick around?" His eyes plead with me to say yes, so I nod my head and turn to find Roni wearing a smug grin.

"What are you smiling about?" I ask, working hard to contain a smirk of satisfaction.
He missed me
.

"You're a clever little vixen. I believe I've underestimated you, Cassie Rivers," she clucks her tongue, giving me a sideways glance. "With a mere touch of your hand you had that man begging with puppy dog eyes."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." We're both giggling before I finish getting the words out.

The game finishes with Brantley's team taking the win, and the guys go their separate ways, while the bunnies scamper after them in pairs. A few circle around Brantley, slowing him down on his way back to me, but surprisingly I'm not the least bit affected by it. I can't hear what they're asking him. I only see him shake his head in response before brushing past them to get to me. He comes to a stop and towers over me with his hands on his hips.

Without a word, I tip my head back and flash him a toothy grin.

"I've missed that goofy smile. Get over here, woman," he extends his arms and pulls me to a standing position. Once I'm on my feet, he surprises me by bending his head and placing a soft kiss on my lips.

"B! What are you doing?" I hiss, "Someone might see you."

"Nah, they're not paying attention to us. Feel like taking a walk?"

"I'd love that." He wraps an arm around my waist and I lean into him as we cut across campus. When we reach the path, I guide him in the direction of my dorm.

"Cassie, I'm really sorry about the way we left things. I've been a wreck since you left my truck. God, I wanted so badly to jump out and chase you down."

"It's okay. In a way I'm glad you didn't. I needed that time alone. It was hard, but it was good for me. It gave me time to figure some things out."

"Oh, yeah? What kind of things?" he stops walking and leads me off the path behind a row of shrubbery. He blows out a heavy breath, and when I look up, I can see he's nervous. Taking his hands in mine, I offer a smile to ease his worry.

"I was thinking maybe we're being too hasty by trying to pretend nothing happened. What if there were other options?"

"Go on," he prods.

My hands fidget between us as I search for the right words. "Well, I was thinking that
maybe
we could try the FWB approach."

It's clear my suggestion takes him by surprise when his mouth opens but nothing comes out. For a split second I wish I could take it back. Embarrassment washes over me and I take a step back, squeezing my eyes shut as I imagine a spell that would magically erase the last three minutes.

The sound of his throaty chuckle is what makes me open my eyes, and when I do I find him staring at me with a hunger I've never seen. "Why, Cassandra Rivers, I don't believe I've ever heard sexier words come out of your mouth," he nuzzles his nose over my neck, trailing his tongue in its wake, and I melt in his arms. "Just so we're clear, what kind of benefits are we talking about?" The teasing lilt in his voice is music to my ears.

"You
know
," my voice quivers when his tongue tickles the outer shell of my ear. His lips hover, and the heat of his breath mixes with my cool skin to send shivers down my spine.

"You mean we can keep fucking while acting as if nothing's changed? Is that what my little sex kitten is proposing?" his mouth is on me, firm and unyielding in its attack. I run my hands over his bare skin, skimming the waistband of his shorts before reaching in and settling on his bare ass.

"That's exactly what I'm proposing. Think you can handle that, Superman?" He answers by redirecting my hand to the front of his shorts. He's thick and hot to the touch, and my mouth waters when I think about the last time we were together.

"I can handle it just fine, Dimples. What I need to know is, can
you
?" his eyes search mine, all playfulness gone as he waits for my response. This is it. My chance to walk away and spare my heart the damage it's sure to endure. He's offering me everything he's capable of giving. The question is, do I agree to his terms even though I want more? Walk away now and live with the memories. Or stick around and savor every moment we have together, regardless of the cost.

The choice is easy.

I rock forward on the balls of my feet and bring my lips to his ear. "Bring. It. On." An animalistic growl falls from his parted lips as he lowers his mouth to mine. For the next five minutes we're nothing but hands and teeth as we fight to get closer, both chasing something unseen, something just beyond our reach, yet we're desperate to catch it. He strokes my breast with his thumb, teasing just enough to make me crave more. My soft whimpers encourage him, begging him to do more. I'm lost to his touch, so much so I forget where we are and who might see us.

"Baby, I'm dying to have you in my bed, but are you sure this is what you want? You're not just saying this because you think it's what I want to hear?" I strain forward, craving his lips, but he holds me at arm’s length and forces me to look at him. "Cassie?"

My gaze travels his body, firm and still sweaty from the game. From his dark, messy hair to the firm thighs I've straddled on more than one occasion, he's all man. And right now he's offering himself to me if I'm up to playing it his way.

"This
is
what I want. I need this too." As soon as I say the words his hands are back on me, grabbing me by the seat of my pants to pull me to his waist. I lock my ankles around him and feel his arousal line up against my opening. If it weren't for the clothing separating us, he'd bury himself inside me.

I kiss my way up his neck and whisper in his ear. "I've got the dorm to myself tonight."

"Shit," he lowers his forehead to mine. "I have practice in thirty minutes. That's not enough to do everything I want to do to you." I frown against his lips but nod my head in understanding. "I'll be done with practice at nine. Be ready for me." He commands before giving me a kiss that makes my knees weak and leaves my lips burning for more.

Once I'm on my own, a shadow of doubt creeps in and I wonder if I'm capable of handling this new role.

I'm Brantley Cage's sex kitten...

I close my eyes and pray we both come out of this unscathed, but something tells me that's an impossible request.