Jekyll, an Urban Fantasy (20 page)

She felt her frustration become anger, lifting her chest, giving her strength. “Fine. Here’s the truth: I am whole now. I used to be someone who was always afraid, always hoping she was doing the right thing, because that was the only way to feel safe. I hid behind a false sense of propriety, of selflessness. But that’s changed. And
you
helped it along. The
truth
”—she spat out the word to rid the bitter taste it left on her tongue—“is that my ‘evil’ side wasn’t all that evil. Sure, she had her…quirks, but she also got some things right. She was strong and knew how to take care of herself.
That’s
the part of her that meshed with the weak, useless person I was.”

“Eden isn’t weak,” he said through his teeth.

“Did you just hear the one word, or were you actually listening?”

“She isn’t weak.”

“Stop saying ‘she’, I’m still Eden.
Me
. But I’m not weak anymore.”

He glared at her. “Not weak.”

“I’m not going to argue with you over semantics when there’s
way
more important stuff to argue about. Fine, I wasn’t weak. I was…what? Resilient?”
Because I could take a licking and keep on kicking…weakly
. “Is that a good enough word?”

He tilted his head slightly. “One of many I might use to describe her.”

“Me. And thank you…I
think
.”

“If you were Eden, you’d
know
. You’d know how to walk into a room and make it impossible for anyone to remember their pain. And if she could do it for
me
, she could do it for anyone. She knew how to make people better simply by wanting it
for
them. She isn’t weak. She’s stronger than any of us.”

He stood up slowly and took a step towards her, his voice lowering in pitch and volume. “When I looked into her eyes, I saw her soul. But I also saw myself, a
better
me—as if she loved so deeply, she’d brought me to a kinder, safer place inside of her.”

She swallowed, wishing he’d believe it was still possible with the woman she was now. “I’ve changed, but I haven’t lost everything. We can still have something great.”

He shook his head, his eyes slightly glazed. “It never made sense to me that we had four days together. Because four days was still so much more than I deserved. And I know I should be thankful for that time.” He grimaced. “Fuck, I know that
alone
should bring me to my knees in appreciation. But I can’t.” It was as if he wanted to stay trapped in a memory, mourning someone who was still alive but who he couldn’t see, even though she was standing right in front of him. “Because I’m too damn selfish.”

He came to the cage and rested his forehead against the bars. “You see, even if I’m never allowed to touch her again, I want her to be able to touch someone else.” His voice dropped down to a whisper she wasn’t sure Landon was able to hear. But
she
did. Words meant for her ears alone, ones that she never imagined Mitch would speak, found their way to where they belonged.

“Because until I knew her,” he said, “I thought that beauty was something you touch. It’s not. It’s something you
feel
. Something you know is in front of you even when your eyes are closed. And now, all I see is darkness. And I won’t believe that she’s returned until the lights come back on.”

She wanted to reach out, put her fingers through his hair, cup his face in her hands, make his regret disappear. But she didn’t move. Because there was too much to lose. “Then close your eyes, Mitch. Close your eyes and see me.” Tears slid down her cheeks. “But see me as I am now. Not who you think I was. Because that woman was never real.
I’m
real. And I’m here.”

He flinched back from the bars as if he’d been shot. Like the quick breath he sucked in was his last. “Don’t you
dare
tell me she isn’t real! You don’t get to talk about her. You don’t have the right.”

Landon pushed off the wall and stepped forward. Mitch glanced at him. “I’m fine, Landon. Believe me, you’ll know when I’m not.”

“Forgive me for being cautious.”

“I promised I would behave. And I
will
. But that doesn’t mean I don’t get to stretch my legs, does it?”

“Play nice, Turner.”

Mitch nodded. “I’m all done.”

Landon sighed. “Good luck, Eden.”

“I don’t know what to say,” she said, solely to Mitch. “Because you won’t listen anyway. You talk about not being able to see me, but that’s because you’re not even trying. You don’t seem to care that I was unconscious for two weeks. You don’t seem to care that I was just as confused as you are when I woke up. Maybe
more
because I was surrounded by people I feared while you’re with people who love you. And you don’t seem to be able to hear that I’ve accepted myself—all of me, both of me, whatever you want to call it.”

“So you combined the best of both sides? That’s it? Well…lucky you.” He fell into the chair, his arms wide open, his mind tightly closed.

“You know what? I’m not perfect. I wasn’t then, in either form, and I’m not now. But at least I’m trying. At least I’m not afraid of who I am anymore. Believe me or don’t believe me. But that’s not why I’m here.”

“Why
are
you here?”

”All I want…” She swallowed before her tough-girl voice betrayed her. Now was not the time for emotion. “All I want is the same thing for you. I want you to be whole. I want you to be safe.
That’s
why I came back here. Not because of
them
, because of
you
. And they want the same frigging thing. If you weren’t so goddamn stubborn, you’d be able to see that.”

“Good,” he said, nodding. “Let’s talk about
them
. They told you they want us to be ‘whole’ and ‘safe’?” He chuckled bitterly, his smile tight. “You’re delusional if you think they give a shit about how we feel. Maybe you really
are
Eden. Because Eden is the only fucking person I know who would be so trusting of the people who doped us, killed my sister, and
tried
to kill you.”

“They didn’t kill your sister or try to kill me. That was
Jolie
, not them. And yes, they doped us, but what would’ve happened if they hadn’t? Your sister would probably still be dead, except it would’ve been
you
who killed her. Just like your father.”

He winced as the words flew out of her mouth.

But it was too late to go back now. “Suck it up, Mitch. You want to talk truth? Well,
that’s
the truth. You know it,
I
know it, and even Landon knows it. Right?” She glanced at Landon who looked dazed, as if he’d been so focused on what
might
happen, that he’d stopped listening to what
was
happening.

“But you don’t really want to hear the truth, do you, Mitch? You’d rather stay locked in your own prejudices than see any other side of things. How’s that working for you?” Her breath was shallow, frustration tightening her chest. “Let me guess. Hyde is harder to deal with. Nothing that worked before is working now. You’re afraid of him. More than you used to be. And that’s because
you’re
changing too. You think it’s just me, but it’s not. It’s you too. You don’t believe I’m not Chastity—fine. I can’t force you. And I don’t give a shit if you believe The Clinic has your best interests at heart. Because ultimately, it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that
they
are the only ones who can stop you from becoming Hyde permanently. That’s all the truth you need to know.”

“Nice speech. Did they give you a script to memorize or are you just improvising?”

“Why are you being so goddamn stupid? Give them a chance. One more chance. Don’t you want it all to stop? To be cured?”

“They just fed you what you wanted to hear. There
is
no cure for what we are. You said it yourself—it’s a part of you, down to your DNA. I don’t understand how you can trust one thing that comes out of their mouths.”

“Maybe there
isn’t
a cure. But we already know about the serum. We don’t need to trust them to know it exists—we’ve already tasted it. So whether or not we trust them doesn’t matter. It’s not personal. We each have something the other needs.” Was any of this getting through? “Think of it like a business transaction, nothing else. We go back there, they do their little tests to find out how freaky we are, and then they give you the serum.”

He sneered. “That’s how they said it would go down?”

“You once told me that people lie, it was just something that I needed to accept. And if I didn’t, all I was doing was making my life harder. Do you remember?”

He shrugged. “I say a lot of things. What’s your point? That I was right then and I’m right now? Great! Then we’re all done here.” He walked to the door.

“Stop running away! We’re
not
done.”

“Yes, we are. And I’m hungry. Chinese anyone?”

“Sounds delish,” she spat. “But while you’re placing the order, ask them if they’ve ever lied to you, slipped some MSG into your food without telling you.”

He whipped his head around. “Are you seriously going to compare the two?”

“My point is that you don’t need to have a personal relationship with people you do business with. Do you trust all of your clients? Is that necessary? If we go into this deal, I
trust
that The Clinic are in it for themselves, only seeing what they can get out of it, and that their own interests are well, well,
well
ahead of ours.”

“And that’s how you see this—as a business transaction?”

“Of course. I’m not
stupid
. I know better than to trust them on a personal level.”

He tapped the floor with his feet. “Let’s pretend for a moment that you’re right and that I even
want
what they are offering. That it’s possible to make some kind of deal with them, giving them what
they
want for what
you
want. The problem is that we’re
not
a team against a team. Because
we
”—he motioned between the two of them—“are not a team. Because I only have
your
word on it. Granted, the whole team-thing is new to me, so I could be wrong here. But aren’t you supposed to trust your team…mate to have your best interests at heart? That they’ll at least weigh your opinion or best interests in their decision-making?”

“Of course.”

“So what’s your angle? What do you get out of it if I agree to be their monkey?”

“You. I get you.”

He blinked, his eyes shining. Though she really couldn’t tell if his emotion was caused by anger or hurt or something else entirely. He was just too much an enigma to her still. Until he lied. Funny, the only way to know anything about him was to back him into a corner he had to lie to get out of. Because then she would know what he was really feeling.

“Do you want me back, Mitch?”

“No,” he said firmly. “I want
her
back.”

Even her sigh sounded depressed. “And if she no longer exists?”

His pause was long. “Then I suppose only the first part of the answer works.”

The first part.
No
. She looked at his cheek, praying she’d see the little dimple that would tell her he was lying. He needed a shave. But other than
that
truth, there was nothing else on his face.

“Okay,” she said quietly, swallowing her pain. “What you think about me…is what it is. I can wait.”

He flicked his head, staring at her with a furrowed brow. She didn’t know what he saw, what he was thinking. But it didn’t really matter anyway. There were no choices, no decisions to make. He would learn to accept her or he wouldn’t. But yelling at him wouldn’t help.

After Mitch left, Landon pushed off the wall. “Well, that went better than I expected.” He’d been so quiet, Eden had forgotten he was even there.

“Why didn’t you say anything? I needed your help!”

“Do you have any idea what I’ve done to get through to him? And nothing ever works.” He sighed. “I think you’re the only one who’s ever done it. So…you just need to keep trying until you do it again.”

The only way she could help him was to convince him of something he was unwilling to do—to work with The Clinic. How hard could it be to make the world’s most stubborn person do a 180-mind-flip and play nice with his worst enemy?

“What if I can’t change his mind, Landon?” Before his time ran out?

“When a man’s not thinking straight…” He shrugged. “Well, sometimes a woman’s gotta do it for him.”