Jayne Doe (18 page)

Jayne's heart is pumping fast. She needs a drink of water. I try to swallow with her dry tongue, but it makes me lightheaded.
Focus, it’s not time to panic.
I tell myself and forget about her body. I concentrate on the smell of him as he creeps toward the bathroom door.

His ankle pops.

The sound makes me hungry.

I curl a fist into the shower curtain and lightly squeeze the trigger on the gun. Not enough to blow his brains out, but enough to prepare.

“Babe, you in there?” He leans against the wall in the hallway.

I steady Jayne's body and focus on the gun in her hands, on the sounds of his shuffling feet. “In here. Come in.”

“Why don't you come out here?” He's spooked. He knows something's wrong.

“I just got out of the shower and my body aches.”

“You alone?” He's worried about Casey. I bite back a laugh.

“Of course I'm alone.” I'm on pins and needles, waiting to see the look on his face before he dies. I wonder if he'll be as terrified as I was choking on my own vomit.

Wait.
Jayne is startled now.
Was Johnny there when you died?
She doesn't understand.

I open up the memory and allow her to see everything. The car. The dry crayon. The pillow. My tears. The burning barrel. The chainsaw. Everything.

Can’t you see, Jayne. This is why he has to die.

I can't let you do this.
She fights. Jayne thinks getting the cops involved is a good idea. But she hasn't met his uncle. Doesn't know him like I do.

Jill, get out of me!
she screams.

The gun slips from her fingers and I watch it slowly falling to the ground, making a huge clattering noise as it hits the tile.

Damn it, Jayne.

Get out of me!
she screams again. Only this time she rejects me, throwing my cold, dead figure against the sink.

I drop to the ground exhausted.

“Babe, you okay?” Johnny slinks through the door and stares at the gun. “So, this is what you had in mind?” He bends to pick it up. There’s nothing I can do to stop him.

“No. I don't know how that got there.” She's barely breathing.

“Bullshit.” He grabs a fistful of her hair and drags her out of the bathroom, shoving her on the bed and locks the door. “Why are you doing this to me?”

She backs up against the headboard. She's barely awake. I crawl toward him and grab at his hands.

“I'm sorry, Johnny,” Jayne cries, hiding her face with her arms.

“Look at me.” He twists her head. “At least Jill had the courage to stare me in the face.” His words stir a fire under her skin. She lashes out, kicking at his crotch. He doubles over in pain. This is her chance. She jumps to her feet. Races for the door.

Johnny cocks the gun.

The sound stops her dead in her tracks.

Run, Jayne.

She's terrified.

He straightens his hunched over figure. “Jill wasn't a fighter like you. She made it easy for me. She didn't even put up a fuss in the car. But you know about the crayon, Jayne, don't you?”

His words bring bile to the back of my throat. The sounds of footsteps out front quickly distract me. I try to focus, but I'm too weak to feel who it is.

Get out of here!
I scream, hoping Jayne can hear me.

She's angry.

Wants to claw out his eyes.

She runs toward him.

No!

Bang.

A single round.

That’s all it takes.

The exact spot.

Jillian’s vision.

Jayne’s body flings backwards.

Drops to the floor.

There’s pounding at the door now.

It’s Casey's.

He’s too late.

I crawl toward Jayne. Her body is limp as a wet dishrag.

Stay with me, Jayne.

Where are you?
She cries.

I shove my hands into her chest and squeeze her heart, forcing it to beat.

She's dying.

My jaw tenses in grief. I turn and stare at Johnny while I pump her heart. He's dazed, glaring down at the gun and wondering what he's done. Casey is banging on the door, calling 9-1-1.

Then the window shatters and Casey launches himself into the room. Johnny is shaking. Can't hold still long enough to aim the trigger.

“Get out of here!” Johnny screams.

Casey is too busy brushing bits of glass from his clothes to notice the gun in Johnny's hands.

Suddenly I realize. This is the chance I've been waiting for.

I tense up before moving next to Johnny, I know what happened the last time. I know there’s no getting back out. I’ll be stuck. I run my hands over the gun to warm myself up. Slowly I press my fingers into his flesh. He doesn't resist. I crawl inside of him. It’s dark, but I can still see enough to place the gun in his mouth. He doesn't fight. He's helping me.

Jilly, I was wondering when you'd come?
He purrs like a kitten.

Shut up.

Oh, there you go, baby girl. Talk dirty to me.

I feel like I’m going to vomit, and then squeeze the trigger slightly.

What's the matter? Don't have the guts to do it?

No, that’s not it.

My thoughts are processing like I have all eternity to make this decision. I stare at the room through Johnny’s eyes. Casey is blowing air into Jayne’s mouth. Everything is moving in slow motion. Casey is begging her to stay while pounding on her chest. I close my eyes from the bloody scene. Move back to Johnny thoughts again.

He’s the murderer.

Not me.

This isn’t the choice I want to make. I never wanted this choice. There has to be another way.

I don't want to do this.

Damn it, Jill. Pull the trigger.

No.

I struggle against him. He won't let me out his body. The gun twists in his hands. Johnny grabs the trigger. I turn and look at Jayne. She’s there. Watching Johnny. Tears form in her eyes. She can’t speak.

Don't watch, Jayne.
I plead with her.
Everything will go away in a few minutes.

Twenty-Five

Silence.

Absolute silence.

It's dark.

I'm afraid.

Jilly, where are you?
Johnny's voice is everywhere and nowhere all at once, taunting me.
Come play.

Get away from me.
The sound of my thoughts draws him closer.

There you are.
He's right next to me. I stand up to run.

Mud sticks to my feet making it difficult to move. I'm running as hard as I can, but I can't get away. It's like a bad dream. A nightmare. My hands brush against ice-cold walls in a foreign hallway.

I'm going to find you. You can't hide forever.

Forever.

The word slaps me across the face. This is my punishment. The price I will pay for taking his life.

Please, God. Please forgive me.

A whiff of cheap cologne makes me realize God isn’t listening.

I drop to the floor and curl into a ball. Mud soaks through my clothes and into my skin, freezing me from the inside out. I close my eyes and think of Jayne. Pretend she's that sparkling image inside the trailer house. Glowing like an angel. Pretend that she loves me. Loves me more than anyone else in the whole world.

Johnny’s hand slithers up my chest.

I know if I pretend long enough, this will all be over soon. Jayne's face is the only thing keeping me from pain.

I'm in hell.

Ice cold.

Dark.

Incomprehensible. Hell.

Jill, he's not real.
Jayne's voice sounds so real, I can almost believe she's here.

“Jill, open your eyes.”

No.
I shake my head, trying not to lose my concentration. Her face. The smell of her hair. Vanilla lotion. Covergirl powder.
My sister—my favorite sister.

We'll always be sisters. We'll always be together.
She sounds so near. The idea makes me ache. I miss her.

No, Jill. Open your eyes.

Stop it. Stop talking.
I grab my hair and rip at the roots.
Leave me alone.
I claw at my skin and grab my knees. Rocking back and forth, I try to ignore the feeling of being alone. Abandoned.

I gave up everything for this.

The warm caress of her hand against my cheek makes me open my eyes. I squint from the bright light.

She's an angel.

Or at least she looks like one sparkling in the rays of brilliant beams streaming down at me. Her smile makes me cry.

“I love you,” I say out loud.

“Not as much as I love you.” She presses her finger against my nose and wiggles it. “There's no greater love in the universe than what you did for me.”

“I killed him.”

“No,” she says, kneeling beside me. “He did that to himself.” Her smile falters. “I don't have much time. I wanted to thank you for helping me, letting me escape. Helping me move on.”

“Are you going back?” I question and she instantly opens her mind, everything rushes in.

“This isn't the end for us. It's only the beginning,” she says.

“I'll wait
for you,” I say, fighting the lump in the back of my throat.

She runs her fingers through my hair. “Close your eyes, Jill. Everything will be alright. He'll be here in a few minutes.”

“Who?”

“Stephen. He's taking you home.”

I sit up and look around. He's far away, but I can see him. Part of me doesn't want to leave Jayne. I turn back to her.

She presses my nose again. “I love you, baby Jill.”

“I love you, Jayne.” I reach up and kiss her forehead.

“It won’t be long until we meet again,” she says.

I nod my head, trying to be strong, trying not to let her see me cry.

“Go on,” she says. “He’s waiting for you.” Those are the last words she speaks before she disappears. She does this to make it easier on me. She doesn’t leave the choice in my hands to say goodbye.

I love you, Jayne. You’re my sister. My favorite sister.
I cry in my heart, knowing she’ll hear every word.
Don’t worry about me, I’ll be right here, waiting for you.

I run to Stephen and leap into him. He clutches me to his chest and, for the first time, I feel at peace, knowing I’m the luckiest girl that ever lived because my sister is Jayne.

Epilogue

Do you think she'll look the same?
I watch Stephen's face for any sign that he might be censoring his words.

Why wouldn't she?
He chuckles as we traverse the tunnel down to Earth.

How long has it been?

Days. Years to them. It's slower down here.

I smile and squeeze his hand as we step onto their lawn. It's a beautiful summer day and they're outside playing in the front yard. All of them. Jayne, Casey, and Jillian—she’s bigger. Older than I imagined. She looks four or five.

Jayne is gorgeous, just like I remember. The same long, blond hair flutters in the breeze. She's thin, except in the tummy. She's probably carrying some extra body weight from Jillian. My eyes drift to the little boy clutching her leg; he won't leave her side.

Look, Stephen.
I point to him.
Jillian has a brother.
I try to move closer, but he pulls me back.

“We have to be careful,” he whispers.

Careful?

Look closer.

I look into the little boy's crystal-blue eyes. Fall in love with his chubby little cheeks. His iridescent skin. That’s when it hits me.
She's pregnant. He hasn't been born yet.

Stephen nods. “We don't want to upset him and cause her to go into early labor. She has a few more months.” Stephen is better at understanding things like this.

“Can I talk to him?”

Move slowly.
Stephen's anxious, but he won't hold me back.
We don't want to scare him.

Gently, I walk over to his side.
Hi, there,
I say. He looks up at me with wide eyes and hides behind Jayne's leg. She reaches down and rubs the back of her thigh and he nuzzles into her hand. He loves her. She places her hand back on her stomach, pressing gently. She loves him too. They're already bonded.

What's your name?
I keep my voice light.

He shakes his head.
I don't know.

I stare up at Jayne and concentrate. She's considering either Ryan or Caleb.

“I like Caleb,” I whisper in her ear. She smiles and instantly she's in love with the name.

Can you do me a favor?
I bend down and smile at Caleb.
I want you to be a good boy for your mommy and daddy.

His eyes widen and he nods, happy to make that promise.

And when you get old enough, I want you to dress in black and listen to loud rock music.
He scrunches his nose.
You'll understand when you're bigger.
I reach out and stroke his soft cheek.
But promise me you'll be a good boy.

He giggles and sits on Jayne's foot, wrapping his arms and legs around her ankle.

Stephen softly pulls me back.
I want you to see this.

I turn and look at Jillian squealing with laughter as Casey pushes her back and forth in the tire swing. For a moment, I lose track of everything and take in the whole picture.

The Victorian home.

The yard.

The tree.

Tingles spread throughout my entire body.

“It's the tree,” I whisper and Stephen grabs my hand. “The tree from Heaven. When I first met her.” It’s almost surreal taking everything in. Her giggles catching in the breeze as she tilts back her head, absorbing the warmth from the sun. She isn't afraid anymore. She's happy.

Stephen nudges my side.
Everything is going to be okay. Jayne's exactly where she supposed to be and you're with me, right by my side. It's perfect.