Jaxson (4 page)

“Jaxson,” she whispers. I look up into her beautiful eyes and wait for her to continue. “I’m a mess. Please trust me when I tell you that you don’t want a girl like me. What just happened can’t happen again. I’m too broken to be the woman you want and remember.”

What in the hell is she talking about?

“How can you not be what I want Lyn? You’re what I want. You’ve always been what I wanted. Hell, I even went to New York to see you after my dad passed away, but you looked so happy that I couldn’t bring myself to let you know I was there.” Looking at the ground, I remember how heartbroken I was when I had seen that she’d moved on with someone else. We had already been apart for a year and a half, I knew that there was no way I’d get her back after that.
 

Her gasp makes me focus on her again. “You came to New York? Why didn’t you tell me?”
 

Shaking my head I just smirk. “Because I wasn’t sure your boyfriend would like to know that your husband had come from Texas to try and win you back.”
 

I watch her flinch and I know I shouldn’t have said that. In just a few minutes time, she’s pushing me out of the way and throwing her clothes on as fast as she can. Before I can stop her, she’s out the door.

Fuck.

Instead of wallowing, I pull my jeans up and button them. Throwing my shirt back on, I head out to start the chores for the day.

Over the next few weeks, I try and get Lyn to talk to me, but she refuses. Hell, I’ve even stopped by her parents place a few times. I just want to know what the fuck happened the morning we had sex. I am dying to get that girl back where she belongs.
 

I know she thinks that she’s not good enough for me anymore, but I won’t let that stop me. When we made those vows, I intended to keep them. I know over the last ten years, we technically didn’t, but I want to change that. I want to be faithful to her, I want to watch her belly grow when she’s pregnant with my kids.
 

Walking down to the diner to meet Tate for lunch, I see her walking down the street. Running to catch up to her, I grab her arm to stop her from leaving without talking to me. “Lynnie, we need to talk.” I rush out. I don’t want to give her a chance to run away from me again.
 

“Jax, please don’t.” She pleads with me. She tries to pull away, but I don’t let her.
 

“Lynnie we need to talk about the other morning.” I start, but before I can say anything else she cuts me off.

"No." She shakes her head and tries to walk away.
 

I hear someone call out my name and when I turn, she
 
breaks free of my grasp and takes off running. Dammit.
 

I see Sheila coming over to me and I want to choke her for interrupting the one time I've finally got Lyndley alone. Plastering a fake smile on my face I say hi to her.
 

"Oh my God! Was that Lyndley? Wow she looks amazing! I'm so glad you guys broke up after high school. It gave all the rest of the girls in town a chance to sack the quarterback." She winks at me and I do my best not to do or say anything to get me into trouble. I'd be the talk of the town in minutes.

"Yeah, she looks fantastic. But hey, I have to go. It was good seeing you Sheila." I turn to walk away and I hear her muttering under her breath about how Lyndley will always have power over me. Smiling, I know that's definitely true. I wouldn't have it any other way.
 

Making my way to the diner, I spot Tate sitting in our normal booth fiddling with his phone. Walking inside, I drop into the seat in front of him and grab a menu.
 

"Hey asshole." I say hitting his phone out of his hands with the menu.

"What's up man? I saw you talking to Lyn. How'd it go?"
 

Blowing out a breath, I drop the menu and shake my head. "She's so God damn stubborn. I thought we made progress until I said something to piss her off." I sigh.

"Wait you made progress? Did you guys fuck?" He asks with a shocked expression.
 

"What? No." I say shaking my head. How the fuck did he know that?

"You're so full of shit! Was it as good as you remember?" He asks throwing a straw wrapper at me.

Shaking my head, I refuse to answer. There is no way I'm telling him about that. When the waitress comes over, we place our orders and I watch Tate flirt with her for a few minutes. He will never change that's for sure. In high school he was voted biggest flirt. Some things never change around here.

Once he's done and Carly goes to put our order in, he turns back to me and waits for me to give him some dirty details.
 

"Did you guys at least talk about anything?" He asks with a grin.
 

"Yeah. I ended up telling her about when I went to New York to beg her to come home with me." His eyes widen at that. When I came home alone and even more pissed than I left, he knew that shit didn't go well between us while I was there. I wouldn't talk about it either.

"Holy shit. What did she say?"
 

"That topic is kinda why she left in a fucking hurry that morning. I told her about seeing her with another man and how I didn't think he'd appreciate me ruining his chance." Drumming my fingers on the table, I get antsy. I don't really want to talk about this, but I know Tate's just gonna keep asking a million questions if I don't tell him now.
 

Our food comes, I'm glad to have something to keep myself from talking any more about it. I hate thinking about her in the arms of another man. It kills me to know that someone else made her happy for a period of her life.
 

"You're not gonna give up are you?" Tate asks as he shovels eggs and hash browns into his mouth. Sometimes I swear he was born in a fucking barn. I don't know how he pulls the girls he does.
 

"She's mine and I'll do whatever I have to for her to see that we are meant to be." I pick up a piece of toast and take a bite.
 

Once we finish eating, we make our way to the ranch and handle the day's chores before it gets too late. Working day and night helps me keep my mind off of the brunette that haunts my dreams every night.

Just as I'm about to head to the gym to burn off some of my sexual frustration, I hear my phone go off.

Unknown:
Can we talk?

Me:
Yeah Lynnie, what's up?

Programming her new number in my phone, I think about all the things she could possibly tell me.

Lynnie:
This is probably something that we need to talk about in person...

Me:
Well I'm at home if you want to come by

Lynnie:
Okay, I'll be there in a few.

What could she possible want to tell me that has her wanting to talk to me in person all of a sudden. Racking my brain, I can't think of one single reason that she would want to talk.

Hearing a soft knock at the door, I brace myself for whatever she has to tell me. Opening the door, I see that she already has tears falling down her face. Reaching my hand out, I wait for her to make the first move.
 

When her fingers wrap around mine, I pull her through the door and into my arms. I hate seeing tears in her eyes, I really hope that I’m not the one who put them there. Resting my cheek on the top of her head, I ask her what’s wrong.
 

Pulling away from me, she walks over to the couch and takes a seat. “You may want to sit for this.” she says softly. Sitting next to her, I wait for her to begin.
 

“After I went off to college, I found out I was pregnant.”
Oh fuck
. Wait, then where is my kid? Did she have an… No, she would never do that. God my mind is spinning, I have no idea what to think right now. She was pregnant. We made a baby. She never told me. Why the fuck did she never tell me?
 

“I can see your mind spinning Jax. Please let me finish the story before you say or do anything please.” She begs. All I can do is nod my head. I don’t trust the words that are probably going to come out of my mouth right now.

“As scared as I was about having a baby, I was excited too. It meant I still had a piece of you to hold on to. The baby was the only thing that kept me sane after we broke up. I knew that even if we didn’t make it, the baby would always love me.”
 

She gets a faraway look in her eyes and I know that something happened. Part of me doesn’t want to hear the rest of the story, but I know I need to. Knowing that I was going to be a father means something to me.
 

Grabbing her hand, I thread my fingers through hers. A small smile appears across her lips and I wish that I could always keep her happy.

“My whole pregnancy went great and I couldn’t wait to hold our child in my arms. The day I went into labor, I was at home sleeping. When I got myself to the hospital, the contractions were so bad that I could barely catch my breath. Once they wheeled me back to deliver the baby, something went wrong. Her heartbeat was gone and the doctors did everything they could.”
 

I can’t breathe. Lyn had to deliver our baby by herself with people she didn’t know. Putting my head in my hands, I can feel the tears start to pool in my eyes. Why didn’t she tell me? I feel her put one hand on my back and the other on my thigh. She's trying to comfort me through the story even though I can see it tearing her up inside. Just telling me what happened still affects her. I can't imagine going through it too.

“The doctors said the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck and that she died before I could deliver her.” Her broken whisper causes me to look up at her. The tears are now streaming down her face and I don’t know how to take away the pain. Hell, I can’t even take away my own. She had to deal with this all on her own at eighteen fucking years old. God, what kind of man am I? How the hell did I not know? I can’t take the silence any longer. Wiping the tears from my own eyes, I look up at her.
 

“Why didn’t you tell me Lynnie. I would have been there for you and her. You wouldn’t of had to do any of it on your own. How could you not tell me I was a fucking father?!” By the end of it I'm yelling. Saying I am pissed is an understatement. I know I’m not being fair to her right now, but she wasn’t fair when she kept our child a secret.
 

More tears stream down her face. “Jaxson, you would have left your family and came to New York to be with me. I didn’t want you to have to choose. And I’m glad that I didn’t make you choose. You would have lost out on the last few years of your dad’s life!” I can tell she’s getting upset. Her voice raises slightly and she's clenching her small hands into fists.

“I fucking missed out on my daughter’s whole life instead!” I yell at her.
 

“I’m sorry I took the choice from you,” she whispers. She gets up and leaves before I can even think about what she’s doing.

I hear the door slam shut and I’m stuck in my head. I was going to be a dad. Lyn and I were going to be parents to a little girl. Damn I need a drink. Going to the kitchen, I pull a bottle of tequila out of the freezer and start taking shots. After a few, I just chug straight from the bottle. An hour in, I can’t feel the pain of finding out my daughter died.