Jane Bonander (22 page)

“Marymae—” She attempted to sit up, but felt light-headed.

“She’s right here.” His eyes were soft. “I’ve had her on the bed. She’s been pulling herself up on my arm.”

Julia smiled, her love and confusion regarding this man drowning her. She focused on Marymae. “She’s growing so fast.”

“Julia.” His tone spoke volumes.

She pulled in a rickety breath. “I’m listening.”

“When Meredith Henley was fifteen years old, she was coming to California from the East Coast with her family. Their wagon train stopped to camp somewhere in Dakota Territory, and she claims to have been raped by an Indian. I’m the result of that rape.”

She touched his hand, rubbing the tips of her fingers over the rough skin, resisting the urge to crawl into his arms. “Then it’s true? Meredith is your mother?”

His hand tensed beneath hers. “ ‘Mother’ is a loose term for what she is to me.”

The image of another mother who had tried to dispose of an unwanted child sprouted like a poison mushroom in her mind. Again, he and Josette had more in common than she’d ever imagined.

The years Julia had turned to Meredith as a mother figure flooded into her mind. She’d anxiously taken Meredith’s advice, because Meredith was the mother she missed so much. Even up to yesterday, she’d looked to Meredith for guidance. Her stomach churned.

“You said she tried to bury you alive.”

“She did. But Angus McCloud found me before the coyotes did.”

Horrified, Julia shuddered, unable to picture it. “How long have you known?” Her question was soft, but her heart drummed hard.

“If you mean, did I know who she was when I first came here, then yes. I’ve known who she was for over a year. I’d been combing through the records of families who had come to California in the forties before the gold rush.” He paused and took a breath. “It’s hard to explain, Julia, but we have this … this odd sixth sense. When I came across her name on the list, I knew. I just knew.”

Julia swallowed. “Then you came here looking for work, knowing that your mother lived just over the next ridge.”

He gave her a short answering nod.

“Is that why you returned after Papa died?” She held his gaze, wanting to know.
Needing
to know. She wasn’t certain she could handle another truth.

He broke eye contact. “Not entirely.”

For a brief instant she felt a rush of hope. “Then why did you come back?”

Pulling in a ragged sigh, he got off the bed and went to the window. “Because I’d made Amos a promise.”

Her stomach dropped. “To take care of his poor, pathetic, spinster daughter?”

McCloud raised his arms, framing the window with his hands. He was so big and strong. She wanted to go to him, put her arms around him and tell him she loved him.

“You may be poor, Julia, but you’re hardly pathetic.” There was almost a trace of humor in his voice.

“But I
am
a spinster, aren’t I?”

“Not anymore.” He gave her a brief smile over his shoulder. “I married you.”

She twisted her hands in the folds of her skirt, berating herself for even dreaming that he might ever come to love her. “At least I can thank you for that, can’t I?” She tried to sound frivolous.

“Julia.” He turned and studied her.

Again her heart lifted in anticipation. “Yes?”

He shook his head and turned away. “There’s no easy way to say this.”

Dread coated her stomach. He was leaving. She’d known what they’d had was too good to last. It hurt anyway. “I find the best way to say something is to say it straight out, McCloud. Get it over with.”

“Serge had your father killed.”

She fell back on the pillows, struck speechless. He wasn’t leaving? She shook her head to clear it. “Say that again?”

He returned to the bedside and sat. “You heard me tell Meredith I came upon Frank Barnes and Serge by accident last night.” He drew the backs of his fingers over her cheek, sending shivers over her skin. “I couldn’t sleep, not without you in my bed.”

In a bold gesture, she brought his palm to her mouth and kissed it. “I didn’t like sleeping alone much, either.”

When she released his hand, he threaded his fingers through the fine hairs at her temple. “They were digging a trench, Julia. They were a good mile from the river near Henley land. It’s one of many such ditches they’ve dug to change the course of the river.”

“Serge was doing this?” At his nod, she added, “But what makes you think he killed Papa?” Serge was her dearest friend in the world. Wasn’t he?

“He hired Frank Barnes to do it while he was back East with his mother. They talked of it last night.”

“Did …” She cleared her throat and swallowed. “Do you think Meredith had anything to do with it?”

“I thought she was the head of it, but now I don’t know. Serge started changing the course of the river last fall. Amos was suspicious. I think maybe he stumbled across the ditches. When he approached Serge with his suspicions, Serge knew he had to do something. That’s when he hired Barnes to do the job. And,” he added, “made sure he was way across the country when it happened.”

Julia shook her head and stared out the window, sorrow pinching her heart. “I can’t believe Serge would do such a thing, McCloud. I don’t
want
to believe it.”

“I’m sorry, Julia. I’m truly sorry.”

Neither spoke. As far as Julia was concerned, Serge could just as well have plunged a knife into her heart. His betrayal went deep. And McCloud had been right all along.

She recalled what she’d seen on the way to Meredith’s. “Why didn’t you tell me your cabin had burned?”

“I didn’t want to worry you. I wasn’t even sure the barn had been struck by lightning, Julia. I’m still not, but it was unlikely both structures were hit. I was suspicious.”

“Do you know what happened?”

“I have a pretty good idea.”

“Serge?” The word came out on a whisper. At his nod, she asked, “Why?”

“I came along and ruined every plan he and his mother had for this valley, Julia. Not only that, I was a legitimate heir. Not one Meredith would recognize, but an heir just the same, and a threat to Serge.”

“What will happen now?”

“Serge and Frank Barnes are in jail. I’m sure that’s where Meredith went when she left here.”

Julia dug into her apron pocket for her handkerchief and found her father’s letter. She took it out and handed it to her husband. “I’m sorry I didn’t trust you, McCloud. I let Meredith and Serge fill my head with all sorts of things. They even tried to make me believe
you
had killed Papa. But I came across the letter earlier. When I read it, I knew you were innocent. Papa couldn’t have been coerced into writing that.”

McCloud scanned it, then returned it to her, his eyes warm. “I knew he had more faith in me than I had in myself.”

He stood and went to the window. “There’s something else.”

She closed her eyes and held her breath. Now he would tell her he was leaving.

“I have a twin brother, Julia.”

Her eyes flew open. “A brother? Oh, dear. Did she … did she try to kill him, too?”

“No.” He paused, and Julia wondered if he would continue. “Her mother sold him.”

“Rosa Columbo
sold
a baby?”

“She couldn’t bring herself to bury both of us. I guess that’s a point in her favor.” The hard edge of irony laced his pain.

Julia’s emotions were saturated. “You mean Grand-mama Rosa actually—” She couldn’t finish the thought, much less the sentence. It was too difficult to picture that sweet old woman trying to hurt anyone.

“Yes. Meredith ordered her to get rid of both of us.”

“Do you know where he is?”

McCloud stared outside. “No, but I have to find him.” He turned, looking at her with such intensity, Julia felt a nibble of fear. “Do you understand, Julia? I
have
to find him.”

Marymae began to fuss, and Julia tended the child, grateful for the interruption.
Now
he would tell her he was leaving.

He flung himself from the window and paced beside the bed. “I know I can’t just up and leave, like I used to. And if you don’t want me to go, I won’t.”

She gaped at him. “You’re asking me?”

“Of course. This is a marriage, Julia. An equal partnership. You have as many rights as I do. If you don’t want me to go, I won’t,” he repeated. “But if I
do
go, it’ll be hard on you. My old friend Baptiste can come and do the chores.” He looked sheepish. “I’ve already sent word to him, and he’s replied.”

“Baptiste? The trapper you lived with? The one who taught you—” She recalled their talk the day she and Marymae visited him at the site of his cabin. Her face flooded at the memory.

McCloud smiled, the first she’d seen in days, and it spread warmth into her chest and around her heart.

“So, you remember. I think we can convince him to help us for about a month. Maybe more. He’ll stay as long as we need him. He’s not a bad sort, Julia. Just a bit rough around the edges.”

That part didn’t bother her at all. But Lord in heaven, could she stand to be separated from McCloud for a whole month? Maybe longer? “You mean … you mean you’d come back?”

“You’ll have to trust me, Julia. Maybe this brother of mine is impossible to find. I don’t know. But I have to try. I know he isn’t dead.” He brought his fist to his heart. “In here, I
know
he’s alive.”

She sat up and hugged her knees. He hadn’t said whether or not he’d be back. “Have you any clues?”

“Just one. He was sold to a family by the name of Fletcher.”

“Fletcher,” she repeated. “It doesn’t ring a bell with me.” She took Marymae into her arms and scooted off the bed. “How will you begin?” She went into the kitchen to get the baby a bottle.

He followed her. “I’m going to examine courthouse records from here to the Oregon border, if I have to.”

The idea of him leaving for any length of time suddenly hit her. One night apart had been bad enough. She’d slept very little at Meredith’s, worrying that McCloud wouldn’t return from Martinez. Worrying that he’d have an accident. Just plain worrying. She’d been cold, even with the heated foot warmer Meredith had brought her. She’d missed having McCloud to curl up with. Missed his firm, hairy calves on which she could warm her cold toes. She’d missed the passion that had been theirs. She’d missed waking up and finding him beside her, gazing down at her.

She pulled a bottle from the dark pantry, then sat at the table and fed the baby. “I’m going to miss you, McCloud.”

He sat across from her and caught her eye. “You wouldn’t have said that yesterday,” he reminded her.

She swallowed the sob that closed her throat.
Oh, but I would have, my handsome husband. No matter what had happened, I would have missed you.

“When will you leave?” She felt the tears, and blinked furiously to keep them at bay.

He came around the table and stood behind her, gently massaging her shoulders. She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her lips together, working hard not to let the sob that had closed her throat escape. When he placed a hand on her shoulder, she briefly captured it against her cheek.

“At first light.” His fingers grazed her chin, then her neck, working their way to her braid.

“I want to make love to you, Julia.”

“Oh, McCloud,” she said, her body responding, “I want that, too.”

He bent and kissed her neck, sending waves of longing through her.

“Let me put the baby down for her nap.”

Eager with anticipation, she put the sleeping child to bed. When she came out of the bedroom, McCloud was waiting for her. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him, loving the stubble that chafed her mouth, loving his sensual lips. One day, if—no, when—he came back, and if she had the nerve, she wanted to suck on them.

They stood together, and Julia pushed thoughts of tomorrow from her mind. At least they would have tonight, and she would selfishly hold that memory near her heart.

Suddenly McCloud raised his head.

“What is it?”

He gazed intently at the window. “Someone’s coming.”

Disappointed that they had to postpone their love- making, Julia took his hand and they went to the front door, stepping out onto the porch.

“Woo-hoo! Julia!”

“It’s my aunt Mattie, Papa’s sister.” Julia smiled and raised her hand in greeting, relieved that she wouldn’t be alone when McCloud left. Then she saw who sat beside her in the buggy, and her heart dropped. “And Josette.”

W
ith increasing distress, Julia watched the buggy approach. Josette. Her sister’s name alone filled her with dread. Her brave talk about not letting Josette take control crumbled around her like so much rubble. Somehow, Julia had convinced herself that Josette wouldn’t come home. It had been a fanciful sort of wish, one she would never have wasted time on before she’d fallen in love with McCloud.

Turning, she saw the muscles working in his jaw. He didn’t take his gaze off the buggy. Not because of any curiosity about Aunt Mattie, Julia was sure; the source of his interest was Josette, for he stared at her. Julia would almost have made a pact with the devil to know what he was thinking. Almost.

“Mr. McCloud!” Josette’s familiar, high-pitched voice burst like shattering glass through Julia’s fragile state of mind.

Her sister stepped from the buggy and hurried toward them, lifting her skirts with dainty fingers. Julia’s stomach dropped farther. It probably wasn’t noticeable to McCloud, but she saw it. Josette’s voluptuous breasts strained at the bodice of her gown. Her elevated waistline hid an expanding waist and growing stomach. One of her conversations with McCloud returned, haunting Julia, casting poison upon her dreams:

And I suppose if she came back with another child for you to take care of, you’d take on that responsibility, too?

Josette rushed up the steps and threw herself at him. “Oh, Mr. McCloud, I’m so
happy
you’re here.”

McCloud reached out to hold her—to keep from tumbling backward at the impact, Julia told herself. She held her breath, knowing with certainty that she didn’t want to read his mind even if she could.

“Of course I’m here. I live here.”

Josette drew back, her eyes bright with carefully unshed tears. “You mean it’s true? You married
Julia?”
Her shock and dismay were evident. “How could you! Oh, how
could
you!”

Without giving her an answer or even acknowledging her distress, he put Josette away from him and turned to Julia. “I don’t think I’ll wait until morning. I’m leaving now.” His voice was gruff, angry.

Confused, she nodded and turned to study the buggy, hoping to hide her turbulent feelings. A moment ago she hadn’t wanted him to leave. Now, because of the arrival of her sister, she was anxious to see him go.

“Just a minute, young man.” Aunt Mattie’s bossy voice stabbed the air. She hopped down from the buggy with the energy of a woman half her age and bustled toward them, her step spry and her spine straight. She was forty-five years old, but she was tiny and her golden hair had very little gray. “Carry in our baggage before you go gallivanting off to the Good Lord knows where.”

McCloud shot Julia a brief look, in which she was certain she saw amusement, then went to do Mattie’s bidding.

“Come here, dear,” Mattie ordered, pulling Julia into her arms.

Julia clung to her aunt. She smelled of camphor and lilacs. Julia was so pleased she’d come, she felt like crying. “I’m glad to see you, Aunt Mattie.”

They hugged, swaying back and forth in each other’s arms.

“I miss Papa so much,” Julia said in a hushed tone.

“I know, I know,” Mattie soothed. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here when they put him in the ground. I should never have stayed away so long, and I shouldn’t have let you take on everything alone.”

They stood together until Josette’s shrill voice interrupted them.

“Are you two going to stand out here all day? I’m hungry. When’s dinner, Julia? I want something to eat.” She swished past them and went into the house.

Julia and her aunt exchanged knowing looks. “She’s only been gone a few months, dear. You didn’t really expect her to change that quickly, did you?”

“There’s always hope,” Julia said on an exaggerated sigh. Before following Josette inside, Julia caught her aunt’s arm. “She’s pregnant again, isn’t she?”

Mattie lifted a tawny, disdainful brow. “I’d say she’s about five months along, going on six.”

“That much.” Julia felt her world teeter on the brink of disaster. McCloud had been hired in September and was with them through October. Plenty of time. Oh, God … plenty of time. “So she got pregnant even before she left.”

Mattie attempted to brush the dust from her black silk full-length cape. “Seems likely.”

There was a spinning in the pit of Julia’s stomach, and she hated to go inside, even though she knew Josette was in there alone with McCloud. “When did she arrive at your place?”

Mattie uttered an indelicate snort. “About a month ago, I’d wager. The man she was living with kicked her out when he discovered she was with child, and someone else’s, to boot.”

Julia expelled a weary sigh and rubbed her neck, trying to ignore the little voices in her head that told her the baby was McCloud’s.

“My boarders even got tired of her whining. At first, of course, they were enchanted with her and coddled her something awful, but,” Mattie added with a sigh, “she
does
grate on a person after a while.”

“Who’s taking care of your place while you’re here?”

“A lady friend of mine. She’s down on her luck, poor thing. Watching after the boarders takes her mind off her troubles.”

Speaking of troubles .
.. Having Josette home was a burden, but Julia quietly chastised herself. After all, it was Josette’s home, too.

“Come on, dear. We’d best get inside and rescue that husband of yours. Ever since I told your sister you’d married him, she’s talked of nothing else. I expect she’s jealous, carrying on like she is,” Mattie observed. “She’s certainly mucked up her life, now I expect she wants to muck up yours.”

If misery had been water, Julia would have drowned.

As usual, Mattie took the lead. Julia followed her into the house, dreading her sister’s homecoming, and feeling guilty because of it. In spite of everything, they
were
sisters.

Once inside, neither McCloud nor Josette were anywhere to be seen. That sickened Julia even more.

Mattie went directly to the pie safe and studied its contents. “Did that man of yours say he was leaving?”

“Yes. He’ll be gone for a month, maybe more.” She was sure he’d be back, now that Josette was home.

“I’ll fix him something to take with him.” Mattie disappeared into the dark pantry.

“Thank you, Mattie, he’ll appreciate that.” She wanted to march to McCloud’s room and find out what, if anything, was going on in there, but it would have made her appear distrustful of him, and she didn’t want him to think that. And, she wanted to drag her sister out by her ear. Instead of doing either, she went into her bedroom and checked on Marymae, who napped peacefully, innocent of the upheaval.

Julia left her room just as McCloud was leaving his. He carried the small leather case she knew held most of what he owned in the world.

She attempted to scurry away, but he stopped her.

“Julia.”

Her heart vaulted at his touch. “Aunt Mattie is fixing you something to take with you.”

“To hell with food, Julia, look at me.”

She compiled. Confusion sprang inside her like wildflowers after a summer rain, for his eyes were warm and intense. Oh, Lord in heaven, no matter what he had or not had done, she would miss him, and love him until her dying day.

“Now that you know the circumstances of my birth, you must know how I feel about your sister.”

Deep down inside she knew what he meant, and that knowledge lifted some of the heaviness from around her heart. She knew that no man who had been abandoned by his mother could care for a woman who had done something similar to a child of her own.

She wanted to fling herself into his arms, thank him for alleviating some of her fears. “McCloud, I—”

He pressed a finger over her lips, then bent to kiss her, sending vibrating waves of longing through her. “For everything else that’s happened, I’m sorry,” he said softly, his face expressively sad.

“Sorry?” What did he have to be sorry about? About leaving? About fathering Josette’s baby? About having to dash all of her foolish, feminine dreams?
Tell me, damn you, tell me!
Even though she wanted to say those things, she couldn’t. Something deep inside her refused to hear the answers.

“Baptiste will be here sometime tomorrow afternoon.” He traced her features with a callused finger, then moved his hands to her shoulders.

She hid her feelings at best she could, and tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t release her. She memorized the sensation of his hands cupping her shoulders, knowing that she would long for those hands every waking minute of every day until he returned. “It would be best if you just left, McCloud. I don’t think I can—”

“Mr. McCloud,” Josette said, buttoning the last button on her bodice as she sashayed from his room “I—” She stopped when she saw Julia, a look of satisfaction on her face. “Oh, I’m so sorry,” she said, not sounding the least bit apologetic. “Did I interrupt something?”

Julia glared at her sister, attempting to ignore the queasiness that spread into her chest and stomach. She knew her sister. Josette was capable of attempting seduction with any woman’s husband, including hers. What she didn’t want to believe and refused to accept was that Josette could have been successful with McCloud, no matter what history they may or may not have shared.

Gathering her courage, Julia stood on tiptoe and brushed her mouth over her husband’s. He caught her lips with his and gave her a hard, deep kiss. Her blood thickened like warm honey. When he finally released her, she gave him a wavering smile, took his arm and walked toward the kitchen, leaving Josette behind.

“You’d better go if you want to get to Martinez before dark,” Julia advised. And she wanted him gone. She’d despised McCloud last fall when she thought he was carrying on with Josette behind her back, but it hadn’t been personal, or at least she’d told herself it wasn’t. She’d convinced herself she’d been trying to protect her sister. But now, Julia loathed the rivalry that sprang up between her and Josette because of him.

“Yeah,” he muttered. “I guess I’d better go. Kiss the baby for me.” He picked up his lunch and his leather bag, then left the house without looking back.

“I will,” she promised.

Josette swept past her and followed McCloud outside. Julia knew she should go after her. Instead she went to the window and watched.

Josette ran after McCloud and grabbed his arm. He stopped, but Julia couldn’t see his face. She could, however, see Josette’s. It was pinched, pained, and Julia saw the tears streaming down her sister’s cheeks. Icy nausea sprang to the back of Julia’s throat. She hurried to the door, flinging it open.

“McCloud?” She kept her voice from showing her concern.

He turned, Josette clinging to his arm, and studied her.

Julia swallowed, biting back the words of love, fear, and doubt that welled into her throat. “Take care of yourself.”

Giving her a brief smile, he crossed to the paddock.

Josette sidled up and stood beside her. Both women watched him leave.

“He was stupid to marry you, Julia. I don’t know what you did to convince him, but you must have done something. He wouldn’t have done it unless there had been a reason.” Josette’s voice was laced with deep-seated anger.

“It was in Papa’s will,” Julia answered, immediately sorry she’d mentioned it.

Josette snorted. “That’s reason enough for any man. Of course,” she added, a slyness in her tone, “that doesn’t mean he’ll be faithful.”

Julia had enough difficulty clinging to her dreams without hearing those words. McCloud had seemed happy with her, and he’d as much as said that Josette no longer interested him. He appeared to be settling into life on the ranch, but she wondered how long it would last. Once he’d tasted his freedom, would he want it again? She was sure he’d been faithful during their brief time together, but she wondered, too, if that would continue when he came home. She wanted to believe it would.

Lengthy silence hung between the sisters. Finally, Josette announced, “He would have married me if I’d been here, Julia. Papa would have seen to it.”

Papa.
She wondered if Papa’s will had been drawn after Josette left. If so,
would
he have insisted that McCloud marry Josette?

At times Julia cursed her vivid memory. And now, as pictures of Josette and McCloud going off in the buggy to gather gooseberries bloomed in her head, was no exception. “Would Papa have had reason to?”

Josette rubbed both hands over her abdomen. “We’ll know soon, won’t we?”

Julia felt beaten, but she worked through it, refusing to let Josette get the upper hand. She couldn’t afford to let her. “Perhaps. But I wouldn’t exactly call that proof. And don’t you forget that he married me, Josette. Whatever the reason, McCloud is an honorable man.” Brave talk from a woman whose entire life wavered like a house of cards. Josette smirked and, with a tapered finger, twirled one long, loopy, sunshine-drenched curl. “It’ll be here when he returns, Julia dearest,” she reminded her. “Then we’ll see just how honorable he is.”

Leaving Josette standing outside, Julia went into the house and stood by the window. The only evidence McCloud had been there was the lingering dust kicked up by his stallion. Julia’s dreams of happiness dissipated as permanently as that dust in the wind.

“Ju-lee-a!” Josette’s hands were over her ears. “Can’t you do something about that squalling child?”

With a wailing Marymae in her arms, Julia went into the dark pantry and retrieved a rusk. When she emerged, she removed McCloud’s clever contraption from the entry, put the baby in it, and hoisted it onto her back, fastening the straps across her chest.

“What in the world is that?” Josette’s question was filled with ridicule.

Julia handed the baby the dried toast over her shoulder, then went about stirring the cooked fruit for jam. Marymae quieted immediately. “It’s a carrier. McCloud made it.”

Josette snorted. “Probably because he couldn’t stand to hear her caterwaul, either.”

It had been two weeks since McCloud had left, and Julia decided she wasn’t going to supply Josette with any ammunition about their marriage. She would neither defend nor defile him. Her restraint frustrated Josette further.