Jagged Edge (7 page)

“I was there for three days, women, children, all being raped and injured, I couldn't stop it, I had no control, I had no control over anything. One night a man came to my cage, he ... decided it was my turn" I felt as the tears warmed my cheek, my Jared, six year old Jared all scared and alone.

"After that, the police rammed inside the building, I was so happy, but not many of us survived, I guess in that way I was lucky, I kept it out of the press by paying a lot of money to do so. That’s when we moved here, I lived in America as a child, but moved here after my mother. I have to have control Mel, I can't feel like that again, watching a man do that or want to do that to a woman I...I could love" I cuddled him and felt as his tears stained my shirt, he was so loving and caring but he lived with that secret for years. Our stories weren't too dissimilar and it amazed me that two people who had survived great ordeals had found one another. It suddenly all made sense, the charity benefit for abused women, I guess he tried his best to help, even if he protects himself with a facade.

"It's okay Jared, I'm here, no one will hurt me... I'm yours, all yours" he looked up and gave me his soft kiss  for forgiveness again.

"Mel, I don't want to pressure you but I know you didn't tell me everything with your uncle" my mind switched back to the dream, I winced and he apologised.

"No, it's okay, I need to tell someone and I want it to be you, I trust you, too." He cupped my cheeks and cleared them of tears.

“When I was young my uncle ignored me, he barely looked at me and I was fine with that, when I turned thirteen he noticed me more, at that age I didn’t know his past with my mother and so I didn’t take much notice of him looking at me when I would wear pyjamas or a skirt, as time went on it got worse, my mum didn’t leave us alone together much because she knew, deep down she knew but she needed the money; it sounds bad but she didn’t know what else to do. One day my step brother, he is older than me and was born before she was married, he was ill, had to have his appendix removed and she couldn’t find anyone to look after me and she couldn’t bring me, so she left me with my uncle, I thought I would be fine, he sat by me on the cough, told me how I had grown up to be so pretty and I still thought it was innocent;  he touched my thigh, and then leant in and kissed my cheek, I felt uncomfortable and then he kissed my lips, I pushed him away and he laughed saying it was just a family kiss so I didn’t mention it to my mum, a few weeks later I was getting ready for a shower and my mum was downstairs, I forgot to lock the door and he came in and saw me, he looked at me with lust in his eyes and it scared me so much…” I looked at him, he was listening intently, hurt written across his face “…He then pulled my body close to him and held me, my naked body close to him, I was thirteen but I knew that wasn’t right; he left me there and he went to his room. I finished in the shower and went to my room to get changed when he followed me in, he …he pushed me onto the bed and he stole my innocence, he took my virginity and my mum was just downstairs; he said if I told her that she wouldn’t believe me, that my mother hated me and wanted an excuse to get rid of me; he said my “dad” left because of me and she hated me for it and so I kept quiet; I never told anyone. He didn’t touch me again for two years.  Then -“ my eyes started to water and Jared held me close while I mumbled into his chest “ he made her watch, it was my fifteenth birthday, he hit my mother over and over again, broke her ribs and her ankle, she had blood all over her and he tied her to a chair in the corner of my room; he told her how he had me two years ago and my mother shouted that he was my father; at first he was shocked and then he grinned and made her watch while I cried out for her; while he raped me again, he raped me three times in one night while all my mother could do was watch.  When it was over he left the house and I helped my mum, called the police and they arrested him… he was given five years, he will be out in two weeks.” I felt as fresh tears sobbed out of me, he held me so close, we were so broken and we both knew that now. We had to be okay and we could help each other do that, he held me and stroked my hair, telling me over and over that it would be okay and then he made me look him deep in the eyes and held my face there.

“Melissa, I … I love you” he almost whispered, my mouth dropped open and then I smiled, he kissed my lips softly for a second

“I love you too, Jared.” With that he scooped me up into his arms and took me to his bed; he placed me lightly and I thought and wanted him to be inside me; instead he just laid there with me; cuddling me, telling me all the reasons he loved me until I fell asleep.

When I woke up he was gone and replaced by a note.

You looked beautiful sleeping; I had to go in early for work, help yourself to anything you want. Eric will pick you up as usual.

All my love

Your Jared.

I smiled at the note, so content, I heard a buzzing and looked for my phone; when I realised it was coming from Jared’s trouser pocket; he had left his phone by accident. I went to go put it on cancel and answered it by accident.

“Umm hello; Jar- Mr. Edges phone may I take a message” I said scrambling for words

“Oh, hello. Is Jared available? I’m meeting him today in about an hour… It’s Caitlin”

My mouth went dry, he left our bed to meet with her; I decided to dig a little

“Yes Caitlin, I have his diary here however he hasn’t written what the meeting is in regards to; I am his assistant; I can get a message to him” I heard her laugh a little down the phone.

“Dear, I’m not a client; I am a … friend” she laughed at friend and my stomach clenched, I wanted to be sick.

“I will see him in an hour; no point telling him I called, have a nice day, sorry I didn’t catch your name, dear”

“Oh; Melissa” I automatically wished she hadn’t asked; I couldn’t lie

“Have a nice day Melissa” she said it like it was a private joke and she hung up.

I got to work; feeling a lot glummer than I did when I woke up, I should have pressed more about Caitlin, I trusted if it was important he would have told me but he didn’t; I didn’t understand why, what did she have over him.

I went to my office and looked through the massive collection of CDs, flash drives and other items with MP3 music on them; I had an email telling me to listen to as many as possible, most will not spark anything but some might and to keep the ones I thought had potential.  Surprisingly most were covers of songs.  I listened to about ten and then I got to a man singing Woodkid Run Boy Run; the voice was brilliant; he sang it brilliantly and I listened to it a few times, and made a note of his name. He was definitely worth a meeting.  Then I got to a girl who was singing an original piece.

Tears flood in you
your eyes burning
your heart scars with my name scratched deep

My face is gone
my heart betrayed by your lullabies
I’m a shadow of a girl inside

Hands are touching you
nothing takes the place of you
Heart wrench, weeps goodbye

Lullabies, beautiful and trusting
Barely breathing as they break into dust

Lonely corners me
Sweeps me off my feet
Shows me it was better for me

Fingertips holding close
your grip not as soft
Follows me to an empty bed

I can’t stop the weakening of my soul
my body is dying
your tune is holding my mind

Let me go
see what I do
No control
No you

You whisper your sweet goodbye
If it is small it won’t interrupt my sleep
But my heart you keep

You say it’s for me
But who would be happy?
Alone left out in the cold

Tell me; is this the best for both of us? When my twisted heart will be what’s left of us.

Take my heart and keep it safe
Promise me I never made a mistake.

I felt a tear slide down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away; this was why I loved music; it can make you feel.

I looked through the other artists and no one grabbed me except those two and so I tried to keep busy and invited both of them for a meeting with me and Mr. Conlin, I may have bad times but I felt like I really loved my job; like I belong here, in this industry, doing this.

My work phone buzzed and it was Jared.

“Hi baby girl; it’s your lunch I believe, I miss you, come to my office, I want to see you” he sounded so loving and sweet but there were still things I was yet to know; was it worth bringing them up or just enjoying having him?

“Be right there” I said with a little less love and a little more hurt in my voice.

I got to his office and he embraced me, being close to him, inhaling his scent, it was so perfect, I stayed there for a minute wishing I could leave things be, wishing I wasn’t so scared that he would break me down and damage me, I hated that we argued about things so much but I couldn’t pretend. I pulled away.

“Everything okay, baby girl?” I looked up at him; terrified to ask all the things I needed to.

“Yesterday was - incredible, I was so happy, being in your arms.” I let out an intake of breath and the look of concern on his face worsened.

“but … you left your phone behind, I accidentally answered it…how was Caitlin?” he looked at me in shock, no doubt scrambling for words to stop the tears that pricked my eyes; before I met him I rarely cried or had many emotions at all and now I was a mess.

“She is nothing to do with you or us, Melissa” he said it sternly and my tears dropped over my cheeks.

“Melissa please understand, don’t cry, please.  It’s complicated” he exclaimed

“Well uncomplicated it then, I need to know who she is to you” I was practically pleading with him to tell me.

“She is…my ex fiancée” he said through gritted teeth, I looked at him in disbelief, he was engage to her?

“Do or did you love her?” he looked nervous and answered simply

“No. Never” my heart broke a little and he saw it and continued.

“Melissa I never loved anyone before you, I love you, I love you so much it hurts, you are perfection, made for me, I never wanted to cherish someone before, I want to cherish you and hold you and protect you. With her, it was different, I thought it would help to fill a whole I felt to be with her would make me happy, it didn’t, we met when I was younger, I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted, in a way she changed me, made me more focused, after it all she had a breakdown and I paid for her rehab stay out of guilt; I tried to help her and she is okay now and we are just friends, you are all I want; I promise you”

“I believe you, I just don’t know as that’s all that she wants” and he pulled me in for a sweet and sensual kiss, he gripped down my body and cupped my breasts and continues kissing me seductively until I pulled away needing distance. He pulled me back into his hardness and I gasped, he whispered to me telling me he needed me.  He pushed me onto his desk my mind flashed to the blond woman but I ignored it; I had to let his past go or it would eat me alive and chew up my mind, I had to think about the future. He pushed on top of me and I wrapped my legs around him as he pushed my skirt up and his trousers down as he pushed inside, I stifled a moan and he rocked gently into me, he was so gentle now, so tender and loving, so different from before, he told me how beautiful I was and how he loved having me to himself. He kept pushing into me, kissing me, until I couldn’t control myself anymore and I thrusted with him until he erupted whispering that he loved me.

He pulled out and laid beside me on the desk, we only just fit and he held me for a few minutes before we both got up to get ourselves presentable, he kissed me, a little more eager this time and leaving me wanting and grinned at me.

“Melissa Payne, you are all mine” he said so husky, so sexily and then he opened his office door

“I enjoyed lunch, thank you Melissa” his grin fixed onto his handsome face as I walked out of his door, his hand smacked my arse as I left, making me smile.

Two weeks later…

After a long day at work I was so glad to be home, I told Jared I would get a cab to and from work when I was at mine, I wanted the independence, it took a lot of work but he allowed it, however I spent less time here than ever; I wondered why me and Jared didn’t just live together, I was at his place more than here and he was paying for both, I looked at my reflection; I looked so different, my brown hair so silky and soft not up scrupled in a bun, my make-up was flawless, I was subtle but kept a green dash of eye liner under my eyes to make them spark a little more, my cheeks were a brilliant pink and I looked down at my clothes, my slender figure and my pencil skirt just above my knee, it was all such great quality, I never thought I would wear anything quite so out of my reach, but here I was; in London, in a luxury flat, wearing god know what label that cost the earth and a boyfriend that cared about me. When did I get so lucky? This didn’t happen, not to anyone; especially not me.

I heard the buzz of my intercom that had been fixed by the landlord. I saw Jared smiling into the camera and buzzed him up.

I opened the door to him holding a makeshift picnic basket and some tulips, and I smiled at him wide.

“I figured we should spend time at yours sometimes” He passed me the yellow tulips, he had one of his white shirts on, it was open collar and a few buttons loosened just enough to see his chest, his eyes looked so happy, his hair a little wind swept as he dragged his fingers through it, he had such a delicious smile, and his grey trousers clung to his hips perfectly, and he was all mine. I thanked him with a kiss as he walked into my apartment, I went to find a vase while he sorted the food from the picnic basket, and it reminded me of that first time in his apartment making egg on toast with him, just like a normal couple and I smiled to myself. He had brought some steaks for frying and no surprise that he knew my kitchen better than I did as he prepared them, I’m not sure there is much sexier than a man that can cook. When he was finished he brought it to my dining table and we both ate while talking and laughing about silly things, I loved this, it was so easy and normal.  He pulled out a black box and he saw the startled look on my face and chucked