Jaded Hearts (20 page)

Since he was here, and he did fire the
warning flare, we were going to address the not so obvious. Edward
sighed.

"You have to understand that the last time I
saw my nephew he was disregarding his own safety to be with you.
Whatever is or was between you was so strong, and he should have
let you be, he wouldn't rest unless he could be with you. Even
though that meant a risk to him." His riddles were going to force
me to have a second drink.

"Risk? I wasn't aware that either one of us,
especially myself, were in danger. Edward, the only thing that is
clear to me is that I don't know anything. The last time I saw him
he was telling me that he was leaving, but couldn't tell me who,
what, when, where or why. Before that, he told me he loved me and
was begging me to give us a chance, and then the man who couldn't
spend more than a few hours at a time with me before some kind of
business issue came up left said business and hasn't been seen for
months. Not by me, at least." I had been waiting to let that all
out, but not necessarily on Edward.

"Right, and in those few months you have
already formed such a close connection with someone else. That
doesn't lend itself to an impression of loyalty now, does it?" Low
blow.

"I know you are trying to make a point, but
what I have with John wasn't built on a foundation of raging
hormones. Julian was too busy to establish anything with me outside
of the time we spent intimately, and even though I can admit I
think about him every day, all I have are those thoughts.
Unfortunately, his memory gets reduced to a few nights of dancing
and physical pleasure and the connection I felt gets harder to
justify. Loyalty and abandonment do not go hand in hand in my
book." There was no way for him to know how deep a chord he struck.
I pulled down my shades in an attempt to hide the emotions that
were raging inside of me, threatening to unleash.

"Obviously there is no denying the unusual
nature of this situation and being on the side of having the
advantage of understanding doesn't put one in the position to
understand what it must feel to you. Everything I said was in relay
and I don't want to see you hurting and I know Jackie wouldn't
forgive me if I did anymore damage. I hope you are not offended."
He looked at me for forgiveness, but I was still stinging from his
insult, or Julian's.

Whatever.

I had nothing. I was done with this
conversation and Julian. How dare he send me hate mail by way of
his Uncle, from God knows where? Jackie came back to the table
knowing me well enough to know that putting my sunglasses on was
not a good sign.

"OK, it's Sunday, enough with the serious
stuff,” she joked.

She shook her wet hair all over Edward like
a wet dog in an attempt to lighten the situation. I loved my cousin
but sometimes I just wanted to choke the shit outta her. She
springs this crap on me, and then decides it's time to lighten up.
That was the difference between us. Jackie wasn't used to dealing
with heavy shit and I was used to having the weight of the world on
my shoulders. She couldn't understand that she had been sheltered
and protected from the things I had no choice but to experience,
and didn't understand why I chose to ignore certain things until I
had to deal with them. I had a long list.

"Edward, I can meet with you this week. Give
me a call at work and let me know when you're available." I got up
to excuse myself from the table.  

"You're not leaving, are you Jade?" Edward
was either dense or really good at make believe. I put on a lips
only smile as I pushed my chair back in.

"Hey J, you ready to hit it? I know you have
stuff to take care of." At least Drew had my back.

"Yep. I definitely have some things to do."
I didn't even care if I sounded believable. Jackie looked
disappointed but finally had the sense to shut up. I walked into
the house to say goodbye to Vivian and get my things.

We drove back to Manhattan in virtual
silence. I let John's play list fill the void. My brother knew I
would talk when I was ready. I may take longer than the average
person to get over a situation, but when I was done I was done. I
was in the red zone at V's house. Now I was more irritated than
anything else.

"You gonna be alright, Hulk?" Drew was
bored. I looked at him and laughed.

"This shit isn't funny. Do you know he had
the nerve to insinuate that I was a slut and call me disloyal? Then
tried to smooth it over with the 'I'm just the messenger' b/s." I
shook my head.

"What? He didn't really say that," Drew
asked in disbelief.

"Basically! Questioning my relationship with
John as if Julian treated me so wonderfully. The real crazy part
was him telling me that Julian was in some type of danger and I was
too, possibly, and he wanted to make sure that I was safe."  I
paused for a breath. "Did you see Vivian's face when she saw him?
You know, she warned me about this shit and friggin Jackie was all
'Oh he's not a bad guy. He's my friend!' Meanwhile back at the
ranch..."

Drew just shook his head. I could only
imagine what this sounded like to an outsider.

"Whoa. Danger? Now I really understand why
you're so mad. Just leave you alone already. Isn't sending flowers
and messages putting you at risk?" He was concerned.

"Look I don't know the rules of engagement
in their world. We didn't have a commitment and you would think I
just cheated on my husband who was doing a bid in Sing Sing. I
don't know where disrespecting me fits into the scheme of things.
If ever there were a box to burn something in, that was it. I don't
have time for any of it." I meant that.

"Good. I'm glad I didn't hear him say that
crap or I would have been snapped.com!"

*

I pulled into my parking spot for the first
time. It was unlikely that I would be getting a car anytime soon
especially since my commission had been greatly reduced. My salary
was hefty but so was my rent. Living in this city wasn't cheap, but
I wasn't complaining. I loved it, and would just have to cut back
on my shoe habit. I text John to let him know I was home.

Me: Home baby

JB: Already?

Me: Yep

JB: K, be by
later

Me: K

JB: Thank u

Me: 4?

JB: Not calling me Sweet
Face

Me: :P

So for the rest of the day I spent some much
needed bonding time with my brother. He told me how excited he was
about his last season of football, and dished the scoop on some of
my old pals.  He also expressed how much he loved it here so
far, despite the drama; Miami was feeling less like home. I told
him that's how I had felt when I left. Then I told him how I met
John and how everything just fell into place.

"Yeah J. I like JB. He's a real dude. I
don't think he's jealous, but more like protective. You have some
strange characters around you, and you're still new to the game. He
knows how this city works and he knows that you don't. I mean let's
look at it like this. The flowers were at your door in a building
that you can't get past the doorman, much less in the elevator.
Donnas' brother was eying you like a roasted rabbit and that's
disrespectful when everyone knew you were with JB, and then you
have Tony Montana acting on behalf of his nephew's honor coming in
with the AK spray of disrespect. That's a lot for a man to deal
with in less than a week. You need to cut JB some slack."

I was still laughing at the Tony Montana
reference when he finished.

"I suppose I see your point. Now I kinda
feel bad,” I lamented.

"Just make it up to him. Like I said he's a
real dude so it won't take much. Just don't let Jacks drag you into
that Cuban sandwich. I don't know what was going on in that dizzy
head of hers." Drew had the same views on her sheltered life. We
both knew that what our mother did to us drove Vivian to take extra
care to give Jackie a good life and she succeeded.

After our talk I felt much better, and
wanted to make sure John did too. Since our first time, we had
always made fond references to our Central Park excursion, so I
decided to create our own little picnic in his living room. I told
him I would meet him at his place instead of him coming to mine. He
seemed reluctant at first, but eventually conceded to my wishes. I
had just finished laying out the spread I bought from D'Agastinos
when he walked in. The expression on his face was priceless as he
focused in on our indoor picnic. Then he surveyed my skimpy lace
cami and bikini set and I knew I was in the clear. At least I hoped
so.

"Jade. What did you do?" His voice was soft
and full of surprise as he thanked me with a hug.

"I figured since you had to work today that
I would bring a little fun to you." I hoped he would be in a fun
mood. He tipped my chin up and kissed me softly on the lips. I
pulled away before things could get out of hand and led him to our
feast.

After hand feeding him an assortment of
fruits, cheeses, and spreads we laid out on the blanket sipping a
crisp Riesling. Even though he had enjoyed the meal with me, I
could tell that John was still not himself. I wasn't sure how to
broach the issue, but I wanted to clear the air tonight.

"You've been quite tonight babe. How was
your day?" Maybe it wasn't me. John took a long sip and sighed.

"It was a long day. Very, very long." He
pinched the bridge of his nose while he spoke.

"Work on the weekend has you this stressed?"
I didn't think so, but had to ask.

"No, I hardly remember what I worked on
today," he said and then paused. "I'm just not feeling this whole
thing Jade."

He didn't even look at me while he spoke. I
sat up as if that would help me hear him better.

"What do you mean?" There were no cute
phrases to lighten this mood.

"I mean, I don't like feeling like I can't
trust you. You were right today; you shouldn't have to keep
explaining yourself." He shifted onto his elbow to face me. I could
feel the frog growing in my throat as he spoke. My heart was
pounding so loud I could barely hear his words. I sat quietly
waiting for him to finish.

"Maybe I moved things along too fast for
you." Again with a pinching of his nose.

"You didn't move anything I didn't want
moved. I'm here with you because this is what I want." I tried not
to sound panicky but was not very successful. John sat up pulling
both my hands into his.

"I guess I mean for myself. You're not where
I am Jade. I've been way ahead of you since day one and it's just
very hard waiting for you to catch up." He tried to explain.

"John! What are you talking about? Do you
doubt how I feel about you? How can you?" I hated that my voice was
beginning to crack.

I can't believe this.

"No, I'm doubting that you don't have
feelings for someone else, and I can't ignore that feeling
anymore." He let my hands go as he ran both hands through his
hair.

"What about being able to work anything out?
I haven't done anything wrong. I haven't hurt you. I haven't lied
to you..." I was more thinking out loud than talking to him.

"No, but you're lying to yourself,” he
replied.

Suddenly I felt very cold kneeling on the
floor with little to no clothing on. I wrapped my arms around
myself for warmth and to try to calm my unsettled emotions.

"You have your ex, and your mysterious Cuban
fling that won't go away. It just feels like you have some loose
ends to take care of. Maybe you just need some time to sort things
out. Besides, we both said we weren't ready for a relationship. So
now is a good time to pump the brakes."

The calmness in his voice made the turmoil
growing inside me even worse.

"Now? Now is the time to pump the brakes?" I
asked.

My hands trembled as I tried to gather my
things. John didn't respond to my question, but I didn't need to
hear anymore because I knew what he was telling me.

He could have said this before our
picnic.

I pulled on my dress and sandals as he sat
with his hands still in his hair. I had to leave before my heart or
my anger exploded. I stormed over to retrieve my purse from his
dining room table and pulled his keys out and tossed them across
the wooden surface. I knew he had gotten up but I didn't dare turn
around to look at him.

"Jade..." His sentence trailed off into the
nothingness that I felt.

I just shook my head in refusal.

"John. You're a coward. And a liar. You
don't want to lose me, huh?"  My tone was as cold as the icy
ache in the center of my chest. The distance between me and the
outside of his door seemed farther than touching the moon. Just
like I knew he would be, he was behind me but I couldn't turn
around.

It was strange hailing a regular taxi after
using his car service all week, but for some reason it helped me
feel somewhat normal. I couldn't retreat into my little shell and
it kept me engaged for my short ride home.

Did John really just break it off with
me?

I wondered how much time he would consider
enough to erase my past? The part of me that was ready to shed
massive tears was held in check by the part of me that was in shock
at how easy it was for him to send me on my way.

Drew was on the couch when I walked in, and
from the grin on his face I could tell it was a girl. He even
dropped the street thug vernacular when he spoke to her.

I like that.

I didn't want to ruin his good mood with my
bad news so I flashed him a warm smile on my way to the stairs. He
motioned for me to wait a min as he got up and handed me an
envelope. He mouthed the word John and shrugged his shoulders
quizzically. I took the envelope and waited until I got up to my
room to open it. I stared at it for a long while, not wanting to
relive our last conversation unnecessarily. Finally opening it up,
my body went completely cold as comprehension of the contents
weighed in on me. It was a receipt for a dozen roses and a note
that read: