Jaded Hearts (17 page)

I could hear his hand fumbling with his belt
and then I could feel his erection pressed against my thigh. He
turned my face back to his rubbing his thumb against my cheek and
then my bottom lip. I whined with frustration and desire. The tip
of his erection was playing dangerously with my moisture ridden
slit. I tilted my hips towards him instinctively wanting more. He
slowly pushed in a little and I moaned in agony of needing more.
His body shook and convulsed at his own need to find release. He
grabbed my other leg and wrapped them both around him and eased all
the way into me.

I refused to make any loud noises and
instead took deep breaths. It was my revolt at him taking away all
my power. He thrust into me with calculated pumps and with every
stroke I had to fight a scream, but that's what he wanted so each
thrust became more calculated and each scream came closer to my
lips until he began to ride me mercilessly. I couldn't hold it.

A savage moan escaped my throat against his
lips and he took it greedily not letting up until I exploded around
him; my walls spasming wildly. He shuddered again but slowed his
pace as he savored my orgasm, holding my limp body against his, and
lowering me to the ground. I was lost.

Again he began his calculated thrusting and
I couldn't help my cries that met each one. I could feel a button
under my back but didn't care. This time I knew was for him as he
grabbed my fleshy behind and pulled me against him. I grabbed hold
of his golden locks as his body begged mine for possession. The
shaking of my legs showed my undoing and my arms fell away as I
lost all sense of space and time. He took me to another place and I
rode each wave there.

*

As usual, John took care of me, carrying me
up to my bathroom, and bathing me in a warm shower. The streams of
water hitting my skin felt so good against my still sensitive
orgasm ravaged skin. I moaned in delight. He grabbed my body wash
and gently massaged the thick gel into soapy suds all over my
body.

"You are so beautiful baby. I love you so
much."

He whispered against the skin of my back as
he soaped my breast and stomach from behind. I was glad he couldn't
see my face and used the stream of water to hide my overwhelmed
emotional tears. Just thinking of Julian made me feel like I was
betraying John. I loved him and needed him too and at that moment I
hated Julian for cutting in again.

I was too exhausted to cook so John whipped
up a huge Caesar salad. I did my laundry and set up the guest bed
while he used my desk to finish up his work for the day and fax the
required documentation to the West coast. I let him finish up my
other chores while I sprawled across my bed.

Why did I feel this way?

And how could twelve fucking flowers turn
two people into stark raving fools? I knew what happened in the
kitchen, while it felt great, it was not John. He thrived on
control not reckless abandon. If I told him to have his way with me
that was one thing, but for him to have his way without permission
wasn't his style. Knowing that made me feel sad that he felt
whatever caused him to go there. At that thought he came to bed and
pulled me against him holding me. I guess my silence wasn't hiding
anything.

"You OK baby?" He kissed the back of my neck
and relaxed against his own pillow. I pulled his arms around me
curling into his embrace.

"Yes, and no." This was true because I
didn't know how to feel.

"What's wrong?" The question was more of a
pointed statement.

"I know that wasn't you. Does that make
sense?" I asked.

He locked his hand into mine.

"You're right, but in a way it is. I like
things neat and tidy because if I don't have those lines I can be
wild. Really wild. There's nothing neat and tidy about how I feel
about you. I would do anything for you. You always give yourself
willingly; I just wanted to feel how bad you needed me. See if you
would tell me to stop," He explained.

I was beginning to think I drove men crazy.
I let him talk because there wasn't really any way for me to
respond.

"I couldn't get the way you looked when you
danced with him at the party out of my head for a while. I know
what we have now is special, but when your golden face went pale
tonight at the sight of those flowers it did something to me. I
don't want to lose you Jade. Just always be honest with me and we
can work anything out."

I squeezed his hand and nodded in agreement,
his voice was easing me into a deep sleep.

I jumped up feeling like I had overslept,
but it wasn't even 6:00 am yet. I was exhausted, but my body had
gotten use to the minimal sleep I had been getting. John was still
knocked unconscious which was unusual for him too. I guess he was
just as tired as I was. Since I wasn't pinned under him in our
usual fashion I got up to check my personal emails to print out
Andrew's Itinerary before I forgot. Plus, I hadn't checked my email
in almost a week.

I waded through all the junk emails that
didn't get caught by their designated filter in search of the one I
wanted. Then I blinked my eyes in disbelief. I had an email from
Evan. Seriously? WTF was after me?

I hesitated to open it, but if nothing more
than conversation for Donna and Jackie I read it.

7:42 pm. August 28th 2011

Jade,

I've been meaning to call you but I know any
conversation we have right now would derail me from what I want to
say to you. I know I screwed up. I am screwed up and I want to
apologize to you. I'm coming to New York soon probably in the next
week or so. I will let you know the dates. I hope you would be
willing to give me the chance to see you.

Love always,

E

I could feel the heat steaming from the back
of my head. How dare he!

Love always?

I was incensed at how selfish people could
be.  I contemplated a response:

6:10 am. August 30th 2011

Dear Evan,

Bitch Please! Go fuck yourself. Jade
Spencer.

Or maybe,

6:10 am. August 30th 2011

Dear E,

Biiiiiiiitch!

Fuck off forever, Jade

In the end, I decided to ignore him. Evan
fucks my friend and then asks for the 'I fucked up pass,' and this
other mad man disappears but still manages to have flowers
delivered to my door. I closed out of my emails and went back to
cuddle with the only person who seemed to understand how I deserved
to be treated.

When I woke for the second time I had a new
found confidence. I was also excited that my baby bro would be here
soon enough. On our way uptown John assured me that he understood
my spending time with Drew and would leave me be until Saturday,
but he wasn't making any promises. I encouraged his resolve and
assured him of my faith in his abilities to go a day without seeing
me even though I secretly hated the idea. I loved waking up to his
sweet face. He didn't like that name.

My morning seemed to drag on in my haste to
leave for my early weekend. I could have worked from home today,
but feared I wouldn't have been very productive and that John would
have caught wind and monopolized my few precious hours until I
headed for the airport.

I left the office at 5:00 pm to meet
Andrew's 6:30 arrival. I figured I might get there early but with
the traffic on the FDR and the Triborough Bridge I would probably
get there just on time. John had his car service come pick me up
and I had to beg him not to be in the car when it got here. Part of
me knew he was just kidding and if I told him I needed space for
any reason he wouldn't stress me, but part of me wasn't too sure.
 

JB: Is it Saturday yet?

Me: Aw, don't be so dramatic

JB: :( don’t be cruel

Me: Sorry! Miss you 2 Sweet Face

JB: Doggy Style!

Me: Butt Hole!!!

JB: Hmm, let me think about that.

Me: Gasp!

JB: Bye!

If ever there were a cloud nine feeling this
had to be it, and I wanted desperately to sail into the blue yonder
with John, but the idea of Julian coming back shook me to my soul.
I still couldn't figure out what it was that made me so unstable.
My instincts told me to run from him, Vivian told me to avoid him,
but my heart exploded at the sight of him. This was as close to
magic as I had ever gotten because the hold he had on me was
definitely mystical.

I arrived at LaGuardia airport at 6:35 pm. I
had the car drop me off at baggage claim and drive back around. I
walked into the crowded Delta terminal and spotted him instantly.
Drew always looked like a rapper or a model. Today he was sporting
a peach colored Polo Shirt with Khaki cargo shorts with the green
Polo logo and green and white Lacoste loafers. His wrist donned a
two-tone gold watch with a blue face, and he sported the white gold
chain and cross that I bought him on his twelfth birthday.

 Drew had the same light barely brown
complexion as Vivian and Jackie and wore his hair low with just a
slight wave at the top.  Today his hazel eyes were covered by
platinum reflective aviator shades. There was no mistaking he was
my brother until he opened his mouth. I saw the shattered look of
disappointment on a few of the young ladies who had been ogling him
as they waited for their bags when he came toward me with open
arms.

"Baby Girl!"

His favorite term of endearment. I walked
into his bear hug embrace.

"Hi Honey! I missed you."

He grinned and eyed me suspiciously at my
overly sweet greeting. I nodded at one of his few admirers and he
laughed. He stepped back to evaluate my outfit.

"OK. OK. I see you.  Tall heels red
bottoms...I love the look. Looking like a lot of Ben Franklins over
here."

He was always more ears to the streets than
I was and was always up on the latest slang. For some reason he
liked to throw people off of the scent of his 3.5 GPA in finance
that he used to somehow stretch the small inheritance we both
received upon the death of our grandmother. If he didn't pursue
football, I already knew his chosen profession.

After we grabbed his cliché Louis Vuitton
luggage, I led Drew to the car that was waiting to take us back to
the city. He looked like a little boy barely able to hide his
excitement. I was so glad he was here. He made things feel more
normal than they had been in a while. Drew looked at the Mercedes
sedan that was waiting at the curb and whistled.

"You know what J; you really did your thing.
I'm not even mad at you right now."

That was his way of saying he was proud of
me. I smiled in confidence because I agreed.

"OK, don't get too excited. John is letting
me use his car service while you're here. This is much safer and
more convenient than trying to hail a cab everywhere we go."

I looked over to see the face that was just
soaking up the sights of this new scenery look at me in
speculation.

"And expensive. You have a car on call for
24/7? I don't know who John is but I already like him. My man!"

I laughed. It was always about the bottom
line with him. Now that he mentioned it, I would have to ask John
how expensive this service was. I guess being able to charge
$200.00 plus an hour had to have its perks.

The rest of the ride was spent with me being
his amateur tour guide. I tried to point out as many notable spots
as I could recognize myself. As we were heading through Times
Square my phone buzzed.

JB: Status Baby

Me: The eagle has landed

JB: K Baby

Me: Smooches

JB: J I wish...

We pulled up to my building and Drew
honestly looked uncertain about whether he should get out of the
car or not, but then he saw Manny and a look of intrigue swept over
his face.

"Hi Manny. This is my brother Andrew and he
will be staying with me for about a week. I just wanted to let you
know."

Manny shook Drew's hand. I contemplated
confronting him about the mystery package delivered to my door, but
really I was too scared to acknowledge or confirm that it was
Julian.

The next morning felt like Christmas. Today
was the BBQ, I would be seeing my sweet-face soon, and I woke up to
my other favorite person making his signature cinnamon waffles.
 I was glad we didn't hang out too late last night because I
wasn't tired and wanted to get a move on. I really missed John the
last couple of nights. We ate breakfast as we watched The Regular
Show, and reminisced about all the trouble we used to get into as
kids. Drew was always up to something and I was always covering for
him. It was a wonder that my grandmother was able to keep us in
line.     

After breakfast we got dressed to head over
to John's. I called Jackie to make sure everything was going as
planned at Vivian's house and let her know we should be there
within an hour. I met Drew outside where he was waiting for me
while he smoked a cigarette.

"Ugh, you are way too cute to be a smoker
boo,” I scolded.

He gave me an incredulous shrug.

"Baby girl, I am too fine to be worried
about that. With all this smog that you call air in this city, I'm
not doing any worse than you are just standing there. It is good to
see that we're still on the same wavelength,” he replied.

I laughed as I noticed we were color
coordinated. I had on a teal green tube top jumpsuit with cropped
legs that gathered just under my calves and he had on the same
color green designer tee with a pair of Paper Denim dark blue jeans
shorts. The SLK sedan pulled up to the building and we continued
uptown.

"Man, I'm living in the wrong city,” he
mused.