It's Now or Never (24 page)

‘Harry it is then,' said Alex, smiling. ‘I've just been chatting to Marcia actually. She's been telling me all about the dance you've been practising. I can't wait to see that.'

‘Oh dear. I was hoping Marcia might have forgotten about that now she's had a couple of glasses of sherry, but it doesn't sound like it. I just hope I can remember what I should be doing or else I will be in trouble.'

‘You'll be brilliant, Gramps. Just let the music and Marcia guide you round the floor. You know everyone will be rooting for you anyway.'

‘Yes, I've been overwhelmed with everyone turning up today, and all the good wishes we've received. Right, well, I suppose I ought to go and find my good lady wife then,' he smiled to himself, as though he couldn't actually believe he could now rightly use those words again. Gramps wasn't the type of man to be alone. He needed a good woman in his life and I was thankful that Marcia had filled that gap. Before we'd left for the registry office this morning, he and I had taken a moment together to remember Nan and Mum, and had raised a glass of champagne in their memory.

‘Thanks so much for coming today, Alex. It's lovely to see Jen with a twinkle in her eye these days.'

‘Gramps,' I said, groaning, giving him a surreptitious dig in the ribs.

Alex laughed.

‘It's my absolute pleasure and thank you for inviting me. I've had a wonderful time.'

When Gramps had wandered off to find Marcia, Alex took me by the hand.

‘He's a great guy your granddad and they make a lovely couple, don't they? There's something about love in later life that warms the heart, don't you think? Well love at any age, come to that.'

‘Oh definitely. I'm just pleased they're so happy and have one another to look out for each other.'

‘Yep, isn't that what everyone's looking for in life? That special other person to go through life with, who will always be on your side, whatever stage in life you're at.'

He grabbed hold of my hand and squeezed my fingers tight and looking into his eyes I sensed there was a whole lot of meaning in that squeeze.

‘Yes, I guess so,' I said with a smile. I felt as though I'd climbed a mountain, traversed a desert and swum the widest lake in the world these last few weeks. After my embarrassment of being exposed to the local community as a tomato and then having my near naked body spread around the internet, life had settled down into some kind of normality in recent weeks. I'd had so many offers of work it was untrue. Some very exciting and some highly dubious, but I was determined to consider each of them on their own individual merits.

Now I was ready to take that next step on my journey to opening up my heart and finding that special person to share the rest of my life with. I had a pretty good idea I wouldn't need to go very far to find him now.

‘You know it really means a lot to me that you asked me to be your plus one today. I was surprised, but, as you can see, absolutely delighted to accept.'

We stood in silence for a moment watching as the four-piece band took up their positions and started warming up. They quickly started on their set, playing some oldie recognisable tunes and the energy in the room moved up a notch.

‘You know, I went back to collect your note. The one you left in the wine bar for me.'

‘You did? Oh…' He narrowed his eyes at me, a half smile forming at his lips. ‘I thought you'd probably forgotten all about that by now. Well,' he shrugged. ‘I always intended for you to read it, Jen.'

‘Yes,' I gulped, swallowing the emotion that was bubbling inside of me. ‘I was intrigued to know what was in there. I just happened to be in the wine bar and curiosity got the better of me.'

‘O-kay,' he said, giving me a sideways glance that sent a flutter of excitement racing around my body. ‘So what did you think when you read it? Did you think I was a madman?'

‘No. Well not really,' I laughed. ‘I know you only meant it as a bit of fun.'

‘No, that's the thing, Jen, it wasn't.' His voice was impassioned, stirring a response from deep down within my tummy. ‘It wasn't meant to be a bit of fun at all. I was deadly serious.' His hand touched my cheek, his gaze roaming my face. ‘I meant every word in that letter. I knew from the first moment I saw you that you were the woman for me.'

He paused long enough for my pulse to pick up a pace as his eyes, full of sincerity, locked onto mine.

‘Everything written in that note came from the heart and there was no one more surprised than me by the depth of feeling I instantly had for you. Although we'd only just met it was like I'd known you for ever. It's never happened to me before and I wouldn't expect it to happen to me again. The feelings I felt for you that day haven't changed over all these months, Jen. Honestly. And that's why I haven't wanted to date anyone else in the meantime. Some things are worth waiting for.'

‘Really?' My voice came out in a whisper.

‘Yes. I know you weren't feeling it in the same way so I was just biding my time waiting for you to come to your senses.' His mouth curled up in a smile and he stroked my cheek with his thumb. ‘Took a bit longer than I expected, mind you. I was beginning to wonder if you were going to prove completely immune to my charms.'

‘Oh Alex, I didn't know what to think. You were unlike anyone I'd ever met before, you were certainly not the type of person I usually go for and I suppose, after what Angie told me, I was just scared I would end up getting hurt. And I couldn't face that, but now I realise how I feel about you and I'm prepared to take that risk. I really want us to try and make a go of it.'

‘That's all I've ever wanted,' said Alex. ‘Me and you, Jen, it's going to be absolutely great.' He kissed me long and hard to a rousing cheer by the bowls club crowd, before we pulled apart, laughing. ‘Hey look at Gramps, he's waltzing around that floor like he's Gene Kelly.'

As other people stood up to join the bride and groom in the dancing, Alex turned to me.

‘So is it official, can I call you my girlfriend/partner/love-of-my life?' he asked.

‘All three, preferably.'

‘Good because I want you to know, Jen, that I love you with all my heart.'

His words sent a squidgy, oozing sensation trickling through my veins.

‘I love you too, Alex.'

‘Brilliant.' He kissed me on the lips and I swayed into his embrace. ‘In that case, would you please give me the honour of this dance?' he asked, holding out his hand to me.

‘I'd be absolutely delighted,' I said with a wide smile as my future husband led me out onto the dance floor.

If you loved
It's Now or Never
turn the page for an exclusive extract from Jill Steeples'

Let's Call the Whole Thing Off

Chapter One

There are 101 reasons (listed below) why you should never, ever, read anyone's personal diary, especially not your best friend's diary, even if said item just so happens to fall off their bedside cabinet laying open all those pages of hastily scribbled blue ink in a tempting array.

I took a deep breath …

It is a morally indefensible thing to do.

This is my bestie, for Christ's sake. If she'd wanted me to know the stuff in there she would have told me.

I probably know all the stuff in there anyway.

My best friend trusts me implicitly.

I wouldn't do anything to betray my friend's trust.

I am not the sort of lowlife person to even consider such a thing.

I would be incensed if anybody did the same thing to me.

I know everything there is to know about my friend. She knows everything about me. We share absolutely everything. Best friends. Forever. Together.

It's probably full of boring everyday stuff.
Went to work. Had pizza. Got drunk.

So if I know it all anyway, have lived through most of it with her anyway, listened to the work woes, shared the pizza, got drunk along with acquiring my very own version of the T-shirt, then does it really matter about those other ninety-one trifling reasons?

No.

So what possible harm could the tiniest, sneakiest peek do?

I took another deeper breath and picked up the diary …

Sunday 31 March

Feel crap. Crap, crap, crap. My head is in a constant state of fuzziness, my thoughts banging against my temples and I just don't know what the hell to do. I feel sick the whole time, I'm not eating and I'm not sleeping. Only five days to go! Oh god! Just kill me now. What will I do? How will I get through it? I feel so totally alone, there's no one I can talk to and yet half of me wants to shout it from the rooftops. Put it right out there and … and then what? It's hopeless. And Anna is just so fucking happy. It's not fair.

My legs gave way beneath me and I sank down onto the bed, reeling from the spikiness of the words, the emotion jumping off the page and slapping me hard across the face. What the hell did it mean? My eyes scanned the neatly looped handwriting, trying to make sense of something that could have been written in Swahili for all the sense it was making. My heart thumped against my chest, my hands clammy.

Nothing on the page was recognisable as being about Sophie. There was no sign in the torrent of words of the happy-go-lucky, vivacious girl I'd shared a flat with for the last three years. It was like reading the thoughts of a stranger. My quirky funny friend had done a bunk. Either that or she'd turned into a manic depressive overnight. Or had her mind and body taken over by an alien.

Only five days to go?
What was that all about? I was counting down the days in an excitable, couldn't-wait way, but Sophie was talking as if she was preparing for her own funeral. Unease spread through my body, reaching the tips of my fingers and toes. Tears brimmed in my eyes and I blinked them away. Why shouldn't I be happy? It was meant to be the happiest time of my life. And I'd thought Sophie shared that happiness. Wasn't that what best friends were meant to do? But Sophie, for reasons known only to Sophie, was choosing this moment of all moments to throw a hissy fit, to act like a prima donna because … because of what? Was she jealous? Was that it?

I closed the diary shut, a shudder prickling at my skin. Holding it at arm's length I put it back carefully on the bedside cabinet as though the whole thing might explode in front of me. Which it might. Along with our friendship.

If Sophie hadn't wanted to be chief-sodding-bridesmaid then all she'd had to do was say so.

***

Reason number ninety-something or other for not reading your best friend's diary – although to be honest I was way past caring now –would have to be:
You might just find out something you really didn't want to know.

And the danger with that is when you do find out whatever it is you didn't want to know there's no way of undoing that knowledge, of stuffing it back in the box and slamming the lid shut. It was out there, hovering like an ugly wart over my shoulder.

And now I'd have to say something,
put it right out there,
as Sophie had said, but how could I without her finding out that I'd been snooping around where I shouldn't have been.

Oh by the way, Sophie, that whole bridesmaid thing? Don't worry about it. I mean, if you'd really rather not, then I quite understand. I mean, it must be a real drag for you wondering how you'll manage to get through such a tiresome event, having to take on the responsibility of looking after me on what should be the happiest day of my life. Let's just forget about the whole thing, shall we?

It just didn't make any sense.

Maybe it was the dress. Thinking about it, Sophie had been distinctly underwhelmed when she'd tried it on. She'd twirled around self-consciously in the fitting room of the bridal shop, looking glum.

‘It's a bit purple, isn't it?'

‘Yes, perfectly purple, it looks gorgeous against your blonde hair and your lovely skin. Crikey, Sophie, you've lost so much weight. What's going on?' I'd grabbed hold of the excess material in a fistful at the back of the dress. ‘It'll need taking in.'

‘I've stepped up my sessions at the gym. Need to look good for your big day, don't I?'

‘You'd look good with a paper bag over your head.' I sighed, distracted by six small lilac lovelies who were swooshing in and out of the curtains of the changing cubicles, whooping with delight.

‘Girls! Settle down. You need to behave like proper princesses when you're wearing your special dresses. Sophie will be your Fairy Godmother, but she might turn into the Wicked Witch if you're too naughty. Isn't that right, Sophie?'

Sophie had nodded with a scowl, adopting her witch persona a bit too convincingly, looking as if she didn't care what the hell they did.

Maybe it wasn't the dress.

Perhaps it was the kids. Sophie was an only child. She had no experience of looking after little ones. And my cousins and second cousins were cute, but a bit like live grenades, they needed constant monitoring and careful handling. If Sophie was worried about controlling the mini terrorists then why hadn't she said something? We could have come up with a plan.

No, none of it made any sense whatsoever.

***

I raced down the stairs, poured myself a glass of water from the tap and then paced up and down the kitchen. I'd never really paced before and the kitchen was tiny so it didn't take a lot of pacing, but some situations needed concentrated pacing and this was one of them. There was a nervous energy pumping around my veins that I needed to get rid of.

That morning I'd woken up feeling so happy and excited and nervous, knowing I was a step closer to my big day. There was still so much to do: dresses to collect, the florist to contact, hair and make-up appointments to confirm, legs to wax, last-minute honeymoon shopping for bikini no. 4 just to be on the safe side and dozens of other calls to make, but now all I had running through my head was Sophie's plaintive
it's not fair.