It's Now or Never (11 page)

‘I hate liver and bacon,' I snapped. ‘And besides, I thought roast beef was your favourite meal?'

When had I ever had to give Gramps prior notice before? I often turned up unexpectedly after work and whipped up a quick bowl of pasta for our tea. Tonight was meant to be special, but Marcia had put paid to that.

‘You can have a couple of favourites,' said Gramps, trying to appeal to my better nature. ‘Tell you what. Let's do it tomorrow night then. I'd like that.'

‘No, I can't. I've made other plans. I wanted to do it tonight, but it really doesn't matter now.' I felt as though it mattered much more than it should have done. ‘I should go. Leave you to your romantic dinner
a deux
.'

‘Jen, I…' Marcia started, but I didn't want to hear anything she might have to say.

I slammed the door shut behind me on the way out, biting on my lip to stop the tears that were threatening to fall. On my way to the car, I pulled out my phone from my pocket and tapped on Angie's name.

‘Hi darling!' She answered almost immediately.

‘That offer for wine, does it still stand? I've been blown out by my date tonight. He's only gone and found himself another woman!'

‘What? Bloody hell! Men, eh? You can't rely on any one of them. Come on over, I'll have a glass of chilled fizz ready and waiting for you.'

Chapter Twelve

‘
Oh my goodness, look at all this.'

I walked into the garden centre restaurant the next day at lunchtime expecting to pick up a sandwich and a cup of tea like I did most other days to find the rear of the restaurant cordoned off with pink ribbons. Chequered bunting and bows were festooned from the ceiling and brightly coloured balloons bobbed from the backs of chairs.

A huge cheer went up as I walked in and I was quickly buried under a flurry of hugs and well wishes from all my friends and colleagues. Champagne corks popped as Frank, one of Browns' longest-serving employees, broke into a spontaneous rendition of ‘For She's a Jolly Good Fellow' which everyone else quickly joined him in.

I looked all around at the familiar faces gazing at me with affection, and felt overwhelmed by the warmth of their welcome. Someone handed me a glass of champagne and a tray of delicious canapés was wafted under my nose. I took a salmon mousse topped blini and stuffed it in my mouth in an attempt to stop the unexpected surge of emotion at the back of my throat from escaping.

Matt greeted me with his customary wide smile and enveloped me in a huge bear hug, before stepping backwards to hold me at arms' length.

‘Well you didn't really expect us not to mark your last day with Browns in some small way?'

‘This is lovely, Matt. Thank you. Really, I'm going to miss this place so much and everyone in it.'

‘Well you do know it's not too late to change your mind. Your replacement is due to start Monday morning, but I could always ring her. Tell her not to bother coming in.'

I laughed, but I suddenly felt overwhelmingly sad inside. This place had been such a huge part of my life for so long and now I was leaving it all behind. All the time I'd worked for Browns I'd felt safe and protected and now I was heading outside in the big wide world to a new adventure, and however much that inspired and thrilled me, it also terrified the life out of me.

‘Great though that you've found someone for my role,' I said brightly. At one time I would have been privy to everything Matt was doing, but I hadn't even known he'd been interviewing people, let alone hired someone.

‘Yep, she seems like a great girl. She reminds me a lot of you, actually. She's only twenty, but she's very ambitious, full of enthusiasm and she's got a lot of great ideas for moving the department forward.'

‘She sounds perfect,' I said, feeling a stab of pain to my stomach. It was funny to think someone else would be stepping into my shoes, doing the job I'd loved doing for so long, forming a close bond with Matt.

‘Well I don't suppose she'll be anywhere near as perfect as you are, but I'm sure we'll muddle through without you somehow.' He put an arm around my shoulder, genuine affection shining in his eyes. ‘Besides, I'm sure we haven't seen the last of you, Jen. I'll be expecting you to pop in every now and then to keep us updated on all your news.

‘Oh I will do, don't you worry about that. And I'm going to be mentioning Browns at every opportunity I get. In any blog posts and articles I write. I'm hoping to do some product reviews too so expect a huge influx of sales from my recommendations.'

‘I will do, Jen,' he said, solemnly. ‘I'll hire in some extra staff to cope with the sales rush.'

I smiled as he rushed back onto the shop floor to sort out a problem with the tills, which was something of a relief. It gave me a chance to get my fluctuating emotions under control. One minute I was laughing, the next I was close to tears. Home time couldn't come a moment too soon today.

‘Hello lovely girl,' said Molly, filling the space recently vacated by Matt. ‘Do you know, Jen, I'm still so sad that you've decided to leave Browns. It won't seem right without you about the place. I thought you'd be like me, Jen, collecting your pension from Browns.'

I sighed, looking into Molly's lovely warm sparkling eyes.

‘Well there was a time when I thought so too, but I'd got to that stage where I felt desperate to move on. I needed a change. It wasn't only the job, it was lots of other things going on in my life too. And it was a case of if I don't do it now, then I might never do it. Have you ever felt that way, Molly?'

‘Not really.' She shrugged, as if she had no idea what I meant. ‘Every day I've spent working at Browns has been a happy one and I can't think of any company that I would have preferred to work. It's natural to think the grass is greener somewhere else, but it isn't always the case.'

‘I suppose,' I said wistfully.

‘And I hope I'm not speaking out of turn here, but I always hoped you and Matt might have a future together, you know, as a couple.'

I laughed, and turned to look at her sharply.

‘What ever made you think that?

‘I don't know. You just seem to go well together. And he always lights up whenever you're around.'

‘No!' I said, feeling myself blushing. ‘Matt and I have only ever been friends. We work well together as a team, I admit that, but that's as far as it goes, I'm afraid.'

‘Ah well, perhaps it was just wishful thinking on my part, but you never know – funnier things have happened,' said Molly, a mischievous grin on her face.

My gaze drifted across to the other side of the room where Matt was now chatting in his usual animated style to a couple of the team. I wondered if there could be any truth to Molly's words. I'd always known Matt had a soft spot for me, but I'd put that down to the fact that he'd felt sorry for me when my mum died and had taken me under his wing. It couldn't be more than that, surely? Although the way he looked at me yesterday when I was talking to Alex might suggest otherwise.

Now, observing him across the room, it was like seeing him for the first time. He was good-looking in anyone's book. Not in the same jaw-dropping head-turning way as Alex, but in a more natural guy-next-door way.

Maybe Molly had a point about missing what was right in front of you. Still, it was far too late now for what-ifs and what-might-have-beens. I could only look to the future now.

Clutching a huge bouquet of flowers, a bottle of champagne, a bronze sculpture of a gundog which was one of Browns' best-selling gifts and which I'd long admired, and a generous amount of gift vouchers, I walked out of the doors of Browns for one last time.

It was the end of an era and the start of a brand new one.

***

Thankfully I had no time to sit and contemplate my last day at work and whether or not I'd done the right thing in leaving. No sooner had I got home than I'd changed out of my old work clothes and deposited my company sweatshirt in the bin. After showering I put on my black shift dress, some strappy heels and a silver pendant, and tied up my hair casually on top of my head.

I was hoping for a not trying too hard, simple but effective look, and judging by Alex's open-mouthed expression when I opened the door, I was pretty certain I'd pulled it off.

‘You look… incredible.' Alex savoured every syllable in the word, his obvious admiration making my legs unsteady on my heels and turning my insides to mush. ‘I brought you flowers,' he said, handing over the biggest bouquet I'd ever seen.

If I'd thought my flowers from work were beautiful then this profusion of blooms including oriental lilies and large pink headed roses was in a different league altogether.

‘Wow. Thank you,' I said, lowering my nose to inhale their delicious scent. I leant up to kiss him on the cheek, catching a whiff of another more masculine scent, which was even more seductive. ‘That's so lovely of you.'

‘It's my pleasure,' he smiled.

I'd been with my ex for nine years and I don't think he'd ever bought me so much as a single red rose so this pleasure was definitely all mine, especially as Alex's mouth was curling in a way that made my stomach react in the same way.

‘Well, it's not every day you leave your job, is it? How was your last day at work?'

‘Emotional, I think that's the best way to describe it. I always hate goodbyes and today there were plenty of them. There were lots of laughs and lots of tears too. Must admit I'm feeling a bit wrung out now.'

‘What you need is a pick me up. Come on madam,' he said, holding up his arm for me. ‘Your carriage awaits.'

We ended up in a French restaurant that was tucked away in an alley leading down to the river. It was intimate and welcoming and reassuringly the conversation, aided by the wine, flowed effortlessly, just as it had when we'd first met at the wedding.

‘So what made you decide to leave your job now?' Alex asked me between courses. ‘You'd been there quite some time, hadn't you?'

‘Ever since I left school. It's the only job I've ever known and I think that was part of the problem. I realised I'd been standing still for far too long, ever since my mum died actually. My life stopped then and it never really started again, not properly. At twenty it seemed like I had all the time in the world, but with my thirtieth looming in a couple of years, I just feel this desperate need to do something with my life, to try something new, something adventurous, so that I don't feel life is passing me by.

‘Really?' said Alex, amusement flickering over his features. ‘Like what?'

‘Well quitting my job was the first step. I want to devote more time to all the projects I've wanted to do for so long like writing and crafting, and generally living life more to the full. I want to feel as though I'm taking part in life instead of watching it happen to other people from the sidelines. Can you understand that, Alex?'

‘Yes, absolutely.' He nodded, his gaze doing that unnerving thing of travelling around my face, seeming to examine each and every pore and freckle, before landing with a heavy thump on my eyes. I felt my lashes give an involuntary flutter. ‘Well if it's an adventure you're looking for I'm sure I can help you out. If you wanted me to.'

His eyes flickered at me and I dropped my gaze, away from his intense scrutiny. I couldn't admit to Alex that even being with him here tonight was an adventure in itself.

‘I'm sure you could, Alex,' I said, my head ignoring the suggestive edge to his words, but my body responding in its own sweet way. I felt the temperature inside my veins soar, sending my heart racing. ‘It sounds to me as though you live a pretty full and exciting life as it is. Working in the city, then setting up your own gallery, painting, travelling the world. You've crammed in so much more than me.'

‘Well we all travel different paths in life. It's no good comparing yourself to other people and what they've done. You have to live your own life, do what's right for you, but it's never too late to take a change of direction.'

‘Yes, well that's what I'm doing now. It feels like the right time. I don't know what the future will hold for me, but I'm feeling really excited about the prospect.'

‘See, what did I tell you? You didn't believe me when I told you I could see big changes in your future, but already my predictions are taking shape.'

He raised his eyebrows at me as a delicious smile lifted one corner of his mouth.

‘Oh, your famous letter,' I said, laughing. ‘If you'd let me read it then I might agree, but I wasn't even allowed to see it. You could have written any old nonsense in that letter. In fact, I know you probably did.'

His brow furrowed as he chewed on his lips, looking at me doubtfully.

‘You're doubting my insight again, Jen. You shouldn't. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. Your problem is you're far too impatient. It will happen for you, I promise. Everything you want and desire is out there waiting for you. You just need to reach out and grab for it.'

The way he said it, with such conviction and sincerity, could make me believe he knew exactly what he was talking about, but I shook my head, indulgently. It didn't matter that Alex was humouring me. He had about as much insight into my future as I had into the foreign stock exchange, but his advice was spot on, resonating with me deep down inside. It was the same advice my mum left for me in her letter; to get out there and live my life to the full. Advice I was ready to take now.

I rolled my shoulders and wriggled back into my chair, allowing a sense of wearied contentment to wash over me. It had been a day of highs and lows, my emotions laid bare, but I couldn't think of a better way to round it off than to spend it here with Alex.

‘You know, Jen, I'm really pleased you came tonight,' he said, as if picking up on my thoughts. Maybe there was something to his claims about second sight, after all. His hand reached out for mine across the table and our eyes met, his touch sending a jolt of electricity reverberating down my spine. ‘I've been looking forward to seeing you again, ever since the last time, and for a while there I thought it might never happen. You have to give a guy points for persistence,' he said, with a wry smile.